Tactility: A Parallel Universe Fanfiction
by Our Broken Quill
Summary: I'm not normal. I'm disabled. Handicapped. Crippled. To pretend otherwise is a denial of reality, and I've already spent too long doing that. / With five years to cope with a crippling genetic condition that takes away much of his ability to feel physical sensation and the damage that occured as a result, Hisao enters the world of Katawa Shoujo more broken than even he knows...
1. Spitfire

**A/N:** Story has been recently updated - major edits include the first 5 chapters, C11, and C17-C18. I hope you enjoy the newer version. :)

* * *

I'm not sure whether to be surprised or resigned at the length of time it takes for everything I know to change again. It's not the first time I've had to lose everything - well, not quite everything, I'll admit. But something pretty close to it.

That's what Yamaku High School is to me; another loss.

Apparently though, compared to the other students attending, I'm lucky. There's a lot of blind people there, a few mutes. The occasional missing limb. Compared to them, I should breathe a sigh of relief, if all I have to show for my own experience is a few scars that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

But people don't always seem to understand that loss is not measured in what is visibly abnormal, but rather what is not there.

And that makes all the difference to someone like me, who has been gradually losing the ability to feel. Pain and temperature are all gone. It's easy to look at me and look at someone more obviously disabled and think that I'm perfectly fine, if a little clumsy and stupid, but I'm neither.

I may not feel physical pain, but I do feel emotion, and I can't help but admit that I feel just a little bit of hate for those kinds of people who don't think I've suffered.

Because those are the kinds of thoughts that took everything I knew away from me.

But these people in front of me aren't the people I hate. They're victims, too. Victims of those people that don't understand.

I'm not normal. I'm disabled. Crippled. Only most of a person. To pretend otherwise is a denial of reality.

All these thoughts flit through my head before being banished as I bow.

...

"My name is Hisao Nakai. Please take good care of me."


	2. Temper

I'm not quite sure where to go after that basic introduction. There's nothing I feel that I can say - nothing that I want to say.

I don't want to be standing up here.

"I hope to get along with everyone." I finish. An empty platitude, meaningless, but appropriately polite.

After a second of waiting to see if I am going to continue, my homeroom and science teacher, Mutou, continues where I left off, a typical speech about getting along with others. It is equally meaningless, but necessary to continue 'normal' affairs.

Interest lost, I examine the classroom and its inhabitants. The room itself seems very...open, for a lack of a better term. The ceiling is rather high and there is plenty of space around desks. Presumably, this assists the...visually impaired when they need to move around.

High slider windows adorn the right of the classroom, recently cleaned. There are blackboards all around the classroom, covering most of the available wall space. The desks are typical, standard wooden desks and chairs with metal frames, a shelf underneath them to act as a storage space. Rather...old fashioned, all in all.

There doesn't seem to be any pattern to the seating chart, or to the disabilities the people in this class have. Quite a few of the students have no noticeable disorder, like me. One of the girls in the front are fast asleep and don't seem to be waking any time soon. The sight makes me smile halfheartedly.

A flash of violet hair, and my eyes go to the girl in the back who is staring at me curiously. When our eyes meet, she immediately covers her face with her hands again, but I've already noticed what look like burn scars covering the right side of her face and neck. The back of her right hand, as well, show signs of damage, purple and red encroaching on her otherwise pale skin.

I pull my gaze away from the scars. If she were to peek out, she would find my stare disconcerting, and I don't want to frighten anyone away. I may not particularly want to make friends, but I don't want to be disliked, either.

Mutou finishes talking and everyone applauds, minus the shy girl in the back who was staring at me earlier. But I don't think it's out of disrespect or disinterest, more a refusal to take her hands away from her face. I'm guessing this behavior is normal for her.

"We're going to be doing some group work today, so that'll give you a chance to talk with everyone. Is that okay with you?" Mutou tells me.

Is that some kind of joke?

Perhaps not. I have to remember that not everyone is as - broken - as I am.

"Yes, it's fine with me." I reply.

"That's good, you can work with Hakamichi. She is the class representative." So, in other words, exactly the type of person I would rather not talk to.

"What about the other open seat?" I ask, glancing at the empty spot next to the girl that was staring at me earlier.

"Hm." Mutou says, giving me a speculative look. I'm not sure what about my request merits so much thought, but he seems to be seriously considering the matter.

"Not for now." He replies. "Sit with Hakamichi for now, and if you still wish to later, you may."

I'm not sure how to interpret this statement and decide to take it under consideration.

Well, we're off to a delightful start. It could be much worse, though - at least this is a school filled with people something like myself. I won't be a freak here, or if I am, at least not quite as much.

"She can explain anything you might want to know. And who else would be able to do that better, right?" The teacher passes out the day's assignments and announces that we will be working in groups of three. It's about that time that I realize that I don't know who Hakamichi is.

That's alright, I can figure this out myself. Class representative…

I immediately eliminate everyone in the back row under the assumption that the class representative is personable and likable. There's a certain 'outgoing' element I'd imagine existing in a student representative, and none of them appear to have it, especially if, as I suspect, you're allowed to sit anywhere you want to.

In cases like those, students will naturally form cliques, and the back is usually reserved for introverts like myself and delinquents.

No, the student council must sit in the front row…

There's a fit girl - it might be more fitting to call her a woman, actually - with two arms and one hand eyeing me somewhat speculatively, but everyone else seems mostly indifferent - or in the case of that one girl, asleep.

The middle row?

The students on my left all seem introverted, but on the right - a pink-haired girl with the oddest hairstyle I've ever seen and a blue-haired girl next to her animatedly talking in sign language.

The former solves the problem for me by waving me over.

"Are you Hakamichi?" I say shortly. She looks...optimistic. Her hair is wrapped in drills cascading down her shoulders and her eyes are brown

This opinion is drastically revised over the course of the next few minutes.

"Hahaha!"

What?

"It's nice to meet you. But I'm not Hakamichi, I'm Misha! This is Hakamichi! Shicchan!" Giggling, Misha points to the girl next to her. She has short, neatly brushed dark blue hair, a pair of oval-shaped glasses balanced on the tip of a dainty nose, and midnight-colored eyes that seem to alternate between analytical and bored.

And a sharp contrast to Misha, who is very excitable. And loud. Shizune, on the other hand, is silent.

That would make her the deaf one, then.

She starts making gestures to Misha. Misha returns with a few hand movements of her own. I can't understand any of it. It might be a good idea to learn how, if only so that I can communicate to everyone if necessary.

Or even just to eavesdrop on the class representative, which strikes me as such a good idea that there's no way I can't implement it.

I nod at the class representative in acknowledgement, a gesture that she doesn't return. I don't care enough to be annoyed by it.

"Are you Shizune's personal interpreter, or do you regularly act as a translator for others?" I ask Misha, seizing control over the conversation as best I can. I don't think remaining a passive spectator for this conversation is in my best interest.

It's apparently not what Misha expected. I wonder what they've been told about me, if anything; how much about my past are they aware of?

"W-Well, I only work for Shicchan! But I can help out sometimes if I need to!" I notice that she has a brief conversation with Shizune before replying - did she need Shizune's advice on that question…?

"I see. Do you mind if I ask why you learned sign language?" I ask.

Misha's fingers freeze for a second before resuming their silent conversation with Shizune.

Ah. There is something, then.

"Ahahaha!" She laughs, a little nervously, "I just wanted to be able to talk to Shicchan face to face." There seems to be a good deal more to it than just that simplified explanation but this is very obviously something I shouldn't press, regardless of how curious I am of the answer.

"That's a noble goal." I reply, before turning to my assignment at an attempt at giving her some space. I have no idea if it comes off correctly or not.

"If there's anything you need to know, you can feel free to ask us. Do you like the school so far? We can show you around a little if you haven't had the time to walk around and…familiarize…yourself with it." Misha stumbles over the harder word a bit, but her translation is otherwise fluid.

That's pretty impressive, especially the way that she's able to talk while reading the signs that Shizune makes. JSL requires a translator to focus on the face of a person signing as well as the actual motions they make, making someone like Misha who can focus on that while actively translating quite unusual. I wonder how much time she's spent working on it.

"Thanks." I remember to answer the hanging offer. "I think I'll be fine, though." I try to offer a smile and only partially succeed.

It's not that I particularly dislike the duo, though Misha's loud voice is grating to my sensitive ears; rather, I'm not sure how to recover from my accidental faux pas and seek to escape the situation.

Another pointed glance at the assignment gets the idea across; Misha exclaims something about how we need to start on the assignment, much to my chagrin, and then we begin.

The assignment is boring and long, and my patience is quickly sapped. I'm good at science, but problems testing dimensional analysis is not how I wanted to spend today. I want to explore the new school and familiarize myself with it as quickly as possible, since it seems that I'll be here for some time.

My impression of the school, despite my first thoughts, is extremely positive. It's nothing at all like my old school, where people seemed to think I was lucky because I couldn't feel pain, and nothing like I expected this school to be like, filled with people who were as moody and reclusive as I.

It's nice to see that there are others like me who seem to be doing a bit better than me. I don't think I could wish my experience on any-

…

No, that's not quite right.

There are two people who deserve worse than I've received.

Misha interrupts my dark thoughts with a misery-filled complaint about one of the problems, unsigned, and says something along the lines of "I wish I was as smart as Shicchan and Hicchan", which is enough to get me to clear my head and move to assist my wayward classmate with her portion of the chemistry classwork.

I protest the nickname, but despite my efforts, it sticks.


	3. Entropy

The lunch bell rings some time after we've completed our classwork and started on our homework assignment - and, no, being a transfer student didn't protect me from receiving it.

Science isn't too difficult for me; nothing much is, academically, anyways. It's not like I'm particularly gifted or anything; I've just spent a good deal of time surrounded by white walls and the smell of antiseptic, and I chose to spend that time doing schoolwork and reading textbooks.

This, combined with my desire to please my parents with good grades, if nothing else, meant that I stayed a good deal ahead on the curve, and I've never really dropped that habit.

I may not do much, but I've always thought that it would be nice to do those few things well.

I'm not sure where I'm even supposed to find lunch, let alone eat it, but Misha beckons me into the hallway and I grab my bags and follow her and Shizune as they lead me to what is presumably the cafeteria.

Just like all of the other buildings in the school, the cafeteria is spacious and oddly modern on the inside, in contrast to the classic exterior. Its big windows open to the courtyard, towards the main gate.

It's a pretty regal view, those imposing iron gates overlooking the hill and the town in the valley. Even I can appreciate that kind of picturesque scenery.

Suddenly I'm standing in the lunch line, and Misha and Shizune are talking in their customary way. I take the chance to look around more and am disappointed, because it appears that absolutely nothing interesting is happening outside of my little bubble. It feels much like my last school; cliques grouped together in various sections of the cafeteria, occupying certain tables, though I note with some dark humor that the athletes come in more sizes than "XL" and "XXL".

I pick some lunch dish at random. It turns out to be a fish filet with mixed rice and a side of limp vegetables, and bottled water. I'm not sure how safe it is to eat, but I can almost certainly be assured that it meets the standards for healthy vitamin intake.

I sit down with Misha and Shizune at a table somewhat far out. There seems to be a lot of space left over; how big are the classes? I know our homeroom only has about twenty people or so.

Something touches my side; I turn to see Misha having apparently poked me, if her extended pointer finger is of any indication. I guess my condition isn't public knowledge then, if she thought that was a good way of getting my attention.

"Do you want or need to know something?" Misha asks.

"What?" I reply.

"About anything! We're your guides so you should ask us if you have any questions."

What's your real reason for attending Yamaku?

Normal students can and do attend Yamaku; it's just that, usually, they don't. The stigma of the uniform alone is enough to ward the majority from even making an attempt. Also, Yamaku probably prioritizes the disabled over functionally healthy individuals.

That would just make sense.

Well, that's not on the table; what is? What do I need to know? The library would be a great place to start; reading is one of the few things that I really enjoy, and it's a quiet space that effectively isolates me from the majority of the student body.

Though the distribution of students that frequent the library in a school like this is probably higher than in a normal one…

Don't care. I want books.

That being said, I'd rather have the chance to try and figure it out myself. It's more fun that way, isn't it?

"No, I think I understand everything I need to." Yamaku really does try hard to be a normal school in many ways, mostly succeeding.

"Ooh! That means we've been good guides, doesn't it, doesn't it?" Misha asks excitedly.

I shrug. "I guess." She positively beams, and so does Shizune after a quick translation. Their somewhat exaggerated enthusiasm makes me smile somewhat, and I go back to picking at my food as the two have an animated conversation in sign, throwing sideway glances at me from time to time.

It would appear that I've become the topic of conversation. I'm not sure how to feel about this. The food is surprisingly acceptable in that it is entirely bland, managing to overshoot my expectations.

I sit in relative quiet, considering my thoughts amongst the conversation of the other students. It's not quite as…rambunctious as my last school. Perhaps the students are a bit more mature here; I suppose they would have to be, given their conditions.

I haven't visited my dorm room yet, though I have an idea of where it is. I'll go find it later; for now, I think I want to continue through my normal day, as previously planned.

What would she do?

I suppose she would be doing much the same thing as I, though she would have had the foresight to bring her own lunch. I certainly have no intention of buying this again.

Maybe trying to make some effort to talk to the two girls in front of me? Something actively social, perhaps?

In that aspect I'm not willing to follow her, though, so I keep to myself.

Eventually the lunch bell rings, and I follow Shizune and Misha back to the classroom, pensive thoughts swirling inside my head. We arrive early, but we're not the first ones; that violet-haired girl I noticed before is slumped over her desk at the last row, presumably asleep. Did she even eat? We were pretty quick to come here, after all.

She jumps a little when Misha crashes into the room with the elegance of an elephant. I feel kind of bad about that, but there isn't anything I could've done to stop that particular force of nature. Watching her shrink lower into her seat, I can feel how tense she is, as if she was winding up to explode.

Naturally, this action draws my eyes to her, and then to her scars. Red, purple, the colored lines slashed across her face. They're surprisingly jarring, even when I had previously prepared myself to see them, but I don't flinch or recoil. I'm sure that's a reaction she's used to, and -

If it was me, I would wanted to be treated the same way.

For some reason, I'm drawn to the girl. Her silence is oddly attractive in a way in a way the antics of Misha and Shizune aren't, and that's something I can appreciate, especially because I'm feeling pretty tired myself. Her eyes meet mine for the briefest of moments before flickering away; I don't know how to react, so I don't.

Misha and Shizune either don't notice or don't mind the quiet girl's tension, as they walk directly past her to their seats, conversing all the while. I hesitate to join them.

This was the other open seat this morning and I think this qualifies as 'later'; also, I have an interest in sitting here. With those conditions fulfilled, the only thing stopping me now is my conscience.

The purple-haired girl is trembling slightly and very evidently avoiding further eye contact; with a shrug, I plop myself down in the seat to the left of her and put my head down, intending on getting some measure of rest.

It takes a while before other people trickle in, bringing in their own conversations, and I can tell that the math teacher has walked in when the conversation slows and stops.

Class is long and difficult. Math requires the most study on my part and I have to be good at it to be good at science, so despite my increasing weariness I force myself to pay attention and take notes.

Some time later, I realize that the girl I'm sitting by has been sending me nervous glances for a while now. I don't react to them, continuing to focus on my own work.

By the time the bell rings the tension appears to have mostly drained from her. She gives me a final, curious look, and this time I match it.

She doesn't flinch away this time, though I can still read the fear in her eyes. The expression on her face is decidedly neutral.

She would be very good at poker, I feel, and I'm tempted to challenge her to a game. For a few seconds, we do nothing but stare at each other, perfectly still.

Of course, all quiet moments are meant to be broken. And this one is smashed into pieces with a hammer, then the pieces are stepped on, and dumped into an incinerator.

"Hicchan! Unfortunately, we can't stay and show you around today. We've got to hurry already, since there is a lot of work for us to do." Misha suddenly pops out from the middle of nowhere, Shizune trailing behind her.

I almost fall out of my seat at the shock of the volume of her voice.

The quiet girl almost cracks a small smile, but it disappears as fast as it comes. I frown, annoyed.

"Oh, okay. One thing, though, before you guys go. I was told that I had to see the nurse. Where do I have to go?"

"Is that so? We can at least show you that much. Come on, the nurses have their own building, so we have to go outside." Really? I guess that makes sense.

"Okay." I stand up out of my seat, grabbing my bags. I follow the girls over the threshold, though, before I exit, I turn around.

The quiet girl has pulled out a book, though she glances up when she realizes that I've stopped.

I wave to her.

"See you."

Then I turn and walk away, but not before I catch her voice, the word floating in the air.

"B-Bye…?" The girl whispers, as a question. It appears I've taken her quite by surprise.

I smile. I've found my new seat.


	4. Denial

I continue outside, where Misha and Shizune have been impatiently waiting for me. We join the flow of students making their way down the stairwell and outside, with the girls pointing out other seniors' classrooms in the same hallway as ours. When we get outside, the girls make their way to the smaller building right next to the school. It's built in the same style, so it looks like it's actually a part of the main building.

"This is the auxiliary building here. There's a lot of official and important stuff inside, like the Yamaku Foundation office and all the nurses' offices. They even have a swimming pool!" Misha points out.

"How is that official?" I interject. Misha and Shizune have a quick, silent conversation.

"Don't be silly, Hicchan! It's for physical therapy, of course."

"Is that the excuse they're using?" I shoot back, smirking. And then I sober up, remembering where I am.

Right. No jokes about stuff like that.

Misha apparently doesn't notice my faux pas, as she belligerently replies, "We actually use it for physical therapy! There's quite a few students here with conditions that require it."

Shizune's giving me a displeased look. Guess she caught it. Nothing I can say without Misha figuring it out, though, so I just send the deaf girl an apologetic look. She seems to approve, her face immediately lightening.

"Anyway, all the nursing staff facilities are in there too. The head nurse's office is on the first floor. You'll be fine from here, right?" A whole building for stuff that has nothing to do with the actual education and administration? Wow. Expected, I guess, but - wow.

"I guess." I can't wait to find the library.

We'll be going, then! See you tomorrow!" I absentmindedly wave goodbye to the retreating duo.

I walk in, hoping that this really will be only a quick visit like the teacher said. On a white door on the left is a green cross with the text "Head Nurse" and a nameplate. A voice from the inside responds to my knock almost immediately, but I can't quite make it out. It sounded a bit like an invitation to open the door, so I invite myself further in. The room is not large and it smells...fresh, not like the antiseptic I expected.

A friendly-looking man turns around on his office chair to face me as I enter. His desk is neat and tidy, but the bin under the table is overflowing with used medical utensils and there are at least a dozen coffee-cup rings lingering on the desk.

"Hello there. What can I do for you today?" He is young-looking and sort of rugged, but the dimples in his cheeks wash that impression away when he smiles.

"I'm a new student and my homeroom teacher told me to come and meet you. My name is Hisao Nakai." His eyes light up with revelation and he snaps his fingers.

"Oh, you're THAT Nakai. I was just reading your file this morning. Interesting, interesting." He gestures me to sit down in a vacant armchair in front of his desk.

"Are there different Nakai's here?" I ask as an obvious follow-up question. He raises an eyebrow at me, smile disappearing.

"I've only ever met the one." He says imperiously. "You may call me Nurse. Charmed."

A beat and he smirks as I stare nonplussed at him before shaking my head.

"A tough one, hm? I'll get to you in the end, don't you worry."

I blink. Well, he's certainly personable.

"HSAN6, correct?" Basically, a hereditary, degenerative form of congenital analgesia, recently discovered in people like myself. It's unusual in that the normal explanations for congenital analgesia aren't the case for my condition; there's some other cause for my condition that no one can explain yet.

"Yes." And since there are only about seven documented cases of this condition and both are still ongoing, we can't rule out the possibility that the condition isn't what we call it and that it will worsen.

"Alright. Well, you've probably been briefed about the school enough, so I'll just go over this quickly. We have all kinds of facilities available, mostly physical therapy and such. You shouldn't need those. There's always someone from my staff around, even at night, so never hesitate to call us if there is a problem." The nurse replies.

Unless my condition spontaneously worsens or I break something, this won't be a problem. I'm pretty careful about this kind of stuff. All I have to do is check up with this guy every once in a while to monitor my condition.

"Now, let me just find your file again..." While he searches for something from his computer and shuffles stacks of papers around, I let my gaze wander around the room.

It's the epitome of generic. Beige walls and ceiling, dark gray laminate flooring, and all the equipment you'd expect from a school nurse's office. Even the ridiculous educational posters are hanging on all four walls, reminding me to eat properly - three times a day and from all the food groups.

And to get my daily hour of exercise.

I'm pretty sure I get my equivalent from walking up and down the obnoxiously long stairs. There must be a ramp or an elevator somewhere, right?

Smiling, the nurse draws a thick file from a stack of similarly large files and opens it, skimming the contents.

"Yeah, you already have all of your medications, correct?"

"Yes. They haven't changed in some time, and I'm not in danger of running out for some time."

"Have you been keeping up on your physical therapy?" He asks. Stress balls. Light weights. Walking.

"Uh, kinda." He gives me a disapproving look.

"Even if you can't feel it, damage can still be done to your body. That's why it's very important that you check in at least twice a week, and keep your body in at least decent physical shape. There's no reason you shouldn't at least make your body a little sturdier." I nod in response.

He goes over my papers one more time and sets them on the desk, obviously content. "Good. That's it, then. Come meet me if you ever need something." I'm ushered out, finding myself out in the hall before long. A quick visit, indeed.

Walking out, I end up standing in front of the main building and the auxiliary building, although to my eyes, they still look one and the same. It's the first real look I get at the other students, so I watch people coming out of the school, going towards the gate or the dorms. Everyone seems to know where they are going, and some even carry themselves with a sense of purpose.

Maybe I'll be like that, some time in the future.

It's around dinner, but I feel tired instead of hungry. The weariness in me only grows as I trudge towards the male dorms, set a little way apart from the main building complex.

There is a garden of sorts between the school and the dorms; shrubbery, flowers, and the smell of fresh cut grass that fills the atmosphere. It's nice, and oddly soothing. Doesn't seem like a half-bad place to take a walk, really.

The dorm building is large, and made of red brick just like the other buildings.

"Room one-one-nine..." Despite the ornate exterior, the inside of the dorm is fairly new, functional, and boring. Just like in the main building, the halls and doors are wide to accommodate wheelchairs. The same goes for the elevators and the ends of the hallways.

I poke my head around the corner of the common room door. Inside a few students are watching the television. A few others are gathered around a table, playing cards. Without making a sound, I slip back out, walking down the corridor.

I climb the stairs to the upper floor. Here, small corridors branch off from the main hallway. Each of these offshoots have a toilet and shower, as well as four rooms. About halfway down the hall, I spy room 119.

The name plates on the rooms adjacent to mine are blank. I guess there are just two of us here. Light shines from below the door of room 117 - but the nameplate is blank. Curious. Not really interested in talking to anyone now, I slide the key into the lock of the door marked 119 and step inside, shutting the door behind me.

Bleak beige walls, white linen, a desk made of some type of light wood. Ugly curtains.

It's no one's room; impersonal, like my hospital room was. I think I'll fill my room with color, later.

I'll unpack later. I'm too tired to do much of anything now.

I lie down, feeling hollow, and after that I stare at the blank, unfamiliar ceiling for a long time, unable to find sleep.

The light slowly fades from my room until night falls, and eventually I manage to find my way towards sleep.

My last conscious thought is, "I hope it's a good dream this time."


	5. Evolution

**A/N:** **Fixed an error in which Hisao magically knew Kenji's last name without being told. Also, it was the wrong last name.**

* * *

It is to mixed feelings that I wake up, having not dreamed at all, or at least not recalling any.

I forgot to set up an alarm, but it's still rather dark out, so I'm not missing school. Checking my phone reveals that the time is six-thirty, well over an hour before I need to show up to school.

Given this unexpected blessing, I take the opportunity to set up everything that I should have done earlier.

School uniforms find their way onto a metal rack in my small closet. Medications are placed onto my bedside desk, two pills palmed and swallowed without water. I'm not low on money at all - before I came here, I worked as a library assistant and made some decent funds, with almost nothing to spend it on.

And that's not even putting into consideration my second job…

My tuition is being covered by the government, though I have to maintain a grade limit to keep the scholarship. I'll have no problems with that, either, so I have plenty of money, not counting my own college savings. Of course, I won't go anywhere expensive. I'm not particularly ambitious or needy in that aspect.

But I'll be here for just under a school year, pending disaster, so I may as well take the chance to liven up the place a little. I wonder if I can get a small refrigerator; creature comforts like that would go a long way in making this room mine, however temporary.

My school books go into a small wooden drawer in my desk, one of four. The lonely emptiness reminds me of my continuing need to visit a library, and I should try to get my hands on a computer at some point. I can't exactly wander off to the public one; or can't I?

Assuming this town has a library, that is.

I grab a few toiletries and walk outside, darting towards the hall's bathroom. Running a shower quickly, I sigh in relief.

Feeling more refreshed than I have in a while, I brush my teeth, wrap a white towel around my waist, and dart back into my room, searching through my closet while drying myself off.

There it is. I slip on my school uniform, loosely tying the green tie around my neck. I'll tighten it later on, before class starts.

Filling a blue backpack with the required materials, I slip it around my shoulders and step outside, intending to find some sort of meal.

Immediately, I run into problems in the form of a young man with extremely thick glasses, dressed in the school uniform. For some reason, he has a red and yellow striped wool scarf wrapped tightly around his throat.  
"Who are you?" He leans forward, uncomfortably close, as if he can't see me. Maybe he can't. Either way, I take a step back.

"Who are you?" I return. That's the question I should be asking, actually, since as far as I know the only neighbor I have…

"Who wants to know?" He shoots back, almost accusatorially, though I don't know what I would be accused of.

Alright, I give up. He doesn't appear to be particularly threatening, so I don't think there's any harm in telling him my name.

"Hisao Nakai. I live here now." I say. His face suddenly brightens in realization, and he stands back upright, thrusting his hand out in a greeting.

"Oh, 'sup dude? The name's Kenji." I'm startled by his sudden change in demeanor.

"Kenji? Do you happen to be living in the room with no nameplate?" I ask, and shake his sweaty hand. He has a firm grip. After he lets go, I discreetly wipe my hand on my slacks. If he notices, he doesn't comment.

"No. Not me. You must have the wrong guy. Goodbye." He says, before dashing past me into the aforementioned room and slamming it shut. A few seconds later, I hear the sound of several locks being snapped shut.

I shake my head and move on with my life. There's something terribly wrong with him, but I don't care enough to do anything about it.

I do care enough to pull out a permanent market and scribble in "Kenji" on his empty nameplate, though.

…

Given this free time, I think I'll tour the grounds. But where to? The library. Will it even be open at this ridiculous time?

Probably not, but I may as well figure out where it is. It should hopefully save some time when I have more free time, and I'll at least be able to determine its hours.

Stepping outside, I find myself back in the courtyard. It's, unsurprisingly, deserted, though the sun is up by now. The garden looks quite beautiful at this time of day, the sunlight reflecting off of the morning dew.

It's a soothing sight. Everything smells like grass, and flowers. Cherry blossoms, predominantly. The pink petals are gorgeous...but soon they will fall, as summer approaches.

A metaphor of some kind? Maybe. I'll think about it later, when I'm not so tired.

I step into the main building. It's, as far as I can tell, empty. I...guess it's a fine time for me to explore, since I'm not hungry enough for breakfast. I glance at the simple watch on my wrist. It's just after seven. There's still almost an hour before I have to be in class, and I'm already dressed.

Wandering aimlessly, I knock on doors, and, after a polite pause, peek inside. Most appear to be classrooms of some sort. There are a few teachers out and about, though they seem far too busy for me to want to disturb. I haven't yet run into any students...

Just as I think that, a short pink blur darts past me, almost colliding with me.

"Sorry!" A pink shirt of some sort, and red shorts. I recognize it as the female version of the PE uniform.

I realize that the little blonde girl doesn't have legs.

Well, she does, just not flesh or bone. Her pale and very much flesh-and-bone thighs end in shins and feet made of some black rubber or plastic-like material. They curve and end with a horizontal area to act as feet, I think. They look disturbingly artificial and unnatural.

I'm somewhat accustomed to seeing people missing limbs, but those replacements felt so out of place that I couldn't help but be surprised.

Before I say anything - not like I would have, I was too busy being shocked - she's gone, sprinting around the corner.

A girl with no legs...sprinting?

I get the distinct feeling that irony like that would be far more common at a school like this.

Shaking off my bemusement, I sigh tiredly before continuing my explorations, traveling to the second floor via the stairs. There's an elevator located next to it, but I figured that I may as well get this little exercise.

The second floor...is a carbon copy of the third floor. Speaking of which...

It's a quarter to eight. I didn't think I had spent that much time just walking around, but...I guess I do need to get to homeroom.

It seems like I will have to ask Shizune and Misha about the location of the library after all. That was surprisingly entertaining, just walking around like that.

I make it into my homeroom with a few minutes to spare. Actually, it's quite empty...but that same purple-haired girl from yesterday is here, reading what appears to be the same book from earlier.

I could sit by her, or I could sit by Misha and Shizune...

I try to slide into the seat as quietly as possible - moving silently is one of the things I'm good at. But even then, she still notices me, looking up with a startled expression on her face.

I'm honestly not sure what to do now. Do I say hello? I mean, I said two words to her yesterday, and a farewell at that. That feels...rather off. Though, in fairness, I remained silent out of consideration to her, and what I assumed she wanted.

So...do I break the ice today?

Eh...I'll leave it up to her. In case she doesn't want to talk, I'd rather not leave a clingy or irritating impression. After all, I am essentially invading her space. But if she wants to talk, then, well, I'm willing to. I think she would be quite the interesting conversationalist...if, well...

If she talked.

I sneak an occasional glance at her, monitoring her mood. Eventually, she relaxes somewhat. Not completely relaxed, of course, but not ready to spring out of her seat and flee at a moment's notice. It appears I was right. She prefers the silence, too.

I don't mind it myself. Perhaps we could get along.

Inevitably, though, our eyes lock, as she peers at me out from under the bangs she is hiding her scars behind. Immediately, I feel the tension in the air rise tenfold.

"Sorry." I whisper, immediately breaking eye contact in favor of staring at my desk, before I realize that I may have just made the situation worse.

She must be used to people staring at her scars, then quickly snapping their gaze away once they realize they've been caught. An unintentional faux pas of the worst kind.

I half-expect her to run out of her seat, or something. But after a few minutes pass, I tentatively glance back at her, making sure to look only at her eyes.

To my shock, she's staring at me, something bordering near-panic boiling in her violet irises. When we make eye contact, it only increases further. This time, I don't break the gaze. It could come back to haunt me later.

Even if she runs off now, it's not too bad. I hopefully have established myself as someone different from the general population, and maybe she'll consider that a good thing.

Why do I care?

Is it, perhaps, because in her scars -

\- I see a little bit of myself?

What I could have been?

It makes me feel a little bad thinking like that.

We sit there staring at each other for a long moment. Too long. And just as I think she's going to get up and run…

She pauses. Swallows heavily. And nods at me once before turning away, slumping slightly in her seat.

…Well…

That was certainly unexpected. I'm not sure if that was her form of acceptance, or resignation - and I still don't know her name. Baby steps, I suppose.

Homeroom starts, comes, and goes. Misha and Shizune have silent conversations in their corner while sending slightly accusatory glares at me. I do my best to ignore them.

I don't feel the violet-haired girl's eyes on me for the next few hours. Then again, this doesn't exactly surprise me. Hm...Well, all things considered, it's still a start. She hasn't run away from me and panicked yet, though she was pretty close for a second.

I can only hope I don't continue to intimidate her. An unsatisfying, and dull history period passes. During the class change period, my classmate turns to look at me. I meet her gaze once more.

"W-Why...are you sitting...here?" Her voice is so soft that I'm forced to lean in to hear her, mostly because everyone else is using the few minutes we have to talk. The class is filled with the many conversations of boisterous students.

Straightforward and to the point, and utterly unexpected. Well…how do I respond to that? Why did I sit here?

"Because you seem quiet and nice…" I start. "In contrast to certain individuals…I prefer a certain level of sound…" Yeah, that's basically it.

"I...see." She doesn't appear tense anymore. It's a very good sign. In fact, it looks like she's trying to hide a smile. Sympathy?

"H-Hanako. I'm...Hanako." I start slightly at this unexpected volunteering of information. "That's a nice name." I say, without an ounce of sarcasm. It's a rather obvious way to fill the silence, I think. I'm not sure if I should now volunteer my name now...but she should already know it, right? She was here during my introduction. I'm not sure if saying mine will be awkward or not, so I don't.

She gives a faint, shy smile, nodding once before turning back. I can see her scars at this angle, though I don't think it's intentional.

Naturally, my eyes are drawn to them. I study them with a faint sense of detachment. They look like...burn scars. It looks like the tissue itself is damaged, all the way down to the wound. They're actually quite deep...

Those injuries must have been very, very painful. I hope she wasn't conscious while receiving those.

But now I'm stuck with a bit of a conundrum. Do I address her scars? Does she want me to?

Eventually, I decide to ignore it. It's her business, after all, and if she wanted to talk about it, she would. I don't think prying into her business would be appreciated, certainly not this early into our acquaintanceship.

After a second of staring, I turn back to the front, directing my attention to the science teacher that just walked in.

Mutou. Nothing interesting is going to happen in this period, I guess. Though he does have a penchant for assigning group work, from what I remember.

I wonder...

We sit through a rather dull lecture. I idly sketch a picture of the school in my science notebook, trying to draw a map of the school. It doesn't take a very long time at all, and I quickly tire of it. It's not very fun to draw rectangles, after all.

I idly glance at the girl next to me. She's dutifully paying attention, taking notes. If I had to guess, it's to avoid any looks I send her way while keeping her occupied.

I would know. It's the same thing I'm doing, after all.

Flipping a page, I try to recall the girl who almost ran into me during my exploration of the main building. Short. Blonde hair. Vibrant green eyes. My pencil slides against the sheet of paper as I do my best to bring her features to life.

She had a cute smile...Even though I glimpsed it for barely a moment, it was there. The thrill in her eyes as she ran...

Everyone has their passions, and some will work for them harder than most. How did that girl come to run on no legs, anyways? She intrigues me, that much is for certain.

There's another girl seeking my mind's attentions, though, so I mentally transfer away from the mysterious morning running girl.

I wonder what Hanako likes to do? I'm willing to assume that reading is one of her hobbies, simply based off of her character. Reading to fill the silence.

What else, though...That can't be the only thing she does. Even I could get bored, stuck with nothing else to do. There has to be something else to fill the void...

Because Hanako feels like a very lonely girl…

…Just like…


	6. Competition

Mutou predictably announces another group assignment, a set of problems that need to be turned in before the end of class. Almost simultaneously, Hanako and I turn to each other, with different intentions.

"...Sorry." She whispers, apologetically, before quickly and silently grabbing her things, standing up without a sound.

Ah. She really does look sorry, though, so I don't feel like her leaving is entirely my fault. Mutou watches her go, nodding to her before turning back to the rest of the class.

I guess this must be a regular occurrence. I don't see why it wouldn't be, actually. Given Hanako's already-reclusive nature and the way people seem to study her with a bit of wariness, it makes complete sense.

Of course she would shy away from group work. The normal stares that she already receives must be oppressive enough on their own.

I just nod at her, understanding completely. I was like that too, once, though perhaps to a lesser degree. It's something I can sympathize with.

Something like relief fills her expression before she turns away, slipping out of the class without another word.

I almost forget that it's time for group work, though two girls quickly remind me.

"Hicchan!" Of course. With the seats next to me vacated as people travel the room to make pre-organized groups, there is now room for two familiar students.

"You ditched us!" I'm not sure if it's Misha or Shizune speaking, now. It's a very Misha thing to say, though, given the context.

"Sorry. I wanted to talk to Hanako." I'm not really sorry, of course.

Shizune's expression darkens for a second at the mention of her name, even as she signs to Misha. Her sharper gestures reflect her mood.

"Well, that's okay! It's good to see you making friends and talking to other people! After all, it is our responsibility to make sure that everyone is healthy, and that includes social health!" Misha rambles on, seemingly unaware of the sudden tension.

"Anyways..." I start, not wanting to pursue that line of thought further, "Why does everyone seem so stressed out?" I've noticed, of course - the way that blonde girl in the morning was sprinting through the floor, the tense outlooks of many of the students, the hustle and bustle aura that appears to be the norm here. Something's up, and it must be pretty big.

It seems to work, as Shizune lightens up.

"Ah! Right! There's a festival coming up in a few days. Almost every student in the school tends to help out with it, doing whatever." Hanako must not like that very much.

Not the helping thing, of course. She doesn't appear particularly lazy. But I doubt she would be happy, surrounded by probing glances.

"So! You actually transferred in at a busy time... maybe you can help out, too!" The words are supposed to be a question, but Misha makes it sound like a statement.

"If it's something I'm interested in, I guess I could. What's the festival about?" Misha freezes.

"...Wahahaha! I don't know, Hicchan, the truth is it's a local event, and I'm not from this area, so..." She starts signing desperately to Shizune, asking her to bail her out. Shizune adjusts her glasses at the end of an oddly grandiose flourish and starts signing hard and heavy.

She's not from this area? Yet the female duo seem to be in sync. I doubt it's a lie, because Misha feels too trustworthy for that, but…

There's a silent dialogue between the aforementioned girls. Shizune seems to be rather pleased with her answer.

"Who cares?" Misha finally shouts out at me with a disproportionate amount of pride. Heads start to turn in our direction.

I sigh. This is how every conversation goes.

"Human beings evolve with each new generation! The ideals and beliefs behind a festival will inevitably change with time! "Now, it's about delicious fried food and amusing little games that you play to win prizes! Hahahaha!"

I don't think that's something you're supposed to say with so much pride.

The teacher clears his throat loudly, batting his long wooden pointer against his palm like a baton while shooting a pointed gaze at us. Finally noticing where we are, Misha stifles a yelp and quickly quiets down. Shizune doesn't appear embarrassed at all, though, brushing it off without a care.

"We are in the middle of class, and should start working." Misha translates. It honestly seems like both of them just remembered that.

"Okay! You don't have any plans for lunch today, do you?" I don't like where this conversation is headed. They appear to have forgotten about my vague agreement to help out for the festival, which is fine.

The library calls. Even though I don't know where it is.

"I thought I would go to the library and pick up some books." It's a perfectly reasonable excuse, in my head, at least. By the displeased looks on the girls' faces, they disagree.

"Well, you can't really go to the library at lunch...the librarian has to eat sometimes, too, you know?" Misha interjects after a briefing with Shizune.

"Oh. Well, I guess I'm free for lunch." My plans thwarted, I wearily agree to eat with them.

The rest of the class passes uneventfully, as they let off of what was quickly becoming an interrogation. Unfortunately, with the light silence...

"So you're going to help out with the festival?" Misha finally asks of her own accord, translating for Shizune simultaneously.

"I said if it interested me." I remind her, a little quick.

"And the welfare and entertainment of your fellow classmates, their parents, and other citizens doesn't interest you whatsoever? Not even to do a little work?" I pretend to think about it, though, truthfully, I already knew my answer before the question fell from her lips.

"Nope." My bland reply seems to crush the pink-haired girl, much to my amusement.

"But-" I cut her off, an impressive feat, all things considered.

"I'll think about it later and get you my final answer tomorrow. Okay?" I say decisively, to cut off any opposition. When Misha translates, Shizune gives me a curiously analytical look.

"Okay." We go back to our work. The rest of class passes uneventfully. Hanako doesn't come back, and I'm extremely curious as to where she went.

Before I have the time to put any thought into where she could have gone, the teacher informs us that it's time to stop working.

Shizune looks more than a little annoyed that we only just barely managed to finish our work on time. I'm just glad we finished at all. It's not a contest and I say as much.

"Yes it is, Hicchan!" Misha says, after a brief translation. I frown, more confused as to how this is possible than anything.

"It's not a contest, because contests are competitions over a prize. If there's no prize on the line, it's not really a contest." I try to explain. Shizune's eyes flash dangerously with a competitive glare. She stares at me, as if surprised that I'm challenging her. I think maybe this is a contest to her.

Her eyes are...mesmerizing, to say the least, dark blue irises boring into me. It's surprisingly hard to look away.

"You're wrong, Hicchan. I don't want to be the slowest one in the class. Therefore, what's on the line is my confidence in my abilities, and the prize is the satisfaction of proving them." Misha finally says.

"Who's them?" I ask. Misha consults with Shizune.

"Everyone." The pink-haired girl responds. Shizune pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose in a very matter-of-fact way.

That's a challenge.

"And...who's saying that? Is that Misha, or Shizune? And what are you proving and why do you need to prove it and is this representative of some kind of self-confidence issue based off of your disability and do you believe that everything is a contest and why do you think everything is a contest and are contests an analogy for something else affecting your personal life and-" The bell cuts me off. Shame.

Misha, by now, looks absolutely bewildered by my rapid-fire speech, attempting to keep up. Shizune, on the other hand, looks downright excited, a new look and one that is absolutely alluring on the cute girl.

We quickly pack up our bags. I'm ready to run off, but an expectant look from Misha makes me pause. I had almost forgotten that I was supposed to have lunch with them.

"Where do you want to eat?" Misha asks.

"The cafeteria?" It's a question. I had thought the answer would be somewhat obvious.

"Hahaha! That's so plain... Okay! Let's go!"

Plain? There are other spots to eat?

Hm…


	7. Risk

Shizune and Misha pull me towards the cafeteria, which is surprisingly not packed. Maybe some students favor eating in classroom or outdoors. Some of my classmates had boxed lunches.

After we finish eating, Misha has a silent conversation with Shizune before turning to me.

"Hicchan, do you have anything you're really interested in?" Misha asks. I warily follow this tangent, not sure where it's heading towards.

"Reading." And watching interesting people, though I don't think that would be received positively.

"Hm... There is a book club, right, Shicchan? Right! But! It seems like they have all the members they can possibly have right now. Sorry, Hicchan... It's a really popular club." I somehow do not find this surprising at all.

After all, there's got to be more introverted people at a place like this.

"Ah, okay! But, more to the point, does this mean that you don't have anything already in mind?"

"No..."

Wow, I was really slow on the uptake. I didn't make the connection until just now. Why is Misha (and Shizune?) trying to fit me into a club?

"Good! Great! That's great, Hicchan! Really great! Hahaha! Wahahahaha!" Oh dear.

"Do you guys run a club?" Misha grimaces. Aha!

"No." Misha responds.

"Participate in one?"

"No."

"Support one?"

"Not really."

"Well, then why are you trying to get me to join a club?" I demand.

There's an awkward silence where Shizune and Misha glance at each other. Shizune looks...almost offended.

"Student Council!" Misha finally exclaims.

Oh.

"Hahaha! Hm? Right, right... Hicchan, maybe you should join the Student Council! They could use more people. Yes! Definitely! You should definitely join!"

"Why?" The thought of being in any sort of mock government situation does not appeal to me at all.

"Well, for one, we could hang out every day, Hicchan! Shicchan and I are both in the Student Council." Misha explains.

I'm not too sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"Actually, Shicchan is the president."

That explains the sales pitch.

"Hahaha! Of course, we're not trying to get you to join just because we would obviously benefit from you joining the Student Council and therefore have an incentive to try and get you to join." That smile on Shizune's face is immediately suspect, even if the context of the words weren't enough to set off alarm bells.

"So, you're admitting-" Shizune hastily signs as I start responding.

"Ahaha! No! We admit nothing! I mean, Hicchan, of course it would be nice if you joined, and we'd appreciate it." Well, you don't need to admit anything, it's pretty clear.

"But even without all that, joining the Student Council shows a healthy interest in the workings of one's school. Besides, don't you want to spend time with us after school, Hicchan?" I can't tell if she is being genuine or if this is just really good acting. Both of them seem to be trying hard to look their cutest.

I huff.

"Well..." It's difficult to just say no to those faces.

"So it's settled, then. Welcome to the Student Council, Hicchan!" Misha exclaims.

"What? No. No!" Until they open their mouths, anyways.

"Aww... See, Shicchan? Of course it wouldn't go so easily. Yup! That's right, though, it would be boring if it went that smoothly. Shicchan owes me candy now!"

"You were betting on it? Hey, my life is not a game here!" Shizune looks very intrigued by this when Misha signs it to her. The aggressive glint returns to her eyes.

It appears that she begs to differ.

"Wahaha! That's interesting, Hicchan. Let's play a game!" This evasion is clearly a product of Shizune.

"That's not what I said." And now I'm avoiding the obvious trap.

"How about Rich Man, Poor Man, Hicchan? If you lose, you have to join the Student Council."

I don't even know what that game is, let alone actually want to play it and tell them as much.

"Awww! Why not?" Misha asks, giving me disturbingly cute puppy eyes.

"Because...it's probably one of those games where two people working together can beat the one person working together, and you two would definitely work against me." I deduce. Though it's rather obvious. What a disappointing mystery.

"Hicchan! I'm very offended! Are you saying you don't trust us, and that we would pull something so d-dis-in-gen-u-ous...? That makes me sad..." She stumbles over the hard word. In fairness, I don't even know what that means, though I can take a guess.

"Yes." I say flatly. They both scowl.

"In order to atone for hurting a young girl's feelings, you should definitely join the Student Council!" Haha. Yeah...

"No!" Though it could have been said in a harsh manner, I'm not nearly as insulted/angry/worked up as I could be. It's all in good fun, after all, and I'm well aware. I'm not even sure if the offer itself is serious, given how playful the proceedings are.

"How about a game of paper football, instead of Rich Man, Poor Man?"

"Paper football?" I've never even heard of the thing.

"Yeah! It's a game they play in America! You make a paper triangle, and then you try to shoot it past goalposts that the other player makes with their fingers!" Misha explains, Shizune not responding. Apparently the concept is as new to me as it is to her.

"Isn't it cool? It's the ultimate form of competition between two people, Hicchan!" Shizune, looking rather distressed, signs something.

"...And it's also played by elementary and middle school children, Shicchan? Wahaha! That means it's a game that really separates the boys from the men!" So she knew what it was, just chose not to 'say' anything.

"More like the boys from the slightly older boys. But, if you're using your hands, why is it called football?" This seems to stump Misha, though Shizune has an answer.

"Huh? Oh. Well, in America, the real game sometimes has people kicking the ball with their feet, but normally they run around with it in their arms and try to get it past their opponents. Paper football just takes the kicking part and uses your hands to mimic that."

Someone actually came up with a game like that?

They're waiting for a response.

"Well, I'm not going to play that either. Just the fact that you know about it means you're probably good at it." The information Shizune revealed was enough to push me to the conclusion. From her earlier, playful statement, I suspect she wouldn't bother playing it, but I'm confident that Misha does.

"Hahaha! Yeah, that's true! How did you know, Hicchan?" Shizune frowns at Misha, telling me that she probably wasn't supposed to admit that so readily.

"It was obvious. Blatantly obvious."

I also now know to exploit Misha whenever Shizune's trying to get something over me.

As for the thought of a student council...

I've never been on one before, or even know anybody who was a member. But I know a little about what they're supposed to do, and I don't think I want that extra work without any real motivation to do it.

"Okay, Hicchan, how about Risk? The game of world domination!" They're persistent, I'll give them credit for that much.

"I don't know what that is." I only play one board game, but I'm very good at it.

"It's really fun, Hicchan. You fight for control of the world, with armies and everything."

"Did Shizune invent that game?" I ask dryly. The thoughtful look on Shizune's face after she receives the translation sends a shiver down my spine.

"Shizune accepts your compliment, but regretfully says that she wasn't responsible. She generously offers, however, to play with no strings attached. We can just play for fun, right after school; how about it?" Misha says cheerfully.

I want to test just how smart Shizune is, and a skill-based strategic game should do that for me. I assume it's a board game, given the concept of armies and world domination.

"Well, okay..." No strings attached, so I can play without feeling pressured. I guess, given this, perhaps they do want to just spend time with me.

"Okay! Okay, okay! Perfect! We'll see you after school in the student council room, then, Hicchan!" The student council room-

"Wait, why there?"

"Because! That's where we keep the game." Uh-huh.

Well, I've already agreed to it. I grimace to tell them how much I do not like this, but it's more for show than anything.

In the end I agree, but only after getting Shizune to acknowledge that I don't mean anything concrete just by accepting to take a look around and play a game with her.

Lunch ends, and we go back to class, Misha and Shizune engaged in some kind of sign-language conversation while I follow silently.

Sometime between Japanese and English, Hanako returns to class through the rear entrance. Everyone's head turns towards the door, but once it's clear that it's just her their attention drifts away.

This must be a regular occurrence, then. I don't give it a second thought, waving vaguely at her before returning my attention forward.

I'm surprised that the teachers allow it...but from the little I've glimpsed of Hanako's personality, it is not truly surprising. Crippling social anxiety, I think.

It's something I can relate to...though I've long bypassed that barrier. It doesn't make me a social butterfly by any means, but I can talk to people with ease.

Those scars...

They are the key to everything about her, I think. An explanation for her extremely introverted personality at a glance.

If there's one thing I've come to understand when working with disabled people, though, it's that pity isn't something we appreciate. As a general rule, we want to be treated normally.

The classes switch. I work on my unfinished picture of the mysterious morning running girl, using a gray pencil to shade in the shadows of her face.

Hanako continues to take notes, seemingly focused on her work. I leave her to it.

My watch silently informs me that there are three minutes before the end of classes. Glancing sideways, I realize that Hanako has silently packed up and is waiting to go.

Heh. Interesting.

The teacher's eyes skim over her, landing on me. I blink.

Fortunately, the English teacher doesn't call on me, singling out another victim for ruthless interrogation. The chime of the bell saves the poor student halfway through a stammering explanation.

Hanako's whispered goodbye is the only thing I hear from her before the rear door opens and slams shut.


	8. Breathlessly

_"_ _That was quick."_ I think dryly to myself. I reach down to pack up my own stuff and am just standing up, prepared to leave, when suddenly Misha and Shizune appear at either side of my desk, flanking me.

"What's with the escort? This doesn't make me feel very comfortable." I question, mock-confused.

"Wahahaha! What's wrong, Hicchan?" Misha and Shizune's hands are busy translating and signing. I could probably barge past them if I really needed to.

"That's right, we're just going to go play a game of Risk, remember?" Misha says.

I don't know, Misha, this all seems a little sinister to me. I start thinking that when we sit down to play the game, they'll tie me down and torture me until I agree to join the Student Council.

I don't think they would appreciate hearing that, though. Getting to the student council room is as simple as turning two corners from where we started.

"What? That's it? This makes you guys being so on top of me seem a little silly." I say, fighting off a strange mix of bemusement and exasperation. What's the word...?

"That's not true, Hicchan. Shicchan says that when their life is threatened, people have shown the capability to pull off superhuman bursts of speed."

I pause.

"My life is threatened?" Her expression unchanging, Misha signs something to Shizune, who makes an - odd - face and puts her hands behind her back, looking pleased with herself.

"Mm...hm hm hm..."

Misha feigns deafness and hums cheerily. Stop that, I know you heard me; you have no excuse, unlike Shizune.

And I know Shizune knows.

Shizune opens the door to the student council room. It's a very plain, sparsely decorated room, although it is quite large. There's a big table in the center surrounded by chairs, and a smaller desk prominently placed in the back that I assume is Shizune's. There are a few regular desks and chairs stacked to one side, as well. Extras, perhaps?

Aside from the tables and chairs, the room doesn't have much else to offer. Just a couple of filing cabinets and bookshelves stacked with old school records and documents. Not much else. In fact, nothing else.

This is... a pretty bleak room. They could at least put a potted plant in here, or something. But the most noticeable thing that this room doesn't have is other people.

"Are we early?" I ask. 'Right after school' is a pretty specific time, though.

"No." Misha says, in a decidedly cheerful tone.

"What do you mean 'no'? Does it mean nobody else is coming today?" There's a slightly longer silent conversation between the two girls after I finish talking.

"Yeah, that's right." She says in that lilting tone of hers.

Before I manage to ask why that's the case, Shizune claps her hands together very energetically.

"Do you want to know the rules for Risk? We can explain to you while we set everything up!" While Misha is talking, Shizune takes out what looks like a board game from behind one of the filing cabinets and throws it on the table.

Actually, this looks kind of interesting.

After Misha spends a while running through the basics with a vague and confusing tutorial, Shizune cuts in and declares the game has started with a decisive motion, slicing her arm through the air.

Shizune's aggressiveness is rubbing off onto me. I start feeling more competitive than I intended to be when I agreed to this.

Halfway into the game, while I wonder how to defend against Shizune's assault from two fronts, Misha breaks my concentration by drumming her fingers on the table to get my attention.

"Hicchan, Shicchan wants you to know that you are taking too long to make a move."

"There aren't any rules for that." I say, deciding to let go of the territory in favor of expanding elsewhere. It's a lost cause, anyways, having too many borders to defend...and, of course, I can easily reclaim them later, if necessary.

"Shicchan also says that she will let you keep Australia if you agree to join the Student Council!"

I send more game pieces to Australia.

"No."

Shizune grins.

"Shicchan admires your fighting spirit and would be a benevolent dictator who will spare your people if you agree to join the Student Council!"

"She won't need to. She isn't winning this game." I'm doing respectably well, I think, keeping hold of Australia and rapidly stacking up reinforcements to funnel elsewhere.

I launch a side attack and claim one of her territories, spreading out over the abandoned continent. Unfortunately, it winds up costing me Australia.

Shizune bursts into a flurry of gestures. Misha looks daunted by the pace of her heated signing.

"Ah, wait, please slow down, Shicchan... Um, Hicchan! Shicchan says you're going to lose!"

Things aren't looking too well. I've certainly kept up a respectable game, all things considered, but it appears that she has a better grasp on the game than I do.

"Tell her I will crush her world empire with my rebellion."

"Ah... Okay..."

Shizune's eyes shine with childlike mischief.

"She says you have no chance if you keep playing like this!"

She is either really mocking me, or trying to trick me. I have nothing else to lose, though, so I might as well try something different. Maybe if I spread out my forces and try to control more territories, I can recoup the advantage.

Shizune seems to focus on conquering whole nations, so maybe I can sacrifice my hold on continents to gain more small countries. It's worth a shot.

A dozen turns later, I end up losing the game anyway. Shizune adjusts her glasses victoriously and allows herself to tentatively pump a fist in the air in celebration.

"I win, I win! Yay!" Misha translates.

"There's no need to translate that, it was pretty clear." I return dryly.

"Wahaha! Don't look so sad, Hicchan! You were really giving it your best, that's what I thought! Sometimes, your best just isn't good enough, though. If anyone knows that, it's me! You did very well for someone who just learned how to play today!"

This is one of those times where not knowing who says what is a severe detriment. I caught that little hint of wistful self-pity in the mix of words, but both of their faces radiate appropriate amounts of happiness and satisfaction.

"Hicchan, you attacked Iceland and North America at the same time, that's a very daring move. Shicchan is impressed!"

I blink.

"The mark of great people is that they are daring, and that they can follow through! You're already halfway there; isn't that great, Hicchan?"

"No." I say blankly. She continues on.

"That isn't enough though; just potential isn't enough! There is no point to potential if you don't take the first step, and there is no point to that if you don't keep going. I want to see more."

"You're right, Shicchan, but, that's so demanding..."

"Slave driver..." I quietly, playfully concur under my breath. Misha hears it and translates anyways, Shizune's mock glare being her response.

Shizune leans forward, suddenly looking a lot less playful and more like the serious person I expected her to be.

"Hicchan, would you like to join the Student Council?" She really doesn't waste any time, does she?

"I'm...not sure. Maybe. I'll get back to you on it." I leave them with a half-hearted answer.

I don't think I'm at all willing to commit to anything so early. I don't mind the friendship, but it's joining something potentially time-consuming and requiring dedication that I can't risk until I know what I'm in for.

But, somewhere between this morning and now, my resistance to joining the Council has crumbled a bit. I am of course aware that it won't be all fun and games, but…

"Okay, Hicchan! But, I hope you're not just saying that so we don't feel bad." Misha says, after a short conversation with Shizune.

"No, really." And I will consider it.

"Really?" Misha asks disbelievingly.

"Really."

"Hicchan, if you're going to say that, you're saying that it is definitely the truth, and there can't be any mistaking it!"

"Yeah, I know. I guess I should have my revenge for losing, at the very least."

Shizune smiles at that in a mischievous way that feels like twisting the knife in the wound of my loss. I take a glance at the clock on the wall and realize I've spent far longer playing Risk than I expected.

"Sorry, I think I have to go. I wanted to go to the library. It's not closed yet, is it?" Shizune scratches her hand and gestures at Misha as I scoop my bag off the ground. How hard can it be to determine whether the library is open? There's a clock right there on the wall.

"We... think the library is open. It's on the second floor; can't miss it. Do you want us to show you where it is?"

I remember my morning wandering.

How hard can it be, right? It's not like the library should be that hard to find. Now that I have a better idea of the layout of the floors, I won't be stumbling into dead ends.

"I should be fine. Thanks, though." I flash a genuine smile at them.

Even with the personality clash, they're really kind people. That's not something to be ignored.

"Okay. See you tomorrow!" Misha says cheerfully, as I wave. Shizune mimics my gesture, an odd grin on her face as I shut the door to the student council behind me.


	9. Mistakes

As noticed earlier, the second and third floor are essentially copies of each other.

The problem is that the library's whereabouts are not as easily determined as one would think. The classrooms are marked with signs stating which class they belong to, but then there is a plethora of other, unmarked rooms.

Is the library one of them? Or is it just somewhere down the hallway? I bet on the latter and choose my direction at random.

After I turn around the corner, an unmarked door draws my attention because it's not closed. It's not open either though, just barely ajar so that I can see it's open and nothing else.

It would make sense for the library door to be invitingly open, and while this one is not quite that, it's good enough. At the very least it means that someone is inside and I can ask for directions no matter how embarrassing that is.

I gingerly push on the center of the door with my fingertips, every muscle in my arm ready to pull back at a moment's notice.

The feeling of being an outsider to this school can't be shaken from my mind, so much so that I instinctively fear doing something wrong by entering.

The door slowly creaks as if groaning from a deep sleep.

Leaning over and poking my head ever further inside to gain sight of the room as fast as possible, the meek "Hello...?" on my lips is quickly snatched away.

This is... not what I was expecting.

I mindlessly let the door open to its full extent, taking in the sight of the solitary figure taking center stage in the otherwise abandoned room.

The situation steals my voice, leaving me standing at the doorway staring at the beautiful girl.

Her skin is pale, far paler than I'd expect from a Japanese woman. Her golden-blonde hair flows down her back in a wavy pattern.

Evidently having taken her time to assess the situation, the girl gently puts down her teacup and opens her startlingly blue eyes, but doesn't look at me.

"Hello there. May I help you?"

Staring directly in front of herself, the movements of her lips seem to break the silence rather than the words. Her voice is measured, and quiet, as if she carefully considers every word before speaking.

Not only is she likely the tallest girl I've ever laid eyes on, but even among the foreigners I've met she's strikingly distinct.

"Uh, hi. Sorry for intruding, I was just... kind of lost."

She takes a moment to formulate a response before speaking. Every action she takes feels as if it's carefully choreographed beforehand.

"Care to take a seat?"

...Unexpected, considering that I'm intruding upon her.

"Ummm... sure. Thanks."

I slowly step towards another seat opposite her, the girl resting the teacup and saucer on the wooden table in-between us.

The way she doesn't track my movements with her head is telling... that, and the slight cloudiness to her eyes means she must be at least partially blind, like Kenji.

Come to think of it, her voice doesn't have any detectable accent either, implying that she isn't quite a foreigner. As I take my seat, her composure takes me slightly off-guard. Her air of relaxed confidence makes the silence entirely comfortable.

The calming atmosphere is so very different from the student council office, a far more...excited...place.

"I take it you're a new student to Yamaku?"

"How do you know?" The words, still a half-formed thought, escape my lips before I can restrain them in time.

It elicits a smile from the girl across. "The manner in which you opened the door was very...tentative, as if you were unsure of what was inside. Your footsteps, too, spoke of hesitancy."

Her hearing is sharp, and her mind sharper.

"Well...yes. I just transferred in yesterday."

I get the distinct feeling my speech patterns don't match the formality of hers, accentuated by her restrained bow of greeting. I would do the same, but the action would be rather futile.

"I'm Lilly Satou. Pleased to meet you..." She's waiting for my name.

"Hisao. Hisao Nakai." She gives a nod before gesturing roughly in the direction of her teacup.

"Would you care for a drink?" Measuring the risk of drinking tea I may not like versus the potential offense she might take if I were to refuse...

"Er...sure. Thank you." She gives a kind nod, taking the request in stride.

Without another word, she steps off the chair and prepares a second cup of tea from a collection of supplies laid out along a shelf.

A brush here, a brush there, her left hand often lightly touching the side of whichever container she's pouring into... it seems to be a process she's followed dozens of times before.

I feel slightly guilty about her doing the work, but she seems pleased to be doing so.

"So." Her soft voice brings me out of my silent observance. "Which room were you looking for? It's not often this classroom is visited after school."

Curiouser and curiouser. Her mind versus Shizune's; who would win?

"The school library. Shizune and Misha told me it was on this floor."

She finishes pouring water into the teacup as she nods, a small metallic tapping coming from the teacup indicating it being stirred.

"I'm aware of Miss Hakamichi, as are most students. To be with them means you're in class 3-3, no?" There's the tiniest stress on her name. Interesting.

"That's right. In the science room with Mutou." I reply cautiously.

She gives a small - restrained - giggle before setting down the teaspoon and slowly walking towards the table, teacup and saucer in hand. It's not fake, but not entirely genuine either…refined, certainly.

"He's quite a character. I imagine you'll come to like him; most do." There's a hint of fondness - a story to be told, perhaps?

As she sets down the tea, I gently take it and have a sip. It has a subtle taste, the aroma quite pleasant.

"Thanks, Miss Satou. It tastes really nice." The formality is absurdly awkward coming from my mouth, and we're both painfully aware of this.

She smiles, looking faintly amused, and quickly waves her hand in front of her face.

"Lilly, please. There's no need to be too formal."

She says this in spite of her exceedingly well-bred speech. Oh well. I guess I should try and ask her about herself, as it really does seem as if she's catering to me.

"So which class are you from? I imagine it's one of the third year classes." She gives a slow nod, focused on the cup in her hands.

"Correct, I'm in class 3-2; which is on the third floor, same as yours. It's taught by Miss Miyagi, and is specifically for both blind and partially blind students."

The conversation pauses for a second as Lilly and I both take another sip. To my mild surprise, it does not feel awkward at all, merely...serene.

It's…odd to how easily she says that, like her disability isn't really a big deal at all. I don't mention it, but it unsettles me in a way I can't name.

"Do you come here to drink tea often? It's a really nice place."

Thinking on it, this might be her version of the place behind my school that I liked to have lunch at.

"I come here fairly often during lunch times. My duties as class representative don't leave enough time for an 'official' club, so a friend and I use this room for having tea."

Class representative, huh?

Compared to Shizune, her mannerisms seem to be almost completely opposite. While Shizune's blunt and fiercely driven, Lilly seems relaxed and calm, almost aloof.

But under both personalities lie a deadly sharp intellect.

Hm...time to test my suspicions.

"So you work with Shizune, then?" I ask innocently.

Lilly visibly winces.

"Yes, we're...acquaintanced." I catch the underlying tension, and the hesitance in continuing, and decide not to pursue the topic. There's obviously some kind of ongoing conflict...and one I'm not interested in meddling with.

"Is it compulsory to join a club?" I ask, switching topics.

"It isn't, though it is encouraged." Lilly looks relieved at the topic change.

As I look over to the window over her shoulder, I notice the light coming into the room has a distinctly orange tint.

Even here, time doesn't stand still.

"Huh, the time's gone quickly. It's nearly sunset." I say, for both our benefit.

"Sorry, Hisao. I didn't mean to keep you from the library for so long." I quickly move to allay her concern.

"Ah, no, it's okay. The library's still open, isn't it?"

She pauses, and takes a moment to think on it.

"True. It's open until six-thirty during weekdays." A glance at my watch confirms that I have enough time to get there.

"Hmm, I should get going in that case. It's been nice talking with you, Lilly."

She smiles and gives a deep nod, her hands still neatly folded on the table in front of her.

"It was my pleasure." A pause as I search for my misplaced bag.

"Oh, come to think of it... shall I show you to where the library is?" She offers. I hesitate to accept, not wanting to be a further burden. I mean, I've already crashed her tea party.

"It's all right, I was going to be talking to the librarian there in any case. I could introduce you."

It's a little bit unpleasant to be face-to-face with someone who thinks so many steps ahead of you, but it's unfair to hold that against her, especially with how kind her personality is. I long to face her in a chess match to see how she performs.

"If you're sure, then that'd be great. Thanks." I cave in, though it isn't like I needed much convincing to begin with.

As she stands up to follow me, she takes hold of a straight, retractable cane that had been slipped in the handle of her bag on the floor.

Together we leave the peaceful room and enter the empty hallway on the way to the library.


	10. Feeling

Side by side, my pace carefully slowed to match hers, we slowly walk through the hallway. We do not run into anyone.

It doesn't take long for us to arrive at the door to the warm-looking room, apparently situated in the center of the floor rather than either wing, and the first place I should have looked. Ah well.

"Ladies first." I say, holding the door open.

She gives an appreciative smile at the gesture, taking the lead as we file in. To the left is the wooden library counter, with the bookcases on the right.

It easily dwarfs my old school's library, with the distinct smell of old books giving the place an almost old-world air. There doesn't seem to be a lot of students here. Considering the time, it isn't a big surprise; everyone's probably either in the school grounds or the dorms.

"Yuuko, are you here?" Lilly asks.

She says it to thin air since the librarian doesn't seem to be present and of course Lilly can't see this. What's unexpected is that it draws a reaction.

Something from under the counter thuds against it, followed by a quiet wail. A short woman with long red hair- presumably Yuuko, the librarian - crawls out.

"Hi, Lilly. How can I help you?"

Her voice is strained in a failing attempt to sound casual and she's rubbing the back of her head.

"Good afternoon. What happened just now? I heard a strange sound." Lilly says.

"It's nothing. I just hit my head."

That's hardly nothing, considering the volume of that crash, but I don't voice this.

"See, I dropped an eraser under my desk and while I was looking for it a pencil dropped and when I was looking for both of them you came and surprised me..."

Sounds like something Misha would do.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry, I couldn't know-"

"It's okay! It's okay, sorry for making you worry. This is nothing, I've had worse happen to me."

She's quick to reverse Lilly's apologies, almost frantically trying to push aside the possibility that she could be in any way inconvenienced by bashing her head on the counter.

"Yes... worse things have happened, hehehe..."

That ISN'T reassuring…

The girl fidgets with her fingers as Lilly doesn't seem to drop her concerned expression, and then she shuffles some papers around the counter for no reason. A little shorter than Lilly, replete with glasses, freckles, and a very troubled look, she seems to fit her role perfectly.

"Ah, Lilly! Did you get my message?" She seems very wound up, as well.

"Message... hmm..." A short pause.

"Oh, the two imported books that arrived?"

"Right! Right! They finally came! I can't believe it took so long, but-"

Amidst her celebrations, partially for managing to change the topic I'm sure, she notices me from the corner of her eye and freezes on the spot when she does.

"Oh no, I'm sorry for not noticing you before!"

I blink.

"Did you need to check out a book? Or return one? I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

The way she can so quickly shift between moods is a little unsettling. Reminds me of Misha (again), except a little more frantic.

"He's with me." Lilly interjects, presumably to stop Yuuko's increasing hysterics. "Yuuko, this is Hisao, a new student. Hisao, this is Yuuko, the school librarian."

"Pleased to meet you." I say.

"Hisao. Right. Hisao. Pleased to meet you, too. Hisao." For a second she visibly attempts to engrave the name on her mind so she won't forget. It's quite the amusing sight.

"Yuuko often arranges to import foreign books in Braille for me." Lilly says. Then, with an expression that can only be labeled as 'mischievous', "Would you like to tell Hisao a little something about the library?"

Lilly's innocent suggestion is met with an expression of abject terror.

"I... Please Lilly, I can't. I don't know what he could be interested in. This is too much responsibility." How it's any responsibility at all I don't get, but her objection is so sincere I don't doubt for a second that she would rather disembowel herself on the spot than tell me where the light novels are.

"But..." Lilly starts.

"So, there are a lot of books in Braille here?" I attempt to curb Yuuko's panic asking the first thing that pops into my head. It seems to work at least partially, as Yuuko seems to... not exactly relax, but at least look slightly less tense.

"Well... I think about a third of Yamaku's library is either in Braille or audio." Makes sense, given all the blind students that are here.

"If it's only that, how come this library is so big in the first place?" I ask.

"Ummm, well, we get a lot of new books regularly because the library is adequately endowed. They spend more on new books than on my salary, and then I have to organize and shelve all of them." I grin somewhat at this revelation.

"It's so troublesome and they weigh so much, I wish I could quit this job."

I have to seriously hold back a giggle at this point, but don't externally react. A very awkward silence follows this revelation of too much information.

"Umm, I'll go check the aisles then, if you don't mind." I say, so I can quietly laugh in peace.

"Very well. Meanwhile, Yuuko, I would have those books if it's alright with you." Lilly adds.

It's silently agreed upon that the conversation will never be brought up again.

I wander off into the depths of the bookshelves.

* * *

My first impression was right; the library is surprisingly big.

Ambling down the narrow aisles, I study the spines of the books in random order, occasionally sliding one out to read the blurb, taking it with me if it looks good. In a few moments I have a respectable stack of books in my arms.

I guess I'll never be lost for choice in here.

The normality of the library sinks in. Sure, there are large-print and Braille books scattered throughout, but it is what it is: a library.

It's as if the calm mood from the room I had tea with Lilly in snuck with us in here. Something about that puts me at ease, just like before.

I reach the end of the aisle and find a collection of desks, set up for study or personal reading. Going a little further, though, I discover a nice quiet corner at the back.

While the rest of the library has the odd student sitting at a desk either reading or stealthily sleeping, the back is pretty much deserted.

As I glance around, I see someone who I recognize sitting on one of several beanbags.

I hesitate, not sure whether I want to bother her, but the choice is taken from me as she notices my presence.

"H-Hisao!" Hanako exclaims, looking rather surprised. Fortunately, there's not too much tension in her voice...so it's not fear, then.

"Hey, Hanako." I say over my stack of books. "Mind if I sit here?"

I can see the wheels turning in her head before she shakes her head after a moment of hesitation.

"Thanks." I take the seat next to her, placing the pile of books in front of me.

And with that, a fairly comfortable silence envelops us. There are several points where I'm tempted to bring up some kind of conversation, but manage to convince myself that it isn't something Hanako would appreciate.

I quietly examine each of the books in front of me, reading through their summaries and the first chapter of each book. It's a surprisingly long process...especially since it takes me fifty pages of focused reading to realize that the first book isn't split by chapters...or anything at all.

This one is definitely a keeper.

I put it to the side and pick up the next book in the stack.

Four pages in, I realize that Hanako is staring pensively at me.

"Hm?" I ask, without making direct eye contact.

"W-What...are..." Oh.

I didn't expect her to start up conversation. I am pleasantly surprised.

"What am I reading?" I complete her sentence. She nods, mutely.

"Uh...Looks like this one's called 'The Codebreaker'." I weigh the paperback in my hands. "I haven't read enough to figure out what it's about, though it seems interesting."

Hanako nods. "I've...read it."

"Have you?" I asked rhetorically; then, before she accidentally answers: "Is it any good?"

"Y-Yes...I think...I-I enjoyed it, so..." She falters.

"I'll take your word for it." I say, before placing it in the accepted pile. I take the next book from the stack, skimming the title.

"Have you read this one?" I ask. I tilt the book so that she can read off the front cover.

"Life of...oh! That's...!" Hanako holds up her own book, and, as it turns out, we're both reading the same thing.

"Ah. Well...you're halfway through. Must be alright, then, right?"

"R-Right." I don't think the violet-haired girl is used to anyone relying on her opinion alone for any kind of serious decision. Something like that, anyways. It could just be her lingering shyness, for all I know. I add the book to my acceptance pile.

She seems receptive to further discussion, the tension rapidly draining from her, so I pull another book out from my stack.

"This one?" She leans over, making a face when she reads the cover.

"Not your style?" I ask. She nods, hesitantly.

I put it to the side and grab another book.

And this is how I spend my time, offering books to Hanako for her to either confirm or deny. I wouldn't have thought it, this simple conversation we share, but it's quite enjoyable, the somnolent mood of the library washing over us as we go over the covers.

Yeah...I could just close my eyes and...

...

"H-Hisao...?" Someone's shaking my shoulder, calling my name...

"Hmmmmmmm?" I draw out the syllable tiredly as I sit up.

"You...f-fell asleep." Er...

"Guess I did." That was not satisfying at all. But it does highlight how tired I am.

"Are you...okay?" I glance sideways at Hanako. She genuinely looks concerned, if not a bit nervous.

"Er...yeah. Just a bit tired. It's been a really long day." And it has. Mysterious morning running girl, classes, that game of Risk, meeting Lilly, and then the library...

"Ah." She doesn't seem interested in pursuing the subject farther than that. I stagger to my feet, leaning cautiously against a nearby bookcase.

"You're a...very d-deep sleeper." Hanako says, carefully.

 _Ah, crap. Missed that one, didn't you?_

How long had she been shaking me before I woke up? Not good. Not good at all.

"Erk." I reply, intelligently, before coming up with a viable excuse. "I guess I was just a little more tired than I thought. The library is a very peaceful place."

There's a bit of an unreadable look in Hanako's eyes as she nods, accepting the excuse for what it is. Either way, I'm glad she doesn't press it...

I'm not quite ready to talk about my condition yet, to anyone.

If anything, though, I'm happy that Hanako has opened up some around me. As I suspected, there's a pretty sharp mind resting behind her shy personality.

"Well...it's pretty late now." That's an understatement. Between our appraisal of the stack of books I contributed and my involuntary nap, it's past closing time for the library.

I'm surprised we haven't been kicked out yet, and am more worried about the very real possibility that we were totally forgotten here...and locked in...

"Ah..." Glancing once at the helpless girl, I realize that she doesn't have a watch - and that there are no clocks hung conveniently on the wall.

"Past closing time." I say. On hearing this, she relaxes considerably.

"Y-Yuuko...normally comes to c-check on me when...the library closes." Implying that the library closes when Yuuko wants it to? Hm…

"I see. Are you going to wait here, or should we go find Yuuko?" I'm ready to flee to my room and take a nap, but I don't want to ditch Hanako.

Tch...Hope Hanako hasn't come to the assumption that I'm a narcoleptic. If she has, though, I won't deny it unless she brings it up. There's no need to draw attention to the incident if she's going to forget about it.

"We...should go." She affirms. I nod.

"Okay." Unthinkingly, I walk closer and offer a hand to her.

She freezes.

I'm about to retract the proffered limb and apologize when she tentatively reaches out with her - left, unscarred - hand and clasps her fingers around mine hesitantly, allowing me to pull her up.

"T-Thanks..." She says. I smile slightly.

"No problem."

"L-Let's go..." I can feel Hanako's curious gaze on me as I lean down to collect my books, sorting them neatly in a pile. She carefully bookmarks her spot before following along, her book in hand.

Lilly and Yuuko are still discussing Braille books when we emerge from the relative safety of the bookcases.

"Um...Yuuko?" I plop my stack of books onto the counter. "Could you check these out for me?"

"Wow. You read a lot, don't you?" She snaps from one conversation to another so easily. Lilly picks up her Braille books and places them carefully into her bag.

"I can, at times." I admit, thinking about it.

 _All the time._

"Ah." She checks the books out for me and I slide as many of them into my bag as I can. That doesn't turn out to be very many at all, and I'm forced to carry about seven of them in my hands.

Hanako quietly checks out her book, seeming a little pensive. Should I ask her not to worry about it? That would probably have the opposite effect of what I intend, though.

" I should be closing. I mean this library should be closing. But I have to do it." Yuuko says, looking around. I think she just now realized that we are the last people in the library, everyone else having filtered out.

"I see...er..." I awkwardly pause and glance at Lilly.

She doesn't look offended at all, as expected.

"There's no need to change your speech on my account." Lilly seems very calm and relaxed, even in regards to her blindness. It makes it easy to talk to her, I think, not having to worry about every word I say. Speaking freely is important in a relationship, after all.

"Ah...okay." It's nice to see that some people here are quite tolerant when it comes down to it. With all the books checked out, and everyone ready to go, it's only a matter of goodbyes.

"Bye, Hanako, Lilly. Oh, and thank you for the tea." I say.

"It was my pleasure." She must have been raised in a an affluent household, I think, to have such formality.

"Bye." Hanako replies.

I leave the library and begin the long walk down, books in tow.

And out of the main building, headed towards the dorm.

Once outside, I slow my pace further, taking the time to look around some. It really is a tranquil place, especially at night. The calls of unseen animals fill the air, hidden by the curtains of shadow.

The artificial lights among the path guide my way, the concrete sidewalk only just visible. Instead of going back to my dorms right away, I take a branch off, disappearing into a garden-like area.

Of course, it's not really a garden, but it's how I've labeled it in my mind, this looping path filled with somewhat sparse greenery. Fallen petals and leaves litter the walkway. I find a nearby bench and place my books on it, settling next to them a moment later.

Losing major parts of one of your most commonly used senses forces you to admire what you have left...and that is something I don't mind doing.

My hands mindlessly run along the concrete bench, tracing patterns. It must be pretty cold, though that's just an educated guess. My nerves only relay the slight pressure of my touch, enough to tell me that the surface of the bench is probably smooth.

It is a sad thing, but I can't do anything about it. Ultimately, there is no point in worrying further about it. Something lands in my hair and I tentatively reach for it, snagging the mysterious object in my hand.

It doesn't seem to move, which is a good sign. I lift it in front of my face to identify it.

A cherry blossom petal? Pink... I turn it around idly between my fingers, examining it pensively, before releasing it. A slight breeze catches it in its grasp and lifts it away, just another petal amongst thousands.

I watch it disappear, riding the wind until it peters out. It lands far away from me, settling in the grass.

The sight brings an odd smile to my face, although I can't figure out why. Being outside, watching nature at its most basic...it's a calming sight, much like the library, and, earlier, the tea room.

This school must have had a very good budget. I can't imagine why it would, though. After all, it only caters to the outsiders of society, the people hidden...

There's no use in thinking such pessimistic thoughts, I know, but I can't exactly control my subconscious.

It's late. I should probably retreat to my dorm. But...

I lift my right hand closer to my face, staring pensively at it.

When was the last time…?


	11. Out of the Loop

_Be nice to everyone._

 _Make friends._

 _Do well in school._

 _That's how I'd be happy, myself._

For a moment, my hand reaches out of its own accord, a subconscious effort to hold onto a dream that I can barely remember.

All I remember is that voice…and vague shapes against a shadow...

I blearily get up, shower, change into my clothes, and take my medication…and wind up with a full hour before the beginning of class.

Oh, right. I had reserved that time to read, but I think I should probably prioritize. Didn't have dinner last night, no breakfast today…hm, that might be something I should do.

My eating habits are terrible, I know, but I can't help myself. There are things to check out, you know?

I'm tempted to get that portable refrigerator for my dorm, but I elect to wait until tonight. I don't think that I have enough time to run down the hill to town and back before school starts.

Gah. I guess I'll go down to the cafeteria...and schedule a food run some other time.

On the way out, I run into someone I would have rather avoided.

"Who is it?" It's Kenji. He seems to be in a friendly mood, although the light glinting off his glasses gives him a sinister look.

"It's just me." I reply cautiously.

This makes him pause and lick his lips nervously.

"Who is me? I don't know anyone called me. Are you some new guy again?"

Oh dear. His voice is suddenly strained and quick.

"Yes... but we've met before, two days ago." I try to reason.

This is a mistake.

"I don't think so, I would remember someone who I met only yesterday. ...When was that? What day is it today?" I try to ignore him. Is he joking or what?

"Prove that we've met before!" He demands.

"If I don't?" I reply, suddenly awake. I'm not in the mood for this, not at all.

A pause, and then he whirls around and lunges back into his room, shrieking something about a 'feminist assassin' of some sort.

Well…that was one way to deal with the problem, though my entire train of thought has been lost. I'm not really sure what to do now…wander around again? I've explored most of the school, I think, but not in much detail. Perhaps I could find a place to draw? This seems like a good place to start.

My feet take me outside the dormitory to wander in the courtyard once more, but I'm prevented from going anywhere by the oddest sight.

Some context is needed.

The school areas and dormitory are not level with the rest of the grounds, for whatever reason. It is on a raised area, an unnatural hill, and on the front face of this hill is a wall, made of the same bricks that comprise the dormitory exterior. To enter either side of the dormitory, one must go to the left or right of this wall and climb the stairs.

It's very picturesque, except that, on the concrete in front of a wall, is a sleeping girl with short, messy, rust-red hair surrounded by buckets of paint.

She also doesn't appear to have any arms with which to paint. Her long-sleeved shirt is tied off at where the elbows would be, empty flaps resting on the ground. It's a pretty sad sight, I think.

…It looks like she's wearing a boy's uniform too. I'm not sure how I should be reacting to this girl.

Not just a girl, though; presumably a painter. There's quite a few sketches covering the wall, paint drying in various areas. They're spread out enough to where I'm not quite sure what they're supposed to be.

Well…

This seems like a very large project, especially if she's supposed to cover the entire wall. Is she doing this for the festival? She'll run out of time if that's the case.

Should I wake her up? Is it the right thing to do?

Well, she'll be late for school if I don't. Deliberations decided, I crouch down next to her and shake her shoulder.

"Nn." And slowly she does come awake. I resist a smile as her eyes slowly flutter open, murky emerald irises darting around before focusing on mine.

"It's rather early in the morning." I say. "Did you plan on waking up any time soon?"

Her eyes look past me to the dawning sky.

"No." She replies flatly. And with that she goes right back to sleep.

…Um…

Well…I'm really out of ideas here. If I don't head to the cafeteria I risk not eating anything, and it's really not good for me to skip meals like that. On the other hand…well, I really don't want to leave this girl alone out here.

What do I do…?

I'm reminded…of who I used to be…

Reminded…of the girl who helped me up to walk on my own feet again…

I can't. I can't leave this one alone.

I peer at the ID clipped to her shirt.

"Rin…Tezuka. Yes. Alright. Miss Tezuka, it's time to get up." I poke her side, hopefully not too roughly.

And without any indication that she's awoken, if she ever truly went back to sleep:

"How do you know my name? Are you a mind reader? Is that your disability?" Rin asks suddenly, as I jump back in surprise.

"Um. No." I reply. "And that's not relevant to this conversation. It's time to get up. You need to go to school."

"I'm already at school." She replies dryly.

"Not school, the place." I clarify. "I mean school, the concept. Where you go to get taught by teachers? That's not here." I make a grand gesture; she doesn't even notice, her eyes still closed.

"You'd be surprised, or maybe you wouldn't. Kind of like a Jack-In-The-Box; you know that it'll pop out, but you still get shocked anyways. I've never had one of those before. No arms, you see." There's a faint wiggling in the area by her shoulders. Arm stumps?

"No, I wouldn't. I understand what you're trying to say, but that's not really the point I'm trying to make here." I respond. This gets her to open her eyes, surprise dancing in them.

"That's the first time anyone's ever told me that they understood anything I've ever tried to say. Are you sure you're not a mind reader?" Rin asks.

"I'm sure." I reply blankly.

Nothing I've tried works; she seizes control of the conversation with every sentence and beats me in the head with it. More importantly, though, it seems like she has absolutely no interest in going to school today.

Well, fine. I tried. Looks like she isn't going to school.

"Hey, hey. What kind of problem do you have?" Rin asks, looking at me suddenly. It seems to be her modus operandi; abrupt confusion.

"What?" Or, rather, that would be the emotion that she instills into others.

"What kind of problem do you have?" She repeats.

"Problem? What kind of problem?" I reply, confused.

"Disability. Handicap. _Crippledness._ " She stresses. "What's yours? You can see mine." She wiggles her arm stumps.

"Um." It occurs to me that this is the first time that she's shown interest in anything besides sleep, and I can use this to my advantage.

I don't know how I feel about this…but, I think that this girl probably doesn't care past her own interests. It's safe to talk to her, I think.

"I'll tell you if you sit up and promise to go to class at least once this week." I reply. For a moment I can see her actually calculating her interest versus the effort required to sit up.

Suddenly I feel less sure about my bargaining power.

"Hm…Acceptable." Rin replies. "I won't shake hands with you, so I guess we'll just have to trust each other."

"I suppose so." I respond dryly. This girl is terribly disorienting, and it takes me a while to properly interpret everything she says.

Rin sits up.

"There." She says, with an air of finality. "I have completed my part of the bargain. Now it's your turn."

Ah, the sacrifices I make following _her suggestions…_

"Well, I'm suffering from HSAN6. Shorthand for hereditary sensory and autonomic neuropathy, type 6. Basically, I can't feel pain or temperature." I reply.

"That's interesting." Rin says, smiling, and I can't help but feel like I've been collected or something.

I check my watch. Twenty minutes to class. If I hurry, I'll be able to eat food at the cafeteria.

"School's going to start in twenty minutes. I suppose you have no interest in going to class now?" I ask. She shrugs, but doesn't say anything.

"Well…" I make a gesture towards everything in front of her. "Enjoy your day, then."

She doesn't acknowledge that, which perturbs me somewhat. I'm starting to think that's just how Rin Tezuka works, though.


	12. Spontaneity

The food, as expected, is bland.

I'm not here to enjoy it, though. I'll only have a few minutes to read - once I make it to class, that is - before the school day officially starts.

I'm reading the first book that I had originally found, the one without chapters and without any visible structure. That's an unfortunate metaphor for my life, currently. Perhaps I should invest in a calendar, or a planner.

I'd probably forget to write things down. Waste of time, I think.

I pick up my books and bags and wander off to class. There's still about ten minutes before the bell rings, so I should have enough time to get through a few more pages.

Once there, though, I'm stuck with a predicament.

Should I go back to my original spot and sit with Shizune and Misha? Or should I sit by Hanako?

Who would I rather sit by?

After saying hi to Shizune and Misha, I take my spot and pull out my book, casually reading through. This story is about a teenage boy who is lost in life, searching for a purpose-

Ha.

The bell rings, and I obligingly put my book away. Hanako isn't here yet - unfortunate. I want to apologize for the sleeping in thing, but I'm not sure what I would even say.

About ten minutes into class, Hanako walks in and takes a seat, but no one looks at her. The teacher, Mutou, doesn't even comment on her lateness.

He does, however, stop us to say that we're going to break into groups.

I glance at Hanako. She hasn't packed up anything, and...doesn't look like she's going to escape...

"Do...d-do you...ah..." The violet-haired girl shakes her head as if to clear the cobwebs. "Wanttoworkinagroup?" The words come out in a rush.

I smile. "Sure." After a moment of thought, I move my desk closer to her.

The sound of desks scraping in this corner is apparently new to the majority of this class, as heads turn in our direction. I blankly ignore them, turning my back as much as possible on most of them.

Hanako shifts uncomfortably in her seat at the attention. Mutou raps his hand against the board a few times and this is enough to regain most of the lost attention.

I think he did that on purpose. Cool guy. I nod in appreciation.

Handouts are passed around and I take two, giving one to Hanako.

"Thanks." She murmurs, quietly.

"No problem." I tell her.

We scan the assignment. Science.

Excellent.

Science and Mathematics are the two subjects I absolutely do not slack in, ever. Since they're both cumulative subjects, I make sure to pay very careful attention, taking precise notes.

...In fact, I have a binder containing notes from back in sixth grade up until now, organized, annotated, and summarized.

This looks pretty easy, actually - mostly reading followed by two short-answer questions about gravity. This is simple stuff! I learned this back in seventh grade.

Of course, I was - ridiculously, bordering obsessively - focused on academics back then and read AND took notes on a lot of extra-curricular and above-grade-level material...so it could very well be that this is actually difficult for everyone else.

Hanako seems to understand the material, looking up to see me patiently waiting for her to finish reading. I didn't actually bother to read the attached article once I saw the questions - again, basic material.

"S-Sorry, were you...waiting...?" I move to alleviate her concerns quickly.

"I've already been through this material, so don't worry. You're a pretty quick reader." I compliment, truthfully. Definitely above-average, but that's hardly surprising. She is almost certainly an avid reader.

"Ah..." She neither accepts nor denies the compliment, essentially proof that I hit it right on the nail. With a cute little blush on her face, we move to the questions.

A quick and comprehensive reader, apparently, as we solve the questions. There isn't much group work actually done - but not for the reasons I would have expected.

"You're good at this." I say.

"Y-You're...better." She deflects the compliment onto me while refusing to accept it. Interesting.

"I was...always a fan of science." The four-pound binder in my bag dedicated purely to the subject would agree.

"I...see." She studies my work carefully. I cheated, in a way, using a completely different formula than the one given. It's much harder to understand and wasn't taught in the article, but it's so much faster than having to show all of the work that would be otherwise required.

I wonder what Mutou would make of it. I'm sure he'll be entertained. He seems to really want someone to understand what he's trying to say, but his lectures are so...odd.

"How...did you do...this?" Her voice is so quiet that I almost miss it. She isn't looking at me, seemingly entranced by the complicated work on my paper. Her finger traces the short line of numbers and variables.

"Here, you just need to know the formula..." I write it down. "It's a different formula, yes, but simpler. The only problem is that it's pretty situational..."

/

"S-so you switch the variables here...?" Hanako marks down a few characters on a practice problem I've created for her.

She absorbs knowledge like a sponge. It's pretty incredible.

"Yeah, then you have to solve for x, and that's it." She follows my instructions, arriving at the correct answer. She seems to be a pretty fast learner.

"You're really smart." I say, idly kicking my legs under my desk. From the little I've spoken to her, she doesn't take compliments too well, but I feel the need to tell her anyways. Perhaps if I keep trying, I'll convince her.

"Not...really..." She says, but there is the faintest hint of a smile on her face. I shrug, as if to say " _have it your way."_

Class ends. That was only the beginning of the gauntlet, too...

/

Physical Education comes next. I despise it. I already know that I'm out of shape.

If anything, though, I guess it's a reliable indicator that I need to be a little more active.

No one in our class is allowed to sit out (Hanako gets around this rule by not showing up), but almost everyone winds up doing different things, according to our needs.

After all, asking the boy who needs a cane to walk to do a lap around the track is kind of an awful and unfair thing to do. It might not be like this with the other classes, though. I've noted that there's quite a few physically disabled people here, like myself and this one girl with a missing arm.

I hardly think she would be at all comfortable with her arms showing - specifically, her right, scarred one. Even her blouses are long-sleeved, to hide the damage.

So it's not at all surprising, ultimately. I idly walk around the track. It's a very...free class, where we're sent outside to do whatever, as long as we do something.

A few of the girls play a small game of volleyball. I feel bad for the girl missing one of her hands - serving is impossible for her, but she doesn't seem to mind too much.

Why?


	13. Distraction

The lunch bell rings a few classes later. The classroom bursts into a flurry of action - some people immediately dash out of the classroom, though not in Hanako's frantic manner - an urgent one, the manner of a person who has a place to be.

Others busy themselves with the lunch break, taking it in class. Socializing, gossiping, rearranging desks, the ones with actual boxed lunches mixed in and chattering like everyone else, only interrupted by short bouts of eating.

The violet-haired girl next to me is quietly reading a book, occasionally glancing at the rear door of the classroom. Actually...she hasn't turned a page since I've been watching her. A shield, then, of sorts.

Hm...

"Who are you waiting for?" I ask, smoothly sliding out a fiction book from my bag. Hanako's eyes snap up, bewildered, before settling on me.

"H-Huh? Oh...Lilly." She replies, but I note that she seems much more relaxed than before. There's still definitely tension in her body, but much less like she's going to spring away and run at any second, and that makes me feel much better, even if she doesn't look me in the eyes. I notice how she brightens momentarily at the name.

"You two must be friends, then?" She smiles, seemingly genuinely happy about this.

"Yes." Hanako glances at the rear door again.

"Am I bothering you right now?" I ask, pensive? She shakes her head no, to my relief.

"You're...not. It's just...easier if Lilly doesn't come here..." She looks past me, towards Shizune. I grin.

Both of them...they both carry themselves with an air of dignity. Shizune values competition; settles everything with them, from what I've observed so far. And Lilly...doesn't back down, does she?

Heh. They're both too prideful.

"I see." I say, thoughtfully. She looks at me with an odd expression, probing slightly. Her attention on me means that I'm the first to see Lilly at the door, a focused look on her face.

"She's here." I note, and Hanako spins around to confirm this before quickly grabbing her belongings and moving to the door.

"Lilly..." Hanako says, quickly cheered once more.

"Good morning, Hanako. Is the president here?" I can quickly see where this conversation is going and cut in to prevent any awkward moments.

"Hi, Lilly. She's here." I interject. Lilly's expression looks momentarily surprised, before fading away into serenity.

"Ah...is that Hisao? I didn't realize you were here..." Hm.

"I-I'm sorry, I thought you realized..." Hanako addresses Lilly, looking distressed.

"No, it's alright, Hanako." Lilly soothes, not looking discomfited by the situation. Hanako nods, then shoots another look at Shizune.

"Um...Lilly..." The blonde nods.

"I'm sorry Hisao, but we must be off."

"Alright. I'll talk to you two later?" I ask. Lilly smiles.

"Certainly. You may join us for lunch anytime you wish." The girl invites, leaving me to ponder.

"...Would now be a good time, then?" I wonder, out loud. Lilly hums thoughtfully, still smiling.

"I'm sure that we could accommodate you. Hanako?" The girl in question glances between us, hesitating. I'm about to open my mouth to retract my offer when she nods.

"Okay." That seems to settle it, so we leave.

Lilly walks beside the wall, letting her cane gently tap against it every now and then. Hanako walks right beside her, so close that she is practically half-hugging her.

Another shield, then. It must interfere with Lilly's walking, but she does not seem to mind. I yawn, blinking as we turn around a corner, there's a bump and then I'm somehow lying face-up on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

"...Wha...?" I manage a sitting position, noticing that my body refuses to cooperate for a second, to look at a pair of saucer-like green eyes sheepishly staring back up at me.

They belong to the perpetrator, a short girl who presumably bumped into me and bounced off onto the hallway floor. She wears a PE uniform and a very worried frown. Her chin-length hair is set into twintails, bouncing around.

Wait...a PE uniform-

"Y-You're the girl from that morning?" I ask, shocked, before chuckling somewhat. The girl winces a little before jumping up to her feet, an apologetic look on her face. She doesn't appear to have heard what I said, which is probably for the best.

"Aw man...Are you alright? I'm sorry about that, really! I wasn't looking where I was going, and you just came out of nowhere. Sorry...sorry!"

I nod, cautiously, before realizing that I'm supposed to be hurt. And I'm not.

Hm...this is kind of awkward.

"You sure you okay? I hit you pretty hard." The girl with strawberry-blonde twintails asks.

"Well, yeah, I didn't really fe-"

Woah.

Careful with what you're saying.

"I'm fine." I reply, running a hand down my front. Nothing seems broken, anyways, and there's no blood. I'm probably fine.

She gives me an odd look, but it passes quickly in her enthusiasm. It must be nice to feel so positive.

"That's good! I was-"

"Hisao, what happened?" Lilly asks. She sounds very worried, so I'm quick to reassure her.

"Someone just bumped into me, nothing serious. I'm alright, and she is too." I say, glancing at the perpetrator.

"Er, sorry, it's my fault, I was just going to get some stuff, and I was kind of in a hurryyyy-" Her words mash into each other as she works herself up, Lilly quickly stepping in.

"Emi." Lilly scolds. "Please do try to be more careful. Not everyone you run into can endure these sorts of accidents." Emi blushes and starts to fidget nervously, like a little girl being castigated by her mother.

It's rather cute. But Lilly does have a fair point; if she ran into someone more physically disabled, things could have actually been bad.

"I know that! I-I, um, I was just..." She blinks and shakes her head quickly, as if remembering something.

"Aaah! I gotta go! Teacher'll have my head, I promised to help with printouts but I went running instead! Sorry, but I've gotta change and everything!" And then, completely ignoring everything, Emi bolts down the corridor and out of sight.

"A-Are you...?" Hanako starts, looking at me cautiously.

 _Damn. She must have noticed something was off._

I hesitate. I don't like lying to her. I think she sees right through the excuses, and it makes me feel terribly uncomfortable, like I'm being judged. I want her to open up to me, yet I don't open up to her.

Quid pro quo.

"Er...I'm not quite ready to explain, yet. But for now, I'm fine." I hope she understands what I'm trying to do, and judging by the way she nods carefully before turning back to Lilly, I think she does.

Lilly herself looks intrigued, curiosity plain on her face, but she seems to let it go.

"Shall we be off, then?" Lilly asks, and although her voice brims with the promise of a million questions, she keeps herself composed.

"Mm." I hum in reply, before the two head down the hallway, leaving me to trail behind.

There doesn't appear to be anything physically wrong with me on the outside, but it may be a good idea to check with the Nurse.


	14. (Dis)advantages

Lilly and Hanako quickly go about making lunch. It is about this point that I realize I do not have a lunch of my own, but it would also be awkward, I think, to bring this up. Lilly is busying herself with thermos and teabags as Hanako sets out their food.

When Hanako gives me an odd look, I rapidly shake my head back and forth before bringing a finger to my lips. She seems to understand, but I'm willing to bet that Lilly will be hearing about this later.

That's okay. As long as it doesn't create issues now. I feel bad about taking advantage of Lilly's blindness, but I really don't want to impose.

Instead, I think back to my conversation with Lilly - was it really only yesterday? So much has happened since then.

"Fairly often during lunch times, huh?" I muse, almost silently, but Lilly picks up on the whisper from across the table.

"Yes, Hanako and I usually have lunch here. It suits both of us, so we use this room regularly." I can understand immediately why such a quiet area would suit them. I take a seat by the window and Hanako tentatively takes the one next to me.

This seems to be of interest to Lilly, who raises a delicate eyebrow for a second before clearing her mind, passing out the tea as she sits.

There is a brief moment of silence while both girls start eating and I casually sip my tea.

"So, how are you faring in Yamaku, Hisao?" Lilly asks, chasing around a piece of meat with her chopsticks while 'looking' directly at me.

"Well, I must admit that the welcome reception could have been better. Being crash-tackled wasn't how I expected things to go, but, truthfully? This place is better than I thought it would be." I say, half-jokingly.

Hanako gives me a look, like she's trying to figure out whether or not she should ask something. She seems to hold off on it.

Lilly, however, does not.

"You seemed pretty hurt before. Are you sure you're alright, Hisao?" She inquires.

I'm touched that they seem to care so much, but I don't think I'm ready to spill. That being said, I should at least try to assuage their worries so they don't dwell on it, then we can all move on.

"Things like that don't really get to me. She didn't hit me hard enough to put me out or break anything so I'm basically okay."

I'm actually not sure about that. There's a period between the initial impact and waking up on the floor that I should have remembered, but didn't. Was I knocked unconscious from my head hitting the back of the ground? No, probably not; no blood, implying that there likely wasn't enough force to put me out.

Perhaps my eyes recognized what was happening before I did and I reflexively closed my eyes. It did happen pretty fast; in fact, that's probably what happened.

There's no reason to talk to the Nurse about this.

"I...understand." Lilly replies.

Neither of them do, that much is obvious. But they don't press the matter, which I am grateful for. You don't ask, because you don't know the story behind any of it. It's better to be safe than sorry. Pretty much everyone has stuff they don't want to talk about. Hanako, for example, actively avoids talking to people in what I assume is a way to preemptively stop people from asking about her scars.

"So...uh...how long have you been in this school? You both seem to know your way around pretty well." I say, eager to move on. Lilly latches onto the subject.

"Hm...well, I've been here since the start of high school, but only moved into the dormitories a year ago. Hanako joined at the start of high school as well, and moved to the dormitories when she did, if memory serves me right." The girl in question nods her head to confirm, before thinking better of it.

"Y-Yeah..."

"So you've known each other since then?"

"Since I moved, yes. Hanako lives next door to me, so it's only natural, right?" There seems to be some kind of private joke that only Lilly is privy to.

"R-Right." Hanako confirms, after swallowing a mouthful of rice.

The conversation continues along this route, basic small talk between Lilly and I with Hanako occasionally participating. Before long, the bells are signalling the end of the break. Lilly and Hanako, however, don't seem to be interested in leaving. After a moment's deliberation, I pretend not to have heard the bell as well.

The bell rings again, signaling the beginning of classes. But it's a few more minutes before Lilly stands up.

"I guess I'd better be off. Are you going to go with Hisao, Hanako?" Hanako looks up at me, deliberating for a short second.

"Y-Yes." I smile, lightly.

"We should hurry, then. Class has already started." Lilly gives a nod of farewell as she bends down to take her cane, Hanako and I filing out before her.

We walk quickly down the empty halls to our respective classes. As we reach the door to Lilly's classroom, she turns towards me.

"Hisao, thank you for sharing lunch with us today." I wince, slightly, because I didn't really do that, but it's the thought that counts in this matter, I think.

"Er...no problem. It was nice." Lilly gives a smile of appreciation before entering her classroom, leaving Hanako and I alone.

"Shall we?" I ask Hanako, motioning towards the door. She nods in reply and we walk in silence down the hallway.

I suppose it's a good thing that she's returning to class at all today. The hallways are empty, a result of classes having already started.

I push open the rear door to the class and walk in. The teacher looks up at me, and opens his mouth to say something. As Hanako follows me in and closes the door, however, he simply nods to us and continues his lecture.

I counted on that much. It seems Hanako's truancy is normal enough to where no one pays it any mind.

I guess that Lilly and Hanako waited for the hallways to empty out before coming back to class, to make it easier on the latter.

The class drags on. I idly pass the time, attempting to sketch a picture of Lilly while half-heartedly listening to the lecture. The subject is simple enough, but the method of teaching is so...odd. I can see where he's going, but his lectures don't seem to follow any kind of order. I can only imagine how confused some of the other students must be.

The final bell rings and I trade goodbyes with Hanako before deciding to continue reading. I suddenly realize that there is still a lot of time left in the day. Hm...I don't believe I have any obligations, but a lot of ideas...

I could just read. With the dimming sounds of the crowd, that is becoming an increasingly attractive option. I could head down to the library. Perhaps Hanako is there.

Hm, yes. I should get some food, perhaps. See if I can get permission for the fridge idea. All of that sounds like something I should be doing now.

But at the same time...I'm halfway through a really good book.

Hm...what should I do?

My line of thought is interrupted by the classroom's door suddenly slamming open.

"Teacher!" Misha crashes in enthusiastically, her voice loud and lively enough to wake the dead from their graves. I wince as Mutou, visibly dismayed, slumps in his chair.

"Mikado."

Misha stops in her tracks and blinks, as if she's sensing from his tone that something's wrong but has no idea what it is.

"Yes?"

"We have talked about volume control." Mutou says, scoldingly.

"Yes!" Misha replies. But she doesn't lower her voice at all, and the teacher just rubs his eyes. I grin and sit back, sliding the book away. I've found something even more amusing.

"So, what is it?" Mutou asks.

"I...we need help! We are running out of supplies for the festival stalls! This is a distress!" She waves a pink slip of paper she's holding around.

"So...go get more supplies from the art room. What's the problem with that?"

"Plywood! Plywood is always the problem! Last time we wanted more there was only a little, but that time we just took it all we went with that. Now there's like none left there, so do you know where there is some?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Shicchan...I mean, the president thought that a teacher would know if there is plywood. Was she wrong?"

So Misha came to Mutou? Oh, this is perfect.

"I'm afraid I have no idea if there is any plywood in the school, let alone where it would be if there was any. You should try to find Mr. Nomiya. I'm quite sure he would know where to find everything you need."

He pauses.

"You'd have to pry them from his cold, dead hands, but that's a different matter."

"Aaah! I don't have time! We're so busy!" She holds her head with both of her hands, looking despaired. Without even noticing, she crumples the note she's holding against her hair.

I find this hilarious; if she had went to the art teacher instead of a science teacher, she would have already had the materials.

"I shouldn't even be fetching these things, there is so much to do and we are falling behind schedule!" Mutou looks at her gravely before suddenly smiling. Smiling doesn't really suit him.

"I wonder if you could get some temporary help?" He switches to staring at me focusedly, with a hard expression, as if trying to say "go make some friends".

You son of a-

Misha's gaze lands on me, pleading.

"Er...I guess I could help..." My complete lack of enthusiasm is completely ignored.

"You can? Thanks, Hicchan, you're really nice!" She pauses, then does a double take, looking between Mutou and myself.

"What's Hicchan doing here? Class is over, you should be having fun!" I give her my best deadpan expression.

"I was serving detention." I say. Misha recoils.

"You're too nice to have detention, Hicchan! But nice try!"

 _Nice?_

"Here's a list. I can try to find the plywood from somewhere else if there's none in the art room." Misha says cheerfully, handing me the note. "Try to be quick, we must hurry hurry hurry!" The pinkette bounces out of the classroom, leaving the teacher and I alone. I glare at him; he pretends not to notice.

I glance at it. There's a number of items, ranging from paint to plywood. Stall-building...?

"I...guess I'll be going then." I shoulder my bag, list in hand, and wander outside.


	15. Problem Solving

Aren't I missing something?

Er...

Ah, damnit.

After going back inside and getting directions from Mutou as to where the art room is, I go down the hallway and carefully push open the furthest door, peeking in.

It's a classroom, but messy. Desks and chairs are scattered everywhere, though many seem to have a thin layer of dust coating them. Looking closer, there are a few art supplies scattered mindlessly, so this is the right place.

The room is flushed in sunlight from the big windows, shadows creeping all over the desks. Specks of dust are dancing in the stagnant air, making the beams of light almost visible.

"Anyone the-" Something catches my eye and I pause.

Sitting on one of the desks is a girl with short red hair, wearing a boy's uniform. What made me pause, though, is the observation that she has a fork between her toes, food stuck firmly on the end.

This is probably because she has no hands, or really much of her arms, from what I can tell. The long sleeves of her shirt are tied off midway down, clearly empty and resting very lonely against her sides.

Also, I know this girl.

"Hello." Rin says, before stuffing the forkful in her mouth.

"Umm...hello. I was told to pick up some supplies from here. I didn't think there would be someone here, though." In retrospect, I should have expected something, but the stillness of the room made me suspect it was abandoned.

"There isn't. That's why I came here, too." She picks up another forkful, completely at ease. I can see what she's trying to say, but it's an odd and straightforward way of doing so.

"I see."

I study her out of the corner of my eye. Her hair is a burnt auburn, almost orange, and cropped short. There does not seem to be any order to it. The boy's uniform makes her look very thin. She is not particularly pretty, except for her murky green eyes which flicker endlessly, studying everything. The shadows make it seem like they don't reflect sunlight at all, but instead absorb.

As I pick up items, I start up another conversation, carefully carrying a small paint bucket.

"So, do you always eat alone and this late?" I ask.

"No. Sometimes I eat with a certain person on the roof, if she's not horsing around." Rin replies.

"Horsing?"

"She likes to do sports."

"Oh." That's a very apt metaphor, in my opinion.

"I think I have everything I need." I announce, though I'm not particularly sure why. I suppose that I'm seeking closure to this odd encounter.

"That's very nice." Rin says, sincerely. "Don't feel obliged to stay. I was about to take a nap anyways. You need to do whatever you are going to do with that stuff anyways, right?"

She pauses.

"Or perhaps you like to watch girls sleeping?"

I almost take it as a joke, but she looks serious.

"Even if I did, I think I have to be going. I'll...catch you around...Rin?"

Rin considers this, staring at me. Or in my general direction. The vacancy of her eyes makes it feel like she isn't looking at all.

"I like you. You're straightforward. See you later, Hisao." There is something like a tiny smile there in her face, maybe. I nod and back out of the room, shutting the door.

"What an intriguing person..." I mutter to myself. From inside, I hear a muffled, sing-song voice.

"I heard that!"

She got me there.

"What did she hear?" A voice calls out, bright and familiar. I jump at Misha's sudden appearance. I hadn't heard her sneaking closer, despite the empty hallway.

Shizune, standing slightly behind Misha, looks aloof as she couldn't have heard the remark that drew Misha's attention, but the pinkette herself is obviously excited.

"Wait, more importantly, who is in there? There's no club meetings today." She tries to curiously peek past me, even though the door prevents her from seeing anyways.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, shifting to block her from the doorknob.

"You took so long that we had to come check on you. That's no good, Hicchan." She wags her finger at me scoldingly.

"I found plywood, but everything else is still missing because you are tardy."

"Oh, sorry. Er...I have the things here, was just going to bring them." I kick the paint bucket next to me to try and get Misha's attention. She ignores it.

"I think you were up to some mischief, Hicchan! Who was in there with you, I wonder..." Misha signs something to Shizune, pointing at her own ear a couple of times. Shizune immediately pushes her way past me and opens the door into the classroom I just left.

"Oh, this is going to be good..." I say, sing-songy. Misha doesn't translate, engrossed in staring into the room as Shizune shakes in what must be suppressed rage.

Instead of blowing up, Shizune just takes a few deep breaths, adjusts her glasses, and slams the door shut, turning to sign furiously at Misha.

I guess she did just blow up. She shoots a loaded stare at me too, as if it is somehow my fault that Rin is sleeping on one of the tables.

"Hello." A familiar voice says, coming from the other side of the door. Blinking in realization, I open the door to find Rin directly behind it, looking at us with a half-interested, half-sleepy face.

When no one answers her, she repeats herself. This seems to snap Shizune into action, a flurry of gestures following. Misha quickly jumps into the role, crossing her arms beneath her chest.

"Tezuka, what do you think you were doing? You absolutely are not permitted to use school property for such...err, disgraceful...? Activity!"

Rin looks down, though not because she's being chastised.

"It sure is suddenly very crowded in here. I didn't know I was this popular." It's hard to say whether she's happy or unhappy about this turn of events. At any rate, she completely ignores the scolding so the Student Council duo have no choice but to drop the issue.

Shizune taps Misha's shoulder, points at Rin, and makes some quick signs.

"Popularity aside, please don't do that any more." Rin blinks in acknowledgement.

"Anyways, how is your project going?" Misha translates. "Will it be done for the festival?" Rin looks at them blankly, apparently at ease under the pressure Shizune's cold stare is putting on her.

"I keep wondering about that myself too." I crack a smile.

"And...?" Misha asks.

"Will think about it harder." She says, deadpan. Misha can't help but grin, even as Shizune frowns.

"Miss Tezuka, please try to take this seriously. It'll be a disaster if the wall looks like someone threw up their lunch onto it."

Rin nods assertively.

"Will think about it more seriously." Misha giggles at this. Shizune opens her mouth as if to press the point further before thinking about it. Eventually, she just shakes her heads, takes the materials from me, and leaves with Misha in tow.

Rin frowns thoughtfully as she looks after the retreating duo.

"How rude." I snicker. She ignores the sound.

"It's true, though. I must finish my project before the weekend. There will be dire consequences if I don't. The end of the world as we know it. Like weekends usually are, but more dire. Much more dire."

She pauses in thought.

"Maybe I'll postpone my nap. To unforeseen future." I am about to ask what project she has and what are these apocalyptic consequences, but she walks back into the art room.

"Since you have nothing to do, would you give me a hand? This paint can doesn't fit into my bag, but I need it." Rin kicks lightly at a huge can of paint that's lying on the floor next to the table she was sitting and sleeping on. It lets out a dull clang. I can't help but briefly wonder how long she's been waiting for someone to come here so she could ask them for help.

She could have gone searching for someone to, but I somehow think this hasn't occurred to her.

This one seems quite heavy, based off of how long it takes for me to actually get it off the ground. I don't feel the strain, though. I never do.

"Where do you need to take this?" I ask, not expecting a concrete answer.

"Away." And I am not disappointed. She takes off to the hallway, leaving me to walk after her.


	16. Memories

Down on the first floor, trouble appears in the form of the head nurse and his fox-like grin.

"Ah, Mr. Nakai, what a happy coincidence! Tezuka too, of course." I immediately suspect that this is no coincidence. He nods courteously to Rin who does not acknowledge him back, then turns to me because it's obvious I'm the one who he has business with.

"My sources tell me that you've been at neither the school track nor even the pool, so I'd like to know if you have taken up exercising as I asked."

Uh...

"I've been walking around a little outside, but nothing really, no. I assume you want me to go down to the track or wherever?"

His stupid grin disappears for a second before returning in full force.

"Mm." He says, eyes narrowed slightly. "You understand, don't you? I won't need to give you the lecture."

I shake my head. "No, sir. Absolutely not. I'll be there." The nurse nods approvingly before turning around and leaving with a wave of his hand. With a start, I remember Rin has been waiting next to me the whole time, and has overheard the entire conversation.

"Will exercise make you better?" She asks. I pause, frowning thoughtfully.

"...I don't think so. It doesn't make me worse, though, so I may as well." Rin nods, continuing to look at me emotionlessly for a while longer before turning away and heading outside.

We leave the main building, and Rin leads us towards the dorms. We stop at the small patch of greenery in front of the building. The dorm building is on a slightly elevated ground, with a wall and a few trees that everyone has to circle around every time they come or go.

The entire wall, made up of the same kind of bricks as the building itself, has been covered with some sort of a painting. Most of it is still mere sketches, quick lines drawn with black and white against the gray plastering that covers almost the entire length of the wall, but some places look more finished.

There are human faces and legs and hands. The lines seem to blend to form some kind of idea, but I can't say what until it is complete. Stacks of what seem to be paint cans are arranged in piles on the ground, besides the wall.

"See, the left side is hardly off the ground yet."

"I'd argue that the entire mural is off the ground, actually." I observe. She gives me an odd look.

"How clever." Rin says, without a trace of sarcasm. We study the painting longer.

"The afternoon light works pretty well. I was afraid it would look too flat, but it's not like that after all. I think it's actually pretty interesting. I wanted to see what it looks like in dim light. Do you think it's flat?" She says, going off on a tangent.

"...Paintings tend to be flat." Is the best I can come up with.

"Not like that flat. You know, flat. Like some people are, no substance, no meat where there should be some."

"I see." I reply, continuing to stare. "I'm no good with abstract stuff like this. I just like to paint what I see."

Rin considers this for a long second.

"I should try that. Paint what I see, I mean. But then those things change, and all the paintings are flat. Like how some girls-"

"I get it, I get it." I intercept hurriedly. "I don't know, there are, just...moments, where something is beautiful. Like pictures. You capture the memory in that picture."

"You can't capture a memory. Memories aren't things." Rin contests. "They just, are."

"Sure you can. It doesn't have to be a thing. You can still capture it." I argue.

"Capture it with what?" Rin asks.

"With paint."

"Oh." She considers this. "But then the memories are flat."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You can see memories, hear memories, smell memories, feel memories..." Rin thinks. "Sometimes you can taste them."

"...So?"

"If you smell a captured memory, then all you'll smell is paint. And paint does not smell that good." She gives me a sly look.

"...Unless you like sniffing paint."

"I do not." I say, honestly. "Do you?" The pause while Rin reviews herself to determine the answer is scary.

"I don't think so." Rin mimics me, shrugging, before turning to the mural again.

"I don't think I'll get any real work done, but if you give me a hand with the paints I can do a little before it's too dark."

I almost contest this statement before shaking my head.

"Alright. What do you need?"

...

"Add half a splash of green."

…

"What the heck is a splash supposed to be measured in?"

"Splashes. What else?"

"Alright, fine, how big are the splashes?"

"About the size of a splash." I roll my eyes and crouch to pick up the can of green. She paints with another color, a brush held between her toes.

"No, the other green. This green." I carefully pour some of the other green paint into the mixing bowl.

"No, that's almost a whole splash. More white. No, wait. Is green a good color to add?"

"I don't know." I say, shrugging. "I'm just the magician's humble assistant, after all."

A hint of smile appears in the corner of her mouth.

"I have never had an assistant before. I am not sure if I enjoy having one." Rin says, thoughtfully, staring into the mixing bowl.

"For what it's worth, I enjoy it." I say truthfully. Rin is kind of weird, but I like that. I can understand her pretty easily. And I suspect that this isn't something that comes easy to many others.

But she really does have an artist's attitude. And I can understand that, just enough to get what she means.

We might have different attitudes as far as art goes, but we can agree to disagree on that much.

"That's good, I think." Rin says. "Add more white."

"Okay." I put a minuscule amount of white into the bowl and mix. It looks...slightly whiter.

"That's not good. It has to be like...like the color when you wake up and you know that you saw the meaning of life in your dream but can't remember it."

"I don't think that you can see the meaning of life." I interject. "Just in general. No one can."

Rin frowns.

"Alright, we'll try yellow."

Between mixing paints, I sit down and watch Rin paint. Her entire presence emits a completely different air as she patiently works the details, adding layers of paint on top of other layers of paint, steadily moving her foot across the wall to add new shapes.

When I manage to produce a passable mixture of paint, the rare smile on her face feels enticingly rewarding.

Apart from the few words when discussing paint mixes, neither of us says a word for the longest times. And even those short discussions shrink as we slowly develop a shorthand, using weird code words for various paints and hues.

And the truly odd thing is that we understand each other.

We stay there late into the evening until it becomes too dark to paint properly.


	17. Misstep

The sound of an alarm pulls me out of slumber and into wakefulness. I linger under the covers for a few minutes, gathering energy to rise up while making excuses as for why I haven't.

I wouldn't mind staying here all day, but I do have a purpose for waking up particularly early. With this resolve in mind, I get up, swallow a few experimental pills, and put on the PE uniform.

My condition gives me a minor exception from PE. I don't have to follow the curriculum that all the more normal students do. I just walk around, do some minor therapy. This occasionally gains the interest of my fellow classmates, but I haven't really given up anything important as to my condition, only that I require a myriad of therapies.

And the uniform would be too difficult for me. I wear long sleeves to avoid the multitude of scars crisscrossing them; the PE uniform would offer no such concession.

Walking out to the track delivers a pleasant surprise; I'm not the only one present at the track. Though, given what I knew, this shouldn't be a shock. She slows down on a lap once she catches wind of me.

"Hello...Emi?" I ask as she approaches, a smile on her face.

"Hi...Hisao." She replies, seemingly pleased. "You remembered my name."

I grin. "How could I forget such a blunt introduction?" She has the decency to look vaguely apologetic for a moment before I smile. "Just don't make a habit of it, and I'll be fine."

"Great!" She exclaims. I'm not sure she realized I was joking.

"So you're the Nurse's source, huh?" I ask. "Interesting choice."

"What?" Emi asks, mock-offended. "Are you saying I don't look like I could be a spy?" I consider her.

"Uh...sure. You could make an excellent spy." I lie, adding equivocation on top of it. This seems to make her happy. "So, why are you down here?"

She strikes a dramatic pose. "Training, of course!"

"For track?" I ask, nodding down at her...legs.

"Yup!" She replies. "Hey, you should join up! It's good exercise, you know." I consider this.

"Uh...no thank you. I don't think I'd enjoy running all that much. Walking is more my thing. When you run, you can't really enjoy what's around you."

That's not even considering the risk that sustained running can do to me. Running is actually pretty dangerous for me; if I strain or twist something, the odds of me noticing are terribly low, and I'll keep on running on it, seriously damaging it.

It's one of the major reasons I don't run, but it's true that these risks are substantially lowered with a spotter, and I'm confident the Nurse would argue that the benefits are worth this lowered risk.

She shrugs. "You run to clear your head. You walk to fill your head. I guess it depends on what you want to do. And there's nothing saying you can't do both!"

"Hm..." That's an interesting perspective on life. "I see. I'll be sure to keep that much in mind."

"Great!" Emi says, cheerful. "Are you going to warm up?" I consider this.

"Eh...no." There wouldn't be much point. I don't intend to run that hard.

"Oh no, you should always warm up! Bad Hisao!" She scolds me enthusiastically, but then smiles and leans closer.

"I hate warming up too. Heck, I don't even have to stretch my legs!" As if to confirm her statement she bounces up and down a couple of times, giving a passing impression of standing on a pair of springs. Her leg blades seem to be quite elastic.

"Let's go!" Emi says, happily. And then we're on the track and running. Emi moves fluidly, throwing herself into the run with a sort of wild abandon. With nothing really holding me back, I try my best to keep up after her.

When she notices, she immediately slows her pace, possibly out of concern.

"Tired...already?" I gasp, realizing with a jolt that my breathing is ragged. "Slow down...much more and...I could lap you..."

She grins at me, turning around to run backwards while facing me.

"I'm good! Maybe I should speed up, hm...?" She says, tauntingly.

"Oh...I wouldn't want...you to overexert...yourself." This actually gets her to laugh shortly.

"You're the boss, Hisao. We'll stay at this pace." Then she turns around again, continuing to run.

I round the corner again. This is my fifth lap. My breathing is ragged, coming out in short pants. My heart pounds in my chest.

Is this what it's like to be normal? I can almost trick myself into thinking I can feel the wind whipping around me, sweat pouring down my face.

And then my legs give out on me, and I stumble before collapsing suddenly, catching myself with my hands to avoid crashing into the dirt.

Emi immediately notices, halting to a screech some distance in front of me before quickly making her way back.

"Hisao! Don't die on me, damnit!" I look up as she stops in front of me, looking at me with worried eyes.

"I'm...fine. Just...tripped." Actually, it was a lot worse than that. My legs gave out on me. I couldn't accurately judge my limits and paid the price for it.

"Ouch." She says, wincing, bending over to look at a open cut on my left knee. "Are you really okay? We should at least see the nurse for this." It does look pretty bad.

"Okay." She helps me up, wrapping my arm around her neck to keep myself steady. My legs are shaky, but okay. I do need her help, though.

It's a shame I can't feel her frame, not really. The slight pressure is enough to transmit a small amount of comfort, though, and I enjoy it as we make our way back to the auxiliary building and into the nurse's office.

Emi lets me go in, promising to wait outside. I almost stumble when she lets go, but manage to limp my way inside.

"Nakai? What happened?" He glances down at my knee as I fall heavily onto the closest chair. I must look like a mess, too. I'm pretty sure I'm absolutely covered in sweat.

"Do you happen to...have disinfectant? And...running, did." I'm still trying to catch my breath too. I must have really gone too far.

"Yes, let me patch that up for you. And are you alright? Do I need to write you an excuse note? You seem in pretty bad shape."

"N-No. I think I will be...alright." He hands me a towel, and I begin wiping out the dirt around the wound.

"I see. Can you explain the full story to me? I noticed your limp as you walked in." I wince.

I tell him the whole story though, leaving out nothing. A frown forms on his face before he sighs exasperatedly as I finish my story.

"So, basically, you're an idiot." I nod, meekly, as I finish applying a band-aid to my knee.

"Alright, then. Take it easy for a few days, light exercise only. If you start having mobility issues then I'll have to put you in a wheelchair until your muscles recover. For now, though, take that." He points at an open closet door. A quick glance inside reveals several crutches. I pull one out at random.

"Got it." I reply. "Thanks, Nurse." The shakiness is still there, but I should be okay, even without the crutch. But there's no reason I shouldn't use it.

"Uh-huh. See ya later." I exit, to a worried Emi.

"I'm fine, though I can't do anything too strenuous for a couple days." Now she looks guilty.

"I'm sorry, I should have known-" I shake my head.

If I couldn't figure out my own limits, how the heck is someone else supposed to do that? They're not me. This is just something I have to live with.

"Emi, it's fine. Really, don't worry about it. It's not a big deal at all." I say. "This isn't the first time this has happened, and I'm not even all that hurt." I pat my thigh. She doesn't look very reassured, but she lets it go.

"If you say so..." She really does look sad. I try to reassure her with a smile, but I find it hard in coming.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning." I say. She accepts this as I turn away and walk down the corridor, slightly favoring my right leg.

I quickly shower and change, preparing for school. My leg gives me a few problems, but nothing really, certainly not enough to justify putting me in a wheelchair or something.

I'm still rather early to class, and the school in general. There are only a handful of students lingering about, chatting to each other. Going to class, the hallways are nearly deserted, but there's a familiar figure standing outside of 3-3, looking inside.

"Hello, Lilly." I say cheerfully, and the girl in question turns around.

"Hisao?" She sounds surprised. "Good morning." I step into the classroom, and she follows after me. "Have you seen Hanako today, by any chance?"

"No. She seems to come in only just before the bells ring...or after that. Do you want me to tell her something for you?"

"No, I was just curious. It's a very busy morning today. The festival is coming up soon, and today is the deadline for event registration, budget reports, and any other official paperwork."

I see.

"Hi! Hi!" Misha pops into the room with Shizune, shouting with a loudness that makes Lilly visibly flinch.

"Hi, Hicchan!" Misha says, cheerfully.

"Hello, Misha." I pause, considering several things at once. Lilly and Shizune are rivals; Lilly is blind, Shizune most definitely is not, and Lilly has no way of knowing who has entered the classroom. She probably suspects, but...

"Look, it's the class representative! Hello!" Lilly smiles thinly, probably amused by Misha's use of the word "look".

"Good morning." Lilly says. She seems more guarded than usual.

"You're here early, Shizune." I say, nodding at the deaf girl. Shizune makes several motions with her hands for Misha to translate.

"You were here even earlier than us!" Misha puffs out her cheeks angrily. Does she feel emotions on Shizune's behalf, too?

It's not that weird, though, that Shizune didn't like my comment. She might have misinterpreted that as a challenge, something I don't really want to participate in right now. I carefully sit down as to avoid startling Lilly, who is standing right next to me.

Before I can react further, Shizune makes more signs, reigniting the conversation.

"Class rep! It's a good thing you're here. We have to talk." Misha says, Shizune's sign language intensifying. "The festival is coming up in three days, right? Every other class has already handed in their projected budget reports for their events. Even the first-years! Except you!"

"There is still time to hand it in, isn't there?"

"Today! The deadline is today! You're certainly taking your time, aren't you? If I had it my way, I'd have had all the necessary paperwork days ago, but someone had to say

'the deadline, please extend it!'"

"Yes, that was me. Planning something on this scale is not a small task, and a week is too small a time frame to expect a whole class to work out such a complex issue completely."

"Do you want to know what's harder than distributing the funds for one class' event? Handling the same matter for every class in the school and then some! The one who does that is me!" Misha puts her hands on her hips and stands up straight. Wow, she is really getting into the role. Lilly doesn't look like she's very amused, though.

"Hey, Shizune, aren't you being a little too hard on her? There's still a whole day left." I intervene.

"Please, Hisao. It's alright." Lilly seems happy I'm taking her side, but a bit conflicted that I might not think she can take care of herself.

I see.

"If this is about the budget, then I'm disappointed you think I have forgotten about it. I understand how important it is."

"Then!" Misha exclaims, "Can I have it, please?"

"It's not here right now. I asked two students to take care of it for me. Students from my class." She emphasizes the last sentence much to my surprise. She knows about Shizune and Misha's efforts to rope me into the Student Council?

"It was your responsibility! A budget report isn't something you should just be delegating away; as class rep, it's your job to be on top of things! This kind of proper procedure is really just terrible!"

"They completed it, being capable of doing so, but the students have been sick recently, so they could not come to school and give it back to me. If you want, I will apologize on their behalf for getting sick."

"Okay!" Although Misha misses Lilly's jab entirely, Shizune doesn't, and she seems torn between being offended by Lilly's daring and jumping for joy at the prospect of a challenge.

"Lilly, don't they live here at the school? That's a five minute walk, you know. What could they possibly have that prevents them from taking five minutes out of their busy lives...to drop off something that will affect their entire class!"

Lilly opens her mouth to respond, but Shizune closes the gap between them and starts signing furiously, waving her hands around like an orchestra conductor. Misha tries her best to convey the same passion, but can't seem to lose her normal cheerful tone. The result is interesting and somewhat surreal.

"And what's with that attitude? I said that it's not something you should be delegating away; are you the class representative or aren't you? Tell me the names of those two students, they should have your job if you can't even handle something this simple yourself."

"One form isn't the full extent of what I am supposed to take care of." Lilly's tone is growing slightly impatient, but she is doing a good job of not letting Shizune see how unsettled she is becoming. Shizune, on the other hand, wraps her fingers cheerfully along the edge of her glasses, knowing Lilly can neither hear nor see how excited she is.

"Of course, you do so much, class rep. It must be so difficult being you!" Lilly tightens her lips at Misha's words, clearly understanding the intent behind them even though Misha delivers them without even a hint of the sarcasm which they were meant to have.

It appears that Lilly has had enough and is ready to push back.

"You must be very talented to have finished all your student council duties so quickly that you can track me down to make sure I don't forget my own."

"Are you accusing me of slacking off? It seems like you're confusing me with yourself."

"I don't think so. That would be a very difficult thing for me to do; comparing myself to you."

"You're right, the difference between us is like heaven and hell."

"And it's not hard to guess which one you might represent." Woah. That's a really harsh sentiment. Upon translation, Shizune looks flustered for a moment before settling her gaze on me.

"Hicchan! Don't you slack off either!" Misha says, directing her voice to me.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"Aren't you taking part in the festival, Hicchan? Then! I hope you're going to do a lot more to make sure it goes smoothly than this person!"

I freeze.

This - this - this.

This.

Something inside me cracks.

"My apologies." I say icily, standing up stiffly. "As a transfer student, I was not aware that I had these responsibilities in the first place." My voice is sharp enough to cut the air.

"That's right, you shouldn't expect a transfer student to jump right into it on his first week." Lilly taking my side feels oddly comforting, so I decide to repay her by shifting more of Shizune's attention onto me.

"But, since you insist, my most sincere apologies, president. Truly I am sorry for my condition, as it unfortunately interferes with my responsibilities to ensuring that the school festival is a success." Misha freezes halfway in translation, and even Lilly looks shocked.

A low blow? Yes, but I'm not even close to being done.

"This confrontation is petty and ridiculous. Here we are, at a school designed for disabled children, who will struggle to maintain any sort of feasible future. Some of us may not even live past a few years. A narcoleptic girl, falling asleep at the wrong time. A boy with brittle bones, accidentally falling down the stairs. A student with cancer, eventually succumbing to relapse and the damage done by chemotherapy. And here we are, having an argument about...what? Something that is absolutely no one's fault, that has yet to produce any kind of negative consequence. People all around us are suffering and dying, or will soon be dying, and we're having this stupid fight."

"Hicchan…" Misha says, for once quiet. I shake my head.

"I have no problems helping out. Really. I don't. Everyone I've met so far seems nice enough. But I absolutely refuse to participate in this...whatever this is. This is ridiculous. Lilly, if I see Hanako, I'll be sure to tell her that you were looking for her."

"I…" For once, the blonde seems disoriented. I smile sadly.

"Good day to you all." I grab my bag and walk out, leaving silence behind me.


	18. Repair

I sit in my room and read for most of the day, slowly making progress on the books and updating my note binders. It's an excellent way to memorize concepts, and there's no harm in doing so.

The actions of this morning take up most of my thoughts, though. Was what I said the right thing to do? I just want them to stop, stop fighting. For two so evidently intelligent people I can't understand why - why something like that would even have to happen.

I guess…I guess that I'm not quite beyond…that fear…

 _If you spend all your time being sad and angry, you'll never find the energy to be happy._

I sigh.

Three years my junior, and yet she teaches me more than I could ever teach her.

Without her, where would I be now? Dead, probably. But even if I had resisted the urge…I don't think I would have been in a good place…

She kind of reminds me…

That girl…reminds me, just a little bit, of Misha.

I wonder how she feels about all of...this. Misha. Not really understanding what's happening around her, almost completely ignorant to the asperity in the air until it was practically shoved into her face. Just a conduit.

Heh. My mentor is still a little bit like that, but that doesn't make her any less intelligent.

I shake my head. She also taught me to focus on what was in front of me, so I will.

I wonder if they'll pity me. I hope not. I might not even have friends come tomorrow, but...that's alright. It's not something I'm unused to...

It does occur to me that I didn't explain to them the nature of my disease. Do they think I'll be dying any time soon? That's something I should apologize for.

At least now I understand a bit more about the - level - of their relationship.

Pride. It all revolves around pride. Shizune initiated it, true, but pride is what kept them both going for as long as they did. I still don't understand why Shizune brought me into it, but I do not think she will make that mistake again.

Some time after the final bell rings, someone knocks on the door. I get up, my leg still acting weird, and open the door.

When I see who it is, I almost shut the door again. But I'm not mad any more, just tired.

"Yes?" I ask Misha, who looks genuinely sorrowful. Even Shizune looks truly apologetic.

"We are...sorry." Misha says, bowing in the hallway. Shizune does so too, a deep respectful one.

I'm taken aback. I would have expected Shizune to be mad a while longer, not...this. She does looks sorry, though. I step back into my room, leaving the door open, and drop onto my bed in a sitting position. The girls follow in, clearly waiting on an answer, though they can't help but look around.

"It's...okay. I forgive you." I say, almost hesitant, but relieved.

Because there's no pity in any of their faces, or their eyes. The apology is purely for their transgressions.

Misha opens her mouth, presumably to dispute, so I interrupt. "Really, it's okay. I know you and Lilly are unlikely to stop fighting, but..." I pause, trying to figure out what I want to say.

"Fundamentally, you are all good people." I say. "Disagreements in how you think isn't a very good reason to practically hate each other."

Shizune quickly signs something, Misha translating. "I don't hate Lilly."

"Maybe not." I reply. "But that's not what it looks like to me. That's certainly not how Lilly feels, I'd imagine. You can disagree with her; I know you will. But please try to let up a little on her."

There is a long pause while Shizune considers this.

"I understand. I may not entirely agree with everything you have said, but I understand. I will think about this." I smile.

"That's as much as I expected." I say, nodding. "And, in case you were wondering..."

Am I really okay with this?

"I'm not going to die anytime soon, I don't think. My condition isn't very volatile, but it is somewhat fragile. I injured my leg today because I ran too much." Upon hearing this, Misha brightens noticeably, beaming with her usual spark.

"That's good, Hicchan, really." Misha says, her usual lilt returning. "I was worried!" Shizune has something else to add on the matter, though, obviously curious.

"Ran too much?"

"Yes. I can't feel pain or temperature. Most of the time, you would think that's good, but it means I can't judge when I get hurt or when I get really tired, and it leads to stuff like that." My tongue would know. A small chunk of the tip will forever be missing. I have to constantly watch for that; it's a good thing I still maintain my proprioception, or things would be infinitely worse.

"That sounds really dangerous, Hicchan. But you are okay?" Misha asks. I nod.

"As good as I'll ever be." I say, a tiny touch of bitterness behind it. Misha doesn't notice and Shizune can't. "I'm fine, though, really. I'll be back at school tomorrow; the official excuse is that I hurt my leg as a result of my condition and have been instructed to take it easy. I went to the Nurse, he's let me go for today."

"I understand. I will leave you be for now, and I expect to see you in class tomorrow. I've brought the material you missed, so you can work on that." And Shizune's back, too. I grin.

"Thanks, Shizune. I really appreciate it." The girl in question looks temporarily flustered before regaining confidence, nodding curtly and exiting my room.

Silence reigns once more. I stare thoughtfully at the closed door for a while longer, before slowly shaking my head.

That isn't how I expected anything to go, but it really was the best case scenario.

Anyways, that's over and done with. Hm...

I think I want to go watch Rin paint, again. It's easy enough on the legs. My left one has been growing increasingly unresponsive. I guess I hurt it more than I thought I did. I'll be sure to check in with the Nurse after I visit Rin.

I lean over and grab my crutch. I had asked for one as a precaution, and it looks like this is necessary, now. It annoys me, but there is nothing I can do about it. I open the door and walk out, heading down to where the mural is.

Rin is there, unsurprisingly. She's sitting on an upturned box, looking intently at the wall she is painting with a brush held between her toes. The mural has progressed considerably since yesterday but it's still only half-done as far as I can tell. More colors have appeared and the twisted human-like figures have multiplied and spread.

The style is quite eye-catching and very unique. Far more abstract than any painting I've ever seen before. I clear my throat to get her attention, but not startle her so that her concentration won't break.

"Wait." She doesn't even turn to see who it is.

Okay, I'll wait. I sit down and admire the sight of Rin painting with her feet, setting the crutch between us.

...

Fifteen minutes later I decide that her concentration is unbroken, and also that I have waited long enough to warrant poking her gently on the shoulder to remind her of my presence.

"Oh, it's Hisao." Her gaze pans down slightly, staring at my crutch. "Hm."

"Good guess." I say, smiling once more. "Hard at work, I see."

The conversation starts as if I hadn't been here for a quarter of an hour already, but it's not a concern. At least it starts.

"I would tell you that it looks good, but I suppose that you subscribe to the theory-"

"Seven years of bad luck." Rin confirms.

"If I tell you that it looks good twice, will you get seven years of good luck, instead?"

"Don't be silly. That would give me fourteen years of bad luck." I grin slightly at the idea of Rin, of all people, telling me not to be silly.

"Sounds terrible. I guess I'll take it back, then." Rin shrugs before poking at a spot of her painting with her big toe.

"Could you mix some of this color? I am running out of it." She looks down at a nearly empty bowl with the remains of the same pinkish paint in it.

"Okay." I get to work while Rin picks up another brush, selecting a different color. There are dozens of bowls all around her working area. From the looks of it, she could have been sitting here for hours. She probably skipped school to do it, then. I wonder if she has special permissions to, much like I imagine Hanako has.

Oh, no. Hanako. I haven't seen her, and couldn't tell her Lilly was looking for her. Hm...

I guess there isn't much I can do about it now. Lilly has almost certainly found Hanako by now, or vice-versa.

"Speaking of hard work, isn't this a huge workload for you already? It's such a big project." Rin smiles, oddly.

"Oh, I'm not old and bitter enough yet to think like that. Legs hurt though. They feel like slugs. Slugs made of sea slugs." She stretches herself a little, bending her legs and back far more than a human should flex. It's astonishing how effortlessly she manages her body around.

There is a small flinch in her otherwise blank expression - a hint of pain maybe - as she stretches out her calves.

That can't be a comfortable position. If she's been painting like that for hours...

Rin must have stamina and dexterity far above a normal person to be able to live like she does, but she's wearing out working on this.

"Why push yourself so much? Take a break or something at least. You'll hurt yourself, like me." I tap the crutch resting next to me.

She considers this for a while, placing her brush back into a bowl.

"I'm not pushing myself." She states.

"I thought so too, but look at me now." I stretch my left leg out to a more comfortable position. "Won't be able to run for a while, probably."

"Like Emi, when she's pink." Rin says, suddenly.

"Emi? You two know each other?"

"I think so. I'm pretty sure." Well, that's interesting. I have no idea what she means about the whole pink thing, but I suspect I wouldn't gain any understanding even if I did ask.

I watch for a little while longer, the sun steadily falling out of the sky, occasionally mixing paint as requested.

"I'm going to go now, Rin." I say, easing myself to a standing position. I'm not entirely sure if she notices.

"Take a break sometime, though, before you hurt yourself." I add, before limping off to the Nurse's office.

...

"Well, Nakai, it looks like you have a minor thigh strain."

"Aw...crap." I mutter, annoyed. He gives me a look.

"Now that you know where your limits lie, I hope you'll be more careful. You should've told me that you suspected you had a strain or sprain, too." I wince. I really didn't want to be put in a wheelchair.

"It's not that bad, so I won't need to put you in a wheelchair. The crutch you're using will suffice. I can prescribe you some meds to fetch from the pharmacy; those will help your inflammation somewhat. Otherwise, you're mostly on your own. Don't walk on your leg if you can avoid it, ice it when you can, compression, and elevation. You've had this kind of stuff before, so I expect that you already know everything I'm saying?"

I nod.

"That's all, then. I don't think you need to come in more than you already have been doing, but please come in if you think your injuries have gotten worse." The Nurse shakes his head. I stand up, snagging my crutch.

"Got it." I say tiredly, waving a goodbye before heading back to my room, intent on sleep.


	19. Amends

Emi looks surprised, then sad, to see me on the bleachers, watching her run. She breaks off from the track to talk to me.

"Don't say sorry." I preemptively say, once the blonde bullet is in range. "Not your fault, I didn't even know, how were you supposed to know?"

"Okay." She says, looking put off before flashing me her normal smile. "Next time, I'm definitely making you stretch."

I make a face. "I know my limit now. I just have to be sure not to overextend. Four laps should do it. Until then, though, I have a prescribed vacation."

She pouts, but doesn't say anything more on the subject. She has a very cute pout, though. I feel compelled to change my mind to appease her, but shake my head. "Now go. You're running for two, now, aren't you?" To my surprise, Emi blushes slightly before turning around.

"I suppose I am. Don't weigh me down, will you?" I blink.

"Are you calling me fat?" I ask, mock-offended. She grins a predatory grin before taking off down the field, onto the track.

...

I watch her quietly as she finishes her sprints. She seems to have really been pushing herself; the controlled breathing of yesterday is gone, replaced by clear exhaustion. I wave, making sure to catch her attention, before I slide down and take my leave, heading towards the class.

...

I'm not terribly surprised to find Lilly waiting for me just outside 3-3. To my surprise, though, Hanako waits alongside her, eyes sweeping the hallway with that timid look in her eyes, waiting for someone to stumble upon her.

...The more I watch her, the more I understand...but, also, understanding only brings more questions. Why is she here so early? This is really quite unusual.

Inevitably, her eyes catch sight of me, widening when her gaze pans down to see the crutch holding me aloft. I shift my weight to the right and wave, smiling.

It's been a while since I've seen her.

"H-Hisao?" Hanako asks, wide-eyed. Lilly reacts to the question with shock.

"Huh? But..." I'm not really sure why she's surprised. I've been pretty early every day...but I guess this is only the second day where she's concerned. But shocked that it was me? Was she not expecting me to arrive at all, or...?

"Yeah. Hey, Hanako, Lilly." I nod slightly to the former. I can see both have questions, but Hanako seems content enough to wait in silence while Lilly talks.

"Are you alright, Hisao?" The blonde begins, sounding rather formal, much like how it was when we first spoke. It makes me someone uncomfortable, like I've annoyed her or something.

"Er..." I tap my crutch on the ground. "Hurt my leg a bit, but it's not too bad. The crutch is only here to speed up recovery. I could walk without it, but that's not really a good idea..." Relief crosses her face. So she's not mad at me, then...

"Is it related to your, er...?" Lilly cuts herself off, clearly realizing that she might be being too intrusive. It's surprising that she's so flustered, considering her own frankness with her disability.

I decide to answer as simply as possible.

"Yes." I pause. I guess...

"My condition..." For some reason, it feels harder to talk about it, now. It should be easier, because I've already mentioned my condition to two others and had to talk about it with the Nurse. So why is it so difficult...?

"Y-You don't have to...talk, if you don't..." Hanako breaks in, but I shake my head and frown.

"It's…the simple explanation is congenital analgesia. Inability to feel pain and temperature, basically...except that, with congenital analgesia, the condition is from birth. Mine isn't like that. I started okay...and got worse." I make a face. "So no one really knows, well, what I am. And even congenital analgesia itself is incurable. No one even knows what my disorder even is yet. The official name is HSAN-6; Hereditary Sensory and Autonomic Neuropathy Type 6. As far as I know, only seven people have ever been diagnosed with it, and most of those cases are recent."

"But, anyways, I was running with Emi, and I strained my leg because I couldn't tell I was pushing myself."

"Ah..." Lilly says, looking distinctly uncomfortable. She must not know how to react. We don't really know each other, so...

"Wait, so when Emi ran into you in the hallway..." She asks. I'm somewhat surprised at her ability to connect those dots so easily.

"Yeah, I didn't even really feel it. Just blinked and then I was on the ground."

"Ah."

"Don't worry about it." I say, deciding to head inside the classroom. Hanako and Lilly follow me in, the latter still looking bothered by something.

"And...Hisao, about yesterday..."

"Huh? Oh. Don't worry about that, either." I reply. "It's not really a big deal. I'm sorry I lost my temper, though." She seems extremely conflicted on how to reply.

"I...If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, or..." She trails off.

"Well, I suppose I could be persuaded to join you two for lunch." I say, smiling slightly. "If that's okay with you both?" I ask, glancing at Hanako, who looks an odd mix between awkward and skittish.

"I-I don't mind!" Hanako says, a little too quickly, but I nod in assent anyways.

"It would be my pleasure." Lilly cocks her head as a student enters the room, heading to his desk. I then realize that the hallway is gradually filling up, people trickling in from the stairs.

"Oh. Uh, school's going to start soon, so..." _And I'd really like to avoid a confrontation with Shizune. It's inevitable, but preferably not right now. That's stress I'd really not like to have to deal with._

"Ah. I'd best be on my way, then." Lilly says, nodding politely to me and Hanako.

"See you at lunch." I reply reflexively, before wincing. "Er...ack."

Lilly giggles. "Until then." And then she's off, mood visibly lifted. With that, I turn to Hanako, who is already inching towards the open door.

"Oh, sorry, Hanako. Let's go." She nods and we both file in through the door as the morning rush arrives.

...

The aura of the tea room is refreshing, feeling isolated from the rest of the world. This is only amplified by the hustle and bustle of the outside world. It seems people are still scrambling to prepare for the festival. Lilly isn't here yet. Hanako slowly spreads her food on the table, intently focusing on every little movement, as if she's trying to keep her mind off other thoughts.

It's not much, but I can tell that she has prepared everything with the utmost care. And, more importantly...

"Thank you, Hanako." She looks up from the food, quizzical. I simply nod my head at the food and say nothing.

It's more like a small feast, this time, rather than the personal lunch boxes that they brought the last time I ate with them. The food is placed on several platters, rather than in two boxes, clearly more of a communal meal. Did Hanako tell Lilly that I hadn't brought my own lunch, or was this simply a personal thought? Nevertheless, it's a very nice gesture. She gives me a shy smile and continues with her small chore as I carefully pour tea for the two of us, a cup on the side for the missing third.

"Is Lilly coming along?" I ask. Hanako nods.

"She'll be here soon." I pour the third cup and place them down on the table, in the same places as before. Hanako struggles with the lid of the container of rice.

"Here, let me help you with that." Hanako gives me the container, and I try to force open the lid. It seems wedged shut.

"Did you put this in while the rice was still hot?" I guess. Her face falls.

"Y-yes. I was in a rush..."

"I thought so. The lid seems forced in. We'd need some hot water to get it open." I say, studying the container.

"Well, in that case, how about I contribute to today's meal?" Lilly asks, and we both turn to see her at the doorway, holding up a bag stocked with various buns and bread rolls. The sight brings a smile to all our faces.

"Thanks, Lilly. Here, let me get that for you..." The bread quickly joins Hanako's food, and we sit down to eat.

As I take a bite, I notice Hanako trying her hardest to not look like she is staring at me. It's quite a simple meal, but still satisfying. Her eyes shout out at me, begging for some kind of feedback. I grin, mischievously.

 _Cooked it herself, then? Not something I thought she would do..._

"It's good." I say, simply. "Thanks, Hanako." She nods, cheerfully, and we go back to eating our food in relative peace.

...

"I must be getting back. It's far too easy to be late after eating here." Lilly says, after our meal has ended.

I blink. Surely she doesn't really mean that? Or is it for Hanako's benefit?

Either way, I don't call her out on it.

"Heh, yeah. I think we'll just clean up here and head off." I say, glancing at the now-empty containers of food.

"Well then, good day." Lilly leaves, her cane tapping away down the quiet hallway. Hanako and I quickly clean up, packing our things before sitting down and waiting for the bell.

Together, we stare out the window and into the endless azure sky. If it weren't for the pealing of the bells, I would have sworn that time had stopped. The urge to skip class rises in my gut. I shoot a glance at Hanako, who shows no signs of moving either.

"Not...just yet..." She whispers, and I nod.

I don't think anything really needs to be said. Things just are how they are.

The interval between the warning bells and the end of lunch bells passes in the blink of an eye.

"We really should go. People might get worried if we skip class..." I say. Hanako sighs, her gaze going back to me.

"You're right." Slowly, she rises to her feet, and I follow suit, grabbing my crutch. Silently, we make our way up the old stairs to the third floor, and then to our classroom.

Class is pretty uneventful after that.


	20. On The Road

The last bell rings, and everyone scrambles out of the classroom. After quickly revising some of my notes, I head to the library to return the books I finished reading.

Dropping them into the return slot, I hear a loud thump behind the desk.

Yuuko jumps up, rubbing her head.

"Sorry, Yuuko. Didn't mean to startle you." I say, wincing. She simply shrugs in what appears to be resignation.

"It happens...a lot. I'm used to it." That doesn't actually make me feel any better about doing it, but I refrain from mentioning this fact. I quickly pop down into the science-fiction section to see if there is anything new. Hanako, though, is in what I've dubbed 'her corner', reading a book. I decide not to interrupt her and continue on, finding nothing of interest.

Somewhat frustrated, I leave and wander down to the mural to see if Rin is there. Surprisingly, she isn't; and, more to the point, the mural doesn't seem to have progressed much more than it was before. There's some new stuff, but...

I honestly don't know if she's going to finish.

Looking up, I realize that sunset isn't too far away. A small trickle of students remain, but most of them have left to their homes and dorms. And with that, a reminder.

I should buy some supplies. I don't want to live off of cafeteria food and the generosity of Hanako and Lilly for my entire stay here.

It's the latter reason that propels me through the gate and around the corner. Walking down, though, I see a solitary figure walking downhill towards the small town below. The color of her hair and tapping of her cane is unmistakable.

I quickly walk up to her, which seems to catch her attention.

"Hey, Lilly." Recognition fills her face.

"...Hisao?" I almost nod, but remember to say 'yes' instead. She seems to have an excellent memory for voices.

"Good evening. What brings you here?" She gives a small, polite bow, as is her custom.

"Just going into town. You?"

"My, my, what a coincidence." She says, looking amused.

"You too?" I ask.

"Mm. I usually go shopping today. It's easier to shop just before the weekend." She pauses for a moment, suddenly looking a little lost.

"That said, Hanako usually comes into town with me..."

Ah. Not lost, then, but worried.

"Oh, don't worry about Hanako. She was in the library, reading. Probably just got caught up on a book and lost track of time." Lilly lets out a small sigh of relief.

"Thank you. She has a habit of doing that." I nod and we fall into a comfortable silence, heading down the hill. I try to match the taps of my crutch to the softer sounds of Lilly's cane, a game that amuses me for a few minutes.

I stop when I realize that a misstep would lead to injury, and Lilly isn't exactly the best to deal with those. I, well, shouldn't be out here without more people, but it should be okay if I'm careful.

"Is everything alright?" Lilly asks. She must have heard me suddenly stop.

"Yes." I say, frowning. "Just a bit tired. I guess I've been running myself ragged over the last few days."

"Do you need a break?" She asks, concerned.

"Oh, no, not that kind of tired. I can't feel that kind of tired, anyways. Mentally, though? Yeah. Things have been rather hectic as of late."

"Ah." Lilly says. "Well, hopefully everything should settle down for you. The festival's got everyone in a spin right now, and you've been plopped right in the middle of things."

"Oh, yes. I've dealt with worse before. This is nothing. The move here rather disoriented me somewhat, though." She gives a matter-of-fact nod, apparently pleased with my answer while not wanting to pry on the details. It feels almost as if she's included me in the flock of students she's shepherding, along with class 3-2 and Hanako.

I grin at the thought.

"Looking on the bright side, one could see it as a chance for a new beginning. You should cherish the ability to make new friends." Hm...

"This kind of place helps with that, for me, anyways." She doesn't need to ask what I mean when I say that.

...

Walking on down the road, she seems to become somewhat unsettled. Before I can ask what's on her mind, she seems to collect herself and speaks up.

"So, where in town are you going?" That's a good question. I don't actually know where anything is. A terrible lack of foresight on my part.

"I was just going to get some food...but now that you mention it, I don't really know the way." I say, sheepishly. She smiles good-naturedly.

"Well now, this is quite lucky. I was just about to go to the convenience store myself."

"Looks like I'll be in your care again, then. Thanks." Together we walk to the store, our pace slow but steady. I do my best to memorize the route.

...

After what can't be more than several minutes, I catch sight of our objective. Without further ado, we make our way inside with a greeting from the counter.

"Mind if I tag along with you? Usually Hanako would help me, but seeing as she's not here..."

"Uh, sure. Let me put this thing down." I place my crutch next to the entrance of the store, grab two well-used red baskets from the small stack beside the entrance, handing one to Lilly. She lays it on the ground, putting her schoolbag in, retracting her cane and sliding it through the basket's handles before picking it up in her right hand.

Wait, if she doesn't use her cane...

Before I can complete the thought, she comes besides me and pinches the cuff of my uniform in her slender fingers.

"Is this alright?" Lilly asks. I'm a bit taken by surprise, but...

"Yeah, that's fine." My leg should be able to take it. It was a minor sprain, and I'll only be walking for a short period of time. We navigate our way through the store, with not one of the occasional passing customers seeming to bat an eyelid. I guess the local residents must be accustomed to seeing Yamaku students. As we pass through each aisle, I check with Lilly and find out what she needs.

This seems simple enough. I guess this is the same routine she and Hanako follow every Friday.

"All that's left is the bread, and then I'm done. Do you need anything else, Lilly?" I ask.

"No, this should be everything."

"Off we go, then." After a quick side trip to the bakery, we make our way to the register. The line is thankfully short. It's not long before we've both paid for our food and I grab my crutch before we are out the door.

I'll have to figure out a way to get that mini fridge before I can do any serious spending. I'll have to arrange some kind of transportation, then.

As Lilly retrieves her cane and extends it to full length, I turn my head up to look up at the night sky. For a moment I try to make clouds with my breath, but the summer heat doesn't seem to want to cooperate.

Eventually she rights herself, taking a quick stretch before taking her bag and leaving me to my three.

Without further ado, we walk out into the quiet street, talking lightly between ourselves as we carry our bags of food and supplies from the store.

Wait...what's that? I notice a very distinctive figure making its way towards us, silhouetted by the streetlamps. For a second I think it's another male student from my class, but as he, or should I say, she, gets closer I recognize her quickly.

"What the..." I mutter under my breath. Lilly seems to catch it.

"Hm?" She asks.

"It's Rin. Rin Tezuka." The blonde stiffens at the name, cringing before forcing a weak smile.


	21. Generosity

"It's Rin. Rin Tezuka." Lilly stiffens at the name, cringing before forcing a weak smile.

"Ah. I understand." It appears they are acquainted.

"Rin, what are you doing out here so late?" The girl in question turns to look at us, looking terribly out of it. I'm not entirely sure if she recognizes either of us. She looks like a statue. Or a zombie. A statue zombie?

But slowly, some symptoms of understanding seem to light in her dark eyes; this is something she must react to.

Rin blinks once. It is the most profound blink I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing.

"Hello." She says.

There is an awkward pause, everyone waiting for someone else to say something.

"What are you doing out here so late?" I repeat.

"I..." She starts, before pausing, as if having lost all her thought. "I was wondering about that myself too. Just now."

Typical Rin.

"Some people asked me that just before. I assume they were wondering the same. I didn't know. They didn't know either. I asked. That's why I'm wondering. So that was pretty much it. It's a murder mystery without a murder. They were going that way."

She turns, facing to her right, in order to demonstrate the direction the other people went to as if that was important, then rotates back like a mechanical gear in an overly complicated clock. For someone who gives an impression of being the quiet type, Rin really does use a lot of words to say things that don't need a lot to be said.

Unsure if she's finished, I say nothing. Neither does Lilly, who seems equally robbed of words for the time being. Our stupefied lack of reaction doesn't faze Rin at all. She just keeps looking at us expectantly, a calm hint of expression on her blank face.

"Do you have amnesia? I don't recall you having anything of the sort, though..." Lilly starts off, apparently attempting to steer the conversation back to normality.

"If I did, I probably forgot. If you forget about having amnesia, do you still have it?"

Blind people do not make very good drivers, especially when Rin Tezuka is in the passenger seat.

"Well, yes." I say, simply. "But that doesn't matter right now. The point being, you have no idea what you're doing here?" She frowns, looking extremely displeased at either my question, its consequences, or the answer she's about to give.

"I do have. An idea. I can't really tell what kind, though."

"That sounds like progress, at least." Lilly interjects. She sounds as if she's spotted an opening. I can't say I share her optimism.

"Yes, there is some. Definitely. The rest will come later. I'm sure of it. I always have...reasons." The ensuing silence kills Lilly's hopes all too visibly. That didn't last long.

Talking with Rin is like playing chess with a supercomputer who does seemingly completely random moves as if to mock everything you know about chess.

"So I assume you were going somewhere, not coming back to the school...any idea where?" Her eyes widen in shock and she jolts back in a somewhat artificial way, making it seem like an act rehearsed for situations like this.

"Are you a mind reader? Is that your disability? How unique!"

"Um, no." I tap my crutch on the ground. "Definitely not."

"You knew what I was doing."

"It was just an educated guess. The school's in front of us, and you're walking away from it."

"Oh." She sounds a little disappointed.

"That's the second time this week that someone has accused me of being a mind reader. Do I really give off that impression?" Rin shrugs, which is all the answer I get.

"You know-" I start, but Lilly interjects.

"Maybe you should come with us back to the school?" She sounds rather concerned, the paper-thin smile on her face badly disguising the fact. Maybe she came to the same conclusion as I did.

"Yeah, Lilly's right. If you can't remember, then there's no point staying here." Rin considers this simple deduction for a moment, then nods.

"Okay." We start towards the school again, Rin in front. She walks along the edge of the sidewalk in her erratic way, looking like a mix of sleepwalker and rope dancer, while Lilly and I follow her, tapping along.

"So how's the mural going?" I ask.

"We are going to get bad luck. Never talk about works in progress."

"I'm sure it'll be wonderful." Lilly tries.

"Bad luck." Rin replies, in her customary deadpan. Lilly's politeness feels out of place, for the first time.

Tap step tap tap step step.

...

Arriving at the dorms, Rin stops in front of her mural as if lightning struck her. She had been so quiet for almost all of the walk back that I had forgotten she was here.

"It's Friday, isn't it?"

"Yes, Friday, the eighth of June." Lilly affirms.

"This is bad." Rin says, looking despondent.

"Bad? Why?"

"I think I am going to go in a fetal position and throw up. Possibly in reverse order."

"Is something wrong?" Lilly tries, again.

"No, nothing is wrong. It's Friday and nothing is wrong yet. This mural, it's going to need to be finished by Sunday. So everything's alright. But if I don't finish, then it's going to be very wrong. Do you have any drugs? Or a time machine? This is not good. Not good."

And as such my suspicions are confirmed. She's behind schedule. Rin keeps staring at her mural looking as mortified as she can.

"Leave me. I'm going to need to work for a while." When we don't immediately leave, her expression darkens.

"Leave me." We do, of course, not wanting to aggravate her more.

A safe distance away, Lilly speaks up.

"Sorry about leaving you stranded as you talked to her. I...don't really understand her, so I keep my distance." Lilly offers a slight, apologetic smile as if she was sorry that her own shortcomings have prevented her from becoming closer to Rin.

"Eeh. I'm kind of fifty-fifty with her." I reply. Lilly lets slip a long breath, possibly a disguised yawn. I imagine she's as exhausted by all this as I am.

"I'd better leave now and give these to Hanako. Thank you for the company, Hisao." She smiles very sweetly at me. It feels different than normal, despite the fact that she seems to be smiling so often.

Genuine, I think. That's what it is.

"Yeah, good night. Say hi to Hanako for me."

"I will." And then she disappears, fading away into the dark.

...

...

About an hour later in the night, I return to the mural to find Rin still working on it, clearly struggling to see.

"Here, Rin." I say, setting down a portable lamp next to her. "This might help you."

She turns her head mechanically in my direction, her eyes as focused as I've ever seen them. Slowly, they pan up, towards my face.

A long pause.

"Thank you." And then her head turns back to her mural, her feet continuing to paint away. I sit next to her, watching.

Many hours later, she gives up and heads to her dorm, looking distinctly pained, but with fruits to show for her effort. I head off, too, hoping to catch an hour or two of sleep before I wake up to watch Emi run again.


	22. Relationship

The students roll into class for the Saturday morning session, each and every one of them sporting the tired eyes of people who have worked through the night. With only a day left to prepare, I suppose it's not so surprising. Thankfully, we only have to suffer through classes until the lunch break, and then our time is our own.

Mutou lurches to class in a tired stagger. I suppose students aren't the only people here that enjoy their late Friday nights. Without saying a word, he scrawls down some problems on the board and goes to his desk. It's completely atypical behavior for him, but no one seems willing to call him out on it.

Wordlessly, everyone shuffles their textbooks into position and get to work, or pretend to. The class is particularly quiet, especially with the absence of Shizune and Misha.

"Nakai, may I speak to you for a moment?" Mutou speaks up for the first time, breaking the silence.

"Er, okay." I wait patiently for him to speak.

"It's probably better if we speak outside the classroom." Something about this doesn't feel too good, but nevertheless I follow him out, crutch in hand.

He stands in the hallway, scratching his head as he works out what he is trying to say.

"So, tell me, how are things?" He begins.

"Things?" I expected him to be a little vague, but this is pushing the limits.

"You know, things." This fails to be the descriptor it was intended to be.

"Er...fine, I guess." I reply with an equally arbitrary and meaningless answer.

"I see. And how is your...condition?" He glances at my leg.

"Could be better, but at least everything is self-inflicted." He doesn't seem to know whether to be relieved or disappointed, eventually settling on the former.

"Good, that's good. The school nurse was a little concerned that you might have been pushing yourself, with your, uh..." I wince.

"What happened with my leg was mostly an accident and it shouldn't happen again. Otherwise, my academics are fine."

"So you are finding your studies well, then? Not only in my class?" I blink.

"This is all material I have had the chance to cover before, save for English. I slacked off a little on that during my, er...free time..."

"Good, good. A student that understands. One wrong move in this world and you're left behind, right?"

I wouldn't say that, I really wouldn't. A lot of the time, things just...happen. It isn't a move, a misplaced piece. It's like when someone comes and kicks your chessboard over, or something equally cruel.

"No, wouldn't want that to happen to me." But, just like with Rin, you try not to argue the small things.

"No, no you wouldn't. Every week there's a new scientific discovery. Most of them mean nothing to the layperson, but any one of them could be the key to the Next Big Thing."

"I'll keep that in mind." It's an interesting thought, though. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I graduate. This conversation would be relevant if I went into the sciences, but I'm not sure what I want to do.

"Right, that's all I wanted to talk about." I nod before following him back into the classroom, taking my seat again. A few of the students jump at the sound of the door, rapidly trying to pretend that they are working on the questions. Some don't even bother, their heads slumped down on the desk as they nap. Thankfully, it would appear that Mutou does not even notice them.

He returns to his desk and retrieves a scientific journal from one of the drawers. I guess he feels inspired after his speech. The class quickly returns to the stilted silence that Mutou and I left it in. Mixed feelings of tiredness and anticipation buzz around the room. Everyone here is waiting for a chance to rest or the chance to get their last-minute preparations underway.

The clock on the wall slowly ticks the remaining class time away, until finally the bells cry out, ending the torment.

"Before you all leave, I expect the answers for those problems by Monday." The class sighs as one, instantly regretting slacking off, but still acutely aware of the more pressing issues at hand. The classroom empties in a blink as everyone rushes out to who knows where. I stay behind and try to quickly finish the questions so I don't have to bother with it over the rest of the weekend.

Apart from me, Hanako is the only one left, obviously waiting for Lilly. I'm tempted to strike up some kind of conversation but refrain, not sure what we would even talk about.

Time passes in silence. It's probably just fifteen minutes or so but it feels longer. I turn pages of my notebook. Hanako turns pages of the novel she's reading.

My pencil lead splinters against the paper just as I am about to finish a paragraph. The sounds of my irritated sigh and subsequent fumbling around for a sharpener feel like they're breaking the mood in the classroom.

Before long, Lilly's tall figure appears in the doorway.

"Hanako?" She asks. Her name is all it takes to make the aforementioned girl jump up from her desk and run to Lilly. The conversation is rather short, though, and soon Lilly turns to leave, Hanako returning to her desk.

For a couple of minutes, she does nothing but sit with her chin in her hand, staring at the desk dejectedly. The boredom evidently becomes too much for her though, her slender frame reaching into her bag and pulling out a small book.

It seems unusual that Lilly leave Hanako alone, judging from the latter's reaction to it.

Probably rushing for the festival, like nearly everyone else. Hanako, of course, probably really doesn't want to get involved in that particular excitement.

My Saturday is basically free. A nap sounds really good right now...I barely got any sleep last night, what with the whole Rin thing. She seemed unusually grateful though, so I don't regret it.

The library, maybe. That's peaceful enough for my tastes, I think. I leverage myself out of my seat, collect my crutch and things, and limp off to the library.

...

The walls of the library only partially insulate the noise of the festival, but they're the only sounds to be heard. Not a soul stirs here, with everyone enjoying the outdoor weather. I walk through the library, now fairly familiar with its layout. I head to the back, where Hanako's private little corner is.

I run my hand along the spines of the books as I walk past them, finding some comfort in the way they glide across my fingers. Some things never change. Like the smell of a library. No matter how much care you take, the paper of books is always going to degrade with time.

I drop down on a beanbag, my things carefully placed next to me, before closing my eyes.

It's just like last time; the somnolent atmosphere, the peace and quiet. The only thing missing is...

...

"Erm...H-Hisao...?" A timid voice says, coming from somewhere above me.

Pity that. I don't even think I managed to properly fall asleep this time.

"Hello, Hanako." I reply, without opening my eyes. "Don't mind me. Just admiring the scenery."

"W-With your eyes closed?" Hanako asks, and I can sense her take a seat in one of the beanbags across from me.

"Yes. I love the color black; the absence of light; shadow personified. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it? With black comes so much, revealing while hiding. Black is true perfection."

It takes a while before she can properly format a reply to that, during which time I nearly fall back asleep.

"Y-Yes...I like the night, too..." I don't have to ask why. It's pretty obvious. Night would do a far better job of hiding her burn damage.

"Mmm..." I say. It doesn't adequately fill the silence between us, so I try to think of something else.

"So, I see Lilly left without you?" I ask, eyes still shut. It's nice, sometimes, not to have to see. Just calm and relaxing.

"Lilly said she had to go and meet...someone."

"Oh?" I ask, intrigued.

"Akira. Her...sister."

"Sister? I haven't heard her talk about her family." I say, musing this over.

"They used to...live together..." I slowly open my eyes, blinking briefly at the return of light.

"Really? I mean, there's food right here and you're close to school...I don't think I've ever been to class on time so often in my life." I joke. Her badly hidden smile proves quite rewarding. In the back of my mind I know I have a bit of homework to catch up on, but it's quite comfortable in here. No one can find me and force me into working for their pet project, either. Though now that I'm thinking about the festival...

"Hey, Hanako, what are you doing for the festival?" For a split second I think that Hanako is about to throw her book in the air from shock.

"S-Sorry...?" She asks.

Oh, whoops.

"I was just asking what you're doing for the festival tomorrow. Anything planned?" Sometimes the best way to deal with an awkward social situation is to ignore it entirely. Rin taught me that.

"I...don't know." She answers in the way that people do when they don't want you to ask any more questions. I take it large crowds and loud music aren't really her thing.

"Oh, okay." Hm, she'll probably be in the library for a lot of it, or maybe the tea room. That's no good...I'll make an effort to find her, then. I don't want her to spend the whole day completely alone. I don't buy into the idea of this festival either, but still...

"What's Lilly's sister like?" I ask, closing my eyes again. I think it puts Hanako at ease.

"She's...nice. She's pretty like Lilly, but she dresses...business-like." I try to picture that in my head.

"With, like, a suit?" I ask, curiosity saturating my voice.

"Y-Yes."

"Hm...I see..." I recline a little more, relaxing. The conversation trails off and I hear Hanako reading her novel, the turning of her pages marking the passage of time.

It doesn't last too long, though. I had already sensed her movement, the way the pages have stopped turning.

"H-Hisao?" She asks, tentatively, to see if I'm awake.

"Mm?" I reply.

"I was...I-I was in an accident..." At this, my eyes snap open to lock firmly into hers. She shies away from my gaze and I immediately glance away.

"Accident? When?" She can't possibly mean...

Hanako shakes her head, her hair flowing around her shoulders in wisps of amethyst.

"N-No. When I was...y-younger..." So it is what I think it is...

"Wh-" No, wrong question. No question at all? "You don't have to tell me anything if you're not ready, Hanako." Especially because we're only acquaintances. Or are we friends? I don't think we know each other nearly enough to be friends yet. But even that's a subjective term. I know that I'm comfortable around her and that I don't mind her at all; on the contrary, she intrigues me.

But what about her? How does she view me? A fellow scar victim, though hers are far more severe? A slightly depressed and cynical young man, who seems to excel in his academics? What?

"N-No, I want...I have to..."

"Why? What brought this on?" I ask.

"B-Because you t-told...me about y-your condition...And I...didn't think it was f-fair."

"Fair? What?"

"T-That I knew about you, b-but you didn't know about me..." I swallow heavily, realizing the responsibility being placed on me right now.

"W-When I was young...I was in a fire...M-my house b-burned down, and I nearly...I nearly didn't make it..."

That explains a lot. The burns on her, made even more traumatic by the fact that they are reminders of a loss...

Her house. She says nothing about her parents, which leaves me to believe...

Her house wasn't the only thing she lost, was it? Those scars, then, are only visual reminders of a haunting loss...

"A-After that...I was alone..." And that's confirmation, of what I suspected...

Hanako's eyes glisten in the dim light of the library, and I reach out to grasp her unscarred hand. She flinches at first, tensing much like she did back when we first met, but relaxes.

I've been to the burn ward, before, multiple times, both for my own injuries and to see what others had. I even made friends with a small girl, Anna.

I lost her that very same day, holding her hand as her heart gave out on her. But I still remember sharply everything that happened. To prevent infection, she was kept in an isolated pod that no foreign object could enter. I talked to her from the outside and was only let it when the doctors decided that she wouldn't make it.

Stuck alone with nothing but the acid scent of corrupted skin, disinfectant, and sterilized air...And as nothing but a child...

"T-Thank you, Hisao. I...I haven't told many people about this..."

And like a flash, pieces come together with startling clarity.

Hanako lost her parents in the fire that took their lives and permanently damaged her body. As a child, she would have been forcefully removed from whatever life she had been previously living and thrust into the hospital, a scary place, especially when you're a traumatized child, and even more so in the burn ward.

After that, what? Most likely, she would have been alone. Children are cruel, intentionally or not; they would have excluded her, much like I have been. She would have gone to books, then, as a safe place. After all, books don't mock you.

What was that she said?

 _"I like the night, too."_

Taught to be ashamed of her scars. For years and years. In an orphanage, most likely, a ward of the state. Came to Yamaku for her high school years, didn't meet Lilly until a year later. Third and last year here, alone for a good portion of it. She doesn't seem bullied here, but she's hardly welcomed into any social circles or the like; miscommunication on both sides, perhaps?

I don't know. But I'm almost certain in saying that Hanako is a lonely girl, and that her self-confidence must be absolutely trashed.

"Thank you, Hanako. For trusting me." Hanako nods, a small smile on her face.

"T-Thank you. For...listening." I smile back.

"Anytime." My head falls back onto the beanbag and my eyes fall shut again as I consider this new information.

Well, I think that, if anything, one thing seems pretty certain.

 _I think we're friends now._

...

"Hisao? The library is closing." Hanako's voice says, something shaking my arm gently. I open my eyes to see her startling close, her unscarred hand touching my shoulder. When our eyes catch, she blushes and hops back suddenly.

"Ah. I see." She offers her hand to me, uncharacteristically, and I use it to pull me up. I almost take her down with me, though, and I wind up being forced to let go.

"S-Sorry!" She looks disappointed with herself, like that it's her fault she couldn't pull up someone who probably has at least thirty pounds on her.

"No, it's my fault. I can't tell how much force I'm using, so..." It's probably true. When I think about it, I can't even tell whether or not I was using her to pull myself up or pulling her down. The thought sends a frown to my face.

"But..."

"No, it was definitely my fault." I say, suddenly annoyed with myself. "Ugh." I lean down to grab my crutch. She still looks concerned, and bothered.

"N-No..." I glance at her. "It...It isn't y-your fault you have your..." Hanako trails off, but I get what she means. I smile sweetly at her.

"Thank you." I sling my backpack around my shoulder and we walk in silence outside the library, and down to the dorms.

"Hanako?" I ask, suddenly, prompting her to look at me, almost.

"Thanks for putting up with me."


	23. Celebration

Surprisingly, I get a good night's sleep. I can tell. My head feels like cotton. It's almost noon already. Sleeping late is fine, since it's a Sunday and there are no classes.

Oh, the festival...As my senses return to me, I can hear the sound of people outside, the general hustle-and-bustle crowd song. What to do...

There will be a few exams in the coming week, but nothing that I'm not already prepared for. With no urgent academic obligations, I can spend the day however I like. I toss down a few pills of the latest experimental medication and exit into the hallway with my crutch, deciding to find something to eat.

I make it as far as the dorm steps before pausing, watching people go by.

There are some young families with the perturbed parents trying to keep up with their over enthusiastic offspring...a few students of our own accompanied by their parents...and a lot of stragglers here for no reason I can imagine. I guess it's the promise of cheap, low quality food.

The carillon bursts into life and the principal's squeaky voice announces the opening of the festival over the PA system. Everyone claps, though rather unenthusiastically.

An impatient tapping sound comes from behind me and I step down and out, quickly realizing that I am still blocking the entrance. Two guys file out past me, talking amongst themselves.

Hm...what have I come here to do?

I guess I can start by taking a tour around the grounds to see what the festival is like. I can try to find Hanako and Lilly, see if Shizune and Misha have taken the time to explore what they've helped manage. Maybe Emi's running on the track, or talking with some friends. And Rin-

Oh crap, Rin!

I hop down to where the mural is. It isn't very far.

A few people are studying the art on the wall, while the artist herself is lounging on the sidelines, leaning against the wall. She looks bored, and rather under the weather. I walk up to her, attracting her attention.

"Good morning." She blinks.

"Hello."

"How's it going?"

"Nowhere. I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

She frowns, dissatisfied. "I mean I can't walk stuck. I think my legs are out of order because of yesterday."

"Can you put them back in order?" I ask, half-teasing.

"I tried, but they wouldn't cooperate."

"Does it hurt?"

"It's hard to say. Maybe." I sit down somewhat in front of her, setting the crutch on the ground below me and raising my injured leg on it. It's a familiar cycle.

"Welcome to the club." I mutter, under my breath. Well, not really, since my leg doesn't hurt. I guess that makes her President?

"Teacher's friends came by." She doesn't seem particularly excited. "Then they headed into town for lunch and asked me to go. It was a good thing my legs hurt so much."

"Hm." I study the completed mural myself. It's extremely abstract, disfigured human body parts jumping out at me. It looks nice, and seems to form some kind of whole, but I couldn't say what.

"But now you're stuck there? Do you need help?" I ask. She shakes her head, her rust-red hair flying everywhere.

"I'll just wait until I can walk again. It should be either sooner or later, if you think about it for a while. Teacher was happy that I finished the mural."

"He should be." I say, as I consider Rin's long nights out.

"But I wonder if it's finished after all." I consider the mural.

"I think that's something only you can answer."

"I thought yesterday that I had done everything, but now I'm not sure any more. I should paint more details. Maybe. Probably. It's hard to decide."

"It looks good." The wall is so wide that I have to turn my neck from side to side to see the entire painting. The figures are rough looking, as if thoughtlessly placed and rudimentarily painted, but a great deal of thought and care has gone into each and every one of them.

I don't even know what kind of feeling I get from it. It seems to just exist, floating, much like the artist herself.

"What is this about?" I ask, idly, hoping that her answer will clear it up for me.

"It's not about anything at all. That's what I wanted to paint, so I did."

Erk.

"...That was a small lie. I said it anyways because I would kind of like it to be true. Teacher wanted me to do this, but I didn't have any ideas. I tried to have some, but nothing happened. So now this is a painting without any ideas."

"But...what are you painting, then?" I ask, completely confused.

She turns to me for the first time, her murky green eyes staring emptily at me.

"No idea. Come to think of it, I think I'll call this 'No idea.'" I consider this carefully.

"But you still have to think about it. Every stroke is intentional, unless you accidentally threw paint onto the wall and took shape."

"I've done that before. Splashed paint everywhere. It was messy." Rin says, veering off the cliff into nothingness.

"That's not the point." I reply.

"Words have points? I always thought they were circles, myself." I blink, opening my mouth to respond, then give up.

I guess this will always be the mysterious mural. Painted with no idea. Hm...

"Well, you can't call it 'No idea.'" She looks at me oddly. "Well, I guess you could, but there WAS an idea behind this. What makes this a mural and not a painting?"

"It's a mural." Rin responds, matter-of-factly.

"I see." I deadpan. "But then the idea of painting this in the first place was to be a mural, right? So therefore, no matter how general, you did have an idea!"

"I get it." Rin says, as I cheer internally. "I wanted to paint a mural at its maximum muralness, paint a mural to be a mural and nothing but a mural. It expresses itself, then; this mural expresses its muralness with its muralness."

Never mind, then.

I sigh. "That's basically it, yes." I slide my crutch back towards myself, grabbing it. "It was nice seeing you, Rin. See you soon."

She shrugs, in a very thorough manner. It seems that she expresses all her sentiment towards me with that one shrug; or perhaps she expresses nothing at all.

Rin expresses Rin.

It occurs to me that she can't exactly move right now. I almost offer her my crutch but stop, realizing how stupid that is.

"I'll see you around. Hopefully your legs unstick themselves." I say, before turning around.

"They will. They always will." Her voice floats after me as I make my way into the festival itself.


	24. Practice

Actually...it is rather crowded right now. I guess I spent a little longer hanging around Rin than I thought.

What should I do? I could visit the people I know, try to see what they're up to. I don't really want to be alone in this festival.

I should see what Hanako is up to. She's my first real friend in a while, I think. I don't know what exactly it is we are yet, but I, at least, consider her my friend.

I can't help but wonder if she feels the same. I hope she does.

Where would she be, though? It's crowded outside, so definitely not anywhere in the festival.

 _The library._

I want her to be able to enjoy today; if not at the festival, at least around friends. Maybe I can see if Lilly is available. It could be as simple as tea, or perhaps we could go into the city. Anything sounds good right now; and besides, I am rather hungry.

Where would Lilly be, then? It might be best to satisfy my hunger before I do anything else, and there happen to be many food stalls in the area. I pick one at random, nibbling on takoyaki while I ponder.

Lilly's a leader, a sheep herder, but not as involved in the administration itself as the student council would be. So she's probably in charge of a stall, maybe 3-2's class stall, if they have one. It seems that the festival is well under way, so most of that administration is probably over anyways. Shizune and Misha might even be around here somewhere, enjoying the sights.

As it turns out, my guess is correct. I find Lilly taking orders at a particularly large stall, about ten students running around behind her. She looks rather busy, however, and I don't want to interrupt with a random query. I'll come back later, after peak hours.

My decision made, I make my way to the main building. The closer I get to the buildings, the less crowded it gets. It seems that no one wants to be around a classroom today.

Good. The library is almost certainly abandoned then, except for, I hope, one violet-haired girl.

In my haste, I misplace my crutch on the stairs and it gives way abruptly. I manage to catch myself on my hands before I break my face, but it's a close call nonetheless. The walking implement clatters noisily as it falls down the stairs.

My hands seem fine, though a little dirty. All in all, I got pretty lucky with that. The school building is nearly deserted; if I had been more severely injured, I don't think anyone would have noticed in time to help. The only thing really injured is my pride.

At least my leg seems to have gotten better. I don't feel the stiffness I was getting accustomed to, but I know better than to assume it has healed. It probably would hurt right now if I could feel the pain.

Sighing, I limp down the stairs, retrieve my crutch, and then head off into a nearby bathroom to wash my hands.

All in all, pretty lucky...

Right.

/

The library, as expected, is totally silent. I slowly tap my way down to the reading area in the back of the library. A purple-haired head flicks up to glance at me as a slightly-scarred hand freezes, chopsticks held loosely.

"Hi, Hanako." The girl herself is sitting on one of the tables, a book snapped shut next to her with a purple bookmark holding it in place. Something feels off about her, but I'm not entirely sure what it is as she nods her head.

"H-Hi, Hisao." She catches a piece of meat with her chopsticks. "Would you like to...sit down?"

Hm. It seems she's immediately trying to avoid a situation in which I ask her to go outside and she politely refuses; that, or I'm reading into a polite gesture far too much.

"Sure. Thanks." I set my crutch down before pulling up a chair.

Oh, that's what changed. Hanako is...smiling?

It makes me feel rather warm inside. I can't help but remember the times where I could feel warmth outside as well as inside; or, more recently, feeling warm at all. When you don't really have friends, it's hard to have the chance to make someone happy. When you're disabled, people tend to avoid you anyways.

Would I have been the same, if I was a normal person? I want to say no, but...

Pain was the first thing to go. That led to most of the scars on me; scars that, thankfully, no one has asked about. Thankfully, my face is clear of any permanent markings, though my arms and legs certainly are not. The injuries are very much visible; I wear long sleeves and pants to cover them up, to avoid questions.

Temperature was second, and hopefully it's the last thing I lose. That's optimistic, I know, ridiculously so, but I can always dream.

Sometimes it almost feels like I'm normal, without a disability. For the most part, I can live a reasonably normal life, though at a markedly less quality of. But then I'm reminded of all the things I can't do, all of my limitations, and that always manages to crash my mood.

That's why I want friends here, I guess. I want to be relied on. Even with the risk involved, that someone will find out...it's still something I really want.

If there's anything I've learned, reading about something over and over again really makes you want to have it. Friendship. Love, even.

No, I can't be selfish enough for that. There are still limitations to my happiness, as always. I have a degenerative condition. I can't possibly do that to someone, especially someone I care about.

"A-Are you okay?" Hanako's tentative smile is gone, replaced by concern and worry.

"Yeah. I was just thinking about some stuff. Have you ever..." I trail off, wondering if this is too personal of a question for her. She seems very curious, if not a bit wary, but this may be something I'm not ready to ask her, and that she may not be ready to answer.

"No, never mind." I say, abruptly changing my mind. "I was just thinking about my future." A flash of _something_ flits across Hanako's face for just a second before it returns to its normal neutrality.

"A-Ah. I k-know the-" She quickly brings a morsel of food to her mouth, effectively cutting herself off.

 _I know the feeling._

You would, wouldn't you, Hanako? What confuses me is why you had to cut yourself off. Why you didn't choose to finish that statement. I won't ask this out loud, of course, but I'll always wonder...

 _Or what if you just asked?_

Hanako is fragile. I don't want to strain our friendship. That isn't to say I won't ever want to know, because I do, but I don't want to rush things.

"What do you like to do?" I ask.

"H-Huh?"

"Hobbies, activities. That kind of thing. Like reading and tea." I assume tea is amongst her interests, unless she's just going along with it for Lilly. She seems to like it herself, though.

"I like to play chess..."

Aha.

"Really? I enjoy chess myself. It's the one game that I'm good at." I say, cheered by this common interest. "It's too bad we don't have a chess set anywhere..."

"T-There is one in the tea room..." Hanako trails off invitingly.

"Yes. Do you want to...?"

"Yes." Even Hanako seems quite excited by the prospect. I nod, smiling.

"Okay. Let's go!"

...

I'm in my element.

Chess is something I've studied. Starting as a fit of boredom, I quickly grew to enjoy the game and played constantly against myself and against computer opponents.

The single board game I excel at. Pattern recognition, strategy, skill.

Hanako relies on a defensive stance, rarely taking initiative but pouncing on opportunities as they arise. She's quite good at it, too; she's ignored most of the trick bait I've set out for her and pounced on the free pieces I've given her to analyze her style.

She seems to be pretty good at the game; taught, it seems. She reacted fairly quickly at the beginning, preparing an excellent castling defense before long with acceptable development. After that, her pace slowed for the most part, but she reacted immediately when placed into certain situations; she was likely taught how to deal with those. However...

My style is merely a brutal offense; rather than wait for my chance I force it. Shizune demonstrated this style in Risk; immediately launch an unstoppable wave of troops that I can't defend against, forcing me back constantly.

It flusters Hanako very well; forces her to make mistakes that I capitalize on, smashing wedges into her defense as she struggles to regroup. Nonetheless, though, she remains focused and intense, something I admire.

Her efforts don't bear any fruit. Once I manage to pierce her castling defense, I ruthlessly smash it apart and checkmate her black King.

"Good game." I say, cheerfully. It was actually rather close; I made plenty of my own mistakes. I'm not quite used to playing against people. Computers are pretty predictable, reacting the same way every time; people don't do that, and it threw me off.

"T-Thanks. You too. You're v-very good." She says, earnestly, a small smile on her face. "Do you want to play...again?"

I nod. "That would be my pleasure."

As we're setting up the pieces, there is a noise at the door, then Lilly walks in.

"Good afternoon." Lilly says. I wonder how she knew we were in here. Eavesdropping, perhaps? Either way, she seems to be happy enough. We both greet her in our customary manner.

"Have you been here the whole time?" She asks. I think Lilly would have wanted us to be at the festival. I've admittedly been rather detached from it all. I'm sure Shizune would disapprove, too, especially because it really does look like they put a lot of effort into it.

"No, not really. We've just managed to finish a game of chess." I reply.

"W-Would you like a cup of tea?" Hanako asks.

"Actually, I think it may be a good idea to go outside for a little while..." The instant drop in Hanako's expression shows her objection to this plan, though she says nothing. I expect that Lilly is well aware of this, though, so I don't immediately object.

"Outside? Where? To town?" I ask, taking a guess. I don't think Lilly would readily leave Hanako to the crowds of the festival unless I've severely misjudged their level of friendship.

"Yes. I was thinking that we should leave the school and head for the local teahouse." Lilly says, an appreciative smile on her face.

"You mean the S-Shanghai?" Hanako asks, her expression rising back a bit.

"Of course; with everyone at the festival it should be practically empty."

"That sounds good to me." I say. "Hanako, what do you think?" She jumps slightly at being forced into the conversation.

"I think it'd be n-nice." She says.

"Well then, it's settled. Let's be on our way." Hanako and I rise from the table and our preempted chess game. I pick up my crutch and Hanako picks up the board and puts the pieces away.

"Looks like we're ready now. Please, lead on." I say. Hanako moves to Lilly's side and we venture out into the school's corridor. They lead me through a series of unfamiliar doors that lead out to another side of the school, away from the bulk of the festival. I suppose this is for Hanako's benefit.

The sounds of the festival are faded, so far away, but it does leave me with a question.

"Shouldn't people be leaving by now?" I ask, curious.

"They're probably here to view the fireworks."

"Oh?"

"Yes, apparently the school puts on quite a show. A lot of people come from town just to watch them."

"Ah." It makes even more sense to leave now, then. I suppose we won't be back until night.

For the second time since arriving at Yamaku I find myself walking down this hill with Lilly. Only now that I can barely hear the festival do I realize how loud it was. My ears are ringing slightly.

What must have that been like for Lilly, who has even more of an enhanced sense of hearing than I?

Hanako clings to Lilly, but still manages to guide her along the road. That, and avoiding the occasional pedestrian and car. This seems to completely sap her energy and focus; she doesn't utter a word.

Lilly, on the other hand, maintains her prim and proper persona just as she does in school. It's obvious she purposely puts effort into her appearance, rather than simply hiding it as Hanako does. It's striking how different they are in their way of holding themselves.

Inside Yamaku, everyone is unique, so none of us are. Once leaving the school, though, we are the different people again. With our distinct school uniform, it's like hanging a sign around your neck challenging people to figure out what's wrong with you. I guess that particular game doesn't last long, what with the cranes and crutches.

The walk is mostly silent, though comfortably so.


	25. Moving Forward (Act 1 END)

The teahouse seems fairly standard from the outside; just an ordinary building with standard signs decorating the entrance. It blends in perfectly with the surroundings; if Lilly and Hanako didn't stop at the place we would have kept on walking by without a second thought.

The insides are much more traditional. Solid wood seems to make up everything, from the counters and benches to the leather-backed booths around the walls. The most striking feature, though, is the lack of life. There's something bubbling away in the background - soup? tea? - but otherwise the room is silent.

Without any direction, we simply wait near the entrance, politely obeying the "Please wait to be seated" sign.

"Er...is this place closed or something?" The sound of a chair falling over echoes throughout the empty room, and a head shoots up from inside a booth.

Wait, I recognize that hair...

"I wasn't asleep and welcome to the Shanghai!" Yuuko's instant denial makes me smile even as I wonder. Dressed in a pastel apron and clutching a menu, she rushes to greet us. Her ruffled hair and misaligned glasses casts suspicion on her previous statement.

"You work here now? What happened to the library?" I ask.

"E-Eh? Lilly? Hisao? Hanako? Welcome to the Shanghai!" She rapidly and violently bows after this greeting, dislodging her glasses in the process.

"Uweh!? My glasses..." As I pick up her spectacles off the floor, Lilly offers an explanation.

"Yuuko works here part-time as well as at the library. It's one of the reasons we like to come here." Yuuko takes her glasses from my hands, shakily putting them back on. It reminds me of the first time we met.

"Yes...that's right...thanks..." She answers, in turn. "Shall I show you to your table?" Given a return to protocol, she seems much more calm.

"There's no one else here so you can choose your table and order whatever you like, but there will be a delay as I will have to make it myself..." Is there supposed to be other people working here? As a matter of fact, where are all the customers?

"It's alright, Yuuko. A pot of black tea and a plate of sandwiches shall suffice." Lilly reassures her.

"Right! I'll get right onto that!" Yuuko says, before hurrying off into the back of the cafe, leaving us standing. She pushes the swinging half-doors open before realizing that she hasn't seated us.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, sit wherever you like! I'll be right back!" Deciding to listen to her advice, I lead Lilly to the nearest booth as Hanako follows.

As I sit next to Lilly, I realize how appropriate this place is for Hanako. Apparently deserted, with Yuuko as a familiar face...the high-backed booths totally separate you from the rest of the room, too. The atmosphere, too, isn't altogether too different from the tea room. The furnishings and decorations look dated, but not too worn.

Lilly must deliberately select places like this to take Hanako. She seems like the type that would go to lengths to cater to Hanako's unique predicament.

"So, Hisao, I didn't know you played chess..." Lilly starts, breaking the silence.

"It's an old hobby of mine." I say, trailing off. I don't really want to go into my past.

"I suppose the obvious question is...who won?" Lilly says. Her innocent smile makes me hesitate. I'm not too sure how to answer this.

"H-Hisao did." Hanako says, to my relief.

"Yes...but, Hanako is very good, too. I only won because I've been playing pretty consistently for quite some time." Lilly giggles.

"Well done, Hisao. You've accomplished something I've only ever failed at." Oh, does Lilly play chess? I would love to see how she plays; her style, her competitive spirit.

In some ways, I may be too much like Shizune.

"Er, thanks. I haven't played another person in a long time, so it felt good to play again."

"Y...yes...It did." Hanako fidgets with her hair and looks away as she replies, but a small smile emerges nonetheless. It's a little extreme, but still quite cute. I realize I'm smiling, suddenly, despite having made no effort to.

It throws me a little of guard, and only Yuuko's re-entry shocks me back.

"Are you alright, Yuuko? Do you need a hand?" She's carrying the food and the tea very precariously on her platter.

"I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine. It's my job, I have to do this properly." Concentration plays across her face while she stares at the tray in her hands, as if simply looking at its contents will hold them in place.

Her strategy doesn't prove all that effective; the cups and saucers slowly dance around, occasionally clattering as they bump into one another. I prepare to reach out and catch something if the need arises.

Taking great care, Yuuko sets the tray down with a relatively subtle crash, rating about a two on the Misha scale.

"There, see!" Her joy and relief is palpable.

"Er...well done?" I say, unintentionally making it a question.

"Thank you, Yuuko." It appears Lilly has more tact than I. Yuuko's head rockets downwards in her distinctive bow before she answers.

"You're very welcome."

"Would you like to join us? There's something else I'd like to discuss about that recent order, if I may..." Lilly offers.

It seems vaguely familiar, but I'm not sure quite what they're talking about.

"Ah...yes. We didn't get the chance to go through them, did we?" Yuuko sits down next to Hanako. It occurs to me that we should switch spots, but I don't say anything.

This is definitely unprofessional, but I think I definitely shouldn't bring that up.

"I'll be in the library tomorrow, if you'd like to try again..." Yuuko says.

"That sounds perfect, I'll meet you there after classes." Lilly nods.

"Um, Lilly..." Hanako interjects timidly.

"Oh dear, that's right. Tomorrow is Monday, how could I have forgotten?" I'm content to sit back and sip my tea, but that simply just can't happen, apparently.

"Well, perhaps we could come to some other arrangement. Yuuko, will you be in the library later this week?"

"Hm, maybe, but this is already overdue..."

"A-and there are some...things I n-need..." I'm starting to see what's about to happen.

"This might be a problem..." Lilly ponders for a second before arriving at the obvious answer.

"I wonder, might we be able to enlist the help of another, if need be...?" Subtle, Lilly. Subtle.

"To do what?" I ask.

Being volunteered for something, again. And here I thought I had finally escaped the clutches of the Student Council. But at least this time I'm actually given a choice.

"Oh, of course. The other day I was helping Yuuko sort the new Braille books in the library. But Hanako and I usually go shopping on Monday afternoons; it's quieter on that day than on weekends. Last week we couldn't go because I was busy with the festival. I managed to slip away later in the week, but Hanako couldn't make it."

That's a nice way of saying that she was almost certainly reading in the library.

"Well, since I can't read Braille, I'm assuming you'd like me to go shopping with Hanako?" I glance at the girl in question; she immediately avoids my gaze, but I notice the faintest spark of hope in her eyes.

"Correct. You were a great help to me the other day."

"I'm sure I can handle that. Hanako, what do you think?"

"I-If you wouldn't mind..."

"Of course not. I'm still not familiar with the area, so this is a good opportunity to look around." That, and I don't want to let you and Lilly down.

"O-okay." She seems happy, again.

"Now that we have that arranged, shall we have some tea?" Lilly asks. It's now that I realize that I've been the only one drinking.

"It's my fault! Let me pour that for you." Yuuko says, looking panicked. She reaches out with shaking hands, but I intercept her; she looks like she'd drop the pot if given the chance.

"It's alright. I've got it. You've already made the food and drinks, so you've gone over and beyond your duties, having you?" Appealing to her sense of duty seems to be the easiest way to get things done.

"I...I guess." And it actually works. Yuuko relaxes a little, but still watches eagerly as I share out the assortment.

Suddenly, a low, loud rumble can be heard, along with a flash of light. Everyone flinches, startled.

"Ah. I take it the show has started." Lilly is the first to regain her composure; my heart still races as I slowly unclench my grip. Looking outside, I realize that dusk has come and gone, leaving us in the peak of twilight. Time passes fast when you're enjoying yourself, doesn't it?

Sparking trailers arc upwards ready to explode in the flowery shape of fireworks. I let the light burn itself into my memory; it's not every day I get to see something this pretty.

"Let's go watch!" Yuuko says, before reconsidering.

"Oh...sorry, Lilly..."

"Please, don't miss the show on my account. From what I know, this isn't a bad location to watch it from." With the exception of Lilly, we rush to the window of the small teahouse to watch the show.

The strobe of colored lights play across Hanako and Yuuko's happy faces, and for a second I forget to look outside the window.

There's a beautiful show out there, but I shouldn't discount what I have already, right next to me. There are better things out there, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be happy with what I'm allowed.

The show ends all too quickly; fireworks are expensive, even for the most well-funded schools. Before we return to our tea and sandwiches, Hanako turns to me.

"Um, t-thanks for today. And...tomorrow." I nod.

"Thank you, too. I don't think I could have faced those crowds either." I say, tapping the leg that I am so irresponsibly walking on. I didn't think to grab my crutch; ah well. But my leg is healing, slowly, I think.

"Ah!" Hanako exclaims. "D-Don't you...?"

"I probably should." I admit, sighing heavily before turning to limp back for my crutch.

Stupid thing. Hanako joins me after a moment of thought and we sit back into the booths. The tea is cold, but no one really seems to mind.

...

After saying goodbye to Yuuko, we exit. Lilly and Hanako once again take point, but under the cover of darkness Hanako seems less stressed than she did on the trip here. We move against the occasional group of people emptying the school grounds, but Hanako leads us across seemingly minor roads, avoiding the bulk of the crowd.

...

Outside of the dorms, the school seems strangely quiet.

"Well then, thank you both for today. I think I've learned a lot." I tell them, as we stop to say goodbye.

"You're most welcome, but I'm afraid that I really must be going. Today's been a long day." That's right, Lilly spent all of today on her feet, and I can imagine walking for much of the rest would be exhausting. I feel temporary thankful for my condition, but the moment passes.

"Well, I'll see you both tomorrow. Good night." I say, nodding at them.

"Good night." "N...night."

The girls return to their dorm, and I to mine. Today tired me out as well, but for different reasons.

Returning to my dorm, I quickly prepare for bed, but find myself unable to sleep as I lay underneath the covers.

I told Lilly and Hanako that I 'learned a lot' today. And I did; qualitatively, if not quantitatively.

 _I don't really want to be alone._

It's that truth that surprises me, more than anything. I don't want to be alone? Why not?

...I've changed. Or maybe it's the people around me who are different. Back where I come from, despite what a bystander might think, people don't really socialize with each other. They just look forward, look forward to that day...

Not me, though. I was happy where I was. I didn't want anyone. I just wanted to live independently, focusing hard on my academics so that I could sustain myself, even handicapped with a disability. And even when it got worse, I didn't stop.

I can't pity myself anymore. That's what's changed, I guess. There is too much in the future for me to want to stop in place. I finally have the freedom I want; spend my time interacting with people. There's no time for me to waste on pity.

And everyone here has been so helpful with that, in their own way. Shizune and Misha, trying to rope me into the student council. Lilly and Hanako, providing me with compassion and friendship. Rin, simply there, someone I find myself almost-understanding. Emi, running just ahead of me, giving me someone to chase after.

I can't hold them back either. Today is the last day of my first week at this school, and I'm on my feet, in a manner of speaking. It's time for me to run alongside everyone else.

I smile, breathless at these realizations.

Hold on, everyone. I'm on my way.

ACT 1 COMPLETE - QUALITY OF LIFE

* * *

 **A/N:** And that's the end of Act 1. Thank you to all my readers. The next chapter will be out in a few days; I rather like the pace I've been updating at, but I've also hit a bit of writer's block for Chapter 33 (This is 25.) and I might slow down as I get closer to that buffer area.

How has the story been for you? Anything you liked or disliked? Reviews make my day and help me to write better!

Next up is Act 2: PROPRIOCEPTION


	26. Awareness

**A/N: Here we are with Act 2 (Arc 4). I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Waking up after that revelation last night opens my world up to dozens of possibilities. There's so much I can do, now that I'm freed from my own vicious cycle of self-pity and hate.

My feet take me to the bleachers, where I can see Emi waiting on the bleachers, somewhat patiently for me. It's a new sight; normally she's already running along the track.

"Hey, Emi. Are you okay?" I ask, cautiously. I'm not sure how to approach this situation, but she doesn't seem sad like before, just bothered.

Upon seeing me, though, her face clears up into its normal smile, like she doesn't want me to see her expression. I open my mouth to ask about it but recall that everyone, especially people like us, need their privacy respected.

"I'm fine." She says, automatically, though without feeling. The playful grin she sends is a little lopsided, but returns to full force momentarily. It's difficult to ignore coming from the ever-optimistic Emi, but I do my best to move past it.

"Are you going to do your runs today?" I ask. She bobs her head and answers in the affirmative, seemingly back to normal, while hopping carefully down the bleachers. It looks quite dangerous, but she also seems to be quite familiar with the process. I would never dare to do such a thing, even completely healthy. The risk of falling and seriously injuring myself is too high.

But Emi doesn't really seem to care, reaching the bottom without the slightest misstep before deciding to do her stretches. I make my way up to the bleachers to spectate, suitably confused.

What's with her mood? I don't really understand why she seems so bothered today, especially after something like the festival. I would have thought that she would have eaten that kind of thing up. But then again, I'm rushing to conclusions. The reason for her mood might have absolutely nothing to do with the festival.

I recall Rin knowing her, what with that cryptic statement about Emi being pink. Perhaps I should return to that statement once more, and gain clarification. I had brushed it aside as a lost cause earlier, but Rin doesn't regularly follow my expectations. There may be some use to it, after all.

She seems to really be pushing herself today, for some reason I don't entirely understand. Now that I think about it, I didn't even really think about Emi during the festival itself, caught as I was with Lilly, Hanako, and Rin. I didn't really think about Shizune or Misha either; though we're on amicable terms, I certainly don't consider them friends the same way I would Hanako or Lilly.

It occurs to me that I should spend more time around them. They might not be as good friends as the ones I have, but they are kind people nonetheless. I decided to hang around them for a reason, didn't I?

And besides, I feel that I kind of owe the Student Council. I pretty much walked out on them despite readily being in the position to help, and from what I remember of the festival, it was a pretty grand event. I believe that Misha said that they were basically in charge of organizing the whole thing; and judging from their increasingly tired countenances, they could have used the help.

Well, that settles it then. Sometime this week, I will make it my goal to find the Student Council and prostrate myself before them to humbly beg to be useful to them.

The thought is somehow less appealing when I consider that.

I snap myself out of my thoughts to consider Emi, still sprinting around the track. Her face is twisted with a certain grimace, a grim sort of smile as if she knows she's fighting a losing battle...which she is, so to speak. Fit she may be, but she'll never surpass the limits of her body. Eventually, all runs must come to an end.

I consider the scars along my right hand, this particularly jagged one running down the back of my palm.

 _...never surpass the limits of your body..._

I frown, suddenly no longer quite as cheerful. The crutch, a reminder of my weakness, lying innocently against the metal steps. I'm suddenly filled with the urge to throw them down, childishly, but that wouldn't do my healing leg any favors.

And I'm sick of relying on the stupid crutch. The feeling is even worse because on my occasional cheating moments, it feels like my leg is mostly fine; not that I can feel much, anyways, but I can move it without the tightness I associate with strained muscles. It's hardly a new experience, but definitely not an unpleasant one.

Emi's runs eventually end, and I make my way down to the bleachers to greet the returning heroine.

"Something on your mind?" The words bubble up out of my mouth before I can properly stop them. It's because I remember one of the things she first told me.

" _You run to clear your head."_

She pushed herself so hard today, sweat soaking the front of her shirt and breathing locked into an erratic staccato pattern. Even if I wasn't aware of the other symptoms, I can tell that something's on her mind.

"N-Nah. It's nothing to get worried about." She says. I frown, wanting to protest; that something causing her this much of an issue is definitely cause for concern.

It wasn't even just today, I realize. The last few sessions...she's been pushing herself abnormally hard, if I use the first day as an example. Then again, I never got to see her sprints that day, did I?

But this is just a warmup, isn't it? Exercise. Why does she push herself to such a brutal breaking point, then? She's actually at risk of straining something like I did, and if that happened...

Whatever she's running away from, she can't do it in a wheelchair. That much I know for certain. And even if it causes her temporary relief now, she'll almost certainly regret it later, when she absolutely needs to run but can't.

I almost call her out on it. I really almost do. But I shut my mouth, remembering something from when we first met.

" _Are you saying I don't look like I could be a spy?"_

Mentally, I grin, almost predatorily.

Turnabout is fair play, right? It's better not to say anything now, but I will certainly be bringing it up with the Nurse. This sneakiness is something new, something I normally wouldn't have come up with, and it kind of thrills me.

For now, though, I have to figure out what to do here, with Emi.

"Alright, then." I give her a nod, and we steadily make our way back to the auxiliary buildings. To my surprise, though, instead of the playful teasing that normally takes up our time, Emi starts off with something else.

"Listen, Hisao...I'm sorry. I really am." Emi says. I blink, my crutch pausing for a second before I use it to keep on moving forward. Her voice is completely devoid of the usual cheer, and it forces me to turn to her, noting the sad look in her eyes.

"Is this about my leg, or...?" I trail off, not entirely sure what she's referencing anymore. The apology feels different than the normal ones that she tried to give me, though I refused to accept any.

"No, not that. I was talking about my mood today. I was being kind of a bitch, wasn't I?" She admits, her face slipping into that depressed state.

I blink, both at the self-deprecating statement and at her language.

"Everyone is entitled to their privacy." I say simply. "I've only known you for a week. I don't expect you to be sharing your deepest secrets with me. We all have our secrets, don't we?"

She nods, grimly. "Too true." The reflected pain in her eyes makes me wonder just what those words are, that she keeps so tightly to her chest.

"Don't worry about it, Emi. I don't take it personally. As long as you don't use that pout of yours. That's cheating."

And just like that, the dark and gloomy tone disappears, her smile returning despite her efforts.

"Imagine if you were on the Student Council." I say, grinning. "Why, you'd get the whole school to join in a fortnight!"

She cringes. It appears that there is a fascinating story behind this, one that I accidentally stumbled upon. "W-Well..."

It's an odd day indeed when Emi Ibarazaki stutters so. I count it as a personal victory in my book.

It's too bad that we're already standing outside the Nurse's offices. Emi quickly rushes in as I playfully glare, temporarily robbed of the tale for the time being.

...

"Another day, Nakai, and you can get off that crutch of yours. You'll still have to keep the activity down, of course, but you will be able to walk uninhibited." The Nurse says, marking something down on a clipboard.

Yes!

"Okay." I say blandly. "But I'm actually here for something more important." He raises a disbelieving eyebrow at me. He knows how much I value being slowed by such things.

"Such as?"

"Well...Emi's been moping around, and I'm not sure why." Upon hearing this, Nurse's cheerful grin disappears.

"You can tell, huh? It must be getting pretty bad..." He says, musing.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask, peeved.

"What? Oh. Ibarazaki is used to keeping things up all bottled nice and tight inside, and typically doesn't let it show. The fact that you've noticed means that you're incredibly perceptive or that it's really bad." The Nurse says, his voice suddenly lowered. He completely ignores his intentional(?) faux pas in favor of this analysis.

"Things? Like?" I probe, leaning in. He mimics me.

"Like patient confidentiality." Nurse replies, sagely. I'm tempted to smack the look off his face for that.

"Of course." I say, sighing. "Can you at least tell me if it has something to do with her legs?"

"Her legs?" He asks, intrigued. I nod.

"She's been pushing herself really hard on the track lately. And maybe that's normal for her, but it actually looks kind of dangerous." I say, concerned for her health. "I mean, I get that she's trying to be a faster runner, but she's going to put herself at risk if she keeps it up. And then what?"

"I see." The nurse muses. "Well, here's what I'll do. I'll talk to her, and we'll see where that goes. But, more importantly..." He points at me. "You're probably more likely to get to her."

"Me?" I ask. "Why?"

He gives this sort of smile. "Why, because you're her running partner, of course. You're the one able to watch out for her on the track, so keep a careful eye on her." He smirks. "Though I'm sure you haven't had trouble doing that."

I feel a tingling in my cheeks. "Oh, screw you." I say heatedly.

He smirks. "Oh, do be careful with your word choice. You never know who's listening at the door." He laughs at my scowl as I stand up, annoyed.

"But seriously, though." I turn back to him, impatient. "Thank you for bringing this up with me." Nurse is serious again, so I nod before stepping out.

When I exit into the hall and close the door behind me, Emi is nonchalantly leaning against the rail, conspicuously not meeting my gaze.

"Were you eavesdropping?" I ask, suspicious. She stares into my eyes challengingly.

"Of course not!" Emi replies, heatedly. I give her a disbelieving look.

"Y-Yeah." She admits. I blink. Normally she would pout or something, not...give up so easily. That sense of wrongness buzzes in my mind as I try to figure out what's going wrong.

"I'm fine, really, I am." Emi says. "Thank you for your concern, but I know how to take care of myself too." There's a slight twang to her voice, almost clipped. Anger?

I give her a sad smile, because with each denial it only emphasizes just how much the running girl is hurting. But I don't push it. I can't.

"Alright, Emi." I say quietly, turning away to walk to my class. Before I pass the corridor, though, I stop and turn around, catching her attention. She looks lost and helpless, and I ache to say something, to reaffirm our friendship, anything.

So I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

"Don't forget, Emi, that I need you here too."

And then I swiftly turn around the corner, without being able to see her expression, hoping that I've said the right thing.


	27. Relapse

Class is odd. The students seem to be in a state of exhaustion, and I can't blame them. Ever since my...discussion with Emi, I've been distracted, too.

Mutou comes in, looking a bit fatigued himself and possibly suffering from the effects of a hangover. Instead of going on a lecture, he simply writes down problems on the board before disappearing behind his desk.

I shrug off the oddity and turn to Hanako, who seems to have decided to stay in class and work with me. I note the Student Council giving her a look I can't readily interpret, but choose to ignore it.

Well, actually, everyone is still staring, and it still makes Hanako nervous. To be fair, I'm not particularly thrilled, either. Doing my best to ignore it, I turn to the girl in front of me.

"Is the shopping trip still on?" I ask the purple-haired girl. She smiles, timidly.

"Y-Yes, unless..." I catch the implied question and shake my head.

"No, I'm still free, unless I manage to get myself in trouble between now and the end of the day." I lightly kick at my crutch, placed under my desk. "You can't really prepare for these things."

"Oh...if the trip would be too difficult...?" Hanako starts off uncertainly, clearly hoping that isn't the case.

"Um, I don't think so. I've been healing well enough." I absentmindedly fiddle with my sleeves. "I should be off of this by tomorrow, according to Nurse."

Hanako looks relieved. "That's good to h-hear. Um..." She pauses, apparently trying to figure out how to say something. I wait expectantly.

"H-How did you...get hurt?" She asks, staring at her desk. I'm not sure if she's asking broadly about my condition or just about my leg, but I'll take the safer and less invasive option.

"Well, for my condition, one of the things I have to do is physical therapy. I might not be able to feel my body, but that doesn't mean it can't be hurt." I reply. "So I have to keep it reasonably fit, and one of the ways to do that is to get consistent exercise. Generally I do that by walking, but the Nurse recommended that I go to the track."

"O-Oh...that's how you started running with Emi?" Hanako asks, looking pensive. I nod.

"I'll hopefully be able to properly run with her soon. It was fun while it lasted, though." I say, not realizing how bitter that sounded until after I've said it. She cringes slightly, and I wonder if I've accidentally plucked a nerve for her.

"Ah, sorry. That didn't come out right, did it?" I frown. It must be especially bad for me to say something callous like that, considering her accident.

"N-No, it's...okay..." Hanako replies quickly, though still looking rather sad. It's painfully obvious to both of us that she's just saying that so I don't worry, but I ignore it, trying to find a safer topic.

"The questions?" I ask, realizing that we haven't even started on the assignment. She starts, apparently having forgotten about them too.

"Y-Yes, let's do that..." We quickly pull out our materials, studiously not looking at each other. Besides the occasional question, nothing else is said.

It bothers me, but there's nothing to be done about it. Hanako is still clearly jarred by my statement, though not nearly as tense as how she was when we first met. Our eyes occasionally meet and flicker away, but the tension isn't as pronounced as it would be before.

People still occasionally glance at us, but, for once, Hanako seems blissfully unaware of this, working on the given problems with a quiet intensity.

When class ends and lunch begins, we move our desks back. Hanako waits for Lilly, I think, but right this second I don't want to be around anyone. With a goodbye to Hanako I escape the room, my bag around my shoulder as I dart away from the classroom, away from Class 3-2, where Lilly is undoubtedly coming from. Right now, it's just better if I stay away from everyone.

My feet take me to the garden courtyard. My garden courtyard. It's not mine and won't ever be, but there's no one to contest my claim in my head. I sit down on the bench next to me, staring blankly at the nearest tree.

I keep forgetting that we're not normal people. That the things we say can and will be taken differently by people like us, because...we've suffered. We've went through so much, lost so much more, and understand things like others can't.

In turn, though, we're not all fragile. We aren't a different kind of person. But we all have our own personal hurts, hurts that have wounded us so deeply...

And I may have inadvertently triggered one of those mines for Hanako. I'm really, genuinely afraid that I've broken what we had, and that's something I'm...

I'm terrified of losing.

I don't want to lose again. That's really what it comes down to. I know it's inevitable, inevitable that I lose that which I want to hold on to. But I don't want to.

I'm sick of losing.

That's why I'm so hurt now. Afraid of losing Emi to whatever darkness she fights, afraid of losing Hanako to my own clumsiness. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

But I have an obligation now, and I must do at least this much. To see Hanako through with her shopping. No matter how much I may want to avoid her now, afraid of what she thinks of me, I have no choice. I must face her, and see if she can still stand me.

For now, though, I will hide, trapping myself inside this cocoon of despair and resentment.

...

No.

No!

This is what I wanted to avoid, wasn't it? Doing this. This stupid thing. Perhaps I haven't changed as much as I thought I did, if I find myself in the same cycle again.

I have to do better than this...

But...what if I can't...?

...

By the time I regain my senses, a significant amount of time has passed. The sun is still high up in the air, thank goodness; I don't think I've missed my appointment with Hanako, but...I've probably accidentally cut a few classes. So...it might be better if I deal with that first.

Damnit.

I carefully reach up to my face and wipe off the leftover tears, doing my best to be presentable again. If I can at all avoid it, I won't have everyone know I've been crying.

Where do I go...?

Nurse? I guess. I don't know where the main office is, and I don't want to lose more time figuring it all out. I'll just head to somewhere familiar, I guess.

It's at this moment that I realize I've left my crutch behind. And...that I ran all the way here.

Whatever. I don't think I need it anymore.

...

As it turns out, the crutch is perfectly fine, having been brought to Nurse's office.

After informing the concerned parties that I am perfectly fine, Nurse excuses me for the rest of the day. I thank him gratefully, and he only shrugs, serious for once. I guess he understands my confused and tumbly emotional state right now, and doesn't want to pry too much. He does ask me if I want to see a therapist, in nicer words, but I pass it down, for now.

I don't know if it's the stigma associated with seeing a psychiatrist, or the fact that I don't want to rely on even more people, but something about the idea gnaws at me in a way I strongly dislike.

Nurse half-heartedly lectures me about my mad dash through the hallways, particularly considering my thigh strain, and runs a short physical exam on me. Ultimately he concludes that I haven't exacerbated my healing (healed?) injury and that I should be fine to move around on it.

Yay.

I find it difficult to really care. I'm infinitely more focused on the fact that there are exactly twelve minutes left on the clock before school officially ends. Nurse seems to recognize this, and ultimately shrugs, deciding that I just made a stupid mistake and that I can be trusted not to do it again, without good reason.

He lets me wander off at about five minutes left, and I steadily make my way towards the room in question. Idly, I wonder whether or not I should enter before school ends, but decide against it. There's no need to create a pointless disruption. With that in mind, I make my way up the stairs towards my classroom.

I hope she's still there; I hope that she thinks that I'll be here at the appointed time. I told her that I would be here for her and I don't intend on going back on that promise. I've broken enough things to know what I need to keep.

The bell rings and people stream out like ants, racing to freedom. Some of my classmates give me odd looks as they exit, but most pass by without noticing me. I slip into the classroom as it empties, my eyes scanning the classroom.

Hanako's there, looking up at me with a questioning gaze. I smile upon seeing her, a little selfish pang blossoming in my chest.

She's here. She waited for me.

Thank you.

* * *

 **A/N:** I know that resolved itself pretty quickly. Don't worry. It was never meant to be a serious point of conflict. It simply hints at the real conflicts looming ahead.

Speaking of which, there's been some interesting symbolism in this chapter what with the time. A cookie to anyone that figures out what it is. I like to try doing things like this all the time and they exist in other chapters as well, but this one is definitely the most obvious one so far.

The next chapter will likely arrive on Saturday, unless I'm in a good mood. Review if you can, thank you!

EDIT: There is some new stuff on my profile, including a timeline and a poll! Check it out if you wish. Thanks!


	28. Friendship

"Say, Hicchan, it's not too late to join up. There's a lot of post-festival paperwork for us to complete..." Misha says, making her way to me with Shizune in tow. I smile goodnaturedly. They conspicuously ignore my reddened eyes and my escape from the classroom, something I'm thankful for.

"If you come to me at a later date, I wouldn't mind helping, but I've got plans right now." I say, truthfully. I may as well do something useful, right?

As if sensing this, Hanako comes up from behind me, holding a small bag while apparently trying to avoid eye contact with everyone. Misha's eyes widens before she bursts into giggles.

"You move fast, don't you, Hicchan? We won't disturb your date any further!" I blink, sighing. I probably should have expected that; the joke feels off considering what happened between Hanako and I this morning. But I can't blame Misha; she didn't know that, of course.

Hanako seems to be trying to ignore them altogether, tugging on my shirt with her eyes firmly fixed to the floor, a blush raging across her face.

"L...let's..." Misha's comment must have really rattled Hanako. I nod.

"Alright. I'll see you two later." I say, referencing the duo. Misha grins and waves goodbye, Shizune looking on somewhat indifferently, before both retreat into the hallway, some conversation going on between them.

"Do you have all your things?" I ask, somewhat rhetorically. She nods. "Let's head off, then."

The silence between us feels somewhat stilted, and I hate it. But once again there's nothing I can really do about it. I find it ironic that I'm probably more conscious of this than she is.

Here, as students flood through the gates, I note that no one is alone. And despite walking with Hanako, I feel this sense of emptiness, despair threatening to shut me down again. I can't, though...I have to resist.

As Hanako and I pass through the gates, I notice that she closes the distance between us slightly, as if deriving comfort from my presence. This walk is one that she has probably taken dozens of times, yet her hands clutch the leather straps of her bag tight enough to whiten her knuckles. I don't know how to reassure her with this emotional distance between us, so I don't say anything.

Surprisingly enough, she breaks the silence herself.

"Your leg..." I glance at her to find her eyes off the road for once, peeking quickly into mine before flitting away.

"Mm. It's better now. I can go back to running tomorrow. Just a light sprain." The words feel rather shallow to my ears, though I don't know if she picks up on it.

Her next words take me by surprise.

"I'm...sorry." She says, haltingly. I start, almost tripping in my shock. What is she thinking? What is she blaming herself for? I don't understand what she's trying to say sorry for.

"My...leg? You didn't have anything to do with that?" I reply, thrown off by the non-sequitur.

"N-No...I mean...ah." She says, anxiously. I can tell that this apology isn't coming easily to her, though I'm not sure why.

"This morning..." This appears to be as much as she's willing to elaborate, as she clams up and refuses to speak another word. She looks genuinely sorry, but...I don't understand what she means.

I contemplate this for a long while, but don't come up with anything.

"Um, well...I don't actually know how you made me sad, so...I guess you're forgiven...?" I respond, tentatively. The answer seems to frustrate her, though, but she doesn't appear to be annoyed at me.

"Y-You were hurt...b-because...I brought up s-something private, didn't I...?" Hanako asks.

"Um, no." I reply. "Actually, I was sad because I thought the same thing about you, so..." Hanako blushes, smiling slightly, even though she looks a little uncomfortable.

"N-No." She shakes her head, as if to drive the point into my mind further. "No, you...d-didn't." Glancing at her minutely more relaxed posture, I think it's okay to assume that she's telling the truth. I doubt she'd be talking to me so easily had I actually offended her.

"Ah..." The silence continues as I digest this, though blissfully lighter.

"So we both messed up, then." I say, sighing. She seems happy to accept her share of the blame, oddly enough, and we consider this in relative peace.

I don't know what she's thinking, but this was probably the best outcome of them all. Neither of us were truly bothered but what I said, though we thought the other had been.

The feeling of relief that surges through me is almost enough to bring me to tears, but I quickly shake it off, focusing on walking into town instead.

...

We reach the store without further trouble, though I note that Hanako drifts closer as we encounter more and more people. She doesn't quite shut down as much as she drifts off, mentally. When she squeaks, mortified, after unintentionally bumping into my shoulder, I know I have to do something.

What that is, I don't know. Her fears in regards to her scars are quite valid; the occasionally passerby flinching whenever they catch wind of her face. Mine too, but not so much, seeing as how much more hidden mine are. With my long-sleeved uniform shirt and green slacks, the only visible scars are those on my hands.

"Here, Hanako. This way." I say, as she almost walks past the store in question. Unthinkingly, she follows; though she seems to liven just a little once inside. Using me as a shield between her and the register, we navigate into the stalls with relative ease.

I watch, rather intrigued, as she collects what she needs, taking the time to make my own purchases.

"Thyme? Rosemary? Do you cook?" I ask, as she wanders into the spice aisle. She nods, meekly.

"A...little." She replies quietly, still somewhat subdued, but less so than earlier. It's nice to see her coming alive, again.

"Oh? Could you show me sometime?" I cook too, but only for basic sustenance. Certainly nothing requiring spices. I'm very curious to see how good she is at it.

"Ah...o-okay." This offer seems to please her, to my interest. I had assumed that she cooked most of the food for our last lunch but I wasn't particularly sure; moreover, I am extremely curious to see what she will make for me considering she knows nearly nothing of my tastes.

"Where did you learn how to cook?" I ask.

"I...taught myself." I nod. Now this is fascinating. I wonder if her cooking skills were born out of necessity, like mine; but, no, you wouldn't use spices unless you cooked for the taste.

Or perhaps she's a picky eater, though I don't think that's the case. Musing, I slip over to the bakery section and pick up several presumably warm baked goods. Hanako politely refuses when I offer to buy her one and we head down to the convenience store to ring up our purchases.

I note how the attendant seems to just ignore Hanako's scars. I guess they're used to students like us, considering how reasonably close the school and the store are to each other. It's always interesting, to see how people react. I've long since stopped caring, but I'm well aware that not everyone is like this.

Hanako, for one, actively hides away from everyone else. Then again, her disability is the most visually shocking one. I don't mind her scars, though.

I'm covered with them too. Just in less obvious areas, though my hands are fairly visibly damaged.

After we pay for our respective purchases, we step back out onto the street. Since Hanako has purchased the bulk of our things, I offer to carry some of her bags. It only takes a moment of reluctance for her to give in; clearly they're quite heavy.

It leaves me in no position to readily eat the food I've purchased, which is a shame. I feel quite hungry right about now, and the smell is delightful. Judging from Hanako's occasional sniffs, I think she agrees with me, but I don't think she has any interest in actually eating.

Or maybe...

The walk back up the hill is primarily filled with a comfortable silence. There are less people on the road, too, which means Hanako is less tense. The occasional car sees her shifting slightly behind me, but she seems quite a bit more relaxed since we started.

Soon we're at the courtyard outside the dorms, and I take a chance.

"Hey, Hanako, have you eaten?" I ask, as I give her back her bags.

"Um...n-no." She replies, hesitantly, as if she can see where the conversation is going.

"Would you like to eat here with me?" I ask, sitting down on the nearest bench. "I have enough for the both of us..."

I honestly hadn't planned this. It only occurred to me when I figured that she might very well be hungry, but too shy to ask for one. So what if I offer to her?

"I...ah..." She seems terribly uncertain, shifting slightly in her spot.

"It's payback for when you cooked for lunch in the tea room. The least I can do is offer something back, right?"

"I...okay..." Hanako finally agrees, and I move over on the bench to make room for her as I pull up the bag with the food.

"Erm, can you tell whether or not it's still warm?" I ask, awkwardly. She blushes slightly, reminded of my condition.

"Y-Yes, it still is."

"Oh, good. Here, which one do you want?" There's quite a few different varieties. I had intended for this to last me at least a day, but it may all be gone within tonight.

"N-No, you can pick first..." She doesn't seem to want to place any extra stress on me. I can't understand why.

"Thanks." Rather than go against the flow, I simply select a package and tear it open. It's bread with some kind of cheese filling, I think. There's a copy of it; this way, if she wanted that one, there's still another.

After some deliberation, Hanako picks a chocolate cream pastry, of which there are also two. I internally sigh, knowing that she picked hers the same way I chose mine. Again, though, I don't want to create any stress.

This is nice. The sun sets over our shoulders as we sit together on the bench, a bag of cooling bread between us, chewing on our respective selections. She seems to enjoy hers greatly.

"Do you have any favorites?" I ask, indicating the pastries. "I'm happy to eat anything, so..."

She swallows her food before answering. "Ah...This one is good." She holds up the remains of her chocolate pastry before promptly executing the leftovers.

"Oh? Take the other one too, then." I say, as I pick up a ham-and-cheese bread roll.

"But..."

"There's plenty of different options for me. You don't have to hold back on my account." I say, grinning as I steal Lilly's phrase. Hanako seems to recognize it, if her quiet giggle is of any indication.

"If you say so..." She takes the second one too, much to my delight. I keep it in mind, to buy for her again later at some point.

Caught by the breeze, a cherry blossom petal makes its way into her hair. I stifle a giggle at the sight.

"W-What's the matter...?" Hanako asks, noticing my gaze. I reach up to pick it out of her violet strands, holding it in front of her blushing face.

I shrug, smiling, before I release it, a breeze catching it and pulling it away from us. We watch, silently, as it glides out of view.

She finishes off her pastry and I hand her a napkin to wipe the chocolate off of her fingers before doing the same for my own. There's a contemplative look on her face as her eyes studiously remain affixed to their task, and I realize with a small shock that she's stopped trying to actively hide her scars from me. That certainly doesn't mean that she's giving me a clear view of them, but she isn't angling away from me anymore, or carefully keeping her hand faced just so...

That isn't new, actually. It's been like this for the whole day, now that I think about it. I hadn't realized, maybe because I don't look at her scars out of respect for her.

"Ah...I should go b-back. Lilly might be..." Hanako says suddenly, and I realize the problem. Lilly doesn't exactly know where Hanako is...

"Oh, yeah. Okay, then." I wrap up the bag neatly, throwing away the trash in a nearby bin.

"T-Thank you. For the food. A-And for the shopping." Hanako says, smiling at me before reaching for her bags.

"Ah, no problem. Do you need help with those?" I ask. She seems to deliberate for a moment before coming to her conclusion.

"N-No, I'm fine. It's just a short walk..." I nod.

"Okay, Hanako. Thank you for today, too. Good night." She seems to blush slightly at this.

"Good night."

We head our respective ways. I find myself asleep in my room not long after, dreaming of something violet.

* * *

There is some new stuff on my profile, including a timeline and a poll! Check it out if you wish. Thanks!


	29. Hope

**A/N:** Wow, 4,000 views. For such a small fandom that's a pretty big number, I think. Not like I have anything to compare it to.

EDIT: I was going to do a triple upload, but things didn't work as planned. Returning to standard schedule.

Cheers!

* * *

I don't know what I dreamt about, but it was pleasant.

What I dream about is far more pleasant, though. A dream of a future of relative normality. A dream with-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Well, there goes that plan. Wearily, I get up and walk over to the door, opening it after a moment's pause.

Oh. It's Kenji. I was honestly kind of hoping that I'd never have to deal with him again, but that was pretty idealistic. We're dorm mates, after all.

I'm prepared, though. Before he can open his mouth to say whatever line of insanity he has prepared:

"I'm a woman." I say.

I'm admittedly not prepared for him to leap away as if I've burned him, but I continue with my counterattack.

"I was a man, but now I am a woman." I add. "Isn't it great?"

Kenji seems to disagree, if the way he turns tail and bolts into his room is of any indication. I can hear several locks clicking into place immediately after my statement.

I feel kind of bad about it, actually, rather than relieved. I wasn't sure how serious he was about all the feminism stuff, but it looks like he actually took it to heart.

On considering this I feel even more like a bully. I resolve to make it up to him, somehow, but I'm not sure even where to begin. I settle for writing up a note and taping it to his door.

" _I'm sorry for that. That was a prank."_

It doesn't feel like nearly enough, but it's a start.

Gah. I still feel like an ass for doing that, and want to apologize, but I don't think he'd exactly be open to an approach right now. Whatever. I'll figure out how to deal with this later on. Otherwise I'm going to be late for my run with Emi.

Ah, running. I will actually be allowed to do this, now; run. I'm Emi's running partner now, and she relies on me, and I rely on her. I think that's how it's supposed to go.

Did what I say yesterday mean anything? I hope it did. I don't like seeing the evidence under her eyes that proves she hasn't been sleeping well; or the frantic way she runs to force every thought out of her mind.

I don't even have to be her friend to not want whatever is happening to her to happen. I don't make a habit of leaving people to hurt alone. Especially girls.

Something about a crying girl moves me more than it does a boy. Basic attraction principles, I guess, though I'd like to avoid thinking about what my unconscious gets up to.

With nothing much else to do to distract me from my steady worry, I dress appropriately, donning a T-shirt and some shorts before slipping on my shoes.

I've decided to start at three laps. Since I collapsed pretty early on into my fifth lap, it should be alright if I cut off just one. Any more is risking it. I'll be able to tack on a lap every few weeks, and possibly improve my speed in short bursts, too.

I have no delusions of ever running at Emi's pace, but perhaps I'll be able to keep up with her "light exercise", as she so calls it. Maybe one day, anyways.

This mindless rambling works to help alleviate my anxiety as I get within view of the track, though my heart drops as I realize that it is completely silent.

My eyes scan the bleachers, the track, down to the equipment shed...empty. Devoid of life.

Well...now what?

I need not answer that, as an odd sound reaches my ears. Rhythmic like footsteps, but much more metallic. I spin around to see the source.

"You're late!" Emi announces cheerfully, and I give her a relieved smile. I had forgotten that I was ahead of time...

"Well, then you're later!" I accuse. She grins as she steps closer, taking care not to smash my feet with her prosthetics, until we're face-to-face.

"Thank you, Hisao." Emi's arms snake around me as she carefully pulls me into a hug, her head buried into my chest. I tentatively return it, unsure of what to say in return.

Thank you? For what? My friendship? What I said? I don't know. I don't know what to make of it, and Emi's proximity isn't making it any easier. I might not feel the warmth that her touch undoubtedly brings, but I can certainly see the tenseness in her whole body.

"Ah...you're welcome?" I say. Her responding giggle is the purest thing I've heard. "I...don't know what you're thanking me for. We're friends. And sometimes we have to be there to tell the other person that they're doing something stupid."

Emi pulls her head off of my chest to show me her scowl. I can't help but compare it to a small puppy growling at a door, or something like that.

"And anyways, I would be remiss not to make you feel better. Your smile lights up the world. How could I leave everyone else in darkness?" I murmur.

To my surprise, she gapes at me, as if not believing what I've just said. Than, slowly, her face transforms into one of those genuine smiles.

"Th-Thank you, Hisao..." And she's blushing, too?

I shrug. "All I'm doing is stating facts."

There's a fairly awkward silence while Emi visibly tries to regain control over her emotions. I eventually take pity on her and point towards the track.

"Let's go. Before we're really late." I say.

"Oh! Yeah!" Emi laughs sheepishly, before pulling away and sprinting towards the track. I smile before making my way down, too.

...

Hm.

Classroom is somewhat uneventful, but that's really nothing new. Considering this, I allow myself to slip into my thoughts.

The hurt of yesterday has faded. I'm back on track with Emi and Hanako; literally, in the first case, and maybe even better off than I started.

And as for Hanako...

 _Was it a date?_

I took Hanako out to town to shop, and then we came back up and had dinner with each other. We planned it, even.

Technically, it was a date, but that doesn't matter right now. I don't understand what happened, exactly, but something did. Something important.

But was it what I'm thinking it was? I can't ask Hanako, definitely not. The potential for something terribly awkward is just too high. How am I even going to face her at lunch with Lilly?

Speaking of which, does Lilly know? I can assume that she does; Hanako likely told her. Anyone else? No. I don't think Hanako knows anyone besides us too well and Lilly wouldn't tell. Okay. I can do this.

Without turning I can feel that my partner's eyes are on me, or maybe they're not and I think they are. I don't know. I feel like everyone is looking at me oddly, but when I look at them I can tell that they're not. I'm really overthinking this, aren't I? Hanako's next to me, perfectly calm, not freaking out, either.

Do I even...like her like that? I've barely known her for a week!

 _But she has a nice smile..._

The screeching of desks scraping across the floor snap me back to attention.

"H-Hisao? Are you okay?" My gaze flickers over to Hanako, who's giving me a curious look. I flush slightly. She must have noticed me spacing out.

"Y-Yes. I'm fine." I scramble to figure out what I'm supposed to say, my eyes flickering around the classroom. "Um, is this a group assignment again?" Hanako nods, face blank. If she's picked up on anything, she isn't going to say, and I'm grateful for that.

"Ah, okay. Do you want to...?" Hanako answers in the affirmative and we slide our desks together again, prepared to tackle the latest science worksheets.

They aren't too difficult, but I'm having a hard time concentrating. Solving the long-answer problems absently proves to be impossible.

"Er...Hisao, a-aren't you supposed to divide here...?" I blink at my paper and correct my mistake.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." She seems mostly content to follow my lead today. Whether that's because she doesn't understand the subject material or for some reason is up for discussion.

As Hanako takes the time to tack on an explanation for one of her answers, I conclude that it must be the latter. This is frustrating, because I don't have a clue what it is. I try to inconspicuously scrutinize her as she writes.

She unconsciously chews on her lower lip as she struggles to figure out how to word a phrase, but quickly figures it out and relaxes. I stiffen slightly when she idly brushes her hair out of her face, unintentionally revealing some of her scars.

They're a lot less jarring than I thought they would be. This is the first time I've really actually looked at them...but maybe I've just gotten used to them over time, even without really looking at them.

Her neat handwriting grows to spread over the page, accurately detailing her answers. She successfully does most of it alone, with only the occasional question to help make sure she's on the right track.

It's rather interesting to watch her at work, quietly focused on the sheet in front of her. Though the classroom is loud and chatty, we're here, quietly working in our own little corner of the world.

"You seem off today...a-are you okay?" Hanako asks, setting down her pencil. I guess she's done with her assignment; I'm barely halfway done.

"Yeah." And I am okay. Just...pensive, I guess. She seems to accept this excuse and I get back to hastily finishing up the assignment, writing in the last answer with a messy scrawl just as the lunch bell rings.

"Ah, just in time." I say, relieved. We split our desks away and hand the papers up to be collected. I'm not sure what to make of today.

Hanako's questioning glance, though, at least reassures me that I have lunch with someone else.

* * *

 **A/N:** How do you like the story so far? Review!


	30. Chess

"Hisao." Lilly says, seriously, "I have a proposition for you."

I blink, unnerved by her tone. "Eh...what is it?" Possibilities dance through my head as I try to figure out what she could possibly be asking with such formality.

"I would like it very much if we were to play a game of chess." The blonde says, taking a dainty sip of tea.

For a moment, I'm confused. But...she hasn't beaten Hanako, right? And I beat her, so...what is she...?

"Ah...okay." Either way, I'll humor her. I think it would be rude to point my thoughts out. Hanako seems to have the same reservations, but doesn't say anything, either, standing up to retrieve the chess set. I quickly finish off the rest of my sandwich as Hanako sets the board down.

The pieces have little indents on top, something I hadn't noticed while playing chess with Hanako. I guess that Lilly can determine between them based off of that, solving the conundrum of her playing blind. The board, too, is different; the black tiles are a little raised.

It's odd how I haven't noticed these things before. Usually I pay more attention to detail. Maybe because it was never really brought up until now? Hanako and I both can see perfectly fine, so I would never need to consider an alternative of some sort.

Lilly offers to play black, and I let her. I'm not sure if her offer indicates that she plays better as one or the other. Instinct tells me that she would pick the one that suits her but my conscious reminds me of her generosity.

Then again, she wouldn't know my preferred color. Or does she? This is so confusing...

"Are you familiar with basic chess notation?" Lilly asks.

"Er, yes." I'm out of practice, though. I don't typically notate my games, but I've memorized sequences for openings and I know how they work. The chess board is sectioned off by eight columns and rows. Columns are assigned the letters 'a' through 'h' and rows receive the numbers 1-8.

"If you could call out your moves as you play them, it would be very helpful." Lilly says. I don't have a problem with it, and indicate so.

I start off with a popularized opening. "Pawn to e4." Lilly's hand brushes over her own pieces briefly before moving her own pawn to e5, to block mine.

I send a knight at f3 to test her response and she cheerfully copies my move, though reversed to f6, so that both of our knights attack the opposing pawn. Nothing will be gained by this trade, so I ignore it and begin to develop my half of the board in preparation for whatever it is she's about to do.

"Pawn to a4." I say, moving the appropriate piece.

"Pawn to h5." Lilly says, moving the pawn on the opposite side, now.

Except...all she's been doing is stealing most of my moves, with a few exceptions that appear to be meaningless. Is this some kind of test, to see how I react? What is her goal, here?

Twenty or thirty moves later, I decide to take advantage of this. I sweep my bishop down the line to prepare an opening. Checkmate in four moves.

"Bishop to e5. Capture black pawn."

"Bishop to e5. Capture white bishop." Her copycat attack, as expected.

"Pawn to e5. Capture black bishop."

"Pawn to e5. Capture white pawn." A coy smile plays at her lips. What...? There's no way this is fun for her. Copying someone's moves? What's the entertainment in that?

"Pawn to e5. Capture black pawn." Last move. Copy this, then.

Lilly smirks triumphantly, then, and I realize my blunder.

"Queen to h4. Capture white rook. White in check." With a slashing motion, she perceives and destroys my offensive in an instant.

"You planned this the whole time?" I ask, as I rapidly try to fix my mistake. Hanako seems to approve of the twist in the game, if her badly-hidden smile is of any indication.

"I may have." Lilly agrees.

"...So you've beaten Hanako, then?" I ask. Another sweeping motion of hers creates a second prong I must fend off.

"No. I had to forfeit due to time when we played this the first time, and she was never caught off guard again." On hearing this, my eyes flash to the clock on the wall.

No. I won't win like that. With renewed concentration, I stare at the board.

How can I get out of this? She has the advantage in both pieces, positioning and development. And she's chasing my King around the board while taking yet more pieces.

A sacrifice is in order, then. I block off the next attack with a stray knight. She takes it with a bishop and loses it to my defending pawn.

"Rook to a1. Check." I viciously lunge across the board with my bishop to take it. Lilly frowns when she realizes what I've done.

That's right. That's the one advantage I have, no matter how slight. She can't see the entire board, being blind, and must therefore play by memory.

And it's very, very difficult to play a perfect game like that.

By a technicality, I have the lead in skill. Or maybe not. Lilly couldn't beat Hanako. Assuming that she is telling the truth, a fair assumption to make, I might actually have a significant lead.

But that doesn't come close to neutralizing the poor position I find myself in.

"Rook to a2. Capture white pawn." Cutting her losses with that attack, she seems to have settled for taking as many pieces as she can. But it doesn't matter now, I'm not being chased around my side anymore!

I can't castle any more, but I don't need to. My defense is skewered as it is, and isn't readily salvageable. My goal, then, is to put her on the defensive...but how?

I still have my Queen. Hm...

"Rook to d5. Capture black pawn." I say. I have to figure out how to work around her rook, whose horizontal capturing area is cutting off my options. I can't get my King into play without forcing her to move.

Let's see...I still have my Queen and one Rook and Bishop apiece, and about three pawns. Lilly has the same, except two Rooks instead of one, another Knight and two extra pawns.

"Queen to h1. Check." This isn't good. She's trapped me between her Queen and her Rook, and the only thing protecting me is the fact that I have a few pieces between them that I can hide around. I have to make sure to protect them with my King, or I'll lose my cover, and I can't let her use other pieces to take them.

Or...can I?

"King to e2." I say, escaping check as I take cover behind my remaining Knight, stationed on d2. Lilly frowns in concentration.

"Pawn to c3." Lilly counters. Seeing that she can't do much to keep me in there yet, she'll settle for taking yet another piece before retrapping me. Or perhaps she'll pick off some of my errant pawns on the other side?

Tch. I can't threaten her Rook with my bishop. It's the wrong color for that. Attacking her Queen with it would be suicide, and threatening the pawn would result in a win for her. A trade at this point is to her advantage, even a poor one.

"Bishop to d4." Alright. This should work. Her king is hidden behind pawns on b7 and c7, tucked in the a8 corner. Her knight lays unused on d7. And I've just cleared the way...

"Pawn to d2. Capture knight." Hanako gasps, realizing what I've done; upon hearing it, Lilly frowns, but it's too late. Her black king rests vulnerable on b8!

"Queen to a7! Check!" I blurt excitedly, my hand trembling as I slash my Queen across the board.

That was my advantage. My Queen on a5, left untouched for at least a dozen moves and completely forgotten by Lilly. And now it is protected by my Bishop, so she can't take it with her own King.

"Aha..." Lilly cringes. "I seem to have been outplayed. King to c8."

"Queen to a8. Checkmate." I say, triumphant, but also relieved. Because all that kept me from a loss was her disability. I'm sure that frustrates Lilly, too, but I also understand that pitying her for it would earn me her ire.

"And so it is." Lilly replies. "That was a good match."

"Yes. I got lucky." I say truthfully, sighing as I slump into my chair. "How much have you played before? You're quite good." Visualizing an entire chessboard and its pieces in your head must be terribly difficult, especially when those pieces move, and you still have to calculate your own movements...

"This would be my seventh game." Lilly admits with a cheeky smile as I cringe at the answer, to Hanako's amusement.

"S-Seven? You've picked up that much in seven games?" I ask in disbelief.

Is this the difference between academic intelligence and raw intelligence?

"Well, I've read a little theory. I know the basic rules, anyways..." And she extrapolated off of those? Combining basic checkmate strategies with mind games to force a slip? I guess it would only work once, but still...

That's kind of scary. I want to see how a game between Shizune and Lilly goes. I suspect neither would appreciate the question, though. Shizune would probably call her a cheater or something, especially if she won.

On second thought, perhaps I should try to arrange a game between them, if only to see this.

"That's amazing." I reply, as Hanako collects the pieces and slides them back into the appropriate container. "I wish I had that kind of skill."

Lilly giggles. "It isn't that impressive. I wish I could follow through with it, though. I would have preferred to win." Haha, there's the pride.

"I would be honored to play against you again at a time of your choosing." I bait.

"Perhaps when I pick up a new strategy." She smiles. "I may even win for once."

Our banter is interrupted by the bell going off.

"Huh? Already? I guess the game lasted longer than I thought it did. I guess we had better head off, then." I say, collecting my bags and taking my trash to an open bin.

"Ah, Hanako, may I speak to you for a moment?" Lilly asks. "Hisao, feel free to go on ahead."

I nod. "I will. See you, Lilly, Hanako."

"Good day, Hisao." Lilly.

"B-Bye!" Hanako.

And with a wave, I slip out the door and head off.

* * *

 **A/N:** Is the game I presented theoretically possible? Yes.

Would it ever actually happen? Almost certainly not. The layout of the pieces preceding the parts I begin to notate are absolutely all over the place.

Don't worry too much about that. It's more what actually happened that matters more than how it got to be there.

How do you like the story so far? Review!


	31. Focus

"What did Lilly want to talk to you about?" I ask Hanako as she slips into her seat next to me at the bell.

"Ah..." She cringes in her seat as the teacher looks in our direction. "L-Later." I nod and pull out my notes like I was supposed to, settling in for a long and quiet series of classes...

...

Sometime between one or the other, a note finds its way to my desk. It's unsigned, but the sender is obvious, even if I didn't recognize the purple ink and the careful handwriting.

" _Are you free tonight?"_

My heart pounds in my chest as I glance at the girl next to me. She avoids looking at me as I consider my reply.

" _Yes. Did you have something in mind?"_ I place the scrap back on her desk. She looks at it quickly and smiles.

" _Could you join Lilly and I for tea?"_

A sudden disappointment runs through me. The way she had worded it, I had thought... Still, though, this is an interesting opportunity.

" _Sure."_ I pause, trying to remember the name of the quaint cafe we visited during the night of the festival. " _Is it the Shanghai?"_

" _No, in Lilly's room. Is after dusk okay with you?"_

" _Yes. She lives in the dorms, right? What room number?"_

" _225\. See you there."_ The hasty end to the conversation is punctuated by our next teacher walking in. I quickly crumple up the paper and shove it into my pockets.

As we hastily pull out our notes, I catch Misha and Shizune giving us a speculative look. I frown at the former disapprovingly. She sticks her tongue out at me before sending her attention forward once more.

Oh boy. I hope I haven't inadvertently caught their interest. The last thing I need is a conflicting schedule. After all, I'm supposed to help out the Student Council...eventually...

I don't know why I feel like I owe them anything. No, I don't owe them a single thing. But my desire to help them isn't born out of the need to repay some kind of imaginary debt.

...

After class, I cite the need to finish my homework to avoid any chance at the Student Council duo intercepting me and wander off to my dorm to get it done as quickly as I can. Time slowly crawls by as I steadily fill the last of my worksheets with my messy scrawl before filing it into my folder

There's still a lot of time left until dusk, an hour before sunset, I think.

I guess now is as good a time as any to finish my perusal of the auxiliary buildings.

…

"Turn around, Mr. Nakai." I cringe at the familiar voice and turn to see the Nurse stepping out of his office behind me, looking pleased. I had been trying to avoid this very thing by quickly and confidently walking past the open door to escape notice, but the predator was not fooled. I quietly debate the merits of turning tail and fleeing before deciding that it would be unwise to antagonise the one with control over my medication.

"Hello." I reply, monotonously.

"I have something interesting for you. Please, step inside." He says, that cheeky grin on his face.

"Interesting? For you or for me?" I ask.

"That depends. Do you want to have this discussion in the hallway where anyone can walk in on us, or do you want to come inside?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. I make a face.

"Fine, fine." I head in. I like the Nurse well enough, but I hate hospitals and everything related to them, and his office bears enough of a resemblance to make me uneasy. He shuts the door behind me and I take a seat as close to the door as possible.

"I see that Emi has been in a brighter mood, recently. I suppose I have you to thank for that?" He asks, taking a seat at his desk. If he is bothered by the abnormal distance, he doesn't make any indication of it.

I guess that my actions really did make her feel better. Of course, I have no interest in telling the Nurse that.

"Do you?" I ask neutrally. Let him draw his own conclusions.

"Ohohoho. Interesting." On second thought, that might be a bad idea.

"Whatever. What did you really want to talk about?" His grin widens.

"Touchy, touchy. Anyways, there's another trial medication here for you. It goes along with most of the stuff you have already, though it won't react well with Formula 52. But you're almost done with that, right? Just return the rest." He says, pulling out the bottle of pills in question.

"What does this new medication do?" I ask, curious, but not particularly hopeful.

"This one is Trial 14, and it goes hand in hand with Trial 12, which you're already taking. Basically, it's the improved version of Trial 5." He says, handing the bottle to me.

Trial 5. That's one name I won't forget.

"You mean the one that gave me crippling headaches in exchange for improved tactility, right?" I question. "How is it any better? Is it even any better? Are there other test subjects? Have they killed themselves yet?"

The Nurse winces slightly at my pointed barbs, probably remembering Trial 11. That one had claimed to do the same thing, and it was far worse. It worked without problems for a day or so with little issue at first, but sent my mood crashing down and I tried to kill myself twice.

It took months to reverse those effects. Months of waiting by myself in the hospital, on suicide watch and later, with therapists.

That experience is probably why I've stopped waiting for some kind of cure or successful suppression drug. After all, I'm just the human rat. Nothing polished is ever going to be developed off of me.

"I don't know the specifics." He deflects, and I deflate, realizing that I'm taking my anger out on the messenger.

"Sorry." I say. "I didn't mean to snap like that." The Nurse shrugs.

"It happens. Have you noticed any unusual side effects from the cocktail you're currently taking?" He asks.

I admittedly haven't been paying too much attention. My little episode back on Monday is something to be concerned about, and I've been trying to avoid the Nurse to avoid talking about it...but caused by my medication? I don't think so.

"I haven't noticed anything outside of the ordinary." I reply.

"Really? So you haven't noticed, say, any depressive effects?" He responds dryly. I cringe.

"I don't think that had anything to do with the medicine." I say defensively.

"Oh? Then what did it have to do with?" He asks.

"Teenager confidentiality." I say seriously. "Sorry. My lips are sealed."

My confusion with Hanako is definitely something I don't wish to discuss at all. With anyone. Ever.

"Alright, Nakai." Suddenly, the Nurse looks serious. "I trust you know where to go if you need help, right?"

"I do, sir." I reply. I might not be happy about it, but I won't take stupid risks with my health. My life might not be the best, but it could certainly be worse.

"Okay. Take one of those pills now, and then once every morning, a single pill. Don't forget to quit Formula 52. Bring whatever's left to our morning meeting so I can dispose of it, okay?" He lectures. I try to look like I'm paying attention. We both know that I've heard this basic medical stuff dozens of times by now, which is why he's so lax with what I do.

"Yup." I pocket Trial 14. "See ya."

Whoosh. I dash out of the office and to safety. I should head up to my dorm to get ready for the tea party. Except...there's one more thing I want to see...

...

Of course she isn't here. The mural is long since done. Truthfully, I'm not even sure why I'm here. I guess...I just wanted to see. To try to see what Rin sees in this. A mural, painted to be a mural...

I step forward to trace the outlines of paint, staring into the colors to see if they mean anything.

Could I do it? Create something without knowing what it was?

No, I don't think I could. I'm not a very creative person. That's why I copy memories, rather than making brand new ones. But I think that there is value in both.

Slow footsteps behind me alert me to someone else's presence. I tilt my head to look.

"Hey, Rin. How are you?" I ask. "Or, rather, why are you here?" The redhead blinks.

"It's my mural." Rin replies, blankly. A pause. "...I think. Why are you here?" Rin asks. I smile slightly.

Rin doesn't seem to have changed a bit, though I haven't seen her since our erratic conversation before the festival. It's been quite a while since then, though.

"I'm not sure." I confess. "I..." I trail off, not sure what I want to say. There was something...

Murky green eyes affix themselves on a point somewhere behind me. On her mural, I think, or maybe she's just looking through me.

"Do you need help finding your reason?" Rin asks suddenly.

"...No." I say. "I don't think I need a reason." The redhead looks confused; well, more so than she usually does, anyways.

"Don't you need a reason? Like my mural. An idea. About painting a mural." I frown. It's a familiar expression around her. I open my mouth to respond -

And then I close it, because she makes an unexpectedly logical point. I can't tell her that I don't need a reason for visiting after I told her that she needed an idea to paint her mural.

"I guess I do." I concede. She stares at me solemnly, mouth stubbornly shut.

This is more awkward than I thought it would be. My neck hurts, too. I realize that my body is only half-turned towards her and can't decide whether to shift facing Rin or the mural.

I finally decide to take a seat down on the pavement, staring at the long-dried paint in front of me. Here and there, I can see the colors that I help mixed sporadically scattered around the wall, forming together to create a cohesive idea of something.

"What do you see...?" I ask, quietly.

"A mural." Rin deadpans. I shake my head slightly. All these pieces put together, bodies and eyes and faces.

"Then why paint this and not something else? A mural of a butterfly field, perhaps, or something else? Why this?" I question. She's given me an answer before, but I realize...that I can't accept it any more. It's not good enough.

"I don't know." Rin says, and as I shift to face her I see an odd expression of something flash through her eyes.

I can't help but think that this mural isn't as random as Rin seems to believe, as random as I want to believe, but there's no answer to be found here.

"I understand, a little." I say. It's an empty thought. I don't understand at all. I want to, but I don't.

It's as simple as that, perhaps. I may never understand Rin, either.

But I want to. I really do.

But I don't know how...

"Do you like to paint?" I ask Rin. She nods firmly. This much she knows, a concise and determined answer so unlike any action she normally exhibits.

"Why do you like to paint?" Her eyes affix themselves on my face, suddenly piercing. I meet them, probing brown clashing with focused green.

"I have to." She says. Her empty sleeves flap in the light breeze, Rin's figure eclipsing the dying sun.

"Why?" I press.

"There aren't words for it." Rin whispers, a note of something that sounds like pain saturating her voice. I start, realizing that this is easily the most serious conversation that I have ever carried with her.

How have I never noticed how expressive her eyes are? I guess I've never looked too much, always unnerved by their typical lack of focus. They're anything but now, though, emerald crystal narrowed in razor-sharp intensity.

"Ah." I reply eloquently, and then there is silence. I break eye contact, turning back to stare at the mural like it is the most interesting thing in the world.

Rin...

When I look back, she's gone, the sun slipping away under the horizon.


	32. Jubilee

I don't have the time to change or anything for the tea party with Lilly and Hanako; really, it's the first thing I should have done, and I'm a little embarrassed at my attire. My school uniform isn't exactly the impression I want to bring to this. At least I haven't been running after school or anything, so I shouldn't bring any weird scents with me.

Honestly, what was I even thinking when I accepted this invitation? I don't even really like tea.

That's a silly question, though. I'm all too aware that I did it for Hanako. I don't want to disappoint her again. And anyways, the tea isn't really the main event. I enjoy the talking more than anything.

Ah...am I supposed to sneak in or something? I don't know the rules between male and female interaction; it isn't after curfew yet, but I'm not sure whether or not I'm even supposed to be inside.

I'll take the chance. I can't help but feel that this is a test of some sort, though. There is the occasional teacher patrolling around the grounds, but none of them give me odd looks, or even take notice of me for that matter. I think I'm safe.

I'm startled by how much the girl's dorms mimics ours. They even have a common room and everything, but I don't glance inside. The corridors are empty, to my relief. I don't want to run into anyone I know, especially...

I can't even imagine the embarrassment that would come from Shizune and Misha coming across me. That would just be an unmitigated disaster.

To my luck, I don't come across either, making my way in front of the door marked "225" with no issues. I quietly knock three times on the door.

"Hello? Who's there?" Lilly's voice calls out.

"Hisao." I say back, softly enough for her to hear without alerting the whole dorm of my presence.

"It's open." She replies cheerfully. I turn the doorknob and push the door open to get my first look at Lilly's room.

Her wooden furniture is very plain and barely decorated, a theme that matches her clean walls and floor. In the center of the room, a low table rests, a teapot and three pairs of flower-print tea cups and saucers waiting. Several books are stacked up against the wall as well, presumably in Braille.

Lilly's faint flowery scent can be detected in the air, as well. It's a nice smell, all things considered, not harsh in the slightest.

The first person to catch my attention is Lilly, who is clad in dark blue pajamas. Dark blue pajamas with shorts that ride up to her mid-thigh. Opposite her, Hanako sits adorned in a conservative light pink gown. It looks to be two sizes too big for her.

There are two interesting opposites being played against each other here; Hanako looks much like a child in her clothing, while Lilly looks much like an adult. The thought is vaguely amusing.

"Hi, Lilly, Hanako." I quickly glance past her to find Hanako staring at me. Our eyes meet before she quickly glances away, a blush across her cheeks.

"H-Hi." Hanako says, timidly.

"Good evening." Lilly chimes in. I take a step before realizing something unpleasant.

"Er...my shoes." They're not muddy, but they're shoes, and this is a very nice beige carpet that I don't want to track dirt on.

"Ah...socks should be fine." After glancing around, I locate two other pairs of shoes near the front door. Those must belong to the other occupants in the room.

"Okay." I slip them off and leave them by the door before cautiously stepping forward to take my seat at the nearest, unoccupied section of the table. Lilly is at my left and Hanako is at my right.

"Well now, how about some tea? Hanko, could you please pour?" Lilly requests. I realize that while the cups are prepared, they haven't actually started drinking yet.

I'm relieved, now, that I didn't head back to my dorm to change and shower. Even though I feel terribly out of place in these fairly formal clothes, I wouldn't have wanted to keep them waiting even longer.

"S-Sure. Hisao...w-would you..." Hanako swallows.

"Would you like some t-tea?" She completes in a rush, catching slightly on the last word.

"I would love some. Do you want a hand?" I ask.

"N-No...I'm fine. Thank you..." Hanako's nervousness isn't particularly funny, but suddenly all three of us are smiling.

I guess the tea party is under way.

"Been a tiring day?" I ask her, studying the tea set. The pieces seem rather fragile, and add a spark of color to the room with their red and pink floral designs. I can't help but wonder if Hanako was the one to pick it out.

There is the slightest of clinks as Hanako accidentally clips the teapot against the cup that she's pouring into. She inhales sharply; she must be nervous. She isn't usually so tense and self-conscious.

I'm not sure what to say, because I don't know why she's nervous; Lilly steps in herself, apparently realizing the shift in her mood.

"It's okay, Hanako. There's no need to be nervous." Hanako seems to find some confidence in this and easily pours the next two cups.

"Here you are...Lilly...Hisao." She carefully places a cup and saucer in front of us.

"Thank you, Hanako." Lilly says.

"Yeah, thanks." I add in.

"Y-You're welcome." Hanako replies, smiling for the briefest moment before it fades away behind her anxiety.

Lilly carefully probes for her cup before lifting it and sipping delicately. Once reassured that it isn't scalding hot, I do the same, carefully holding the cup with both hands to ensure I don't drop it accidentally.

There's a hint of something delicious that I can't define. I suspect that the tea is strong enough for everyone else to taste it in full, but I can't. My sense of taste is diluted due to repeated burns and other accidents. It tastes better than the tea we normally drink at school, though, which is little more than scented water to me.

"This is good." I say truthfully, because it is. What little I can taste makes me happy, even as my mood falls because I can't really enjoy the warmth of it to the fullest.

"Looks like you picked the right one, Hanako. You've done well, even if it was a bold move." Hanako's smile returns, redoubled. It's a cute expression, and I force myself to look back towards my tea to avoid being caught staring.

"I'm glad you like it." Hanako finally relaxes, tasting her own cup as well. It's nice to see her calmer. I want to help her be like this more often.

...Because I won't be able to have this forever. I have to act now, before my sun disappears underneath the horizon, too.

Everything is calm for a while. If anyone is disturbed by the silence, they make no mention of it. This atmosphere feels much like the tea room, though even more removed. A little room, hidden from reality. I wonder what the others are thinking right now. Here, all alone, I can almost forget...

Without really thinking, I pull out the small pill bottle that I received today from the Nurse. It's pretty small. I don't know how such a thing would be able to help my condition, but it is supposed to work in conjunction with everything else.

"W-What's that?" Hanako asks me. I hadn't meant for anyone else to see it. Oh well.

"It's my new medication." I admit. Between the whole Kenji thing, my pleasant dream, and worrying about Emi, it completely slipped my mind. I haven't really done it enough to make it a habit yet...

"Ah...Do you need to...?" Lilly asks awkwardly, apparently unsure whether or not she should be asking.

This is...no good. I don't want this to hang above us.

"No. I don't start on it until tomorrow. But it probably won't help even if I do take it." I say, putting the bottle back in my pocket. "It shouldn't matter much either way. It's just one of dozens."

"H-Have any...h-have any of t-them...?" Hanako tries to ask.

"Have any of them worked? Not really. One of them gave me a little bit of sensation back, but also caused debilitating headaches, so I got taken off of those fast." I say, sadly. "That one was the best. Most of the others didn't do anything to help." And some of them are worse. I don't want to talk about Trial 11. Suddenly I'm not sure if I can keep talking about it, but I keep going.

"But I keep trying to take trials anyways, because my condition degenerates, right? Nothing's ever worked yet, but I-I can't stop trying. I'm not the only one with this condition so far, s-so if they cure me then no one else will ever have to worry about this..."

"Hisao, you don't have to tell us this if you don't want to..." Lilly says, suddenly seeming alarmed.

"I have to!" I exclaim. "Because...you guys need to know, h-how to deal with me if..."

 _Side effects._

"...This..." I realize breathlessly.

 _Mood swings._

"I'm sorry." I say, suddenly exhausted. My head swims with a variety of thoughts, none of which are relevant. "My medication..."

But what about before? When I was...was that a mood swing, too? Or something else?

"Do you need me to get the Nurse?" Lilly questions, worried. I quickly shake my head.

"No. No. I just realized...mood swings. My medication is causing mood swings. T-This has never happened before..." I say. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for, Hisao. This is hardly your fault." Lilly admonishes. I shrug.

"I guess." My hands trace the fluffy carpet beneath me and I realize that I can feel something odd.

This is...!

"I-Is something wrong?" Hanako manages to ask, peering at me from under her bangs.

"I think I can...feel this..." I reply wonderingly.

 _Temperature. Texture._ The soft surface is cool under my wandering hand, parting as my fingers comb through it.

"Amazing..." I whisper, running my hand along the wooden table, touching a finger to the smooth teacup to feel its warmth. This isn't the first time I've been able to...but it's such a novel experience...

"Hanako..." I ask impulsively, "Can I hold your hand?"

 _Wait, what?_

"W-Wha...?" Hanako starts, mouth open. I shake my head, remembering.

"S-Sorry, you don't have to, I'm just..." I run my hand along my other, tracing the scars left behind through years of congenital analgesia. They feel...odd. Not soft like my other skin, but a texture I don't know how to describe.

"I-If...you w-want..." Hanako whispers suddenly, blushing, and my head snaps towards her. I didn't think she would be okay with it, but...

"Are you sure?" I ask. She nods firmly.

"O-Okay. Um..." I shift towards her a bit. "I-I guess...just pass me your hand...?"

I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to approach this. I can feel a prickling in my cheeks as she swallows heavily before shakily offering me her right hand.

Wait, her right-

Before either of us can change our minds, I quickly, but gently, accept the proffered hand, tucking mine underneath and wrapping my fingers around hers. This gesture...this gesture isn't lost on me at all.

"I…" I change my mind about talking and say nothing at all, gently running the tips of my fingers across hers, my eyes staring at the skin of her right wrist.

Her scarred right wrist. I don't ever move my hand from their placement underneath her, restricting my movements only to her fingers.

I chance a peek at her face and realize with a shock that she is staring at my scars, too; the faded burns from too-hot objects and the cuts that mark my skin. It isn't as bad as it could have been, but…

Is she finding some kind of comfort in this, too?

"Thank you, Hanako." I say quietly.

"N-No. Thank you."

 **A/N:** We're assuming the medication took 1-2 hours to kick in. It seems like standard ingested medication takes about an hour or so to take full effect so we'll assume the same for here.

Caught a major error in which the chapter claimed that Hisao was the only one with HSAN-6. This is absolutely not the case.


	33. Fire and Ice

I'm dragged suddenly from sleep by something I can't remember; a flash of light, maybe. My hand scrambles for my phone and I almost succeed in slapping it off of my drawer before bringing it close to look at the time.

...It's still a whole hour before I need to get up for Emi's run.

Ugh. Is this another side effect? Insomnia? Combined with the mood swings, this isn't going to do much for my personality...

But then I remember that I can faintly feel the soft blankets under me and I sigh happily.

It's not the same. These sensations feel too diluted, in comparison to the last medication that worked to a limited degree. It's still something, though, and I take it in greedily.

I guess I won't be going back to sleep tonight.

I pull the cord from a nearby lamp to offer some light so that I can move around, finding my way to the light switch on the far end of the room. Changing into my PE uniform for my run with Emi takes only a few moments and then I'm out the door, foregoing any kind of shower. I'll have to do it again after the run, so there's no point.

A run. Assuming that the medication continues to work, I will likely feel the strain from running. It shouldn't sound pleasant, yet the thought intrigues me.

...

Okay, maybe...not...

"How...H-How do you...do this...?" I ask, as Emi drastically reduces her pace to keep up with me. I almost trip onto my face, but manage to regain my balance in time as my feet continue to pound out an erratic rhythm along the track.

Shortly before running, I told Emi about my semi-limited ability to feel again, eliciting a happy grin that quickly turned into a malicious smirk.

I think I understand it now...

"Through lots and lots of practice." Emi replies cheerfully, turning around to face me while continuing to run around the track. I glare at her, but the effect it might have is ruined by the fact that I am gasping for air.

I brush off the unpleasant feeling of sweat across my forehead. More takes its place, rendering my efforts futile. My legs burn with the effort of propelling me forward.

"You can do it, Hisao! Last lap!" Emi cheers, turning back around to take the turn. I make a face at her.

"Hah...Slavedriver..." I gasp, to her amusement.

But I can do this. I will do this. I've done this before. I can do it again.

I will do it again!

"Final stretch!" Emi says. "Give it all you've got!"

More? I can't go faster than this!

Emi speeds up, as if taunting me. Gritting my teeth, I accept her challenge, running after the pink blur.

Suddenly my feet are over the finish line.

My head is pounding, my legs burning, my heart racing, and I'm gasping for air.

But...

I feel alive. I am undeniably alive.

Is this...the feeling? That normal people have? Is this what normal people live like all the time? Do they even know? Do they...even care?

They're lucky. So lucky. Is this what I have been missing the whole time? This certainty that I am living?

I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

"You did it!" Emi says happily. "Congr-oof!" I cut her off with a tight hug, lifting her petite frame off the ground as I do so.

"T-Thank you." I say, squeezing before I release her and she falls a few short inches back to Earth. She shakes her head, blushing.

"Don't thank me with your words. Thank me by your actions. Keep running with me, every day. That's how I want you to thank me." Emi demands, her green eyes bright and playful.

"I wil! Rain or shine, tornado winds or doomsday, I will do my very best to show up at this track every morning!" I declare, taking a cheesy heroic pose. She seems to find this very amusing.

"Good! You'd better run if there's a tornado, though!" She replies, and for some reason I find this terribly funny, laughing as well.

This is the genuine Emi I remember from my first day out on the track, where she was bright and cheerful just like this. This is the running girl.

And then just because I can, I hug her again, for the first time properly appreciating this kind of intimate contact.

Her pink running shirt is covered in sweat. Most of it is probably mine, actually, since this is just light exercise for her. She hasn't gotten around to doing her sprints quite yet. The fabric is soft and damp. She smells like strawberries and sweat; it isn't a bad smell on her at all, oddly enough.

An odd feeling slowly starts to bubble in my stomach, one I've never felt before. It makes me feel decidedly uncomfortable, though, so I let go of Emi and step away, blushing bright.

"S-Sorry." I say sheepishly. She giggles.

"You did well today, so I will forgive your attempt at trying to cop a feel."

The world stops.

"W-W-What?" I ask, flustered. Emi leaves me in silence for a few more moments before bursting into laughter.

"Sorry, sorry! I couldn't resist! You're just too easy!" My scowl only makes her laugh harder.

Behind my fake scowl, I smile. Even though she flusters me a lot, Emi is enjoyable to be around.

She steps forward to take my forearm in her hand, tilting it to check my watch.

"Oh no! We'd better get a move on, Hisao! Class is in an hour, and I really need to shower!" Emi says, suddenly looking panicked. And we still need to meet with the Nurse...

We both start to jog towards the auxiliary building.

"Maybe he'll write us a late pass?" I ask. She nods.

"I'm sure you can convince him." She replies, cheerfully.

"...Wait, what the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

...

"H-Hey, Hanako." I say as I pass next to her homeroom seat, cursing internally. It's like this again? Again!?

"H-H-Hi." She replies, flushing before glancing away.

Ah...What do I say? It's just like before, this stilted awkwardness. I try to open my mouth to say something, but then realize that I can't think of anything, even when I force myself to try and think.

Wait. What? Hanako's not supposed to be here. The warning bell hasn't even rung yet, and normally she comes in a bit after classes start, when the hallways are empty. I mean, I'm not exactly the earliest person, given my runs with Emi, but I'm definitely on time. And Hanako is never on time.

I blink owlishly at her. Hanako seems to be hiding in her chair.

"You're here...earlier than usual." I say, tentatively.

"S-Sorry..." She squeaks out quietly. I cringe.

 _Smooth._

"No, it's just...different, to see you here so early. Good different." I clarify. "Did something change?"

"O-Oh." She seems to sit up just a little straighter at that. "I...just wanted to...be here..." And now she's back to square one.

"I see." I say. I'm not sure what the catalyst for her change is, but good on her. She seems to be just a little more willing to brave the crowds of people.

"Is y-your medicine working?" She asks me. I nod.

"Yeah. I just have to watch out for the mood swings." I say. I'm still trying to get used to simple things like the wind blowing through my hair.

My legs are uncomfortably sore, though. I must admit that I don't miss that particular sensation.

"But...it's good for you?" Hanako asks. She doesn't need to clarify what she means.

"Yeah. A lot. Being able to feel again is really...nice." I admit. Much more than that, though, it lifts the clouds of darkness a little farther away. One of the things I want to do is explore the courtyard with my newfound sense of touch.

"Ah. I'm...g-glad..." Hanako murmurs, almost too soft for me to hear. I smile slightly as Mutou walks in, a journal of some sort in hand.

"Er...roll, right..."

...

"That's strange. Normally Lilly's the first one here, if we don't arrive together." I say, as Hanako and I step into the tea room.

"S-She's not...coming today." Hanako replies.

"Oh? What for?" I ask, making my way the cabinet storing the tea set.

"She has...r-representative duties..."

"Oh, I see." I say. "Hm...I wonder if they're getting along a little better..." The last half is said under my breath, but Hanako seems to pick up on it regardless.

"T-They are. A...a little..." Turned away from her, my hands fumbling with the tea set, I frown. Hanako knows about Lilly and Shizune's disagreement and my involvement in it, then? Lilly must have told her.

"That's good. I think everyone involved would be happier if they got along." Especially since I can at the very least respect both of them.

I pour both cups of tea and set them on the table, a saucer already in place courtesy of Hanako. We sit down across each other and silently pull out our food; well, Hanako pulls out her food. I was so exhausted and distracted after running with Emi that I didn't remember to bring anything.

"That's a lot of food for one person." I point out, as Hanako pulls out yet another container. "Are you going to be able to eat it all?"

Hanako flushes. "Ah...n-no...this is..." She swallows heavily. "For...you..."

Oh. Doing stupid things again.

"Oh. _Oh._ Thank you, Hanako." I smile appreciatively. She nods as she pulls out two plates for us.

"I...I don't mind."

I really think she means it, but I don't really want to burden or rely on her more than necessary. I can accept help, sure, but I don't want to be a parasite...

That being said, I don't particularly enjoy my own cooking. And I really do like Hanako's. Maybe...I should arrange something.

"...Could...you accept payment? If you cooked for me..." This isn't coming out like I hoped it would. Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.

She shakes her head. "Ah...y-you really s-shouldn't pay me...I don't mind." Hanako says. I frown.

"I mind, though. I don't...really want to take without giving." As I hoped, Hanako nods understandingly. I guess she knows the feeling, too, considering Lilly's relationship with her.

"Chess." She states firmly.

"What?"

"Every day...I'll cook...but w-we have to play chess. Okay?" Hanako asks.

"...Wait, so, you want to play chess every single day then?" I clarify. She suddenly looks unsure.

"If...t-that's okay, yes."

"That sounds good to me." I say. "Thanks, Hanako. I really appreciate it." She smiles tentatively at me.

"No...thank you..."


	34. Change

**A.N: School's out! Hopefully this means that the writing train will be refueled and I can return to my normal posting rate. I don't like waiting so long between chapters, and I'm sure that the people who actually read this don't mind faster updates, either.**

* * *

Sixty seconds.

I glance furtively at Shizune's corner - to no avail! They see me! Misha beams.

Fifty.

My eyes glance towards the nearest doorway. It's just a few feet, two desks away from me; I can make it, surely.

Forty.

I think they can smell my fear. My fingertips dance on my desk.

Thirty.

If I asked politely, would Hanako consent to be used as a human shield?

Twenty.

Probably not.

Ten.

Wait, what?

RIIIIIING

WOOSH

"Hi! Hicchan!" Suddenly I'm being flanked by the Student Council duo.

"How did you do that?" I ask. I had turned to flee, only to be blocked off by a mischievous Shizune.

"Do what?" Misha asks, confusedly. I swear that they're just toying with me.

"Erk...never mind, then. I guess today's the day you've chosen?" I ask, not really needing an answer, though Misha doesn't disappoint.

"Fine, fine. We're going, going..." Time to march into hell, one step at a time. I wave goodbye to Hanako, who shyly waves back, before grabbing my stuff as they steadily drag me out of the room.

...

I am not impressed by the Student Council's workspace.

"Did you guys just find some random classroom to drag me into?" I ask.

"Don't be ridiculous, Hicchan." Misha replies blithely, after some direction from Shizune, "We would never do such a thing!"

It's hard to tell whether or not Misha is serious. Either way, I derive the answer for myself. Though it gives the feel of not having been used in some time, the desks are fairly clean...but that isn't really an indicator of anything, because the janitors probably clean all the classrooms...

"Alright, so, we have to fill out a lot of paperwork, Shizune and I, anyways, heh! You get to sort out a bunch, here..." Misha dumps a thick stack of paper onto one of the nearby tables. I wince at the sheer volume of work there appears to be.

"Did you at least organize them by date?" I ask.

"Nope!" Misha says, cheerfully, apparently not recognizing the ramifications of her answer.

"You should probably do that." I advise. Misha shrugs, running a quick conversation in sign with Shizune. Speaking of which, I have really got to learn how to do that...

"Taken under consideration." Misha replies. I make a face.

"Whatever. I don't have to deal with it, so it's not my concern anymore." I say. Shizune glares.

"You would leave us all alone with this mountain of paperwork?" Misha asks, pouting. It almost works, but I've steadily built up an immunity to the expression during my time with Emi.

"Yes." I say bluntly.

"Ow, so mean, Hicchan..."

Shizune snaps her fingers, a startling sound that cracks through the air and makes me cringe. Misha isn't fazed, apparently used to it. When I turn to look at her, she raps the desk before pointing at the paper in front of us.

"And I thought that Emi was bad enough..." I mutter under my breath as I pull the first sheet off the desk.

"How do you want me to organize these?" I ask Misha, scanning the contents of the paper. It seems to be a summation of the events of the stall assigned to the class of 3-4. I wonder, did my own homeroom have a stall? Who ran it? I don't think Shizune and Misha would have had the time to, and I don't really know any of my other classmates.

Eehh...I think I have enough friends as stands. I don't want to have to pick and choose who I spend time with.

"Well, most of these are reports about the festival, so there are basic incident reports that we have to sort so that Shizune can debrief the teachers, and then there's also the post-festival documents..." Misha replies.

"Post-festival?" I interrupt.

"Like, budget stuff. How many supplies there was, whether or not they kept in budget, just basic summary sheets."

"That doesn't sound so bad." I say.

"Then there are also suggestion and comment forms, and we sort those out by who filled them in. There's student workers, teacher workers, students attending, teachers attending, parents attending, non-Yamaku attendees..."

Oh.

"And there's also normal incident reports mixed in there from up to a month ago, and suggestions and comments from the students and teachers. There's also disciplinary forms that teachers fill out whenever they issue a detention to a student, and then there's budget reports that come in from the various clubs and the cafeteria as well that we have to file in the appropriate places..."

What the hell?

"...Why the hell do you guys have so much stuff saved up?" I ask.

"Normally it's not this bad!" Misha admits. "... But the festival kind of sidetracks us, and then we only take care of the...essential? stuff so that we can focus on making the festival a success." She stumbles over the longer word.

Alright, I officially feel kind of bad for the Student Council. This is just a mess. And they keep track of their academics on top of this? Shizune I can see, but how does Misha manage this workload?

"Okay, I'll...try to remember that." I say. "So, let me see if I've got all of this. For the festival: incident reports, financial reports, and suggestion and comment forms. For the normal stuff: incident reports, disciplinary reports, and budget reports. Did I get that all?" I ask.

"...Probably? And there might be some other stuff, so...!"

"I'll...just start." I say, defeated. And with that, we all get to work. Time passes in a numbing blur. I start with six piles, realize that it isn't enough, and somehow wind up with fifteen, and barely any idea of what goes where. Misha's worse off; she has a haphazard spread of papers all over the place. Shizune, of course, somehow has an immaculate workspace around her.

Misha drags four tables closer so that she can continue spreading out papers haphazardly, realizes that she doesn't have enough, and apparently gives up, slumping her head on the desk exhaustedly. Shizune seamlessly adapts the mess into her own collection, bringing order to chaos.

The original stack dwindles down. I'm not sure if any progress has actually been made. Misha disappears, presumably to use the restroom.

Time wears on. I think I've been here for several hours, but I'm not really keeping time. It's probably easier that way.

"I'm going to learn sign language." I tell Shizune, even though she can't hear me. I don't know why I'm doing this. I guess it makes me feel better if I talk to someone. The silence isn't comfortable when there's someone right next to you, even if they're diligently shuffling papers and not paying an ounce of attention to you.

"I don't get you. I kind of want to, though." I'm not sure if I'll regret that decision or not yet.

Shizune apparently notices that I've stopped working and glances up at me, freezing when she realizes that I'm staring directly at her.

"Sound good, Shizune?" I ask. She blinks.

"I don't think you understand me. Or maybe you can read lips." I say, scrutinizing her to see if she reacts. She does not, besides pointing at the paper in front of me as if to tell me to get back to work.

"Okay, okay. We're almost done, anyways." I reply. It's then that the passage of time gets to me.

"Er...where'd Misha go...?" I wonder. She's been gone for a while, I think. I'm not sure how to ask that to Shizune, even in crude hand gesture language, so I hunt down a piece of scrap paper and pull out a pen from my pocket.

Shizune starts when I place the paper in front of her. She glances at it before pushing her glasses up her face and jotting down a reply with the pen that she has in front of her.

 _Aura-mart._

"The convenience store?" I ask to no one in particular. "I see." She's not done writing yet, though.

 _You've worked hard, so you are allowed to participate in the feast._ Shizune writes with her dark blue pen. Her handwriting is extremely neat. I take my own black pen and scrawl my own reply, wincing at my own poor penmanship.

 _I see. Who's paying for this?_

 _The festival budget, of course. We deserve payment for our work._

 _Isn't that corruption? Shouldn't those funds be appropriated for better use?_ Shizune scowls at me.

 _Just for that, your portion will be rationed._ I stick my tongue out at her, but choose not to pursue the topic.

 _I'm just about done. Is what I have good?_ I ask. Shizune stands up in order to inspect my work.

 _Yes. This is acceptable._ She quickly grabs it before walking over to a nearby set of drawers and filing it in. I would help her, but I don't know where anything goes.

I yawn, stretching. I guess I may as well stay to eat, too. It's not like I had any dinner plans. Hm...what am I supposed to do for dinner? There's always the cafeteria, I guess...

Shizune's snap startles me out of my thoughts. I glance at her to see that she's holding up a chess board. My eyes widen; she smiles at my reaction before walking over and setting the chessboard down.

 _Indulge me, please. Standard rules?_ Shizune writes. I nod. She slides the board and I help her set up the pieces.

I'm not at all surprised to see her snatch the white pieces. I guess she would want to control the flow of the game, after all. So I can expect an aggressive strategy, then?

I crack my knuckles and settle down for an intense game.

...

"Checkmate." I say at last, relieved.

What a nightmare. Shizune controlled the flow for a majority of the game and it was only through a sneaky trap that I was able to pull off at the last possible second. But even when I turned the tables in a single devastating sweep of my bishop, she fought me tooth and nail the whole way, almost retaking the board before trying to force me into a stalemate through Perpetual Check.

At least, I assume that's what she was going for. She might have just been stubborn enough to keep forcing me to play her game. I don't think she would be happy with a stalemate like that.

To my surprise, she is a rather gracious loser, shaking my hand with a small smile on her face before reaching for the pad. Perhaps I have earned some respect in her eyes.

 _I'm glad to have lost to you._ I stare at her dumbly. She draws a line below her words, indicating that there's more, before continuing to write.

 _You've kept that spark of aggression that you showed me back in the game of Risk we played. And you have taken it to whole new levels, playing a game you truly enjoy and wish to be better at. I do not hesitate to call you a master at the game, regardless of your own opinions. Your desire to be better coupled with your ability makes you this way. That is why..._ Shizune pauses in her writing. _...I am glad to have lost to you. That is what I saw back when we first met, and that is why I wanted you to join the Student Council._

Oh. Wow. That's...flattering. Really...

 _Thank you._ I'm not sure if I can say anything past that. Shizune seems to get it, though, shrugging nonchalantly before taking the paper back.

 _Another round?_ She writes.

 _I would, but I think I hear Misha coming up the corridor._ A flash of sadness flits across her face, but I blink and it's gone.

...Huh?

In one deft motion, Shizune crumples up the paper and throws it into the nearest waste basket, cheering silently when it sails right in. I smile at the sight.

"I'm! Baaack! Hicchan! Shicchan!" Misha bubbles, kicking open the door to the Student Council room, arms laden with goodies.

Dinner is a relatively quick affair. Eventually we bid each other farewell before heading off towards the dorms.

* * *

 **A/N: "Is Shizune OOC?"**

I don't think so, personally. She's aggressive borderline abrasive; not mean. The events of the classroom argument still weigh heavily on her.

That being said, she isn't going to be a flower for the rest of the series. She's tentative right now; when she realizes that for all intents and purposes Hisao didn't break she's going to go right back and keep on pushing.

I'm strongly considering writing in several POVs; at least, some kind of small fictions so that people can get a better grasp on how I've interpreted the personality of the canon characters, but possibly integrating multiple POV into my story. Thoughts?


	35. Paint

"It's almost curfew, Ms. Tezuka. What are you doing out here so late? And where did you get that lamp from?" Misha's voice floats from somewhere in front of me.

"I didn't get the lamp. The lamp got me." Rin's voice.

"B-But...what? Ah..." Misha flounders.

Oh dear...

"Hey, Misha, Shizune, I can deal with this. You guys can go on to bed." I say, jogging up to take in the odd sight.

There's Rin sitting cross-legged, staring at the mural between the dorms, a track lamp next to her. Then Shizune and Misha standing above her, arms crossed, faces illuminated by the bright white lamp.

"Alright, Hicchan, if you say so. Thank you for the help today! And now!" Misha replies cheerfully, though Shizune takes the time to send one more petulant glare at Rin before huffing and turning around.

Once they're gone, I turn to the emerald-eyed girl.

"So...what are you doing out here?" I ask, hastily continuing when I realize that this is seeking to be a replay of yesterday. "Not that you can't, but...it really is kind of late. Aren't you cold?"

Because I am. It's a pretty uncomfortable feeling.

"...I don't know." Rin replies, staring moodily at the mural. "Maybe it will help."

"Well...help with what?" I question, swatting a fly that buzzes around my head.

"I don't know." Rin says again. "That's what I'm out here for."

It's this cycle again, the question-answer-question-answer thing, and it's kind of irritating me. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to go about this. Am I even supposed to try?

No. I want to help Rin...with whatever her issue is. I can't give up like this. But what does she expect me to do? What am I supposed to do?

"...Well, do you know why you came here, then? To this spot in front of the mural?" I ask.

"This...is where...things...changed?" Rin says slowly, looking confused herself. It's not a particularly new expression for her. "I...I just...want to understand..." Getting the words out is clearly a struggle, but I don't let up. I think this is helping her...?

"What changed?" I inquire. It's almost like an interview, the way this goes back and forth.

"Everything." She replies unhappily. I take it that she doesn't want that.

"I...see. Do you want me to leave you alone?" I ask. "Would that help you...think?"

"...No. You help me." I'm not sure if that's a statement or some kind of question, but I decide to stay anyways.

"Alright." I join her on the ground. "What do you want me to do?" There's a fairly long silence as Rin ponders the question. Eventually she turns to me, green eyes wide.

"Just be." Another cryptic statement as she looks away to pull her attention back to the mural again. I'm not too sure what she means by that. Just be...myself? I don't know.

"Okay. Why don't you like change?" I ask.

"Not ready. Don't want to." She replies shortly.

"I think you'll have to." I say, quietly.

"Why? Is there something wrong with me?" Rin asks, and as I turn to look at her, I realize that she's been staring at me the whole time.

"Outside of the obvious?" I ask, tapping my arm lightly. "I don't think so."

"That's not what everyone else seems to think." Rin observes, that same painful sadness seeming to swirl around again.

"I think...that everyone has their own faults." I respond. "And that it's up to others to decide whether or not they can tolerate those faults in others. If their good points overrule the bad ones."

"That doesn't really explain anything, though." Rin notes. I shrug.

"I think it does. It isn't always up to a person to make their own friends. Sometimes the preconceptions of other people get in the way. Look at us, we're just a bunch of disabled students. People without disabilities typically avoid us; why? I guess a lot of it has to do with the stigma of it. You and I could be the nicest people in the whole world and it might not matter to normal people because of our conditions."

"Why?"

"Why what?" I return her question.

"Why is it like that?"

"I don't know." I admit. Why do people discriminate against the disabled? It's not a question I've ever wondered to myself. It's just...something that happens.

And then there reigns silence. Moths are drawn to the lamp as bugs are. Rin shifts it away from her with her foot, looking uncomfortable. A little too much force and she tips it over. We both watch the lamp roll away, eventually coming to a pause.

"Why are you sad, Rin?" I ask. She turns to me.

"I'm not ready to change." She says, quietly. "...But I have to. I have to spread my wings and fly, don't I?"

"Like a butterfly?" I guess. She nods firmly.

"...Yeah. We can't just hide forever. Eventually we have to go free. And fly, like you said."

"What if I can't?" Rin asks. I don't have the heart to tell her about the cold consequences of reality.

"Maybe you can't yet. But I'll-" I pause. "I'll help you, if you want me to. I can be your friend." There. That's out on the table.

"Oh." She says, blankly. And then-

"I think I'd like that." Rin says, a tiny smile gracing her features. She turns back to the mural with a sense of finality.

I think we're both lost here, but it's a good first step, isn't it? I'm not sure how I'm going to manage all of my friendships, now. I feel like Rin is probably the least stable when considering Hanako and Emi, the latter of which is basically good. Hanako's still hurting, but she's also steadily growing stronger.

But Rin...I think Rin really does need help. The problem is that I don't really understand her the way I'm going to need to if I want to be a good friend to her. It's almost like a language barrier, except not entirely. I can figure out what she's saying most of the time, but it's a long and painful process that I don't really want to have to keep repeating.

The problem is, though, that not very many people seem to be interested in even beginning to try understanding her. I think Rin mentioned that she and Emi were friends once, so I should probably talk to Emi about her. But what about the other people I know? Lilly doesn't really get how to deal with Rin, Shizune doesn't seem to be concerned...

And the thought of Hanako and Rin meeting is laughable. Rin's accidental bluntness and Hanako's shyness wouldn't fit together at all.

I guess that my first step, then, is to start trying to figure out Rin more. And the easiest way to do that is simply by spending more time around her.

I can do that much.

Something bumps against my shoulder and I glance down to find Rin, her head resting against my arm.

I...think she's asleep.

"Oh, Rin..." I murmur, when I see the tears sliding down her face. Carefully, I wipe them off, using the very tips of my fingers. I'm not sure if I accomplish anything past simply smearing them all over her cheek, but it's the sentiment that counts, I think.

Alright. Now what do I do? I don't want to wake her, but I definitely don't want to stay out here, with all the bugs and who knows what else out here. So...we have to move.

Except I'm not going to be walking into the girls' dorm with her in my arms. That's just asking for disaster. The Nurse? I would, but I don't think I want to deal with his brand of humor right now, and I don't really want to ditch Rin anyways.

So I guess that leaves...my room. This is going to be pretty uncomfortable, I think, but we'll just have to make do.

Carefully, I lie her down on the ground, making sure not to jostle her too much. Then I slide my arms under her legs and near the top of her back and liiiiiift

Okay. She's actually pretty light, for a person, anyways. I think I can manage this much. I'm starting to regret the morning run; the burn in my legs I could definitely do without right now.

Alright, alright, now, careful, careful, watch the back of her head, don't want to hurt her...

Now we're inside the boys dorms. Thankfully I don't have to climb any stairs; I don't think I could do those without waking up Rin. Room 119...turn left, down the hall, alright, here we are.

Now...how do I open the door...?

Goddamnit.

Oh, wait, that's right. It's not locked. I didn't remember to lock it today. I should probably do that, considering my erratic hallmate. Ah well. It's for the best now.

Through careful maneuvering, I manage to get my hand on the doorknob and successfully push open the door, stumbling over to my bed before placing Rin on it, her head on my pillow.

Eehh...

Am I supposed to undress her? That might be a good idea, but at the same time I feel like doing that would be a really big invasion of her privacy, so I guess we'll be skipping that.

I guess we're good, then. Where do I sleep myself? I guess I can sleep at the chair on my desk...or on the desk itself. Maybe I shouldn't have taken my medications today. This is probably going to suck in the morning...


	36. Disorder

**A/N:** Fixed a MAJOR error in which I accidentally misspell Kenji's last name as "Satou". If this occurs anywhere else in the story, please inform me so I can fix it. Thanks!

Fixed another error in which Hisao magically knew Kenji's last name (deja vu, huh?) and fixed a minor typo.

* * *

My eyes snap awake, for what must been the fifth time tonight. Today?

For a moment I panic, because I don't remember falling asleep sitting up. And I don't remember doing anything that would cause practically my entire body to be stiff. And also there's this ringing sound that's ticking me off.

But my memories snap into place again, and the flutter of confusion fades...mostly.

What happened?

Rin.

That just about sums it up, actually.

Well, alright, what do I do now?

Find my stupid alarm clock. Oh, it's right in front of me.

Okay. There we go. I glance over at my bed.

...Rin's not there.

...

Goddamnit.

* * *

I stumble out of my room. All the lights are on, if dimmed, so at least Rin hasn't tripped in the darkness...probably. It's probably safer to avoid making any assumptions when it comes to her.

"Rin?" I call out, tentatively. I should've known better than to expect an answer, but I don't have very many ideas. Her name echoes softly in the darkness, down the empty corridor.

No Rin.

Damnit, it's cold, and I don't want to be here. This truly is an unpleasant feeling, and I can't help but wish to escape back to my room, where the warmth of my bed calls me. I didn't sleep well at all sitting on that chair. I just want to…

A tactical retreat.

But my sense of duty and bond of friendship carries me forward, calling my heart and mind to action, and they acquiesce.

Well, where's Rin?

The obvious answer is that she's simply wandered back to the girl's dorm, and that's a place I can't really check anyways. I am probably wasting my time trying to find her here.

The real question is…do I trust Rin to do the obvious thing?

…Let's think like Rin. What's the worst possible outcome? What's the worst thing that someone could accomplish in this situation?

Getting caught is probably at the top of that list, I think. Rin very well might not even recognize that she's not supposed to be here…found herself in an unfamiliar place, and decided to explore.

So…where would she wander? I'm crossing my fingers that she hasn't gone upstairs; if so, my life has gotten much harder. To keep things simple, let's assume that she stayed on the first floor. There aren't any staff patrols in the morning, so, if anything, she would have been caught by a student.

I'm an early riser, the earliest, because I have to wake up early for Emi…

Aw, crap, Emi.

No, no, that's not a factor, making sure Rin hasn't wandered off into a potentially dangerous situation, _somehow,_ is more important than my own run, even if it leaves Emi waiting. I'll feel guilty, of course, but I'll feel more so if I went to do my own thing and later learned that Rin tripped off the roof or something.

So. Finding my runaway charge. I guess the best option is probably going back to my room and hunting for clues, and to see if she's left anything behind. I don't know where else to start, so I guess this is a good place as any.

My mind runs through various scenarios as I walk back to my room:

Rin getting caught by a teacher, implicating me in her 'kidnapping', and I get in trouble over what's primarily a misunderstanding;

Rin getting caught by a student, and said student making unwelcome advances on her;

Rin getting caught by a student, and said student making _welcome_ advances on her;

Or — or, Rin getting caught by a student, and said student making welcome advances on her, _and_ then accidentally I walk in-

I think there's something wrong with me for considering that the worst possible opportunity. I just - really - don't want to walk in on _anyone_ doing _anything like that._ In terms of my fears, that's probably somewhere in the top five.

…Huh. I guess I've actually lived a pretty decent life if I can think something like that.

Either way, I'm prepared now. Prepared now for the possibility of confronting the worst possible option. I'm -

The door in front of me slams open abruptly, and noise filters out into the hallway.

"It was good to meet you, fellow soldier," a chillingly familiar male voice says, and then Rin appears, "But there are still many other missions that require my attention. So onto you, I entrust this." and a pale arm appears, bearing a small strip of paper. Rin stares at it blankly. I'm not sure if I'm obligated to step forward and accept it for her, and I'm pretty sure I very much desire not to, but in the next moment she leans forward and daintily snatches the tip of it with her mouth, and the arm retracts.

"Read it once, memorize it, and then get rid of it. That's the passkey to my room, when you've got the goods. Godspeed, soldier, godspeed."

The door closes, and the locks snap shut into place.

Rin turns towards me, and cocks her head to the side.

 _Slurp. Chew. Gulp._

 _…_

"Have you been possessed by a ghost? You look frightfully pale, Hisao."

…

 _Blink._

"Ah!" I jump back about five paces, pretty impressive, actually, _why is Rin in my face_

She nods decisively. "I see, you can't talk about it. You'll have to hand over the goods later."

"What?" I ask.

"You're right, that doesn't matter. Do you have the items?" She doesn't seem interested in elaborating, dropping onto a new topic.

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about."

"How was your trip?" Rin asks.

"My trip to where?"

"How was your trip?" Rin repeats.

"Does this have something to do with Kenji? And, by any chance, does this have anything to do with the conversation you just had? And why did you eat that piece of paper?"

Rin looks disappointed for a moment. About what, I'm not really sure.

"Well, I guess that going backwards is too difficult, since everyone else will go backwards if you go backwards, so the only real way to go is forward." Rin says with finality, as if making some kind of important conclusion.

I admire her ability to confidently babble nonsense like that.

Doesn't seem to have any cooldown period, either.

"Yes. And whatever it is you're doing, stop." I say, because it's obvious that she's doing something, but I don't know what it is.

Her head goes in the other direction. "Could you specify what exactly it is you want me to stop doing? Because I'm doing a lot of things at once, and most of those need doing, and I don't think I could stop doing them even if I wanted to."

I want to tell her to _stop being weird_ but that's way too general, so I have to specify.

"Well, let's apply deductive reasoning to this. What new things have you done or are in the process of doing this morning? Start in chronological order." I state.

"I collected a new person today." Rin says cheerfully.

"…Do you, uh, usually wake up in the wrong bed? On the wrong side of campus? Or have _disturbingly_ familiar secret - conversations - with _Kenji_?" I ask, my voice growing progressively higher.

"What? No. It wasn't a secret conversation, because you were there." She replies.

 _Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk_

"What - what - what," I'm robbed of intelligent speech for a moment, "What about that whole backwards thing you were talking about?"

"Emit eht lla ti od I. Taht, ho."

"…That actually made more sense than anything you've said so far." I reply, after having spent about thirty seconds trying to unscramble the words. And it is - I was actually able to figure out what she was talking about. "That being said, please stop doing that."

Rin looks somewhat disappointed. Personally, I'm impressed that she can manipulate her speech like that so easily.

And, uh, that whole time she was - was she directing my replies, or was it just coincidence -

No no moving on to safer topic -

"So…uh, did you eat the paper in your mouth because that was the reverse order in which you were given those instructions?" I ask.

"No, of course not. I ate it because you can't talk with paper in your mouth." Rin nods.

"Oh. Well, uh, you can't exactly read and memorize the contents on that paper. Because it's gone. In your stomach. So, uh, you've failed your mission."

Rin shrugs, and it seems to brighten up the world a little with its strange normality.

It strikes me that this is the longest conversation I've ever held with her about a topic that wasn't about paint or the questionable contents of my pants.

I think that's a pretty sad thing.

"We should probably smuggle you outside now before you get caught by everyone else…and I really should change into my running clothes. Emi might still be waiting for me."

"Okay." Rin says, and then she turns and walks away, presumably towards the front door. I can't tell if I've irritated her somehow, but then she stops and pokes her head curiously into the boy's common room, and that's when I know that it's just Rin being Rin.

This morning has been terribly surreal. Two great forces nearly collided today, and I'm pretty sure Rin won, somehow, in her usual mix of total apathy and aggressive strangeness.

But none of that was really important. Because…

There's no sign of the sadness that influenced her yesterday. And even if it's only for a little bit, I'm glad to think that my presence may have made her happier.

* * *

"You're late!" A scathing voice shouts as I make my way over to the track, and I cringe.

Emi stalks over, apparently having completed running her sprints already. Her clothing sticks to her skin as she comes to a stop in front of me.

"I was saving the world." I reply, deadpan.

"That's not an excuse." She says, and then, "Wait, what?"

"Do you know who Kenji is?" I ask.

"Oh, Hisao, _everyone_ knows who Kenji Setou is. He's the reason I have a lock on my drawer." Her expression shows clear distaste.

This is the first time I've ever heard anyone else mention Kenji, and I'm curious to hear someone else's opinion on it.

"Really? Why?" I ask, although I'm pretty sure -

"Because he's a panty-thief."

Yeeeaaah, that's about where I was thinking.

"Have you ever caught him in the act?"

"Er….no. But everyone knows it's him." Emi says confidently.

"Has anyone ever caught him in the act?" Frankly, I don't think it's him - at least, not directly. I'm 95% sure that the guy is too terrified to send more than suspicious glances towards the girl's dormitory.

"Well, no. But we all know it's him." Emi says, and then as if to avoid dealing with the flawed holes in her logic, "It's time to run now! Go go go!"

"W-What? Emi, there's no time, I'll-"

…

* * *

I sigh heavily outside of the classroom, hand on the doorknob.

Why do I do this to myself?


	37. Approach

I'm going to be introducing some things that I forgot to hint at in the first 16+ chapters. Now that I know WHERE my story will eventually end, and some of the more important things, I'm going to be running through the initial chapters and fixing them silently.

This chapter will come out early and the next chapter will come out next week Wednesday or Saturday to compensate for what will probably be a small pause while I try to edit the previous chapters to match what I feel is the new quality of the writing.

* * *

For a while there's nothing but silence and the clicking of chess pieces. Some people are surprisingly noisy while thinking, unconsciously tapping their fingers or sighing softly.

Hanako does neither, remaining perfectly silent as she dedicates her focus to the game, her boxed lunch left forgotten. She hasn't defeated me yet, but she's been getting closer and closer.

I absently place a piece of egg in my mouth while moving my queen four tiles right.

"Check."

She responds instantly, defending with a wayward bishop.

The obvious move is to retreat, or attack from a different angle.

I capture her bishop with my queen, and then her shocked eyes with my own.

"A-Are you…throwing the g-game?" Hanako asks. She seems rather unsettled. There's no trap here, it was what one could call a blunder, but she and I both know that I play far above the level necessary to make such a horrifying 'mistake'.

I'm literally throwing my queen away for absolutely no gain. And I'm doing it on purpose.

"Of course not. I fully intend on winning this." I reply.

There's a fairly awkward silence as Hanako's hand rests frozen on her King.

"Am…Am I n-not good enough…?" Hanako begins, and I rush to cut her off.

"That's not the problem, Hanako, really, don't worry." I say. "Um…how do I put this?"

"Today has, uh…been a very _weird_ day. And I'm just kind of running with it. I mean, what I just did doesn't make sense, but it felt, uh, right. I guess. I'm sorry, I don't even know at this point."

There's a small smile on Hanako's face.

"I, ah, d-don't understand at all, but…"

I gently pat the top of her hand before leaning back in my seat as she resumes play, capturing my queen.

It's just Hanako and I again. Lilly's gone somewhere - something about the festival, according to Hanako.

The clattering of chess pieces resumes. I begin to play defensively, rather than offensively, a style she appears to find some difficulty accounting for, since it is also the style she plays.

With both players playing defensively, the game gradually slows. I continue development as Hanako fortifies her side before tentatively pushing some pawns forward.

I do the same thing, and all we wind up really doing is blocking each other. This is possibly the poorest game of chess I've ever allowed myself to play, but for some reason it's still pretty fun.

And judging by Hanako's gradual relaxation as the game goes on, it may be safe to think that she agrees.

She reminds me of someone else I know. Rei…

"Hisao? Are you o-okay?" Hanako's concerned voice breaks into my thoughts, and I look up to see her looking worriedly at me.

"H-Huh? Yeah." I'm lying and we both know it. But she seems to understand that I don't want to be pressed on this, judging from her quiet nod.

…How long has it been since I've last talked to Rei? Months, I think. I can't help but wonder if she'll attend this school next year - if her parents ever let her out of the house.

Of course, by then I won't be here any longer. I won't be able to guide her through like I want to.

Perhaps she'll never know that a student named Hisao Nakai walked these halls, if I don't tell her.

I sigh. Now is not the time to be distracted by my thoughts. I have a game and a friend in front of me, and I'll be damned if I let them slip away from me.

I revert to an offensive stance and begin ruthlessly hacking away at Hanako's defenses. Pieces are taken and lost as the board rapidly becomes decimated. Hanako promotes a pawn; I box her into a corner.

The warning bell rings. We both ignore it.

 _Tap. Tap._

"Check." Hanako tells me. In response I maneuver my bishop, deftly slipping away from her planned checkmate three moves in advance.

She captures the bishop with her queen, leaving me with nothing but my knight and king. I stare blankly at her; she's done the same thing that I did early in the beginning.

 _Are you throwing the game?_ I want to ask her, but stop myself, because there's really no reason she would. Outside, she's calm, but she's actually startlingly competitive when it comes to games like this.

I don't analyze the reasons too closely. She looks unsurprised when I capture her queen; with no way for me to pin her, the game is a draw.

"Good game." I murmur softly, still somewhat confused. She flashes me a small smile as she stands up, taking the remainders of our food and making her way over to the trash can.

"Good game." She replies cheerfully.

I'm not quite sure what happened, but I don't think anything has gone terribly wrong, so I elect to let it slide.

* * *

The last bell rings, and the classroom empties out until it's just myself, Hanako, and the student council. The latter appear to be animatedly discussing some problem that they're having while Hanako and I finish answering the last question on our science homework.

I feel bad for her; I've been drifting in and out of conversation. Despite my best efforts, I've not able to get Rei out of my head.

For some reason, the image of Rei walking through the halls I have with no idea I was here bothers me more than words can express.

This…this feeling…

This must be why…this is the only reason…

Concluding my talk with Hanako, I make my way over to the student council duo.

"Misha, Shizune. Do you have anything I can do?"

That I would willingly walk into Hell.

As Misha translates, Shizune's face openly registers surprise for a fraction of a second before warping into delight.

"Of course! Any help you can offer is welcome!" Misha says.

"Alright, excellent. What are you guys doing today?" I ask.

"We're going to be completing the forms that we sorted out yesterday, and we need to upload them to the online system, so we can use any help that we can get with typing them out. We borrowed a laptop from the Newspaper club some time ago so you'll have something to work on."

Alright, well, that wasn't what I had in mind when I thought about leaving a legacy behind, but I guess that's what I deserve for skipping the festival.

…There's one way I can keep doing minor work like this while leaving a legacy behind, but that's something I wouldn't be able to take back easily…

"That sounds good." At the very least, I'll feel productive doing it, and it's something I'm good at, too.

"I…Is there something…I can do to h-help?" A timid voice asks from behind me. I glance behind me to see Hanako, hands fidgeting nervously at her side.

She followed me?

"Y-Yes." Misha replies, her voice carrying a tone of surprise. And she's lowered her volume too, weird. Nice, though. "You can help Hisao type up the documents, but we'd need to get you a laptop."

"N-No need. I…have one."

Huh? I've been running under the assumption that Hanako is a ward of the state; how did she afford the money necessary to purchase a laptop? Those are pretty expensive!

From her bag, she extracts a laptop with an undecorated deep blue case; and I recognize the brand, too, that's a quality computer. I have more than enough funds to purchase it, but that's still a lot, objectively, and - how does Hanako even have money beyond the necessities? The government will only pay for so much…

"Great!" Misha chirps.

I have many questions, but ask none, only offering a smile to Hanako as we pack up our things and depart from the classroom.

Outside in the still-crowded hall, Hanako quietly positions herself behind me, to avoid as many gazes as possible. I slow my walk slightly to match her pace; Shizune and Misha, apparently unaware that their workers are lagging behind, continue to move ahead.

This would usually be a good time to ask Hanako the questions I desire to know the answers to, but she's preoccupied with maintaining the perfect position between the wall and myself. I leave her to it, trying to keep a steady pace myself.

It's been a few days, but I'm still overwhelmed by how much sensory information I get from having my tactile ability back. It shocks me when someone accidentally brushes past me in the hallway. It's unpleasantly warm outside and a bit too chilly inside, too, but I'm glad that I'm at least able to feel these things.

It doesn't take too long for the masses of humanity to trickle away; soon it's mostly Hanako and I, alone in the corridor. She relaxes, then, drifting slightly away from me.

It feels a little emptier to have this distance between us, but I can't possibly say anything about it without embarrassing myself, so I don't.

When her footsteps become somewhat erratic, I glance at her out of the corner of my eye.

She notices, of course - she's rather too good at searching for people looking at her - and immediately returns to walking normally, blushing.

"What were you doing?" I ask, impulsively. There's been a lot of things that we haven't been telling each other, I think, and I don't like that. I want that to stop.

"A-Ah…just, a, a game…" She stammers.

My gaze falls to the floor, white with the occasional colored tiles.

Oh, I think I know what she was doing - I've done this myself, too, when I was a small child and had the opportunity. I'll admit that I still do it once in a while, when there's no one around and I'm struck by the whim.

"Are you playing the tile game, by any chance?" I ask innocently.

Her blush deepens as she averts her eyes away from me.

"Y-Yes."

I nod in acknowledgement and we continue onward. At some point she goes back to playing her game, and I carefully don't make any mention of it.

It's nice to see her enjoying herself. I wouldn't say she's completely relaxed by now, but there have been precious few moments where she's allowed her guard to slip a little and I'm happy that she trusts me enough to do so around me.

That being said, it's still exceedingly amusing to slightly divert my path to block her from her next tile.

* * *

"Okay, Student Council. Lay it on us." I say, as the four of us reconvene in the unused classroom, filled with board games. The desks have been thoughtfully pushed together to form a larger table by Shizune and Misha, and the sorted(?) paperwork placed in front of us.

"Here's the laptop you will be using for the type-ups. Don't worry about uploading the documents or anything, Shizune and I will take care of that. There is a naming system, though, so be sure to follow all the rules or you'll have to do it again!" Misha says brightly, placing a simple laptop in front of me. It's a little old, but should more than suffice for my purposes.

Next to me, Hanako pulls out her own blue laptop; it took her some time to deliberate on where to sit before ultimately deciding that she rather wouldn't sit next to Shizune or Misha.

"Hanako, we'll need to set up the document format so that you don't have to manually drag all the boxes into place; it's a standardized form, so it will be easy." Misha continues.

"A-Actually…um, it might be f-faster to send the template over the Internet…" Hanako says meekly, shrinking into herself when she earns Misha's interest.

A quick sign language conversation follows. Shizune sends Hanako a speculative glance before nodding once, and the two cross to the opposite side of the classroom, apparently having decided on something to do.

I slide my laptop over to Hanako - she clearly knows what she's doing, and I don't. I know enough technology to type up notes, research, and locate chess programs; Hanako clearly understands whatever she needs to do better than I do, and I'd just get in her way.

Her finger strokes are quick and confident - I notice that, like me, she doesn't use a formal system of typing. Rather, her hands and fingers dance across the keyboard.

She seems to rely more on her left hand, though. Is her right hand damaged in more way than the obvious, or is this a symptom of her shyness? From where I'm sitting to the left of her I can see a hint of the burn scars that reach to the back of her hand.

That injury may be restricting her movement enough to force her on relying on her left hand.

Her typing slows to a crawl and I avert my eyes. Guess she noticed my stare.

"Sorry." I murmur. Hanako just nods, somewhat shakily, and her typing starts up again.

I hate that I'm so indifferent to the feelings of others like that. It's…pathetic.

Underneath the table, my hands grip tightly, fingernails stabbing into my skin. The pain gives me the chance to focus once more on what's important.

Okay. I think those thoughts are locked away again.

Thankfully, no one else has noticed. With a few more decisive taps, Hanako slides the laptop back to me as Misha walks over with a stack of paper.

"Here are the first sets!" She says, in a voice far too cheerful considering the enormity of the task. I'll take great pleasure in hearing that spark utterly crushed in, say, four hours.

Hanako and I nod, and then, with a sense of grim determination, begin typing out the first sheets out.


	38. Displacement

Heart pounding, my eyes fly open as I shake, hand already covering my mouth to stifle a scream.

"Hah…hah…"

I'm acutely aware that I'm drenched in sweat, and that my whole body is trembling.

"Wha…What…"

I have a whole new understanding of the phrase "paralyzed with fear", now. I…I didn't - all of the nightmares I've had before, those, those weren't really - not like I thought -

"W-What the…"

Hyperventilation. I force my lungs to inhale and hold onto the breath as long as I can - not long, it seems, but I try again and again and again.

Eventually - it might be minutes, or hours - this sensation of death fades away, and I regain control over my mind.

"W-What the hell…?"

My heart continues to pound, even after it's all over.

Never…I've never had anything like that. It's never been that bad before. Never been so utterly terrifying.

So what the hell was that? _What the hell was that?_

I don't understand, and it scares me.

I…I won't be able to sleep tonight. I can't. Not with this…not with this image in my head.

Shakily, I roll out of bed.

I can't be here.

My footsteps take me to the garden courtyard, and somewhat belatedly I realize that there are also a lot of bugs, and that is a sensation I am absolutely not interested in exploring, so I turn and run away.

…

…

…

Pain.

I shakily pick myself up from the sidewalk, blood running freely down my knee, and keep running.

…

…

Pain.

Pain.

 _Pain._

 _Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrun_

 _Stop stop stop stop stop stop_

 _GET OUT OF MY HEAD_

 _DIE_

…

I stumble sideways, to the edge of the sidewalk, and expel the little contents of my stomach into the grass.

It is through the last of my willpower that I avoid landing face first in it, instead falling over back onto the sidewalk.

My whole body is trembling again, but from exertion, not nightmare.

But that certainly hasn't gone anywhere.

"Hah…hah…" My breath is ragged again. I try to take deep breaths as I wait for my body to recover enough to move again.

Tears streak down my face as blood runs freely from a dozen scrapes and cuts. I don't care.

I…I thought…I thought I was over this…

What…what a fool I was.

Hah…

Hahaha…

Haha…

Shakily, I push myself up. Somehow, curfew hasn't caught me - though it helps that I'm barefoot, and my footsteps aren't that loud, even while running.

"Excuse me...Are you alright?"

I glance up to see a concerned teacher, male, unrecognizable.

It looks like I was a bit too confident.

* * *

Of course, I don't get in trouble. This isn't a normal school, and there are usually always special circumstances involved.

Instead, I am taken to the Nurse, and without cracking a single joke, he helps me disinfect and bandage my various injuries and take a painful shower before sitting me down in his office.

"Nakai, it's 3 AM in the morning, so I'm going to be blunt. What the hell were you doing?" He starts. He doesn't sound mad, but stern, and I shiver a little.

"I…" _I don't know,_ I want to say, but I don't think that's going to be an accepted answer, not at 3AM.

"I…" My heart hurts.

"You don't need to tell me." He says in the ensuing silence, with a look that tells me _because I've already figured it out,_ "But you do need to talk to someone."

"Nakai, I think you should strongly consider seeing a professional."

My answer is immediate.

"No." I meet his eyes sharply. _"No."_

"Why are you so against this?" He asks me, eyes sharp and analytical. I miss the old Nurse that cracked jokes at everyone else's expense, but I suppose that would be strictly appropriate right now, would it?

"It doesn't matter." I try to deflect.

I'm obviously not on my best game right now.

"I'd agree with you if you weren't so obviously in pain." The Nurse replies, before sighing. "Look, I'm not here to try and drag the truth out of you, and frankly you really don't need to tell me. But you're only going to keep hurting yourself."

"I'll be fine." I say blankly. I know no such thing.

He gives me a disbelieving look.

"Alright, fine, I'm sorry about that. You don't waste my time with pointless platitudes, so I shouldn't waste yours." He nods. "I don't know if I'll be fine, but I'm not going to disappear off the face of the Earth. I'm p-pretty sure this was just an isolated incident."

"This is the second time this week. I don't think this is just an isolated incident. What's changed, Nakai? Your record doesn't state anything like this having happened previously. What is it? The school?"

"No. The school is fine. Good. There really is no problem here. This is something else, something different."

 _"_ _Why couldn't you have been different?"_

"I-I'll be able to take care of myself." I say.

 _Hanako's crumpled body, blood everywhere, on my hands._

 _Emi._

 _Rin._

 _Lilly._

 _Shizune._

 _Misha._

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for now, but you aren't going to go to school today. You're taking the day off in your room - I'll clear things up with the administration." His voice is unexpectedly gentle; I suppose he's backed off for now, but I have no doubt he'll still be wanting an explanation I'm not ready to give.

"Thank you." I say. He nods.

"Now go. Sleep. You look like you need it. Come back in tonight or tomorrow for a quick checkup, but stay in your room until then." Of course one isn't necessary, but I suspect I'll need to prepare some answers for his questions before I go in.

"Alright. Thank you." I reply weakly. He nods.

I've avoided the worst of it, but there's still going to be more to deal with.

But for now, rest. I'm still not sure if I'll be able to sleep, but I can at least try to calm my nerves and work on patching myself up again.

* * *

There's a knock on my door at around lunch.

I check myself to make sure I look presentable before opening the door, and then clamp down hard on my emotions.

"H-Hi, Hisao." If Hanako notices, she doesn't comment, standing there with two bento boxes.

"Hey, Hanako." My smile is a bit forced - not the impression I want to be giving her right now, so I follow it up with "Good to see you. You…want to eat lunch with me?"

 _Standing there, looking carefully at my face, and blood, blood everywhere -_

I'm not sure that's the right order to do things in, but whatever.

"Um, can we eat in here? The Nurse said that I need to stay in my room until tonight, so…" Hanako looks a little bit concerned, but she nods.

"Alright, thanks. Um, come inside…?" I ask, opening the door a little wider.

"Thank you." Hanako answers, stepping in and shutting the door behind her. I try to find a place for both of us to sit, wishing I had known about this visit earlier so that I could have cleaned it earlier.

"Sorry for the mess." I apologize. Usually I'm a lot neater than this, but what with this morning and all…this is probably not leaving a good impression.

Unexpectedly, she smiles - no, not correct, her smile simply becomes more visible, she's been smiling gently for most of this - and replies "I-It's perfectly fine."

And with those tentative words out of the way I quickly straighten my bed in order to make a presentable eating area.

"Er…is this fine?" I ask. It's not really an ideal spot but it's the best place I could come up with that wasn't "the floor", which is such a dumb idea that it doesn't even merit consideration as a last resort, let alone an actual location.

I've been kind of expecting her to say "no" to my ridiculousness at some point but rather she just says "o-okay", and then we sit on my bed at a fairly comfortable distance, though I guess that changes depending who you ask. Personally I'd rather her sit a little bit closer, so I can feel that delightful warm presence next to me, but that would be awkward to ask and _wow_ has the ability to feel turned me into a raging pervert or what - and I wasn't even thinking that, but it's easy to see how someone could misconstrue what I've been thinking.

I accept Hanako's offering without another word and then we pull off the covers and begin eating.

"Delicious as always." I tell her, and mean it. As a general rule of thumb she doesn't pick up her food until I give my opinion of it. It's just another one of her quirks.

We eat in silence - another one of our unspoken rules, unless one of us have something reasonably important to say. And usually it's to say something like "Check".

Speaking of which…

"Sorry I couldn't play chess with you today." I say.

Hanako swallows her food before speaking. "D-Don't worry about it. I don't m-mind."

 _But I do,_ I want to protest.

That's selfish, I think, and terribly self-centered, if I can't accept someone's generosity for what it is.

What have I done to deserve Hanako's kindness?

"Are you okay?" the girl in question asks, meeting my eyes, and looking at her certain mix of concern and understanding breaks something inside me a little bit.

"…No." I say, the truth. "I'm not okay at all."

I'm surprised by how much saying that hurts. Why am I so afraid of reality? I know I'm broken. Objectively, I'm not a complete person; I have to take medication to have the same privileges that a normal, full person does.

So why is that so hard to admit?

I stiffen when I feel something warm against my clothed back - Hanako's hand, retracting when I react to her touch.

"S-Sorry!" We both say at the same time.

"I'm sorry, I s-shouldn't have-"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize-"

Our apologies die off when we realize that there's a bit of a misunderstanding happening, and rather than trade platitudes, she tentatively rests her hand on my back again and I arch slightly into her touch.

This…this feels really nice.

Her comforting heat next to me, her hand gently running across my back - I don't stop to question the oddity of her actions, passively accepting it.

I don't want to break this, whatever this is, so I just sit there quietly.

"If…" Hanako swallows. "If you w-want to…t-talk…I'll listen…"

My vision blurs with sudden tears, tears that I can't stop, and I - I don't know why I'm crying.

Why am I crying?

"Thank you, Hanako. T-Thank you…" She just flashes me a gentle smile in response.

We sit like this through the lunch period, in companionable silence.

The end-of-lunch bell rings and Hanako doesn't make any motion to leave.

"D-Don't you need to go?" I ask, brushing away the tears with my hand so that I can look at her.

"T-There are more…i-important things than c-classes." Hanako whispers quietly.

"…Ah." I reply, and pause, because I'm not sure how to respond to such a genuine and heartfelt sentiment. Even though I disagree with the concept of skipping classes for something like this, I can't find it within me to turn her away.

"I…well…" I swallow and try again. "I had a nightmare…"

 **A/N:** The next chapter will be tomorrow (hopefully), and it won't really be a chapter - a notification, rather, that the edit of the first 25 or so chapters will be completely reuploaded. Most chapters have received minor updates and a few chapters were nearly completely rewritten from scratch. I strongly suggest rereading, at the minimum, C1 - C4, C11, C17-C18. Most of those chapters have either very important things or are practically brand new.

You don't need to, but the revelations of the next chapters are going to hit you with very little warning, and that's much of what the edits I've done. The rest of it involved removing the hugely OOC parts of my Hisao that made him seem like a stereotypical angsty teenager. Primarily, he's a bit nicer to Misha. His shift in attitude (less dramatic now, thanks to the edits) towards being nicer is also hinted at.

C40 will be one of the most important chapters in my story because of the content it covers. As you might expect, much of Hisao's background will be described.

That's far from the end of the story, however. You might notice that, despite Hanako telling Hisao about her accident in canon, they still had quite a few problems to deal with. Someone else knowing a bit about Hisao's background isn't going to magically fix his various issues, which he's done well at pretending doesn't exist.

Because of the 25 updates and this chapter I'm uploading, as well as the stuff coming in C40, it may take some time for me to upload it, but - I promise nothing like the months-long hiatus I took from this story. I hope that readers will be more satisfied (and hopefully, I'll cut down a little on the, like, 10:1 viewer count between Chapters 1 and 2, lol).

See you soon!


	39. Everyday Hero

**A/N:** I woke up this morning and saw that I had 7 alerts, 6 related to people following/favoriting this story. (Over 5 hours of sleep)

Looks like people like these changes - thanks for the feedback, inside and outside out of this website, that made that possible. This chapter is dedicated to you guys and girls.

* * *

I was thirteen.

I don't remember too much from this period, which makes the memories that do stand out all the more apparent.

One morning, I tripped down a flight of stairs at home, and it didn't hurt at all. I suppose I've always been a little pain tolerant from as far back as I can remember, for what that's worth; but this time I literally felt nothing.

My parents and I didn't think anything was wrong, so I cleaned up and went to school. Halfway through, I collapsed unconscious.

Turns out that the injury had broke something in my head, and blood was filling up. I was rushed into emergency surgery and operated on.

Thankfully there were no complications, and I made a full recovery. But this was far from the first time I had hurt myself in such a clumsy manner, and apparently this time the school could not ignore it; I was taken away from my parents while they were investigated for child abuse.

These allegations were, of course, false. I can see how the mistake was made, looking at it from an objective standpoint, but I was _not pleased_ at the time.

I now realize that none of that helped my parents in the least. I was shifted to one of my mother's cousins while the investigation against my parents continued. She wasn't much of a fan of dealing with me because I was disabled, and we mostly ignored each other as much as possible. It was a fairly miserable existence.

School was worse; a group of boys seemed to think that my collapse was funny. When I patiently explained to them that I couldn't have felt the pain, they seemed to grow jealous despite the _exceedingly obvious_ drawbacks of suffering from it. Apparently, one of their bunch had an abusive father, and seemed to think that it wasn't fair that he should feel the pain and I not.

Children are truly simplistic creatures and are capable of unthinkable levels of cruelty. Before every session one of them would tell me "You'll feel it when I'm done with you" and then proceed to beat me mercilessly. Near the end they'd always ask me if I could feel anything then, and I'd try to say that I did even though I honestly couldn't feel anything just to get it to stop, and they would reply with "I don't believe you" and continue until they left me on the ground as a shaking mess.

That wasn't the first time that happened. I learned to cover up the bruises as much as I could to prevent people from being falsely blamed, and because they threatened me with more violence should they get in trouble.

After all, according to them, it was only fair.

Eventually my parents were returned to me and I moved back in with them, but the accusations were rather damaging to both of their reputations. My father lost his job and struggled to get a new one, and my mother lost much of her friends and family.

This, of course, was blamed on me, and, having learned from my lessons at school, I stood there and took it.

They never actually wound up physically beating me, but they became particularly competent at tearing me down to shreds.

This went on for about two years.

I stopped participating at school, eventually started cutting classes. The administration notified my parents and they forced me to go to school, basically so that "I wouldn't cost them anything else".

I was walking down the hallway the day after school when I noticed that same group of boys from before, the bullies. It appeared that, in my absence, they had gotten bored, because they were picking on someone else now.

A young girl, her uniform identifying her as a seventh grader, bag and books scattered all over the ground. I watched as someone kicked her in the leg and she fell.

I don't know what they said, but it didn't matter; I came up from behind the guy who kicked her and slammed his head into the locker, and he dropped like a rock, blood everywhere.

The rest of them ran. Probably thought he was dead. I sometimes wish he was. Would've been better for him. As far as I know, he's still unconscious in that hospital bed.

As you can imagine, this got a bit of publicity, and things would have gone very poorly for me if not for the girl I protected.

As fortune would have it, the bullying victim was Rei Miyuki, the only other person suffering from HSAN-6 in all of Asia, and daughter to one of the richest (and therefore most powerful) men in the country. She was the one that convinced her parents to step in, silence the media, and got the parents of the person I nearly killed to settle out of court.

This naturally didn't protect me from my crime, which was technically assault, but no one really wanted to go against the Miyuki family, particularly when the wronged family didn't even care enough to try to press charges, AND no one wanted to really defend the guy who had thought it fitting to pick on a girl three years his junior, and thusly I was released with a slap on the wrist, mostly. It's not even on my record; I still suspect that money changed hands, somewhere.

This stopped any legal consequences from coming my way, but didn't solve my own issues regarding the subject. For weeks after the incident I would still wake up screaming from nightmares, and I was hospitalized myself for some time.

With Rei Miyuki's assistance and friendship I managed to pull myself together somewhat, thinking that I needed to set some kind of example as the older HSAN-6 patient. As it turned out, she was the one more often leading me through life. Without her, I'm not sure that I would still be alive. Certainly I wouldn't be free; I might have gone to jail without her protection.

At this time, I was still reacting pretty poorly to my own condition, these emotions exacerbated by the bullying I went through. It was Rei who helped me cope with it better. I'm still not perfectly okay with it, but I've at least come to accept that it is the reality I live in.

I love her for that.

After this ordeal, though, eventually I had to go home. And…

My parents were not pleased in the slightest. And, well…

 _I step into the kitchen. Dinner is set for two - a telling sign. My parents appear behind me._

 _"_ _You've disappointed us again, son." My father tells me, in an icy tone._

 _I stiffen._

 _"_ _After all we've gone through to sustain you, is this how you want to treat us? Tell me, what did we do to deserve this kind of behavior from you?"_

 _Silence. My mother just stands there. I don't know if she agrees or disagrees; the fact is that she stands there, saying nothing, and that is enough for me to understand where she stands on this._

 _"_ _Do not disappoint us again."_

 _I turn around, slowly, trembling._

 _"_ _Who…who are you…to talk about disappointment?" I whisper._

 _"_ _What's that, boy? Speak up." My hands slowly clench into fists._

 _"_ _WHO ARE YOU TO TALK ABOUT DISAPPOINTMENT?" I shriek at him, at her, at both of them. "MY PARENTS ARE COMPLETE FAILURES! THAT'S THE DISAPPOINTMENT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH! DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME ABOUT DISAPPOINTMENT!"_

 _He slaps me, hard. My head whiplashes from the impact as I stumble back, towards the kitchen table. My mother gasps, but the sound is drowned out by the blood rushing through my veins._

 _"_ _DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" My father shouts back, having lost his temper. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE SACRIFICED FOR YOU?"_

 _"_ _SACRIFICE? YOU'VE SACRIFICED NOTHING! YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL! I HAD TO RELY ON OTHER PEOPLE, A GIRL THREE YEARS MY JUNIOR, TO TAKE CARE OF ME BECAUSE MY OWN PARENTS COULDN'T BE HALF-ASSED TO SPEND A FEW MINUTES PUTTING IN THE EFFORT TO CARE!"_

 _"_ _I GAVE MY JOB UP FOR YOU!"_

 _"_ _THAT WASN'T MY FAULT! I CAN'T CONTROL WHAT I WAS BORN WITH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE 'H' IN 'HSAN-6' STANDS FOR? HEREDITARY! IF YOU WANT TO FIND SOMEONE TO BLAME FOR MAKING ME THE WAY I AM, BLAME YOURSELF!"_

 _He's struck momentarily speechless by this, before resorting to the age-old response and slapping me across the face again._

 _Something inside me breaks._

 _My hand reaches behind me and yanks a knife off the table, and I point it in his direction, blood trickling down my palm from the blade cutting into my skin._

 _"_ _Don't touch me again, bastard." I sneer, as his eyes go wide. "No, I suppose I'm the bastard here, aren't I…? After all, I don't have a father."_

 _I can see the words slam into him._

 _"_ _Consider something, why don't you two? Do you think you're the only one suffering? God, I HATE both of you! You have to put up with me? So WHAT? I have to wrap my head around the fact that my parents stopped loving me - if indeed you ever did - because I became an inconvenience!"_

 _Still pointing the knife at him, I move back towards the door. "What kind of monsters are you?"_

 _They stand in the way._

 _"_ _Move." I whisper. "Or I'll run you through." I shift my grip on the blade. "And if you think I won't…"_

 _"_ _There isn't a number sufficiently small enough to adequately define how little I care about your continuing existence. Move, or I'll bring it all to an end and DAMN THE CONSEQUENCES!"_

 _Slowly, he puts his hands up and shifts out of the way. Keeping an eye on him, I look towards my mother._

 _"_ _Move, bitch." I say simply._

 _"_ _Hisao-" She tries to say something and I violently shake my head._

 _"_ _Move or die."_

 _She moves, tears flowing down her face._

 _I retreat, eyes carefully on my parents to make sure they don't try anything, but they don't, just watch me exit. My father appears to be struggling with something._

 _I don't care._

 _Once I'm satisfied that I'm out of their range, I turn and exit the house, not looking back._

 _A safe distance away, I drop the knife, hands shaking, and then return to the hospital._

 _…_

 _It's some time later that I wake up in a hospital bed, not remembering having fallen unconscious._

 _"_ _You're awake." A comfortingly sweet voice says, and I tilt my head to see Rei._

 _"_ _How …how long have I been asleep?" My voice cracks at first. Not very long, obviously, or I'd be struggling a bit more. It comes out in a bit of a mumble, but she seems to understand._

 _"_ _Not very long. Just a day or so. You staggered in with blood dripping from your hand and the nice doctor came and sutured your cut up. Mind explaining that?" I give the younger girl a dry look._

 _"_ _For someone three years my junior, you sure love to bully me." I reply at an attempt at humor, but it falls flat. I just feel…empty and cold inside._

 _"_ _That's my job, isn't it?" She replies warmly, placing her hand on top of mine._

 _"_ _Hey, Hisao?" Rei asks. Over time I've come to respect her and her friendship, despite our initial meeting. Regardless of how I felt, there was no way I could not like her, after I watched her desperately plead with her parents on my behalf to help me as I helped her._

 _Nor could I ignore the sense of responsibility I felt when I realized that she was being bullied for the same reasons I was. Perhaps if I hadn't started skipping school, I would never have had to watch that; she would never have had to experience it._

 _But I don't think she would have broken the way I did. Despite her upbringing…there's a lot of strength in her. She isn't spoiled like I would expect; her down-to-earth traits are actually the most prominent thing about her._

 _It's why I respect her so much, even though she's so young._

 _"_ _Hisao?" Rei asks again. I blink._

 _"_ _Sorry, I was thinking for a moment. What is it?"_

 _"_ _Are you okay?" She asks._

 _"_ _I'm fin-" I cut myself off, studying her face. "Oh, I see. You want a real answer to that, don't you?"_

 _"…_ _Then, no. No. I'm not fine at all. I just found out that my parents are despicable, miserable wrecks that never loved me." I say simply._

 _"_ _Ah." Rei says. "Want to talk about it?"_

 _I give her a dark look, ready to tell her exactly what I think of that idea and where she can shove it; then I stop and look again._

 _Her intense crystal-blue eyes stare into mine, some kind of unidentifiable look in them._

 _"_ _Hisao. You're allowed to say no." Her fingers grip mine with a startling strength._

 _I sigh and close my eyes, all the tension flooding out of me._

 _"_ _I know. But I won't." My eyes fly open again to stare deep into hers, unflinching. "Don't try to convince me that my parents were anything but monsters, and I'll tell you."_

 _Rei nods._

 _"_ _Alright. Well…where do I begin? I'm honestly not sure where to start. Things were peachy for a while, up until about three years ago, actually. That's when my condition fully developed - before then, it was just high pain tolerance. Things had slipped away so gradually that no one, including myself, had any idea that anything was wrong…"_

…

I feel my heart throb as I watch Hanako cry on my behalf, her arms wrapped around my shoulders as she apologizes for something that she had no role in.

Apologizes that my life had to be so needlessly cruel.

I'm not sure how to react to this sudden warm feeling; it feels terribly unfair to have her crying right now.

My breath comes in desperate breaths; am - am I crying?

We both are, I think, that's what it feels like to me.

Hm…

A reaction? I need a reaction.

Brain? You on call, there?

Aha, here we are.

"Hanako…" Think that's a good start, her name.

My heart pulses again, a dangerous feeling in my chest.

…!

I - this feeling - I know it. Where? Where?!

This is something important, I think. So I need to remember, but…

"Hey…Hanako…" I murmur.

"…Y-Yes?"

"Do…do ya have a cell…phone?" I ask.

"I-I do…Hisao…? Are you o-okay?"

"Mmm…don't think…call…help…"

 _Ah…this is just like when-_

Darkness.

 **A/N:** Original characters aren't going to become a focus of the story at hand, but they are necessary to help shape and guide Hisao. Note that, especially because this is from first person, _narrative bias_ IS a thing and that a character saying it does not make it objectively true or logical; characters can make mistakes and say things that aren't strictly logical without ever questioning it. It doesn't even necessarily mean they believe it!

Chapter 41...Wednesday, perhaps? Depends on feedback.

Also, to keep the focus on the main story, I'm not going to go into detail with Rei beyond the essentials, but I may write "bonuses" at the end of chapters to give you a better idea of how they interact beyond the role they play.


	40. Complications

**A/N - Posted chapter early because there was a lot of feedback.**

 **I'm a pretty simple person at heart when it comes to this kind of stuff. When it's fun to write, then I'll write more. That being said, I'll never withhold chapters just because I'm not getting reviews, but reviews do encourage me to post more frequently and write more often.**

* * *

 _I remember the blood on my hands, after that boy dropped to the ground._

 _It's funny, isn't it? I haven't been crippled for very long, relatively speaking, but yet it's all I can remember._

 _I'm just a cripple. A burden. A handicap._

 _I shouldn't bother people with things that I want. After all, I'm just a waste._

 _I should just leave everyone alone._

 _I should just_ kill myself.

 _I've been told for a long time that I was powerless to do anything, and for a long time, I thought that was the truth._

 _Maybe that's why I was so scared, why I am so scared…_

 _Because in that moment where I took a boy's head in my hands before ruthlessly bashing it against a steel locker, I certainly didn't feel powerless._

 _…_

Consciousness returns slowly. For a moment I simply lie there, eyes shut against reality. Around me, the familiar beeps of various machines remind me that I have, once again, found myself at square one.

 _I was doing so well…_

I still don't know what happened. I remember the chest pain, the lightheadedness, the shortness of breath, the palpitations.

Did…did I have a heart attack…?

Someone, somewhere out there is laughing at me. Saying that _this is what I deserved._

…Then why am I still alive…?

Slowly, my eyes open, slowly at first. As it turns out, there's no need to worry; the lights have been considerably dimmed to where they're only a brush against my eyes.

More importantly, I can still feel the sheets against my back in full detail, feel the electrodes against my chest. Has the medication not worn off yet? That means I've probably only been out of it for a little while.

…I think. I haven't actually tried to skip a dose yet, but that's the likely explanation, anyways.

The bed is rather cold, but the sheets are soothing against my skin. I find it in me to relax.

"You're awake." A comfortingly sweet voice says, and I sigh, tilting my head to see Rei Miyuki at my bedside, sitting calmly in a wheelchair.

She's grown since the time I last saw her…two months? Three? That time, the positions were reversed; she was recovering from her surgery then, and I was at her side, waiting for her to wake up. Her long brown hair flows behind her back.

With delicate Japanese features, Rei would be a stereotypical princess if not for her sapphire eyes, which seem to shine with an unmatchable inner fire.

It's why I respect her.

"I think we can agree that this happens altogether too frequently." I reply dryly. My voice is a little scratchy, but not as ragged as I expected. "How long have I been out?"

"Hm…From what I understand of it, just about sixteen hours or so." I frown as my brain races to speed up.

…That doesn't sound like a heart attack to me.

"Do you know…what happened?" I ask.

"Yes." Rei inclines her head. "You had an episode of arrhythmia." She glances at a piece of paper in her lap. "Supraventricular tachycardia."

Irregular fast heartbeat in which my heart muscle pumps ineffectually, but very rapidly. Rapidly falling blood pressure led to loss of consciousness. That is not something I recall being at risk for…

"A boy in glasses and a scarf came by to explain what happened." Rei giggles, blushing slightly. "He's cute."

… _Kenji?_

The second half of her statement rocks into me, full force.

 _…_ _Kenji!?_

"According to him," Rei ignores the choked sound coming from my throat. "He heard a girl scream somewhere inside the building. After appropriately arming himself in case of danger, he rushed outside and identified the scream as belonging to Hanako Ikezawa, determined that you were in need of medical attention, and began to run tests to figure out what was going on. He correctly identified your condition and went back to his room."

"For some reason he couldn't explain, he was in the possession of a portable defibrillator, and he used it on you. A single charge reset your heart rhythm to normal and he called an ambulance."

It would appear that I owe him a sincere apology and thanks. It makes me feel bad that I've been so rude to him.

Someone else mentioned, though, draws my attention.

"Is Hanako alright?' I ask.

Rei's lips quirk up in an odd smile as she quickly glances at the open door.

"I have it on good authority that she's been anxiously waiting outside your room for the last half hour, trying to convince herself that it's not her fault that you ended up hospitalized."

I choke on my spit.

"Hanako - _what? How?"_ I gasp, even as I shake my head. That's so quintessentially Hanako; but I need to fix this, or permanent damage could be done.

Rei shrugs.

"Can - no, I need to see her." I try to struggle out of my bed, but Rei places her hand on my chest and shoves me back into the bed.

"Wait." She replies, and then she stands up on shaky legs, looking down at her feet; or, rather, what passes for her feet. Metal prosthetics have replaced the flesh and bones at her knees and below.

She was injured repeatedly enough for her joints to become near-useless, so they were amputated, along with everything in between. I've only avoided this fate through…luck, mostly, but also by being careful.

"Hm, there. Think I've got enough control for this." Thanks to a combination of being a bit more reckless and having a weaker body, HSAN-6 has actually physically debilitated Rei far more than I can. It's not just her legs that have been weakened; she doesn't have full control of her hands and arms, either. It varies depending on a couple things, including the amount of focus she puts into it and her level of exhaustion, but it's usually not optimal.

She leans forward and fumbles for the monitor switch, shutting it off.

"There, now you won't draw any extra attention." I sit up and yank the wires off my chest. I'm in a fairly thin dressing gown, and it's pretty uncomfortable, but I'll manage.

"Switch with me?" I ask, and she nods, sitting down on the bed.

"Need help standing?" She asks. I test my legs, leaning off the bed to see if they'll hold my weight.

…Probably not, they're a bit stiff. I don't think it would be a good idea to fall right now.

So instead I sit on Rei's wheelchair.

"Good luck." She tells me, smiling wolfishly. It takes me a few seconds to figure out what she's trying to say, and I blush ferociously when I get it.

Rather than dignify it with a response, though, I simply wheel myself out, to the soundtrack of her giggles.

It takes me about two seconds to locate Hanako; in fact, I almost run into her maneuvering outside of the room.

"W-Wah!" Hanako stumbles backwards, shocked; I quickly apply the brakes on my wheelchair and tighten my grip on the seat, maintaining my balance.

"Hey, Hanako." I say, smiling slightly at the sight of her. "Sorry you had to come here."

"I-It's…i-it's fine…" She whispers quietly. She seems far more withdrawn than normal.

Something's really not right here, maybe even more than what Rei said, about her blaming herself. There's something deeper happening here.

"You…you know it wasn't your fault, right?" I ask.

"…I know…" She mutters, sounding entirely unconvinced.

I try to see this from her perspective. What if the roles were reversed? Well, she apparently feels guilty because she couldn't react productively. But that's not really her fault. Some people react to stress differently, and I'm almost certain that there's more going on than Hanako is revealing, because right now her desire to flee looks even stronger than back when we had met for the very first time, when I sat next to her.

I don't know how to comfort her right now, and that, more than anything, frustrates me.

The silence grows unbearable.

"Do…do you want to come in?" I finally ask, motioning vaguely at the doorway to my hospital room. I don't - I don't know what else to say, and maybe the privacy will help a little, we're all in the hallway, and maybe Rei will know what to say to lighten up the atmosphere…

She pauses for a long while before eventually nodding, stiffly.

"Alright…" I prepare to back the wheelchair up; this seems to spur her to action.

"Do…y-you…needhelp?" Hanako blurts out.

"Yes…" I'm still not too good with the steering and any help is appreciated. Very carefully, Hanako makes her way around me before gently turning the wheelchair around.

 _I'm not going to break_ , I want to say, but such assurances would be rendered meaningless because, well, here I am in the hospital. And though that assumption is fallacious, well, reality doesn't always run on logic.

She wheels me in; Rei is sitting cross-legged on my bed, quietly drinking the water in my cup. Our eyes meet and she quickly puts the cup back down on the table next to her, removing the offending evidence in a single swallow.

Behind me, Hanako makes some kind of sound. I don't know whether she's offended or scared.

"You're the worst." I say blandly, as the chair coasts to a stop and I stagger off of it to land mostly on my bed. "Thanks, Hanako." I mumble into my sheets.

I can't seem to remember what I was supposed to say. I'm just so tired…

"Hey, I need room to stretch my legs." Rei complains cheerfully. "Come here." I pull my head up to see her patting the spot next to her; dutifully, I drag myself up and roll over so that I can stare at the ceiling and she begins running a hand through my hair.

She's done this before, but never under the influence of medication that allowed me to feel again, so it feels entirely different. Good. I press my head into her hand. After a moment's thought, I incline my head so that I can examine Hanako's reaction.

 _Well._ I think dryly to myself, enjoying the absolutely shocked look and fierce blush that she's currently sporting. _A reaction indeed._

"Would you like to join us, Hanako?" Rei asks, a bit of a smirk on her face. "I don't bite, but Hisao might if you ask him to."

"A-Ah…" Hanako whimpers, apparently totally lost for words.

"Don't worry. You can sit right here." Rei says, patting somewhere I can't see on the bed. "I'll protect you from big bad His-mmmf!"

She stops talking because my hand is clasped around her mouth.

"Ignore her and do whatever you want." I say flatly. "And my apologies for anything silly she says; it seems that the younger you are, the more ridiculous you get, and-"

Some kind of sound I've never made before comes out of my mouth as a _completely foreign sensation_ runs across the palm of my hand; I whip my hand away from Rei's head-

"D-Did you just lick my hand?" I ask, staring at the shiny spit mocking me. She grins.

"I may have." Rei grins, before turning to Hanako. "Come here." Her smile softens. "Do me the honor of being my friend."

"…I…" Hanako trembles. "I…I…"

There's a long pause.

"…I can't…" Then she turns and flees the room.

…

…

…

…

For a moment I'm utterly shocked, not expecting THAT kind of negative reaction, then I move to stand up and chase her down.

"Hisao, no!" Rei pulls me down sharply. "You can't!"

"What? Why? Let me go!" I could pull out of her grip at any time, if I really needed to - but the force necessary to do so could really hurt her fragile body, and it is that and only that which keeps me here.

"Listen to me, Hisao!" Rei says fiercely. "Look me in the eyes!"

I do, and I see glowing crystal, radiating a bright determination, but also behind that, a fear I rarely see.

"You _can't_. Listen, please listen to me. There's something going on here, something beyond just her guilt. I used _that_ voice which is why she was just a little bit scared of me, that and I think she sort of knows who I am, and even then when I tried to push her into explaining she just immediately walled herself off." Rei whispers frantically.

"You _what-"_

"You need, absolutely need, to give her space. I know I can't stop you, but if you chase after her now - you're going to break her, alright? Please! Give her the space she needs, let her bring her emotions back under control, just for now, alright? Right now just looking at you hurts her because she still associates you with her panic and her feelings of complete uselessness."

"But-" I try to protest. Her hand clamps around my arm harder.

"Do it for me, please!" Suddenly that warmth fades out from her eyes, and all that's left is a scared little girl, three years my junior with tears in her eyes, pleading with me. "Please."

"Okay. Okay." I say, trying my best to calm down, to regain control.

Control…

I rub my hand over my aching heart.

"A-Are you okay?" Rei asks worriedly, and I close my eyes and concentrate, trying to judge my condition.

Thump thump.

Thump thump.

"I'm fine." I say. "Not at risk of dying, I don't think. This is just…"

Well…

"It just feels like I've lost something I can never replace…"

* * *

 **A/N -** Uh.

I feel like I should probably say that this isn't going to be a Hisao/OC fic.

...And I hope you found the chapter interesting...?


	41. Dissipate

**A/N** \- I'm rather surprised by the complete lack of reaction to the last chapter.

I also have no idea how to interpret that.

Well, I've broken my 'usual' two-updates-a-week schedule to push this chapter out.

* * *

The rest of my hospital stay…is terribly empty.

A nurse comes in and reattaches the electrodes before reminding me that I'm still under an observation period, _and you really shouldn't be moving around._

Rei keeps me company for the next few hours; during that time, the sensations I have continue to fade before finally disappearing, and I return to my normal state, free of medication.

I very determinedly do not cry.

The next day, Rei's father comes in, and we talk about the new medication. I'm told to describe to him as much as I can remember about the various side effects, to see if it's something that he's willing to risk on Rei.

"Mood swings?" He asks intently. It appears he remembers Trial 11 as well as I do.

"Yes, but it's not clear whether or not it was caused by Trial 14 or not; I might have had them before then. A couple incidents come to mind where I feel like I reacted more extremely than the situation warranted, but that is of course subjective to my own experience."

"I see. Did you notice the existence of manic and / or depressive periods?" Rei's father is a stern man, a typical businessman with greying hair and piercing eyes, coupled with serious demeanor and cool voice.

His question causes me to think back a bit to my actions over the last few days.

"I can't say for sure, but if I had to settle on an answer, I would say yes. I specifically remember being increasingly impulsive over the last few days."

Working with the Student Council and talking to Hanako about my past both come to mind.

"I see. Would you personally recommend that I allow Rei to try this medication?" He's always asked me this question; I'm not sure if my answers even factor into his decision, but I do my best to answer comprehensively anyways.

"Not ever. It's too dangerous, especially since I only barely got away." He nods and, business concluded, leaves.

According to my doctor, the medication put significant stress on my heart. It was lucky that I had been working to maintain a reasonable standard of health; if I had been weaker, things would have gone more poorly. It's possible that I would have suffered sudden cardiac death and died at any time.

If Rei had been taking the medication instead of me, she almost certainly would have died.

This wake-up call of sorts, though, has at least seen the implementation of stricter procedures regarding my case. I'm to check in for a basic physical every day with the Nurse and a longer examination once a week, whenever I begin medication again.

…I don't really care.

I just want my friend back.

I just want Hanako back.

I watch the door carefully, scrutinizing every person that walks past, trying to see if Hanako is there.

She never does show up again, though, but others do.

"Hi, Shizune, Misha." I say from my spot on the hospital bed where I'm sitting. "How have you been?"

"We've been alright, Hisao." Misha says, uncharacteristically controlling her volume for once. "How are you?"

"Mmm. I can't say the same." I'm not even willing to put in the effort necessary to pretend that I'm alright.

Shizune and Misha have a quick conversation in sign, in which Misha looks distinctly unsettled before seeming to capitulate. Eventually she leaves the room and I'm left with the Student Council President.

I stare at her.

She pulls out a notepad and pen from a pocket somewhere on her person and approaches, pulling up one of the chairs leaning next to the wall before sitting down at my bedside.

 _Would it make you feel better to talk to someone?_ She writes before passing me the piece of paper and her pen.

 _About?_

 _Why do you look so depressed?_

I cringe.

 _No. Not yet. Maybe not ever._

Her brow furrows when she reads that as she leans back in her chair, a thoughtful look on her face. I keep writing.

 _There is something you can do, though. Please allow me to join the Student Council._

Shizune's eyes widen momentarily before affixing me with her intense gaze. I stare right back at her, not shying away.

 _Why._

I note the lack of a question mark.

 _Because I need - NEED - to be useful. Please understand._

Her fingers drum across the top of her thigh. It's incredibly distracting.

 _I have a condition before I will allow you to join._ Shizune finally writes.

 _Name it._

 _Learn Japanese Sign Language._

I stare at her.

 _Is that all?_

 _Yes._ There's an unreadable look in her eyes as I consider her request for barely a moment. I've already decided that I would do it, didn't I? I just haven't gotten around to it.

 _Done._ The pen rips through the paper, appropriately ending our conversation.

Shizune stands up and nods at me once, shortly, before turning around and walking out of the room.

I stare at her pen, then back up at where she left.

…Acceptable.

* * *

The next person that makes their way in is Emi.

Though that would imply she calmly made her way in.

Let me try that again:

Emi sprinted into the room and slammed the door shut behind her, locking in from the inside before blowing a raspberry at whoever is on the outside.

I stare at her blankly as she turns around; she blushes, but pretends that nothing out of the ordinary has happened, averting her eyes. As if following some sort of process, she take her seat next to my bed, coincidentally in the same place Shizune sat.

I also notice that Emi's missing her bouncy rubber(?) legs. In fact, if I wasn't aware of her disability, I wouldn't have realized there was anything wrong with her; the legs look very real. It's only when her leg clips against the side of her chair that I realize it's probably some form of plastic.

There's a bit of an odd silence.

I'm not really a fan of those anymore, so I make a sincere effort to break it.

"Hello there, Emi." I reply simply. The response is as predicted -

"Hey."

And we're mostly back where we're started. I scramble for something to say. Her eyes are red -

"Have you been crying, Emi?" I ask.

 _Smooth._

She gives me a flat look. "You're an ass, you know that?"

This manages to get a wan smile out of me.

"Yeah." My mood collapses a bit again as I remember Hanako running away, but I manage to shake off the worst of it, still maintaining that facade.

Scowling, she reaches forward to pull my lips down with her fingers.

"Don't do that. No hiding."

I give her a shrug. "If I don't, I'll cry. So I have to hold myself together, don't I?"

She moves her chair closer to me and leans forward. "Nothing wrong with that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She replies, standing up and carefully pulling my head into her shoulder.

"…Is this really okay?" I ask, muffled by her shirt.

"Shut up and cry." She replies imperiously.

It's a bit of a - weird - angle but it works and I kind of just let go and sob.

The desire to reassert my self-independence rises and is utterly crushed by, just, the _pain_

 _it hurts_

 _stop_

 _please stop_

 _it hurts so much_

…

…

…

Eventually I regain some measure of control.

I'm vaguely aware that she's rubbing my back; the feeling is barely there.

All these feelings of mine are still floating around. I don't think crying helped me very much. It's not enough, not nearly enough, but it lets me pull my face away, wiping my tears away with my arm.

Emi looks curiously at her shoulder; I wince, mortified, at the large wet stain covering a significant portion of her shirt.

"S-Sorry." I say sheepishly, but she just shrugs.

"I said it was okay, didn't I?" She pats my thigh. "Do you, uh, want anyone to talk to right now? I'm not too good at this kind of stuff, but maybe I can help somehow."

For some reason, the thought of talking to Emi feels a lot more _right_ than talking to Shizune. Maybe not enough for me to spill, but - well, I guess it makes sense. Shizune isn't really the kind of person that I imagine finding some sort of personal comfort from.

In that context, it almost feels like Shizune is just a little bit _untouchable_ and it's rather intimidating sometimes, like now, where I'm not really on my best game.

"I…can't yet. T-There's too many things…I'm not sure of yet…" I haven't even really begun to analyze everything that went wrong - mostly because it's still too painful to think about. I shy away at even the thought of confronting that again, but I'll know I need to.

…One way or another, I can't, this can't happen again.

It hurt too much.

It hurt WAY too much.

I can't. No more.

…And if…if it means giving up friendship…

"That's okay, Hisao. I'll be here if you need me." Her hand slips into mine and squeezes.

I attempt to squeeze back - not sure if I succeed, though.

"I really appreciate that." I reply sincerely.

"No problem."

Emi blinks.

"Hey, can you still run?"

I crack a smile.

"Yeah. But I can't feel anything, so it won't be quite the same. It will probably wind up being mostly exercise for the sake of exercise. But I'll definitely be there when they release me from this place." I say.

"I'll hold you to it." Emi grins, a little lopsidedly. I guess we're both not too happy about this situation.

It makes me feel a little better, in a twisted sort of way.

"You kind of remind me of Rei, a little." I say wistfully. "Same down-to-earth honesty and general attitude."

"Rei?" Emi asks. "You mean that girl who's been guarding entrance to your room and interrogating everyone who passes?"

"…"

"What."

* * *

I open the door a fraction; as it turns out, Emi was absolutely accurate. Currently she seems to be in a startlingly intense conversation with Rin.

"Why are you here, then?" Rei asks, in a saccharine-sounding tone. It's not mean - but rather too innocent. Her voice is rather close - she must be just outside the door.

"I don't know yet; if you let me in, I'll be able to give you an answer, though."

I can hear Emi come up to the door next to me in order to eavesdrop as well. I give her a questioning look before pointing at the door; she shakes her head.

I don't think she understood exactly what I was asking, but that's fine, too. I'm pretty sure I figured it out; Emi simply bypassed Rei in order to make her way in, presumably after having some sort of argument.

 _What to do…?_

Thankfully, Rin's answers buy me time, and drain all the tension out of the air; I feel rather than hear Rei at a lost for words.

Well…I suppose it would be rude to keep my friends waiting, and also, if Rin loses patience and decides to punt Rei out of the way or something, they're going to both get hurt.

I pull the door open. Rei jumps and whirls around; meanwhile, I see the hint of a smile on Rin's face.

"Glad to see you're _getting along with my friends."_ I say pointedly to Rei; she flushes guilty before shrugging.

"Just checking something." Rei cheerily skips back into the room, totally nonchalant - I resist the urge to slap her upside the head despite the fact that it would earn basically no reaction, settling for an exasperated sigh.

"You can come in too, Rin." I add. She shrugs in her trademark way before ambling in after me.

And now there are four.

Emi glances at Rei nervously before waving goodbye to me and slipping out.

Three, then. That's a story I want to hear later, though.

"So." I say, to fill the silence. Rei rolls her eyes.

"Rin, have you figured out your answer yet?" I ask. She shrugs.

Well, I'm not sure what I expected, realistically speaking.

Moving on, moving on -

"Weren't you supposed to be in a wheelchair?" I ask Rei. She shrugs.

"What they don't know won't hurt them."

"Will they hurt if they know it?" Rin wonders out loud.

Rei shrugs.

"I've never asked. Should I?"

"I don't know, you're the one asking. Should you?"

"…"

Rei shrugs.

"I'm asking you, though."

Rin shrugs.

Rei shrugs.

"…"

 _"_ _Would you cut that out there is no way you're doing that on accident!"_ I hiss under my breath at Rei.

"Why, Hisao, is there something wrong?" She replies, grinning a catlike grin that wouldn't be out of place on Shizune - oh, and now I know for sure, she's definitely absolutely doing _this_ on purpose, whatever _this_ is.

And, well, I don't happen to hold any leverage over her. I can't even threaten to whack that smug look off her face.

So I just glare at her - she seems to find this terribly amusement, and I don't, so I stop.

Rei's always been immune to my _moods -_ probably because she's better at it than I am.

And that's not a compliment.

"You're looking rather blue right now, Hisao." Rin comments.

Huh?

I mean, well, I'm sad, I guess, but I was in a particularly good mood just then, thanks to Rei's teasing - and _damn it she did that on purpose too didn't she_ \- so I'm not sure what Rin's seeing, especially because Rei's satisfied enough to stop the constant barrage of jokes at my expense.

"What kind of blue?" Rei asks, jumping in.

Never mind.

"Prussian blue."

Heh, that reminds me of the mural and all the feelings I associate with those memories…

"What kind of blue is Prussian blue?" Rei asks, apparently trying to picture it.

"The Prussian kind."

Rei looks a little thrown - don't know why she didn't see that one coming.

"Is that some kind of foreign exotic paint color?" Rei tries to ask.

"You can find it at the art store down the street." Rin replies.

Oh, this is _fun_ just watching on the other side of the fence!

"But you can buy lots of exotic things at stores in Japan…"

RIn shrugs, and that conversation dies a tragic death.

…And now I have leverage over Rei whenever I need to get her to do something , heh. I'll just threaten to sic Rin on her.

Maybe I could even learn how to ta-

No. That way lies the road to madness.

Rei continues to try to engage Rin in meaningful conversation and Rin continues to unintentionally mock all her attempts at doing so and it's then that I realize, with an odd little kind of shock, that the pain in my chest has dulled a little bit.

Ah…is this what having friends is for?

How could…I ever thought of giving this away?

* * *

…It isn't until a good deal later that day I realize something, and my mood plummets yet again.

Emi was crying _for me._

This simple and what should have frankly been obvious realization pierces deep into my core -

…

…Emi cares about me.

Honestly, shouldn't I have been aware of this already? We're friends, are we not?

…

I…

Is it…really okay to keep risking my life, if there are people I'm hurting doing that?

…Am I willing to abandon my own chance at a cure - abandon Rei's chance at a cure - if it means that I hurt others?

What if I die?

...I've never put much value into my life before, but this...this is different...

…

I lie awake for a long time, but the answer doesn't come to me.

* * *

 **A/N:** _I may need to break one of the self-imposed rules I placed upon myself for the sake of filling in some very relevant information about certain conversations._

 _Also, I'm definitely breaking another rule because the story developed in an unexpected direction last chapter. As I was writing it I wavered between what happened and its opposite and eventually, well, I got here._

 _We'll see how things play out._


	42. Cold Touch

**A/N:** Continuing to fix errors as I notice them. If you catch anything, do tell!

* * *

I don't get much sleep at all.

This is problematic, because I am scheduled to return to school early this morning and continue attending classes. This feels rather rushed to me, but it's honestly the least of my current concerns.

Hm…

There is nothing I can do about this, though, so I unresistingly follow commands, making my way into the car that will drop me off at the top of the hill.

Somewhere in this hospital, a girl with metal legs is undergoing another set of scans today in a continuing and mostly futile attempt to figure out why her condition seems to be worse than mine.

I already gave my opinion - that Rei's significantly less careful than I am about this, and that's saying something considering how rough I've been with my own body. The doctor in charge, however, seems to disagree.

And thus the tests go on.

I feel a little bad for her, especially because she's missing school again.

Summer break, though, isn't terribly far away; assuming nothing goes wrong, I'll see her again in a few months, and see her often.

It's a nice thought. I've missed her quite a bit.

Somehow, I'm at school; too late to do anything but grab my school supplies, change, and rush to homeroom. Even then, I might be late.

More pressingly, though, is the thought of going back to class. And…

…

I still don't understand why Hanako ran away, but I think we can assume that I was the cause of it. With that in mind, I do not know if I should sit next to her - or if I should move, move next to Shizune and Misha.

I make it to the room just as the bell rings and slips in. Mutou glances up in my direction before nodding.

My eyes quickly scan the room -

…

She's not here.

I guess that was to be expected, but it's still disappointing.

* * *

Class goes by.

Hanako doesn't show up. My thoughts swirl mindlessly in my head; I don't know what it is I should do or where I should go.

The tea room? Lilly might be there…or, perhaps, she's taking care of Hanako, wherever she is.

Can I be satisfied with that explanation?

…No, of course not. I pick up my bag and depart from the room, making my way towards the tea room.

On the way there, I abruptly change course and go for the library instead. That might be a better place to look.

Or - the female dormitory? No, that wouldn't work, no one's there and I don't know Hanako's room number. If I had to guess, though, 223 might be a good place to start looking.

The library it is, then.

…

I quietly make my way in; it's mostly deserted at this time. Yuuko isn't even here; or perhaps she's under the table again, having dropped all of the contents of her desk onto the floor. To avoid a repeat of the last time, I avoid making any sudden sounds as I make my way to the back corner, where Hanako reads.

Then, silently, I glance around the bookshelf.

Not there either.

This is more than a little demoralizing. Should I go back to the tea room? Or…

 _You know, perhaps she just doesn't want to see you right now._

I let myself fall onto one of the bean bags. That's…probably the most likely explanation. The obvious conclusion is that I should stop looking for her…but…

Even the thought hurts more than I'm willing to put up with.

…

There's a presence of some sort on my face. On closer inspection they are revealed to be tears.

…That's…fitting.

I smile, rather bitterly. No matter what I do, there just doesn't seem to be anywhere to go…

…

* * *

I wake up slowly, still alone.

For a moment I see Hanako in front of me, but I blink again and she's gone.

"…late. Going to be late. Hello? Are you there? Oh, this is not good, not good-"

"I'm awake now, Yuuko. Thank you very much." I say, with some difficulty. It appears that I'm still _quite_ out of it, but - well, I'll figure something out, or something like that. Don't know and don't care.

"Okay." The librarian replies, apparently satisfied, before turning around and giving me some time to compose myself.

…I don't want to go back to class.

I really, _really_ don't want to go back to class.

* * *

"Nakai? Don't you have class-" He cuts off when he sees my face. "Ah, I see. I'll send out an email to the other teachers; there's some concern over your heart." He shrugs. "Which is perfectly reasonable. Would you like to do the physical exam now so that you don't need to do it later?"

"…Yes." I reply. "And thank you very much."

He nods. "Care to repay me by telling me what's going on? Consider this one from my perspective, right? Earlier this week you abandon classes and vanish for hours, and the administration is a hair away from sending out a missing persons' report before you wander back in. Friday you're brought in at 3 AM, covered in bruises and nearly hysterical. Later that day I'm being informed that you collapsed with some kind of heart problem and that you're being transferred to the hospital, and I'm simultaneously dealing with my normal workload and another patient. And now we're back here, again, with the problem apparently not resolved despite the cessation of your medication."

"Nakai, you need to tell me what's going on." There's an implicit warning in that, there, the stupid grin traded in for a serious look.

Yeah…I guess that's only fair, especially since he's been doing so much for me.

 _That other patient he mentioned - Hanako?_

It's a probable guess; Hanako's scream alerted Kenji to action, and two days ago she was outside my hospital room trying to convince herself that she wasn't to blame.

I guess, in a convoluted sort of way, I can see how she arrived to that conclusion, even if I wholly disagree with it. There's a certain point where you have to stop backtracking blame otherwise I could feasibly arrive at the conclusion "If I was dead, you wouldn't have to worry about me".

And, well, I'd like to think that she would agree with me about the ridiculousness of that hypothesis.

How could I explain this to her?

Well, first of all…I have to find her…

"Nakai." I snap back to attention before sheepishly realizing that he's been waiting for my answer the whole time.

"Sorry, sorry, was just trying to figure out how to convince Hanako that she's not a bad person." I say hastily. He raises an eyebrow.

"Now, this sounds interesting. Do tell." He says.

Well, the more I stall, the less I have to tell him about myself…

"Well, basically she blames herself for - something; I thought before that it was because she thinks she didn't do anything to help me when I had my episode - which is _wrong,_ because her scream brought attention and I might've died without intervention and speaking of which I really do need to thank Kenji for that one, didn't think he cared enough to help but hey _what on earth_ do I know about the guy anyways—"

"Slow down." Nurse says, looking rather overwhelmed - I continue on, not sure if what I'm saying is fact or fiction anymore, just knowing that it needs to be said.

"—and _apparently_ that wasn't really the problem; or if it was it's only part of a problem, because she was still wayyyy too uncomfortable being in my general presence and everything and then later on when Rei asked for Hanako to be her friend Hanako just basically said no and ran off and I haven't seen her again and I don't know if it was my fault or what—"

 _"_ _Nakai, calm down and breathe!"_ It's not quite a shout, but it still startles me nonetheless, and I realize then that I'm way out of breath, woah, what happened?

"Now, are you still sure that you don't want that therapist after all?" He asks calmly. I open my mouth to say "no" but he shakes his head.

"Don't just say that without thinking. Seriously consider the kind of problems you've been having over the last week, and then try again."

I scowl. "Why can't I just ask my friends for help?"

He raises an eyebrow. "How's that going?"

…Yeah, he got me there.

"Your friends won't be able to give you an objective perspective, and depending on the topic you might not be able to tell them about it without conflicting interests. And there are more than a few things that you aren't willing to tell them about, correct?"

I flinch.

 _How do you know-_

"Just how much was in the file you were given?" I ask.

"Enough to get a good idea of the situation." The Nurse replies firmly. "Amongst other things, one of my jobs is to examine the mental and emotional health of the students and see how many of them require alternative sources for assistance."

…It might be worth considering. And after all he's done for me, I suppose I do owe him something.

"Fine. Set up an appointment. I'll decide whether or not to continue after the first session, though." I respond assertively.

He snorts. "You sound like a child being coerced into eating vegetables. Nakai, I'm not here to hurt you."

"I know." I say, inclining my head. "I know that much. I just - don't want to…"

He shrugs. "Sometimes the things we need to do are things we don't want to do."

 _I knew that._

 _I knew that, but yet I didn't apply it to my own life._

"Alright, Nurse. I'll see your damn therapist."

* * *

Reviews would be good.

Also, uh, this story is running on a bit longer than I expected. Look at it this way; I'm 43 (41) chapters in and I'm still on Week 3.

This story is going to last for at LEAST half a year. I don't think I'll be pushing into graduation and beyond, though - perhaps some kind of epilogue, but...

And it's going to almost certainly continue running on a day-to-day basis, with a few exceptions here and there. My biggest problem is not having a unified timeline for canon, because without that being the case it becomes rather difficult to match dates to canon. It's a nuisance to deal with and I'm basically at the point anyways where I've completely and sharply pulled away from it anyways, so I don't know how much effort I should put into maintaining it.

I do need to replay through Katawa Shoujo again, though, and see if I can get a general idea of when things happen (Knowing the chronological order isn't enough anymore, because now I have to create some kind of relative timeline - ack). Not too much of a priority, though, 'cause C40 derailed every single existing route in the game.

I think I'll be doing...C46(?) in Hanako's perspective regarding the last few chapters. A bunch of things happen that make it important to show some stuff from her perspective, and I need to justify (or I feel that way, anyways) her actions.


	43. Stormy Night

**A/N:** This is one of _those_ chapters.

Fixed a stupidly major error in which I apparently forgot that Rin had no hands. You know who you are - thank you so much for catching that early.

* * *

…

…It's raining.

I press my face to the window glass and watch the droplets fall, unable to sleep.

Some people sleep better with the rain; others are kept up all night by it. I'm not one of those people, not that I know of.

The rain just makes me think.

…Not that I needed any help with that.

I'm seriously considering whether or not I should attend Yamaku. If Hanako's education is being damaged because of me -

 _maybe I shouldn't be here?_

I find, though, that I'm a lot more reluctant to put thought into that now than I was in the first few days. I've made a lot of nice memories here…and, for some reason, I don't want to let them go.

That reason, though, is something I struggle to grasp. It doesn't feel like, a…physical thing, but rather a concept I'm not sure I entirely understand.

The rain keeps falling.

Suddenly I'm outside, now. And the rain is falling on my head.

I could take my old medicine again, Trial 14, and regain the senses I had, but substantially increase the odds of my own premature death. But that life would be very worth living, I think.

I'm not so confident that I could handle leaving behind my unfinished affairs, though…and I don't know if I would be willing to hurt the people I…care about like that…

It's a selfish sentiment, I know, I know.

…

I don't want to go to class today.

…

…

Still don't feel tired. All my clothes are soaked now, though.

The track will be wet, too. Good thing it's not dirt or Emi wouldn't be able to run. Or perhaps she would do it anyways.

Hey, I'm supposed to run, too…

 _why bother_

Perhaps I really do - did? - need that therapist after all. This thinking can't be good for me.

Or…anti-depressants. That's a route I've never considered before, because I've never cared enough to need them. But now, suddenly, it matters.

 _that's why you didn't care before_

 _because you just got hurt_

 _again and again and again_

Rei helped a lot over the last few years. After the initial legal battle and the revelation that we suffered from the same condition, her father approached me with an offer.

I would be paid a significant amount of money, or whatever it is I needed to a reasonable extent, and in turn I would test the various drugs that his scientists came up with.

Rei, personally, thought this was a terrible idea, and this was the only argument I ever had with her. It didn't last very long, though, certainly not long enough for me to agonize over it like I am now. She apologized and I apologized and that was the end of it.

I get the feeling that things aren't going to be so simple with Hanako and I, assuming we ever…

 _stop that hurts_

Hah…hah…

Now I'm on the track.

Now I'm at the school gates.

I wish I could get inside the school building, but that's locked.

The teachers aren't even outside patrolling like they usually are. It's raining perhaps a little too hard for that, isn't it?

There does appear to be someone else here, though, someone with red hair and a white shirt, standing in the middle of the courtyard. Staring up into the sky.

With a sinking feeling, I approach the white blob in the night.

…Isn't that -

Yeah, that's - not surprising. Sometimes I wonder about the real student population of the school; based off the amount of people I run into, it only consists of, like, eight people.

"Hello, Rin." I say, raising my voice a little to be heard over the pouring rain. She spares me a glance from under the dripping fringe of rust-colored hair.

"Hello. Hisao." She replies, in her customary deadpan. I have to drift closer to her in order to hear her properly.

"…So, uh, why are you out here?" I ask.

She looks up at the night sky. "It is raining."

"So it is." I agree. "That doesn't explain why you are here, though."

"It doesn't?" She asks, looking genuinely confused.

"Or perhaps it does." I say, trying to figure out the conversation from her point of view. I read somewhere online that this is a good strategy to talk to people; it seems to be especially helpful if it doesn't seem like we're part of the same conversation.

This is a common occurrence with Rin.

"You're here because it's raining?" I try to clarify. Rin smiles an odd little smile.

"Yes. Lines change when it rains." She looks around. "It looks different."

"Lines?" I ask. She nods sagely.

"Lines."

I try to look around to try and see what she's talking about. From an artist's perspective…well, everything just looks wet. I guess I'm not really an artist after all.

"What do you see that I don't, Rin?" I ask. "And don't shrug. Try to put some effort into this answer. I want to be able to at least try to see the world from your perspective."

"Why?" Rin asks.

"Told you, didn't I?" I say softly. "I want to be your friend." I glance at her out of the corner of my vision, meeting her intense gaze. For once, it seems like she's finally looking at me again.

"Am I supposed to do that too?" Rin asks. It cheers me immensely to hear her basically say that she considers me her friend.

"Eh. No. I don't think you need to. Am I a particularly complex person?" I wonder out loud.

"Yes, very. All of your lines aren't lines after all, I think." Rin answers, studying me intensely. Her scrutiny makes me more than a little nervous, but I try not to react too openly.

"Is that a good thing?" I ask.

"You're not a square." Rin replies, looking pleased.

"What am I, then?"

She considers this for a while.

"You're a Hisao. I don't know what kind of shape that is. Maybe a triangle, except with pointy bits instead of lines and five sides."

"So, uh, not a triangle?"

"I guess not. Maybe one of those floating things, then." she says, disappointed, and I can't help but imagine Rin sitting on the floor, surrounded by a bunch of wooden building blocks, trying to figure out which one I am.

The rain begins to let up a little. I sit down on a nearby bench; Rin follows me, and takes a seat next to me. Judging by the odd look on her face as she sits, it's probably not very comfortable.

"Aren't you worried about getting sick?" I ask.

"No. I'm sick of being worried, though." She replies.

That actually makes sense; the problem is that I'm not wholly sure that was intentional.

"So have you come here to be freed of your worries, then?"

It occurs to me that most of our conversations resolve around asking questions and answering them. I don't know how it's possible to change that, though.

Standing out here in the diminishing rain, it occurs to me that I don't know a lot of things, actually.

 _I don't know…the story of my life, huh?_

"No. I only do that at the Worry Tree." She emphasizes the name.

"Would it be the Envy Tree if you were to air your worries here instead?" I ask.

"Trees don't have emotions. " She replies, giving me one of her sideway looks that makes me feel like I've said something terribly illogical, and I mentally remind myself that I'm not quite good enough to play on Rin's level yet. "And how do you air worries? What if they float away?"

"Would that be a bad thing?" I wonder.

Rin shrugs.

"Sometimes I feel like they might take me with them. Fly fly away like a butterfly, except maybe not a butterfly. A bird. Yes." Rin nods, satisfied.

"Well, then you just have to let them go."

"That's not the problem." Rin observes. "They won't let me go. Like my blankets in the morning. I roll and roll but can't get out."

"Well…"

Hm. There's that deeper contemplative side I saw before. I think. It might also just be Rin.

Easier said than done to understand this girl. I should make another attempt to figure out how she sees the world.

"Then I guess that's when you ask other people to try and help you, sort of."

She blinks. "Is there where we talk about the birds and the bees?"

Erk -

"Uh, no, no. Hell no." I say.

The thought of trying to explain to Rin - _any - of that_ -

I can't even IMAGINE the kind of levels of sheer _awkward_ that would invite.

"Rin, uh, by any chance, do you know what that refers to?" I ask.

"No. That's why I'm asking you." She replies. "I'm pretty good at guessing, though, so if you want me to try-"

"Um…"

Hold on, rebooting -

"Maybe not." I say. "I don't think I'm ready to have that conversation with anyone for another two or three decades."

Rin cocks her head to the side. "Is it that rare?"

"What?"

"That you have to save it up for that special someone?"

…

"Um, Rin, I don't think we're on the same track here." I say.

"You're right." Rin observes, "We're on a bench."

Alright, I deserved that one.

"Weren't we talking about the birds and the bees-"

 _"_ _Nowewerenotpleasedon'ttellanyonethatthankyouverymuch."_

Rin shrugs. "Okay. Do you want me to forget about it?"

"…Yes. Sure. Do that."

"Okay," Rin says, and then she blinks in a very profound manner.

"Alright, done."

I stare.

There are a lot of different questions I want to ask right now…but I don't know if I want to know the answer to any of them, so it may be time to change the subject.

"The rain's slowing down." I say, glancing up. And so it is; it's still dark out, though, our path lit only by the sidewalk lights.

Rin looks up, too. "I think it's still falling at the same speed, actually."

"You're probably right." I reply, giving her a sideways glance. She meets my eyes again - another one of those rare times where she seems to be looking at me, rather than through me.

I like her eyes. They're probably the - prettiest - thing about her; murky green, like the rest of her, a certain intangible trait about them that I can't define but can admire.

"Are you about to kiss me?" Rin asks curiously.

…

"W-Wha?" I ask.

"I don't think I'd mind, if you want to try. I've never done it before. It might be fun." Rin says thoughtfully, tilting her head slightly. "So? Will you?"

"Um, I don't think so." I say.

"Okay." Rin says, and I'm not sure whether or not she's pleased by this. "Why were you staring at my eyes like that, then? Or perhaps into? Can you see past my eyes?"

Her eyes widen.

"Can I see past _your_ eyes?" She wonders, and then without warning she leans forward to place her face right in front of mine.

Our noses bump as I internally panic, caught off guard and off balance, but thankfully, she doesn't press her lips to mine. Actually…it seems that she just wants to try to see past my eyes.

I vaguely wonder what this could look like to a passerby, but I can't find it in myself to care. This isn't that bad.

Rin stares into my eyes for a long while. I don't think I've ever been quite this close to a girl before, and it makes me feel a little nervous. My heart skips a beat, then two.

Ah…is this that 'butterfly effect' that they talk about? Or perhaps that's something entirely different. I can't say I know any longer. How odd that Rin, of all the people, make me feel like this.

 _Not the only one…_

…I've felt like this before…Hanako….Emi…

Mentally, I shake my head. That's not the people I should be thinking about. My friends have put effort into caring about me; shouldn't I, in turn, focus on them when they're right in front of me?

So I do what I was told to do and stare deeply into Rin's eyes, trying to look past what's on the surface. And I see far more than I expected; how, underneath the murky green, rests an intense shade of emerald bubbling with emotion; I see an analytical gaze rivaling or exceeding that of Shizune's; and under all of that, a whirlwind of unfocused emotion, anxiety, fear. Looking still further reveals to me a glimmer of repressed hope.

…Is…is this…Rin? I don't…don't understand what…

What is this emotion I feel under my skin?

My heart thuds in my chest. A good feeling this time, though, or maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Perhaps I'm actually about to die.

I spend a long moment trying to figure it out, but come away lost. I don't know…what any of it means. Any of it. This. Whatever it is. All of it.

Eventually Rin pulls back, looking disappointed. "I saw many things, but the inside of your brain wasn't one of them, unless we're talking about a metaphysical inside, in which case I saw a great many things, but your heart wasn't one of them. How about you? Did you see the inside of my brain?"

Um…Scrambling to unravel that statement, I roll blindly and land on the first thing that pops out.

"My heart?" I ask.

"Yes." Rin replies unhelpfully.

"Can you explain that one to me?" She hesitates - an odd

"All of you is in your heart. But I can't see any of you. So I can't see your heart."

I consider attempting to explain to Rin the basics of human anatomy, but decide that's probably a lost cause. And who am I to say that she isn't the right one, anyways? The trigger to my arrhythmia attack was extreme emotional stress.

"I see." I reply. I guess that's what it means to be an artist; to see that which no one else can see. Or perhaps to see that which doesn't exist. Sometimes the line blurs with Rin.

Hah. Is Rin my personal rain, then?

That actually strikes a little more true than I currently care to think about, so I stop thinking about it.

"Did you see the inside of my brain?" RIn asks again, apparently very interested in the answer, as she leans forward a little.

"I did not." I report honestly. "I did, maybe, see a little of your heart."

Rin - to my shock - blushes crimson. Suddenly, she stands up, stumbling back away from me, eyes wide. This is the first time I've seen her look, so - uncomposed? Uncomposed, I think, that's the word, maybe.

"Rin? Are you okay?" She ignores the question, blinking rapidly.

"Rin?"

She quickly shakes her head; water flies everywhere off her head. It vaguely reminds me of a dog, after it has taken a bath.

"I need to go. Somewhere. Don't follow me." She says blankly, clearly repressing some kind of emotion.

 _good job you've done it-_

"Thank you. Hisao. Thank you." She steps forwards briefly and presses her face to my chest, breathing in roughly before turning around and walking away slowly, eventually disappearing around a corner and out of sight.

…

Well…what was that…?

I don't know…how to feel about any of that…

 _again_

But…I guess I can say with some confidence that she doesn't hate me? So I haven't broken everything again?

Rei's not here to tell me to not go after her, but…

…I think this is one of those times where I'm supposed to do the smart thing and not follow.

…

She might not have meant it that way, but it still hurts a little to see her walk away.

Yeah, because I _really_ needed that.

Sighing softly, I turn around and walk back to my room.

The rain keeps falling.

* * *

 **A/N-** Reviews would be lovely, as always. Thanks for reading! (Since I haven't exactly finished C45, I don't know when it'll be out- hopefully Tuesday, though.)


	44. Clear Skies

**A/N:** As you can see, I've returned to my normal updating schedule. Last chapter and this chapter took longer than expected, and I couldn't maintain a "4 chapters per week" thing. Longer A/N at the end of the chapter, and relevant.

* * *

I'm sick.

Literally.

I guess it would be expected; it might have been more surprising if I haven't fallen ill. I can't tell whether or not I have a fever, but I can definitely feel a sort of weirdness in my joints that certainly wasn't there before.

Grrk. I guess I'll be needing to go to the Nurse again. Damn.

My face brightens. That does mean I get to skip school though, with a legitimate excuse this time.

Seeing as though I don't feel most of the symptoms anyways, as long as I'm only just sick with the common cold or the flu or whatever and not on the verge of dying, I'll be mostly fine. But I've got

Probably won't be running today either. That's a pity - I was quite looking forward to making an attempt at clearing my head, what with the events of this morning…and of Saturday…

Someone knocks on my door, three solid hits -

"Hisao! You in there?"

…I didn't think I'd be going to see Emi today, but apparently she's decided to see me. I guess it would be unfair to pretend that I'm not in, since she came all the way here to find me.

"I am." I call back, kind of weakly. There's a bit of a pause; was that not the answer she was looking for?

"Are you okay? I'm coming in!"

Hey what the HELL

I quickly roll myself into my blanket as Emi barges in, rapidly scanning the room before falling on me - she blushes a bit, but doesn't avert her eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're utterly shameless?" I ask dryly. My voice is a bit more raspier than usual - hopefully nothing's wrong with my lungs. I'll leave the Nurse to worry about that, though.

She's in her realistic legs today, it seems; did she not run? Or has she already ran, changed, and come here? It's pretty late, so I suppose that's plausible.

"That's part of what makes me awesome." She replies cheerfully, but I detect a certain undertone in her voice I can't place. "You look awful."

I shrug. Probably.

"When was the last time you've had a good night's sleep?" Emi asks, stepping closer to me. I pull the towel tighter around my body.

"Saturday morning." I reply, then, "Do you mind stepping out for at least twenty seconds? I'd love to put on some clothes."

"Saturd- Hisao, you have to take better care of yourself than that!" I blink.

"Not always possible." I reply, a little sourly. "Believe me, I'd sleep if I could."

There's some kind of understanding in her eyes as her countenance turns serious.

She may feel free to stand there thinking all day, but I -

"Just twenty seconds, Emi, let me put on some clothes now." She pauses before affixing a smile back onto her face, as if the last few seconds never happened.

"If that's what you want." She veritably sings before winking at me, going back through the door and closing it behind her.

Phew.

I race to put a pair of dry clothes on, quickly hunting through my closet before picking something and sliding it on. I just manage to slide on a pair of shorts before Emi storms back in without warning, eyes dancing with anticipation.

"Time's up! Hisaaaooo…" Her voice peters out as she freezes in place, staring at me.

I follow her eyes and glance at my exposed arms and legs, covered in scars.

…In my rush I grabbed the first thing I saw, and it happened to be the PE uniform. Great.

Well, how do I deal with this mess?

"Yes…?" I ask her, pretending that I don't know what she's looking at.

This seems to snap her out of it pretty neatly as she quickly looks away; but it also appears to drain her optimistic energy. I guess she's not sure how to react - therefore, I'll give her a cue.

"They're just scars. Don't worry about it." I say simply.

Now, if only I could get myself to agree…

"Your condition?" Emi asks. She looks a little like a kicked puppy right now. Makes me feel pretty bad about this, too.

"Yup." I reply. "When you can't feel pain stimulus, you accidentally hurt yourself. My condition is one of the easier ones to manage out of the family of diseases because it's not from birth. I had time to learn how to use my body and how I'm supposed to react from injury, so I haven't really started to degrade yet. Rei was the same, but she wasn't as careful as I was and her body is a little weaker than mine. That's how she lost her legs."

Emi nods, looking a little better, but still apparently at a loss for words. Perhaps she had fallen into the trap of thinking that things were, by and large, okay with me; that I was normal.

I don't think anyone here still thinks that now. My hospitalization was one hell of a wake-up call, and my scars are lingering evidence.

"You really shouldn't worry too much about this." I say. "Won't fix anything. Running will help, though, but…I think I'm sick right now, so that's really not a good idea. I have to drag myself over to the Nurse sometime soon so I don't get yelled at by him, though."

"O…Okay." Emi replies, thrown a little off balance.

 _look at you still messing up_

Shut up!

"Emi…I'm still the same person I was thirty minutes ago." I mutter, feeling a little sorry for myself, but then she shakes her head rapidly.

"No, no, no, that's not what my problem is." Emi says, rather intensely, "It's just - just that - that - I - eeer _rrraagggghhhh!"_ She stomps her foot in frustration. "I'm trying to figure out how to explain this but I can't! Damnit I'll just t-try to say it as easily as I can-"

Her breath catches in her throat, resumes, another angry stomp -

"Just don't - don't…" Tears form at her eyes. "D-Don't…w-want…"

She stumbles forward and I instinctively move forward to catch her in my arms as she collapses directly into my arms.

 _still hurting_

 _everyone_

I carefully hold her tight to me, worried that I'll crush her petite frame.

Though, I note with a touch of irony, based on the way she's got me firmly held in an unbreakable grip that's making my breath a little harder to come, it's probably the other way around.

…What…what do I say?

Um…

I want to tell her that I'll be okay…but…how can…I possibly say a lie like that…?

That wouldn't be fair, either…

"I'm sorry…Emi…"

She sniffles.

"…The h-hell are you 'pologizing for…? I-It's not y-you…damn…d-damn it…" She takes a stuttering breath. "W-Why does it always have to be…" Whatever she says next is mumbled, but I don't press her for details.

I wish I could deal with this with a clear head. I…don't know how much longer I can - keep everything together - for very much longer. And perhaps that's why I'm so grateful for being sick, except, well, I'm still not on "break", so

I need to think I need to be alone

but I can't because Emi is here and I

didn't

couldn't

turn her away

what do i do

run

fight

no wait

maybe i should stop and

 _let_ her be sad on my behalf?

is that okay?

Lacking the energy, will, and time to come up with a better decision, I breathe in the sweet scent of strawberries and sweat as I bury my face into her hair and cry with her.

…

…

…

Hah…

…

…

…

Alright…

Emi finally relaxes and slips away from me, and I let her go.

I try to figure out what I should say, but she cuts me off by shaking her head.

"Don't apologize." She says, and I frown, the words trapped in my throat.

Well, if that's the case…

I could -

 _NO_

 _no_ NO no

 _NO_

NO n o

find a way to effectively end this conversation so that I have the time to think that I so desperately need.

"…I…" My shoulders slump. Maybe - maybe running away isn't the best answer.

Is that okay, world? Will you allow me this chance to…

How about - maybe the better question is - will I let _myself?_

I try to search within myself for the answer, but I can't - can't find what I'm looking for.

"Hisao, do you want to eat breakfast?" Emi asks. Then she blinks. "No, that's not quite right, you don't have a choice, I'll make you eat. What do you want to eat?"

Her voice seems to have regained much of its usual strength - does she feel better? Why don't I, then? Why does crying hurt so much for me?

I open my mouth to turn her down -

 _Emi cares about me._

"A-Anything…anything will do. Thank you, Emi." She gives me a sad smile, like before, but there's a little something extra there, some kind of strength, and then leaves the room.

Is that the feeling they call _resolve?_

I guess letting her do this for me has made her feel better. At least…at least that's one thing I've done correctly.

"Am I allowed to be happy?" I wonder out loud, looking up at the still air, the monotone ceiling. Of course, there's no answer, but…

Maybe it makes me feel a little less alone.

It occurs to me, then, that I haven't seen Lilly in - a long time, actually, wow. I think…Tuesday was the last time I've seen her. Almost a week?

I haven't seen her for as long as I've known her.

I'm a little ambivalent about that, but, given the events of the past few days - I think, I think that this is a good thing.

Her absence, then, if I were to be optimistic, means that she's learned her lesson from, from way back when…

This time, she isn't forgetting about my - the queen, I see.

The analogy isn't quite perfect, but I nevertheless find it strangely appropriate. If anything, it at least makes me feel a little better that Hanako, at least, is being taken care of.

…Because I don't think that's a role I can fulfill for her anymore…

I…I don't know if I can ever talk to her again. Just thinking about her makes my heart ache a little.

It's a deeply unpleasant feeling. It's not for the first time that I wish that my condition protected me from emotional pain as well, because this, this hurts, and I still don't know if I'm strong enough to hold myself together.

But…I think, if Emi continues to stay with me, that it's okay to break a little, when I need to.

And Rin -

What do I do about Rin?

I _still_ don't understand what to even think about that entire situation! Maybe the best thing to do there is wait, though, wait for Rin to come back and talk to me.

…Or, rather, that would be ideal, but…

The real world doesn't work like that.

A presence at my door, then it suddenly opens - Rin walks in, clothes covered in dirt and twigs.

…Apparently I've underestimated reality. Somewhere up there really hates me, I think.

The look suits her nicely, I think dimly, trying to reorganize my head again. It seems that every time I try to set things in order, something comes along to scatter my carefully collected thoughts all over again.

I wish I was Rei. She's way better at dealing with this kind of chaos than I am.

"Hello." Rin says.

"Hello." I echo her.

"May I borrow your clothes? Your school uniform, to be precise." Rin asks.

Well. It seems that she's back to normal.

"Whatever do you want those for?" I reply, confused.

"Mine are dirty." She indicates towards her clothes, and I remember.

"That's right, you wear the male uniform." I eye her body. "Well, we're about the body shape. But you're a few centimeters shorter than I am, so the pant legs will probably be a little too long.

Rin shrugs.

"Wait, why don't you use your own clothes? You do have more than the one pair, right?" I ask.

"Yes, but Emi is there, and I can't talk to her right now. Or she'll make me eat. I can't eat right now. Thinking is for now."

"I can't say I agree with you." I say dryly. "You do realize that she's on her way here right now?"

A pause.

"Can I hide under your bed?" Rin pleads.

* * *

 **A/N:** _yes that chess chapter wasn't as meaningless as it looked_

Next - next chapter. Next chapter is going to be a special chapter wherein I write from two different perspectives - Hanako and Emi. This has been noted with some - trepidation - by some readers, including myself, but I think this is essential to the story. At this point, there is enough dissonance between canon Hanako and Emi and Tactility Hanako and Emi, and the things hinting at their reason for change, I think, are a bit too subtle (one far more so than the other, though).

Additionally, some context over the last few days is needed - ESPECIALLY Hanako. I haven't FINISHED writing the chapter yet, so I may change next chapter to be told only from Emi's perspective, and deal with Hanako...in C50, perhaps? Actually, that's sounding more and more attractive - number symmetry, and all that. I'll make it clear when I post the chapter what I've decided.

How do you guys like the more informal emotive writing I've been doing? I think it enhances some of the storytelling and I like it, but do you, the reader, feel the same way?


	45. Ride The Lightning

**A/N:** This is currently the longest chapter in the story. To think that I was going to combine the Emi/Hanako chapters at one point...

And, somehow, despite my expectations, the Hanako chapter is unusually short. I'll address that, and the odd timing of this chapter, shortly.

 **This chapter is told entirely from Emi's POV with NO time skip!**

* * *

Damn it!

 _What were you thinking?!_

I don't know!

My shoulders slump the second I'm sure that Hisao can't see me. Things have progressed faster than I could've ever imagined, in a direction I wasn't ready for -

I want to blame Hanako, for running away and leaving me to step into her role of support; or, perhaps, Hisao, for drawing me into him and his problems. Or Rei Miyuki - for what she told me, before I ran away.

But I admit that I could have stopped, if I didn't want to do this - and, well, I don't, but now I can't, because -

 _I'm not heartless enough to do that._

So instead I have to stay here, and, well, deal with the hand I've been dealt. As a certain sociopathic Student Council member might say.

 _Damn her too._

What irritates me most is that I'll probably be running to her for help before long. She seems to understand Hisao - for some reason - better than I can - so I'll have to go for her in order to gain some idea of what I'm dealing with.

Because Hisao is - really, _really_ good at going through the motions, maybe even better than I am. I've only caught him with his mask down - what, three times now?

It's not that he's faking, I don't think - but, rather, that he's so used to living isolated that he's able to make people think that he's perfectly fine, make HIMSELF think that he's fine, and I'm starting to really get the idea that he isn't. Not at all.

But - what do I do about that? What CAN I do about that?

Damn it!

For now - I'll keep on taking care of him, despite the fear and the world of hurt I know I'll be putting myself through later. I just…

I can't leave him like this. I can't - watch him be destroyed by his isolation. Not like - like -

…my mom…

My mom got better. But Hisao…

Hisao might not, maybe not ever, and any fear I have of being abandoned again is held back by the _knowing_. So even if it hurts me, kills me, I have to stay.

The alternative is unthinkable.

My feet take me to the cafeteria - walking, I notice absently, not running like I used to, when did _that_ start? - and I buy three packaged sandwiches, with the intention of feeding them all to Hisao. If I had the time I would cook something myself, but it's more important that I get some food into him. He also hasn't been sleeping, and he looks sick too. I need to get him to eat and sleep.

Does the Nurse know about this? I should go check - and ask him about how to get Hisao sleeping and eating, too. And…get him to the Nurse, actually, that might be better.

…And while I'm at it, I really should find Rin. She was out late last night, and the only signs there when I woke up that indicated she had ever come back were some muddy footprints and a note that said "I'm okay".

Unusual for her to let me know anything, but there it was. An oddity, but that's normal with Rin, so I tried - am trying - not to worry too much about it.

There's so much to do - and I don't know what to do about it! According to Rin, Hisao is "probably" her friend, so I'd go to him to ask for help finding her, since I have no idea where she is or where she went, though the clues point to the Worry Tree…hm…

But Hisao's sick now, and I don't want to give him another reason to worry, so I should take care of this myself - except, well, that I don't know where she is!

First things first - get these sandwiches to Hisao, then get him to the Nurse. Or, maybe, it might be better to bring the sandwiches to the Nurse, and bring Hisao to the Nurse, so he can eat, sleep, and get checked up on.

That actually sounds like a good option!

I'll do that, then. Abruptly changing direction, I head towards the auxiliary building instead, food in hand.

My rumbling stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten either - but, unlike Hisao, I can wait. Not long, but I can.

…Probably.

Three knocks on the door, bang bang bang. Unexpectedly, though, the Nurse replies with "Just a moment". Well, obviously the possibility of someone else being in now exists - pretty unusual, though. It's about the time that I would have come in for my own checkup if I had been running, so my spot should've been held open.

Maybe some kind of emergency has come up. If that's the case, I should just take this stuff down to Hisao directly. Hm…

I'm about to go back to Hisao when the door opens and someone chillingly familiar steps out. Instinctively I take a step back as Rei Miyuki pushes the door open, those blue eyes flitting across my face.

"Ah, Emi Ibarazaki. I've been wanting to see you for some time, ever since I saw your encounter with Hanako in the hospital. And even before that, your…conversation with Hisao Nakai. And, of course, the most important thing." Rei lets the door swing shut behind her. "Do you have an answer?"

My blood boils a little. I've thought about her question, long after she left me stunned in the hallway with her words, and I -

I'm still trying to figure out that answer.

 _"_ _Hisao is in a dangerous place right now. If you want to get closer to him, you can't run away. So are you strong enough to stay? If not, you need to begin pushing him away."_

"I'm not going to leave him." I reply. That much, I think I can do.

She gives me a stare, a stare that doesn't fit a small girl like her (though I note uncomfortably that she's nearly my height). "That's not good enough. I'm asking you if you're strong enough to _stay_. You understand what I'm trying to say, don't you?"

 _Those words have more meaning than I think. I can't answer until I know what the difference is._

"…I don't." I admit.

Her eyes bore into mine. "Then let me explain."

"I'm not just asking you to be his friend. I'm telling you that you _will_ stay with him, regardless of the circumstances - because know this, Hisao Nakai is the type of person to push you away and hide behind walls of solid steel miles thick, and all that while making sure you don't realize anything is wrong until he explodes and it's too late. By the time I met him, he was already so terribly broken that he didn't even realize that he was, because he was too busy perfectly going through the motions. I've heard the full story of his little adventure so far, and we both agree on this one point - he hasn't cracked - YET. Not in front of any of you. He hasn't broken again yet, not since-" She pauses, shakes her head, and continues on, "-but when he does, everyone will know."

"And he's been inching closer and closer to that breaking point, ever since the day his parents abandoned him."

 _They WHAT?_

 _No, wait, what was she going to say before she cut herself off?_

"I've only been able to mitigate that damage a little, and I'm doing a few things so that I can do that a little better, but there's only so much I can do against forces like Hanako Ikezawa. The small gains I've been making can't hold up to something like that, something that picks at all of his deepest fears. I can't have another one of his only friends leave him - and you're next in line, with the power to destroy him or save him. So - are you STRONG enough to stay with him?"

"You don't really understand what I'm asking, do you? If he happens to fall in love with you, and somehow works up the courage to confess, then you have to say yes! If he were to ask you to make love to him, you would have to give up your body for him! If he were to ask for your hand in marriage, you have to say yes! THAT is what I'm asking for! Because rejection - rejection would kill Hisao, and I can not in good conscience stand by and let that happen."

"So, now that you understand the stakes here, let me ask you again - Emi Ibarazaki. Do you have the strength to stay?" Her eyes burn with a ferocious fire, fire that I don't think I could ever match, even at my best.

And, and…

…

What do I feel?

…

This isn't a simple request, is it? This is…this is one of those life choices, I think, where what I say and do from here on out will forever change the course of my life.

…

Do I care about Hisao _enough_ to make that kind of commitment? I've only known him for two weeks! Actually, even a little less than that! So…what…?

…

 _WHAT DO I SAY?_

I manage to gather enough will to ask a question - "Why…why do you care so much for him? Do you love him?"

 _Do I?_

 _Can I?_

Rei closes her eyes, looking pained. "I thought you would ask that." She smiles a sort of sad, bitter smile, one that speaks of age. It feels distinctly out of place on such a small girl. "I am merely his friend, and it is all I ever intend to be. Perhaps you see me doing too much for someone I only consider a friend, and trusted confidant…but…"

Her eyes open again. "I have always wondered whether it is I that does too much for my friends, or, perhaps, everyone else, that does too little."

The question hits me hard.

…Am I…

My brain comes up with many excuses, many, many, many.

But just like before, my heart, my heart tells me that Rei Miyuki, as terrifyingly scary as she is with her pointed words, is, as usual, absolutely right.

I'm not always the brightest, but I have a fantastic sense of gut instinct, and I chase it -

"Then I'll try the same. I will stay." I say as confidently as I can. To my delight there appears to be a flash of surprise in Rei's eyes before she closes them.

"Hm…not the answer I had expected." And we're back to the scary butterflies - just how much does she know about me? I'd call her out on that but…

"So the runner has decided to stand her ground, then?" She murmurs, almost too quiet to hear, then she nods, opening her eyes.

"I suppose I will trust you, then. Take care of him." Rei replies. "Next on the list, then - your conversation with Hisao, in that hospital room, while I was outside distracted by Rin Tezuka - _what did he say to you?_ "

"He didn't tell you anything?" I ask, confused, my memory searching through that scene.

"No. In fact, it is one of only two things in recent memory that he has actively refused to answer; the other question regarded some sort of dinner rendezvous with a student from the school." She looks particularly frustrated by this.

"Huh? He went on a date with someone?" I ask, confused.

 _I definitely didn't know anything about that._

Rei shrugs. "Or so I've been led to believe. I have no idea if it's true, though, but his refusal to answer is a strong indication. Anyways, we've gotten off track - what did he tell you?"

I hesitate.

"…If Hisao didn't tell you, then - I can't tell you either. He obviously wants it to be a secret." I tell her. Of course, I don't know if any of that's true - I just don't want like explaining now, to her. It's an excellent convenient excuse though, thank you very much Hisao.

She frowns. "I see. Fine. Moving on, then." I'm surprised that she didn't push me further for the answer; I know someone like Shizune would. Heh…that would be interesting, a conversation between those two. "Hanako Ikezawa. She said something to you when you collided in the hospital, didn't you? What was it?"

That - that was when -

* * *

 _This is irony, isn't it? It's not every day that I'm the one who gets knocked over, but - definitely irony, I think, as I instinctively cover the back of my head before slamming into the ground._

 _Ouch!_

 _I'm temporarily stunned, which is why I'm not in a good position to react when a hand fists into the front of my shirt before pulling me up a bit. Not much, there's little power behind the grip, thank goodness, I don't want to choke, but it has the effect of getting my attention and I look up to see -_

 _Is - that - Hanako!?_

 _She's very evidently hysterical, tears freely pouring down her face, but there seems to be some kind of - of desperation, and -_

 _"_ _I…I-I need - t-tell, tell him to w-wait…f-for me!" She demands - me? Talking to me, I think, and then a choked gasp and she lets go, apologizing with a desperate tinge in her voice before running down the corridor again._

 _Shakily standing up to my feet, I look to where my attacker has fled, but she's already turned down a corner, narrowly dodging a doctor on her mad dash away._

 _…_ _What the hell was that about?_

* * *

I think I'm not supposed to talk about that, either, it's too raw and personal…but it seems like it makes more sense to tell Rei. This feels like something very important to Hisao, and I'm obligated to try and help him out if I can.

 _Sorry, Hanako. I think you'd understand, though._

"She told me to…tell 'him'…to wait for her." I say haltingly.

"Ah…" That bitter smile comes to her lips again as her eyes fall closed. I'm starting to realize that's one of her signature quirks. "I see. Well, your course of action is obvious, then, isn't it?"

Realization dawns on me.

"You don't want me to tell him, do you?" I ask.

"Not a chance." Rei replies firmly. "It's no good at all for him to be with someone who hasn't gotten a handle on her own problems."

It's a little like being doused in ice-cold water, to hear someone talk about Hanako like that in such uncertain terms. But then -

"I…I understand Hanako, a little bit." She says. "If she would ever want it, I'd want to be her friend, but…"

It strikes me then, that Rei is human too. It's strange how easily it was to forget in the first place…but, she's just a kid too. Like I was. Am.

"-but Hisao is…I can, I could, if she were to run away, I could take it. Because I'm strong enough, not broken as much, but Hisao, Hisao can't, not after everything, and I - I can't let that happen again, his face, I thought _I was going to lose him and I CAN'T let that happen AGAIN!"_

The second realization hits - Rei loves Hisao.

Whether familial or romantic, I don't know, but it's obvious now. I can't do anything with this information yet, but…now, now I understand.

It feels like a betrayal of sorts, which is ridiculous, I don't even _know_ Hanako -

"I…I think…I haven't lived the same life as you," I say hesitatingly, "But I…"

 _I know a little something about loss, too. How could I wish my pain on anyone else?_

"I think I get what you're trying to say, a little. So…I agree. I won't tell her."

Maybe I don't quite understand everything. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I know. But from what I can see, my decision will be the best for everyone…except…

 _Are you being selfish again?_

…Maybe I am, but…Rei is right. This is the most important thing I can do now. I can't run the whole relay race alone, and especially not if there's a faster runner than me. Didn't I want a way to try to help fix him? I can hardly complain now, can I?

I politely avert my eyes as she recomposes herself quickly. She clears her throat once and hesitates, apparently on the edge of saying something, before thinking better of it.

Her eyes fall to my arms, and the food they still hold - the food! "Do you intend on eating those yourself?"

 _Is she trying to ask me to LUNCH!?_

"Um, no, these are for Hisao. He's sick right now, I think." I say, curling my arms protectively around the sandwiches. Her eyes track the movement, as if considering whether or not she ought to lunge for them anyways.

I'll kick her in the head if she tries.

"I'll take them to him." Rei says, holding her hands out expectantly. Her fingers twitch slightly, I notice, a tremble here and there.

It makes me realize, for the first time, that maybe Rei has a condition too, one that I'm not aware of. And I feel just a little bad for thinking so many malicious thoughts towards her in my free time. She's not the type to eat them herself, anyways. I can trust her with this.

Hesitantly, I give them up and she carefully inspects them. "Ham and cheese. Did you know that these were his favorite?" She asks.

"No, I just picked the first ones I saw…"

"The most obvious explanation is usually the correct one…" She mutters to herself. "These will do, though. Thank you, Ibarazaki."

It's a weird feeling to be called that, but I'm certainly not going to ask her to call me Emi.

She bows slightly before walking off, leaving me feeling even more out-of-place. That must be a gift of hers, to make petty commoners like me feel like we'll never match to her. It's not anything she's saying or doing, I don't think, it's just because of her eyes.

Those eyes on a girl like that, you know that you need to step back and do what she demands.

It's rare that I give up the wheel to anyone, but now I have no choice.

Sandwich-less, I wander aimlessly into the Nurse's room.

He and I are going to have _words._

* * *

 **A/N:** Somewhere in one of the A/Ns, I said that Rei wouldn't be a major character.

I lied. Sorry. I've recently re-recognized the purpose of the story - it is not to explore the five (six) main girls, but that'll happen as a byproduct - rather, it will explore _Hisao_ in a meaningful way, and present several themes that may change throughout the course of the story.

But things are going to be happening. I brought up at least three significant plot threads to throw into the salad of "unresolved" story plots, and the next chapter will be doing the same.

Something I forgot to mention, but I guess I'll do it belatedly - C1-C40 was the _introduction to Tactility._

Yes, this will be one of those types of stories.

At some point - I haven't decided when, or if - sex may appear in this story, both hinted at and explicitly discussed. I think it's something pretty important for certain characters. These references will begin at C48, so you have been warned. Any explicit sex scenes will be uploaded to a different site in order to dodge deletion, but **be warned that chapters here on out may contain references to graphic violence, including abuse, rape, or other, mild sexual situations with NO chapter warning to avoid any spoilers.**

I mean it. No complaints. I will reiterate this for a few chapters, but not indefinitely - consider yourself warned!

On to lighter things.

Next chapter will be told from Hanako's POV - both the main chapter and the bonus.

These different perspectives won't become a large part of the story, but unless there's immense negative criticism regarding them they will continue to pop up at various times of the story, especially the climax. I hope you've enjoyed my take on Tactility Emi.

Last but not least, I'm planning a musical "main theme" for Tactility. If I follow through, I'll post a link on Chapter 1 and my profile.

Reviews are HIGHLY appreciated. C47's done, so if I feel up to it I'll post it ahead of time.


	46. The South Wind

**A/N:** I'm a bit anxious how this chapter will come across.

I will say one thing, though, to help guide your thoughts;

There is no evil. There is no good. There are only differing shades of grey.

* * *

 _If there's anything I've learned in seventeen years of life, it's that loss is not measured in what is visibly abnormal, but rather what is not there._

The classroom is empty again.

…Well, perhaps that's not entirely accurate. There are sixteen students in attendance, including myself.

But the classroom is still empty, because one of them is missing.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight to stem the tears that threaten to fall.

 _And…I was doing so well, too…_

Once again, I've lost. This time, though, I wasn't prepared for the consequences. And…

 _Hisao isn't the only thing I lost._

 _Not the only thing I pushed away._

…I wasted an offer of genuine friendship, too, from someone in a very powerful place. And I know I'm straining my only friendship left, too - telling Lilly to stay away for a little while. She says she understands, but what if she doesn't?

 _I got too used to what I had._

 _But maybe - maybe I've gotten a little stronger too. I managed to attend classes yesterday, after lunch, though in part that might have been because Hisao wasn't there. Who knows what I would've done if…he was…_

Attendance is called. My name passes; Mutou glances at me briefly to confirm my presence, and I avoid his eyes.

Then -

"Miura? Present…" A pause, as Mutou mutters something under his breath. "Ooe?"

Where's -

 _Where's Hisao's name?_

Fear coalesces in my heart.

 _Isn't this what I expected, losing him forever?_

This shouldn't be different - except -

 _What have I DONE!?_

I have enough presence of mind to grab my bag before sprinting as fast as I can out of the classroom and down and away

 _Think, THINK! What - why?_

 _Why wasn't his name -_

I can think of a few different possibilities. A transfer out from school - death?

 _Hurt me as much as you want. But not him!_

The corridors feel longer than they used to - is this - is this normal? My breath comes in ragged pants as I exert myself harder than I'm used to

 _SLOW DOWN AND BREATHE!_

 _I CAN'T!_

Thud thud thud thud.

My racing heart helps, a little bit, putting things in perspective for me as my feet slap across the concrete - concrete? I'm outside. Sidewalk, boy's dorm, inside -

Freeze.

What is _she_ doing here?

I instinctively flinch as Rei Miyuki turns around, those eyes piercing into my soul.

Somewhere my mind notes that she's carrying three sandwiches in her hands. It helps to reduce the intimidation factor a bit.

"Hanako Ikezawa." She says, looking interested, placing the sandwiches down on a table next to her. "I admit that I did not ever expect to see you again, so this is a welcome surprise."

 _Welcome…surprise? Welcome? Why…?_

The dissonance helps me regain some mental clarity.

 _I notice that I am confused._

 _Why am I confused?_

 _I am confused because I do not understand what is happening._

 _What is happening?_

A mental trick I've practiced endlessly to try and help reduce my anxiety in stressful situations automatically kicks in, helping - my mind functions better when faced with a challenge, I think, when it has something to work on, an obvious problem.

 _Rei Miyuki seems to regard my presence as welcome._

 _Why is this confusing?_

 _Because by my estimation, she should not._

 _Why not?_

 _Because Hisao -_

"Is H-Hisao o-okay?" I blurt out.

She closes her eyes. "Why the concern?"

 _HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? …No, I guess I deserved that, didn't I? You…really know how to make it hurt._

"I'm sorry if those words were particularly harsh." Rei says. "But it is truly important to whether or not we keep talking."

 _Because…it's all my fault…if I hadn't…if I had just left him alone, he would have been fine. He wouldn't have landed in the hospital. If I had just - been alone like I was SUPPOSED to, I-_

"I see." Rei murmurs, and I flinch - did I say something I didn't mean to!? "Much as I expected, then…so. So."

"Hanako Ikezawa, what do you intend to do about this?"

Sometime while I was running, I had attempted to answer this very question. However, I couldn't get past step 1:

 _Find Hisao._

Nothing came after that, and then I ran out of time.

"You don't know. That's fine. Would you like some honest advice?" Rei asks.

I sense that this is a rhetorical question.

Her eyes open, unyielding sapphires.

"Give up on him."

…!

That…!

"Hanako, if you can't break past your limits, that's fine. But you will not be able to pursue Hisao, in friendship or otherwise."

 _Does she - she know?_

"Because right now, you're playing a very dangerous game. It's not just you at stake, here. If you continue on your path, and leave him again, you're going to damage him beyond repair."

 _I-_

"So give up. Turn back and go to class." She says. "You can't do this, so stop trying."

 _I've heard that too much. But -_

 _I'm…_

 _I notice that I am confused._

 _Why am I confused?_

 _I am confused because I do not understand what is happening and why it is happening._

 _What is happening?_

 _I am being told to give up._

 _Why is this happening?_

 _Because Rei Miyuki thinks that I am pressing my limits too hard._

 _Am I?_

 _…_

"No." I reply. Rei's eyes widen.

"No!" I say again - I like the sound of that, this defiant voice amongst the others.

 _Why do you deserve this chance?_

 _Because…!_

"You…you're n-not Hisao, so you _can't_ tell m-me what to do! I…I won't b-break like that, and - neither…n-neither will Hisao! If…"

I gather my thoughts and my resolve.

"I-If you, you're r-really h-his friend, then, t-then you'll l-let him show you…h-how strong he is!"

The crystals fade from sight. "Hanako, I…I admire your spirit. I really do. That's why I haven't…" She trails off.

 _Haven't what?_

"…but…well, let's put it this way. Hanako, if you break him again - and I'm not talking about the arrhythmia, that wasn't your fault, and the only one who thinks it is would be you - if you break him again and he -"

Rei shudders, with tears leaking from her closed eyes.

"…This time, he hasn't, but, what if he tries to kill himself again? What if he succeeds this time?"

 _…_ _What?! WHAT!?_

"Will you be strong enough to bear that? Will you be strong enough to stand your ground? Because you need to be or you're going to hurt both of you, don't you see? You - Hanako, you DESERVE happiness, more than almost anybody else, certainly more than me, and it's _not fair_ that I try to tell you to maybe turn away from your own happiness, but you might KILL him if you falter again, Hanako!"

Her eyes open again, shining brightly with unshed tears. "Hanako Ikezawa! Are you strong enough to stay?"

 _…_ _no…_

I'm not. And, worse, I know that I'm not. Am I…am I willing to turn away?

"I d-don't know. But - I, I n-need to k-know if he's….if he's…"

Well, he's not - but, he could still be…

"He's sick, apparently, but he's otherwise…well, he will be healthy." Rei answers me.

"I…see. T-Thank y-you."

 _It shouldn't matter to me whether or not Hisao is leaving or not. Because…Rei is right. I…I don't…I can't talk to him any longer. Not as a friend._

 _Because I'll just hurt him._

I didn't think…

 _…_ _it would hurt so much, though._

"Hanako." Rei's voice stops me in my tracks. "I know…I know that I'm probably the last person you want to see right now…"

 _You're absolutely right._

"But I'm still willing to be your friend…if you want one." I turn around, shocked.

 _Still!?_

 _I notice that I am confused._

 _Why am I confused?_

 _I'm confused because I don't understand anything._

 _…_

 _Yeah, you're on your own._

"Don't move!" A sharp voice commands, and instinctively I freeze in place, realizing I was moments away from fleeing.

Rei steps forward. "I'm…sorry, if this hurts you, but it needs to be done, I think."

"W-Wha-" She hugs me.

…!?

I don't have an appropriate response ready for this. So what do I say or do?

 _What would His- Lilly, what would Lilly do?_

It's pitiful how few people I actually know. But here I'm being given a chance to add one to my list. But I…don't understand why…

"You might hate me right now…but…I really don't want to hurt you. I'm truly sorry." She murmurs, her head resting against the center of my chest. I can feel her arms trembling a little against my back.

 _This must be…_

"N-No. I…I d-don't." I reply. And I'm not lying. I…

Rei's not mean. She just…she just wants to protect Hisao…

…I understand that. It hurts and I don't like it, but…I…I understand…

"P-Please let me leave now." I whisper.

She lets me go immediately.

"I hope you forgive me one day…" Rei replies. "I understand if you don't, though." She bows deeply, respectfully - I can't help but reciprocate, even if I don't feel up to the whole forgiveness thing yet.

It might not be her fault, but feelings, I've found, don't always work rationally.

She collects her sandwiches and disappears deeper inside, towards what is presumably Hisao's room. Resisting the temptation to make _some_ kind of effort to talk to Hisao - that part about him having tried to - to do _that_ before is particularly alarming, but

 _IT'S NOT YOUR PLACE_

 _NOT YOUR PLACE_

 _NOT YOU_

I turn around instead and walk outside, sending a last wistful look behind me before shaking my head and continuing on.

Down to my room, so I can cry for everything I've lost.

 _If there's anything I've learned in seventeen years of life, it's that loss is not measured in what is visibly abnormal, but rather what is not there._

* * *

 **A/N: This is the end of the chapter. The following is a "bonus", but consider it canon. This takes place some time before C41.**

* * *

"Hello there." A calm voice says, and I snap out of my reverie, looking around through my bangs as I come to a stop. There's a girl in front of me, long brown hair in a similar style to mine and blue sapphire eyes that seem to pierce deep into my core. A girl, shorter than me, but at the same time holding herself far more confidently. She looks like an adult in a child's body.

And she has metal legs, from the knee down. They remind me a little of that running girl - Emi, I think, but hers are straighter and clearly not meant for running.

"H-H-Hello…" I say nervously. The way she carries herself - it's very startling, like I couldn't possibly ignore her even if I tried, but yet it's somehow still so calm…

"You're Hanako Ikezawa, aren't you? Hisao's friend? It's nice to meet you, though I wish it could have been in better circumstances." She bows, formally, and I hasten to match her. This is - she's like Lilly, I think, with how formal she speaks.

"How…h-how do you…know m-my name?" I ask. She smiles gently.

"I've been briefed on his relationships with the other students."

 _Briefed?_

Yamaku is pretty expensive, so if you're a student there, you're on scholarship or you're connected to someone with money. I'm a little bit of both; despite my _schooling issues_ I had fairly good grades and test scores because my homeroom teachers made allowances for me. Additionally, my parents worked in good jobs - my mom was an architect - and most of their money went to me, put into things like my schooling fund. The government isn't paying my way through school.

Between the two, I have enough money to finish out my schooling and go to a successful college.

But - the language of this girl -

"W-Who are you?" Her eyes widen in surprise.

"Oh, I haven't introduced myself, have I? My name is Rei Miyuki." She bows lightly. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

My blood freezes.

 _That Miyuki family?! Hisao, who are you?_

It's not a unique name, but - the way this girl holds herself? It's very possible - likely, even.

She seems to understand what I'm thinking. "Yes, what you're thinking is correct, assuming you're thinking about my identity. My father is Hajime Miyuki."

Quick background - Hajime Miyuki is one of the ten richest men in the country and wields a significant amount of political influence. He's the CEO of a company that focuses on the medical field, especially pharmaceuticals and electronic and mechanical devices. He has a single daughter, who suffers from a rare disorder of some sort, and is actively working to cure her. He appears pretty frequently on the news, and I'd imagine much of the Yamaku population would recognize the last name- more than a few rely on devices or medications provided by the corporation. I did a report on him for one of my classes.

"It's how I got the information I have. Otherwise not relevant to the conversation, however. My apologies if you feel uncomfortable in my presence - I won't tell you not to, because I'd feel similarly; but try not to be afraid of me." She smiles lightly, a little self-deprecatingly.

"I…w-will keep that under consideration…" I whisper shyly. "D-Did…you w-want something with…me?" For some reason, we're still having this conversation. I thought she would just continue on her way, but she seems to have some sort of personal interest in me.

"Indeed. Just to ask you a question, actually, that I'd like you to answer, if you can. Would that be alright?"

She's giving me a chance to back out, but this feels like a test…

"Y-Yes." I nod my head.

"Very well then. I'd like to know why you're out here, and not in there." Rei points behind me to the open door of Hisao's room.

"…B-Because…I don't…I d-don't think he'd…w-want t-to see me…" I say, dropping my head.

"I disagree." She says simply. "But we'll talk about my feelings later. Why do you think that?"

This girl sounds a lot like Miss Irie.

"…Because…b-because it's m-my fault…" She raises a manicured eyebrow.

"That's not what I heard. The report from Kenji Setou implicates you as the reason Hisao got help at all. You were the one who screamed, right?"

"T-That was…"

"Instinctive? Not everything we do is controlled. But they happen anyway. You don't have to take credit for helping to save him, if you don't want it, but you certainly can't blame yourself, right?" Rei says reasonably.

 _If I hadn't been there and pushed him to talk to me, this would not have happened._

I just wanted to…help…but I hurt him instead…

She's still waiting for an answer I can't give. I avert my eyes to the ground. To my dismay, I realize that I'm standing on one of the plain blue tiles. That's bad luck-

"Look at me." Rei whispers urgently, and there's a sudden intensity in the air that compels me to look up to her. "It's not you, alright? You didn't cause his condition. That's the real cause of this!"

 _No…it's not. You can't tell gravity to turn off before jumping off a cliff. I should have kept his emotional state in mind before pushing him. I KNEW he was under stress! I could see it in his eyes and, and, before then, too! But I still…still…._

Her shoulders slump. "I can't convince you, can I? That's…that's fine, then. But…I hope you figure this out sometime, alright? Or it's going to cost you a lot."

I nod mechanically. She sighs, regret and stress mingling, and it makes me feel a little bit worse, for wasting her time like this.

"See you around, Hanako." She says, bowing slightly before walking away.

I stare numbly.

Then I continue my pacing, stepping back and forth on the colored tiles, trying to regain the luck I've lost.

* * *

 **A/N:** Now that you've seen pretty deeply into the person that Rei Miyuki appears to be, and directly into the minds of Emi Ibarazaki and Hanako Ikezawa, do tell me your thoughts on them. I'm very interested to see how the characterization is coming across.

And I should reiterate what I've said before. It's one of the central themes of the story.

 _There is no evil. There is no good. There are only differing shades of grey._

At some point - I haven't decided when, or if - sex may appear in this story, both hinted at and explicitly discussed. I think it's something pretty important for certain characters. These references will begin at C48, so you have been warned. Any explicit sex scenes will be uploaded to a different site in order to dodge deletion, but **be warned that chapters here on out may contain references to graphic violence, including abuse, rape, or other, mild sexual situations with NO chapter warning to avoid any spoilers.**

I mean it. No complaints. I will reiterate this for a few chapters, but not indefinitely - consider yourself warned!


	47. Zero Squared

**A/N:** I try my best to write dynamic characters. For full enjoyment of the story, consider them from that perspective. Also, let's consider some things -

Hisao hasn't eaten for a significant portion of time.  
Hisao hasn't slept well for a significant time.  
Hisao is currently undergoing physical stress.  
Hisao is currently undergoing emotional stress.

Also consider the current state of the other characters, given what you know of their 'new' personalities - how would they react - how ARE they reacting?

Something's gotta break.

At some point - I haven't decided when, or if - sex may appear in this story, both hinted at and explicitly discussed. I think it's something pretty important for certain characters. These references will begin now, so you have been warned. Any explicit sex scenes will be uploaded to a different site in order to dodge deletion, but **be warned that chapters here on out may contain references to graphic violence, including abuse, rape, or other, mild sexual situations with NO chapter warning to avoid any spoilers.**

* * *

I'm sitting innocently on my bed, facing the door, and waiting for Emi to return, a niggling feeling in the back of my mind.

Rin is lying under my bed. I'm not sure what she intends to accomplish there, but I decided to play along with her.

Only now I'm wondering if that was really the best thing to do. My instincts are pretty good…and they're telling me something's about to happen.

There's a muffled sound from under my bed.

"Rin? You okay there?" There's no answer, so I lie down on my bed and lean my upper body over the bed, peeking under it.

It appears that - Rin's found…uh…a magazine…

"That's NOT mine." I say firmly, as she gives it a curious look before glancing sideways at me. How did she even find that?

"Ew, don't hold it in your mouth. Here, give it to me." I reach down further and stretch my arm out, gingerly pulling it from her teeth.

She's pretty far under there - I'm going to need to streeeeetch-

"Hisao, what on earth are you doing?" A feminine voice asks, and I quickly try to regain my balance, fail, and fall off the bed, getting a glimpse of the speaker.

"…Rei?" I ask from my very undignified position on the floor, scrambling to a sitting position.

…With the magazine in hand.

She gives me an odd little smile, and leans over to yank the magazine out of my hand, glancing at the cover.

"Interesting reading material." Rei says, raising her eyebrow, but something in her voice seems off. Should I press it? For now I'll play along.

"Not mine." I hiss. She nods, not pressing it - she shouldn't. This is a sensitive topic for both of us…

Neither of us are going to be able to experience physical intimacy properly, unless there's some kind of medical breakthrough. The fact that the medications work seem to indicate that the cause of this disorder is chemical based, though I'm not sure of the exact specifics.

"Emi got you some food." Rei says quietly, and I see that she's holding some sandwiches wrapped in plastic. "I believe that right now she's talking to the Head Nurse about something."

I scowl a bit. Emi's undoubtedly brought up my sickness; now he'll lecture me for not reporting in first. She winces upon seeing my mood, and I quickly try to regain my calm.

"I'll thank her when I see her again." She nods again, placing the sandwiches down on the nearest table. There's an odd little smile on her face with an expression I can't name.

Something's not right at all.

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask. She flinches.

"Don't worry about me." Rei replies, averting her eyes.

…?

"What's wrong?" It's weird that she's keeping this distance between us, like I'm going to lash out at her…

Oh. The last time she was like this -

…was when we were arguing, way back when, about whether or not I should do the testing for her. We both got pretty heated at the time and set some hurtful things, though I definitely 'won', so to speak. It didn't do any permanent damage to our friendship, but for a while she was a lot quieter and reserved than she should have been…and wow, did that hurt more than anything.

"…Hisao…I-I'm sorry…" Her mask suddenly crumbles, like a worn dam, all of her repressed emotions breaking free at once.

"What?" I begin, but then cold clarity falls over me. I know what this is about - knew what this was about the second I realized something was wrong with the way was acting.

Fate truly is a fickle thing.

"Hanako, right?" She nods miserably. My fists clench at my side.

"What did you do?" Rei winces. The action looks distinctly _wrong_ on her face.

"…I, I, I may have…pushed H-Hanako away…from you…" And now she's openly crying.

I close my eyes.

Well…This was…I prepared for this much, at least. This is basically the worst-case scenario, but I was ready for this much. I didn't anticipate how it all came together, though. I really didn't, not at all, and so it catches me off guard.

Hm. Is it odd that I feel so strangely numb right now? I don't want to see anyone. I really, really don't want to see anyone right now.

"Okay. Please leave now. I don't want to see you right now." I say icily.

"I - understand. P-Please…don't…h-hate-"

"I'll consider it. Leave." She cringes before backing away, quietly shutting the door behind her.

That was surprisingly easy. I thought it would be more painful than that. But no. Things feel very simple and blank right now, actually.

There's some shuffling under my bed before Rin extricates herself, standing up.

"Do you want to go to the Worry Tree?" She asks.

"No. I just need to be alone right now." I say bluntly.

"Okay." And she turns around, staring at the door.

"Do you mind lending me a hand? Figuratively and literally? I seem to be a little short." Rin says, flapping her empty arm sleeves.

I stand up and open the door.

"Thank you." She steps out.

I close the door.

I sit on the bed.

I give up, universe. You very clearly don't want me to be happy. So I give up. I can't stop you, but you can clearly stop me. So there's no point trying to fight.

I'm done.

There's just nothing now. Absolutely nothing.

Ah. Ahahahaha.

Back to square one.

…No. Not quite. This isn't square one.

Because now all of my mental defenses are fractured and bleeding, exposing weakness, and now it _actually hurts._

…

Well…

There's a sort of understanding that I've gained in this process, this process of slow death, of being dragged away from the light, and I've come to several different decisions.

The first one is simple - yet, so important.

I will continue the trial medications.

I can't quite track the line of thought that led me to this decision. If anything, I will continue doing it for Rei, and for the other unknown patients, now and later, that might need this cure.

But that desire has waned a bit. And it's not because of what Rei did - if that plays a role, it's not a major one. I couldn't hate her if I tried. Not after everything.

But…the main factor in my decision is undoubtedly -

I don't really value my own life. Not anymore. And as long as that is true, then I don't need to be scared of dying.

If life is not worth living, then I ought to make it as interesting as possible, and the medications are the key. It's as simple as that. I don't even have to worry about others worrying about me -

My second choice - Keep on pushing people away. I might be spiraling down, but I don't need to take anyone else with me.

Third - Emi…

…I have to figure out how to let her go, too. Of all my remaining friends and acquaintances she knows me the most, and worries. I'll need her to turn away so she doesn't hurt herself.

 _Don't forget…I need you here too._

I flinch.

I said that, didn't I…?

But that was a lie, just a lie, I don't need her or Hanako or Rei or anyone. I -

 _but that's the real lie, isn't it_

…I can't even lie convincingly to myself. How can I possibly pretend well enough for Emi to believe me when I tell her that I'll be _fine?_

But then it occurs to me, with a sick sort of clarity, that I don't NEED to convince her, I just need to hurt her, hurt her enough to where she doesn't want to-

And it's the _wrongness_ of that statement that brings me back, and I realize that what I thought was reality wasn't true.

Well, if not that - then what?

I could lock myself in here. That's an increasingly attractive prospect…but it could never happen. I'd get dragged out kicking and screaming.

Perhaps I'm not looking at this the right way. But then, what is the correct way to interpret this particular chain of events and circumstances?

That's right, there's that therapist, isn't there? I'll be seeing her on…Sunday.

Maybe it would be best to hold off any important decisions until then. I should prepare for the worst, though. Experience has taught me that much.

I just have to make it through this week. This should be a simple task, but, hell, I haven't even made it through this day yet. This is too difficult.

Trying to remember if I have any urgent obligations…

Just Kenji. Even if it was ultimately a waste of effort, I guess I should thank him for the thought. It saved everyone else a little bit of misery, I guess.

I'll talk to him tomorrow. I…don't feel up to it right now. I just need to…I just need to sleep.

I drift over to my bed and sleep. Hopefully no one will disturb me. I just want to be alone right now.

* * *

Some time later I'm roused from slumber. In what is perhaps an ironic twist of fate, I manage to sleep better than I have in days. Maybe my brain was so tired that it just shut down. For whatever the cause, I will be grateful.

I'm feeling a little bit better now. Sitting up on the bed, I notice something strange - the sandwiches…

They're gone? Perhaps this is some sort of odd dream. But after having waited several minutes in complete - normal - silence, I'm forced to admit that someone entered my room while I was asleep and took them. To what purpose, I couldn't say, but they're gone now.

I didn't intend on eating them anyways - but I should eat _something_. I don't think I've had a good meal - or any meal - in days. I can't feel hunger pains, but I'm really supposed to take better care of myself…

School should've made it easier, with the standardized lunch times, but I've been so occupied recently that it's managed to slip my mind…

I may not value my life, but I certainly have no intention of running into Death's cold embrace quite so…pathetically. Starving to death when there's food within walking distance? That would be petulant and selfish beyond even what I'm willing to do.

I look to my alarm clock. Near midnight. I suppose that I'm obligated to head down to the Nurse to receive my physical checkup. I'm sure he'll lecture me in regards to my…lackluster attempts at maintaining my health, too.

I'm rambling. I do not want to go outside. But there truly is nowhere safe for me, no matter where it is I try to hide. If I am to be hurt, it may as well be on my own terms. So off I go, then.

* * *

"Looks like you have a fever. And you also told me that you haven't been eating or sleeping well? It's amazing that a fever's the only problem you have." The Nurse lectures as I sit down.

"Where can I learn Japanese Sign Language?" I ask. "I have to do that before Shizune'll let me on the Student Council."

The Nurse sighs, a hint of heat creeping into his expression.

"Look, I can't make you care about your health. That's up to you. But if it's obvious even to a guy like me that's something's up with you, then you need help. Can we agree on that much?"

I shrug.

"By the way, I want to restart the trial medications. May I?"

He looks dumbfounded.

"Look, Nakai, there's a difference between being lazy in regards of your health and being actively suicidal. What's the problem, here? You're a smart guy - you understand what you're asking me to do, right?"

"Yes." I say blankly. "Your medical expertise has been duly noted."

He studies me intensely. "And if I refuse to dispense them?"

"I'll go above you if I have to. But I don't want to, because I really do like you and think you're competent, Nurse. You're good for the school, and I don't want to sacrifice someone for my own selfishness, but…"

…

 _what the hell are you saying_

 _…_

I can't believe that I'm actually threatening Nurse.

"I'm sorry. But that's just…how it needs to be for now." I say, averting my eyes.

I recognize this mistake, but continue to push it anyways.

"I see." He says, sighing before slumping back in his chair. "You're really set on your path of self-destruction, aren't you?"

I don't reply. He looks anguished - I didn't think he cared this much. Or…maybe -

"…Have you considered how what you're doing will affect others? You've made quite a few friends here, have you not?"

"Stop." I say icily.

"No. You need to hear this. Nakai, do you even _care_?"

 _ANY OTHER WAY_

If he had worded that question ANY OTHER WAY, I would have been able to ignore it. But - but this…

 _didn't you want_

 _once upon a time_

 _for people to care_

 _about you_

"What I want doesn't…" I stop and switch arguments, realizing that the current strand leads to failure. "There's more lives than my own at stake here."

"Those lives aren't in immediate danger! You don't need to so urgently try to kill yourself in some misguided attempt-"

 _"_ _That's NOT what I'm trying to do here!"_

"Isn't it?" He snaps. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that!"

I recoil, a faint thread of memory flashing past my eyes-

"This…this isn't your business." I say, all my anger spent. Now I just feel numb again. I can't help but wonder if my capacity for feeling emotion drains away with my misery, falling deep into the darkness.

He snorts. "Isn't it? This nameplate isn't for show."

"Please…please just, just let me do this…" I whisper, defeated. "This…this is all I have left. Just let me…"

He looks alarmed. It takes him some time to consider his decision - I look away awkwardly, pretending not to be interested.

"Fine. Fine." He relents. "If you do not report in daily for your physicals, though, I reserve the right to restrict your medication. Understood?"

I nod.

"Then…I'll send in the notification that you'll be continuing the clinical trials and request them as they come." He taps a few keys on his keyboard. There's silence for some time.

"I have another condition." The Nurse says, not looking up.

"What?"

"You WILL see the therapist I have assigned to you. Ichiko Irie. Understood, Nakai? You know what the consequences are."

"Yes." I say.

"Very well then. You may leave."

So I do.

* * *

 **A/N:** The next chapters are going to be hell. There's going to be at least one chapter with split perspectives, a Hanako chapter, a Rei chapter...

I think this multiple-perspective thing is going to become the norm. There's simply TOO much happening for me to continue weaving the world. This isn't a focused route and I can't treat it as such. Before, I could get away with it because things were simple, but there are _plots._ There are at least five different manipulators on the field right now - and even more manipulations.

Next chapter is a combined Rei/Shizune. And then I'll flop back to Hisao/Hanako and resolve lots of different things for C50. It'll be - fun! And also it'll be the only chapter I've had so far that covers any kind of significant time span - if things work out like I intend them to, it'll push from Tuesday (Yeah, we're only a little over two weeks in...) to Sunday.

May also split the chapters, but I really am a fan of the number 50, so we'll see. I've been writing substantially longer chapters recently, so it may as well keep in with the trend.

For all of the recent reviews - I've seen them, but can't reply to them because of the bug. Will get to them as soon as physically possible. Thanks so much!


	48. Discord

**A/N:** I didn't think that this would be, uh, such a massive chapter.

The conclusion of Act 2 will be next chapter and will be pure Hanako. I've decided to shift everything I planned on bringing up in C50 over to Act 3.

Hopefully this answers as many questions as it will raise.

[This is sign language.]

The first segment of this chapter is Rei. The second one is Shizune.

* * *

Rei's POV.

* * *

Stepping outside of Hisao's room, I take a moment to compose myself.

It's something that I've been trained to do, and I'm good at it. I'm good at pretending that I'm someone I'm not. My tutors, my doctors, my family…even, sometimes, with Hisao…

I tried, I tried…but I couldn't hide it from him, not when I saw his face, not when I remember the pained anguish on Hanako's face, I had to confess, and tell him that it was my fault. I…

I've made a terrible mistake.

I've made terrible mistakes.

My feet take me to the roof of the dormitory, stepping past a "No Girls Allowed" sign attached to the roof exit before bursting into the sunlight.

"…Hah…hah…"

I shut the door and collapse back against it, tears welling up in my eyes.. My metal legs make an unpleasant sound against the ground.

 _"_ _This isn't fair!"_ I want to scream. _"I'm only fifteen! Why am I being pushed so hard?"_

But I can't even scream. People with my condition should not talk forcefully - if we bite our tongue, we'll do more damage.

And anyways - my age is not an excuse, or a justification. It's just…how it is. I can complain, but it won't make anything better. I have to deal with this.

Giving up isn't an option. That's another thing I've been trained to do.

Right now I need to fix as much as I can. I can't - directly - do anything to help Hisao right now, and I'm more than a little hesitant of trying to do anything else, but…

Hisao's happiness is more important than mine. So even if it means that he hates me…that…as much as it hurts…that's an acceptable sacrifice.

 _Is this what love is?_ I wonder, somewhere in the corner of my mind. I don't feel this kind of pain whenever I think about Father or Mother…

 _Perhaps, you don't love them. And they don't love you._

My parents…do not have a good understanding of their daughter, nor do they have the time to try. And, perhaps, do not wish to put in the effort to.

 _I want to think nice things about them, but that would be a lie._

That's not to say they aren't concerned about my well-being…but…sometimes, I wonder whether they see me as an individual, or just as another data point.

The damage I've done to Hanako and Hisao's relationship…that, that should help him in the long run…and Emi will continue to support him.

And I will try my best to help Hanako. I can't…I can't just leave her, after what I did.

Ultimately - what I've caused, was, I think it was a good thing, but - I don't ever want to do anything like that again. That was wrong.

 _The road to Hell is paved with good intentions._

I stand up and walk over to the fence overlooking the rest of the school, twining my fingers through the chain links.

Others would see beauty in such a majestic sight. The sun. low in the air, but rising with every passing moment, lazily casting tendrils of sunshine over the rest of the school, the town at the bottom of the hill.

I see loneliness. Or perhaps that is what I feel. Or both, maybe? This early in the morning, there's little activity, though already I can hear the sound of the students warming the air.

Perhaps this school really is a place I can go.

That's one of the reasons my parents funded Hisao's tuition - they want to see if this school is somewhere I might be able to attend, too.

I don't know if I can, though. It seems like a very good school…but I don't know if I'll ever be able to really fit in, here. Though perhaps it's not fair to say this yet - everyone I've talked to here has been in their third year.

All I've managed to do here is create a mess.

I sigh, staring emptily out into the sky. I couldn't join Hisao even if I wanted to. Japan has a pretty strict policy about not skipping grades; otherwise, I'd spend all my free time studying in order to join him.

Hours go by, as I think thoughts like those. I watch the sun move across the blue. Someone opens the door behind me, before abruptly shutting it, muffled voices and footsteps quickly retreating.

I continue to think. It's a calm, familiar ritual with me. Just thinking, putting the world back into order so that I can face it once again as whoever I need to be.

There's a familiar click behind me. I whirl around to see the door open, and a scarred face peek out.

Violet eyes meet mine.

 _Of all the times-_

I wipe my arm across my eyes to hastily remove any traces of tears and, in the most composed voice I can, say "Hello. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Hanako Ikezawa hesitates for some time before pushing the door fully open, approaching me warily. I stare at her, watching her inch closer.

"W-Why…are you…h-here?"

I take a moment to consider my response.

"Where exactly is 'here'?" I ask.

She pauses. Perhaps she hadn't thought her question through properly.

"A-Alone on…the r-rooftop." I wince.

Clearly that wasn't the case. The more likely alternative was simply that she was trying to figure out if it was okay to say something as cold as that.

I guess I deserved that one, though.

"Because I've made some mistakes." I reply. "And those mistakes have led me here, to contemplate my life. It occurs to me, after some thought, that I have wronged quite a few people, though not intentionally. And the one who deserves the most apology is you, Hanako."

The girl in question shakes her head.

"N-No. Don't…apologize. I…I n-needed to hear that…" She seems to be working up the courage to something important, so I don't say anything.

"Because…b-because…!" Her fists clench at her side as her voice rises - I unconsciously take a step back.

"Y-You…made me see, h-how important Hisao is…a-and I won't let y-you stop me!" There's blazing fire burning in those violet irises of her, the same kind that Hisao tells - told me that he saw in my eyes, and I start to understand why people are sometimes intimidated by me.

"Hanako, I didn't want to stop you-" Stop her from what? Interfering with Hisao? Because, that's, that's a -

 _"_ _That's a lie!"_ She replies back heatedly. "Y-You told me-!"

"You're right." I whisper, and she rears back, eyes wide. "And that was a mistake. I know that much now." I look away from her.

"…Isn't it ironic? I lectured you about strength, but yet here you are, standing up to me now."

 _It makes me feel like an awful person._

 _Maybe I am._

I turn away from her, looking back to the falling sun so that she can't see the silent tears streaming down my face. "I'll tell you what you probably came here to be. Hanako, you're more than strong enough to pursue Hisao. I was wrong, and you were right. That much I know from the bottom of my heart."

I take a deep breath. "Is that all?"

I can feel her stare on me.

"I…I think you…are a better p-person then you give yourself…c-credit for. We may s-someday be…friends, M-Miyuki." Hanako says slowly. "But…n-not now."

 _Why does that hurt so much?_

"I understand." I say quietly. "Thank you."

Her footsteps fade away.

I fall to my knees and cry.

* * *

Shizune's POV.

* * *

Once the final bell rings, the school usually clears out right away. This has been a reliable pattern for as long as I can remember.

Today, the corridors are unusually crowded. I presume this to mean 'loud', as well. Given some time, I would investigate this odd phenomena, but there are far more pressing matters weighing on my mind. I tap my partner on the shoulder and she turns to face me.

[Misha, I need you to check something.] I sign. [Remember what we talked about earlier?]

[Um.] Her hands waver for a moment. [This is about Hanako leaving class so abruptly, right?]

I've always been intrigued by her style of sign. It is fundamentally different than mine on very many levels, just like the differences between the two of us. She uses a lot of extraneous flourishes, whereas I use the bare minimum - and sometimes less, but Misha puts up with it nonetheless.

[It is. Miyuki talked to me about what she would be doing, so it's safe to say that the girl may need…some help.]

Misha's probably not the best person for the job, but you make do with what you have. I would be worse than her, though, so I'll give credit where it is due.

[Understood! What will Shicchan be doing?] The conversation pauses for a second as I step around two inconsiderate girls standing in the middle of the walkway.

[Checking on the other injured party. Hisao's losing a friend as well, isn't he?] She gives me a measuring look, before a sort of smirk grows on her face.

[No.] I sign sharply.

She - laughs? - before calming down. [Okay! See you soon, Shicchan! Good luck with Hicchan!]

I can't help but wonder at the double meaning there.

[Thank you. Good luck, Misha.]

Ikezawa's departure in class was more than a little abrupt, but by piecing together what I knew of Miyuki's manipulations and of the timing of the incident I deduced that Hanako left because she worried about Nakai.

This was partially my fault. Early this morning, Miyuki informed me that Hisao was sick, and that I should tell Mutou that Nakai would be absent.

So I went ahead and did it. He gave me one of those _looks_ before nodding. It makes me wonder how much Mutou knows. With Rei Miyuki involved, the lines have blurred. Too many people know different things and I don't know who those people are, or the extents of their knowledge. It makes the careful game of maintaining balance much more difficult.

As if managing Nakai - no, Hisao…alone wasn't already an issue…

I make my way down to the boy's dormitory and step inside. The dormitories are usually pretty abandoned during the school hours - some people return to their rooms for lunch, but not very many. Now, there are a few more people than I'm used to seeing, and altogether too many girls here, too, but they aren't doing anything wrong - yet. I ignore them for now.

I make a mental note to remind the custodial department to check the place out. There are mud tracks all over the place, and traces of dirt and grass. I carefully step over them, not wanting to get my shoes dirty.

A foreboding feeling grows when I realize where they lead me to.

Room 119…

Here. The door is closed, but he should still be inside.

I knock twice, and wait for twenty seconds.

Nothing. I knock twice more, a little harder, and wait again.

When there's no answer, I twist the doorknob and open it, stepping inside.

 _This is a mess._ I wrinkle my nose distastefully as my eyes scan over the mud and dirt, to where Hisao is apparently asleep on the bed.

 _No, not quite to him…_

I crouch down.

 _Whoever tracked in this mud went under his bed. Did they roll there or something? Yes, that would make sense._

RIn Tezuka strikes me as the most likely subject, judging by how these are clearly footprints, not shoe prints. Hm…

I lean carefully over Hisao, studying his face. There are signs of clear exhaustion, even in his sleep. His complexion is a little paler than usual, too. He's sick, definitely.

I place my hand over his head. He has a fever…It's a good thing my knocking did not wake him. He needs his sleep. I turn my attention away from him towards the sandwiches left carelessly behind on a table.

That's right, Miyuki was holding those when I talked to her this morning. I guess this is where they went to. They haven't been touched, though, and from the looks of things, won't be. I pick one up. Ham and cheese. It'll spoil if I leave this here.

I pick them up. Perhaps I'll come by later on and bring him something to eat. It'll be good to get some food inside him, but for now his sleep is more important.

I sneak out quietly and shut the door behind me.

Something is wrong, I think. The behavior that Miyuki's shown would indicate that she'd be sitting by Hisao's bedside, waiting for him to wake. But he is alone.

Truly unusual. It warrants an investigation. Let's go ahead and make some assumptions, just for now.

What would cause the two to be separated? A fight is the only thing that immediately comes to mind. Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions, but it's the most obvious thing that comes to mind.

Miyuki and I are pretty similar…so where would I go if I had an argument with a friend? A few spots come to mind…but, I think…

I turn around and begin climbing the stairs, dreading what I'll see. On the way up, I find Ikezawa heading down, much to my shock. She glances at me before continuing on her way.

…She looks like she's been crying a little bit, but I wouldn't have been able to tell from her expression. She looked a little angry, actually.

Well…I have a pretty good idea of what happened, I think.

 _Miyuki miscalculated Ikezawa. As did I._

I step out onto the roof, finding my target. Miyuki snaps her head up and quickly scrambles to her feet, wiping away her tears immediately.

Doesn't stop me from reading her like an open book, though. She's clearly more shaken up than she's letting on.

[Hello there, Miss Miyuki. Odd to find you in such a state.] I sign. [Would you like to talk about it?]

She exhales deeply. [I'd rather not, but it's probably for the best.] A few seconds later and she's composed again, though her eyes are still red. Her sign is a little messier than normal, but still legible.

[Still working on that?] I ask, referring to her sign.

[Indeed. It's quite the unique experience.] She responds. Learning Japanese Sign Language is one of her goals; she wants to be able to talk to as many people as she can. She's also been learning Braille and is fluent in at least three spoken languages, according to her.

It reminds me of Misha, a little. The two seemed to get along well enough. Maybe…hm…

[Well, where should I begin?] Miyuki asks.

[Wherever you feel comfortable. In particular, I'd like to know what happened regarding Ikezawa, and why you and Hisao are fighting.]

She freezes. Got it in one, it seems. Of course, I'm pretty sure I've figured out what happened, but I want to hear it from her.

[I…um.] Her hand movements are clumsy. Another unusual thing. [Hanako, um…well, in the morning I caught her as she was coming up here and basically told her to turn away, because she wasn't strong enough.]

[And was she?]

[I didn't think so. But apparently, she was. She had enough strength to come up here later on and tell me how wrong I was.] Her body language reads distinctly as 'self-deprecating'.

[I see. And do you now agree with her? Is she strong enough to pursue Hisao and 'stay', as you claim?] I sign. She winces.

[After today, I could hardly deny her anything she wants. She has more strength of will then I do.]

This surprises me. I hadn't thought that Hanako could come across like that - I didn't even think she'd put up any kind of fight regarding staying with Hisao, if someone like Miyuki talked to her. These conversations must have been…very interesting.

[I see.] I want to press her, but judging from her current expression I don't think that would be a good idea. [What about Hisao? What happened there?]

[I told him about what I did.] She responds, clearly miserable.

My hands pause.

 _Why would you do that!?_

 _No, I understand. I think._

[That was probably the better choice.] I admit. [It's not good to hide things from people. They usually find out, and then it's worse.]

[I see.] Miyuki replies. [I just wish that I hadn't needed to try to hide anything in the first place.] She smiles grimly. [As it turns out, I'm not very good at it.]

I personally disagree. She might be opening up now, but when I first met her - that was definitely a different story.

[Well…what did he say?]

[Nothing much. He just told me to leave and he didn't want to see me again. And-] Miyuki cringes.

Whatever she was going to say is lost as she stops, looking terribly alone.

[It's okay.] I respond. [You don't need to say. I think I understand.]

It looks like the rift between them is far greater than I thought it would be. But perhaps I should get Hisao's side first. Hopefully, Misha is collecting Ikezawa's side of the story, so that I can stitch together what really happened and give good advice.

[He'll forgive you, I think. Hisao doesn't seem like the type of person to hold a grudge for long.] I sign, thinking of my own experiences with him. A certain argument comes to mind…

She bites her lip. [I wish I could say that with the same kind of confidence, but…past things have told me that's not the case. He still hates them.]

[Them?] I ask.

[His parents. It was in your file, right?]

I still don't quite understand how she's getting all of this information. There's a distinctly unpleasant sensation of feeling trapped, like a moth caught in a spider's web.

[Yes. Enough was in there to give us the idea that he has some pretty traumatic memories that he's repressing. He's one of the worst cases in the school.]

Miyuki has an odd look on her face. [Not the worst?]

[No.] I frown. It's quite against policy to be discussing other students' confidential information like this…but since Miyuki is so…acquainted with Hisao, I've no doubt that she's already launched investigations into everyone he knows. And if she does transfer here, like she's hinted she might, confidentiality would be rendered useless, anyways.

[Who?]

[Ikezawa.]

Miyuki winces.

[I thought that might be the case. Did you know that Hisao had started opening up to her shortly before his attack? I can't help but wonder how much parallel there is between the two.] She signs.

Hm…let me recall what I know of Ikezawa's case…

[Not that much. We know for a fact that both were bullied for some time, and both lost their parents, though for vastly different reasons. As we both know, Hisao was essentially disowned, and Ikezawa's parents died in her accident. Their home situations were a world apart, though.]

[Model parents?] Miyuki asks.

[Indeed. I do believe that's her primary trauma, though it would be a mistake to discount the others. Besides consistent bullying, there were a series of…incidents…that culminated in two students' deaths.]

Her eyes widen. I've surprised her.

[I've already run standard background checks on everyone here; I don't recall Hanako having a record.]

[She doesn't. It was ruled an accident.] I sign. [I certainly don't think she killed them. I've gone over the case information myself. However, that's not really the problem in regards to her psyche. Based off of her current behavior, I'd say that she still blames herself for that.]

Miyuki ponders this for a moment.

[I see. Thank you, Miss Hakamichi.] Miyuki smiles, a real smile, and it reminds me of how young she is.

[Thank you?]

[For taking my mind off things.] Miyuki sighs, rubbing at her eyes.

[That wasn't what I was trying to do. I should not take credit for something like that.] I admit.

[Regardless of intention, the end result is that it did happen.] Miyuki replies. [So I shall thank you for it.]

Her words bring a small grin to my face. She reminds me much of myself.

[Then I believe I shall accept your thanks. You are welcome.] I incline my head. [I have business to attend to now, though, so I must be on my way.]

Miyuki nods.

[And one last thing.] She smiles again. [Call me Rei.]

This offering is unexpected; it is not every day, after all, you receive the invitation to be on a first-name basis with the daughter and heiress of one of the greatest families in the country.

[If you will call me Shizune.] I respond cautiously. She nods.

[I shall. Farewell, Shizune.]

[Farewell…Rei.] I reply. Then I turn and descend down the stairs.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm hoping that the next chapter doesn't exceed 5,000 words...but it's not looking too promising. Review. :)

Last warning.

At some point - I haven't decided when, or if - sex may appear in this story, both hinted at and explicitly discussed. I think it's something pretty important for certain characters. These references will begin now, so you have been warned. Any explicit sex scenes will be uploaded to a different site in order to dodge deletion, but **be warned that chapters here on out may contain references to graphic violence, including abuse, rape, or other, mild sexual situations with NO chapter warning to avoid any spoilers.**


	49. Healing

**A/N:** This chapter is told entirely from Hanako's point of view. There is a time skip, so pay attention to that. After the first section, it's Saturday morning.

* * *

It's cold. Dark. It's totally black, except for five tall objects, hidden in shadow. In my left hand is a bucket of gasoline. In my right is a cracked cigarette lighter, red, slightly beat up around the edges.

 _Five?_

I make my way up to the first thing. The shadows fade away to reveal Akira, Lilly's older sister, staring at me, in her standard business suit.

"Hey, kid. How are you?" My left hand comes up, dumping the bucket of gasoline over her head.

 _No, no, no, STOP!_

"Kid? What are you doing?" She asks. My right hand comes up, the lighter held loosely against her skin.

 _Move! RUN!_

My thumb rests over the flint.

"Hanako, wai-"

 _Flick. Fwoosh!_

"-iiiiAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I turn away from the burning body and head to the next object - no, person, it's always people, the same ones, with no control over my body. I desperately try to regain control but I can't, I can't stop, can't do anything…

 _Just a nightmare just a nightmare JUST A NIGHTMARE!_

The next one is Lilly. She smiles sweetly at me.

"Would you like to play a game of chess?" She asks.

 _Stop STOP STOP STOP STOP!_

 _Splash. Flick. Fwoosh!_

Her screams fill the empty air to join Akira's. And my body doesn't stop, no matter how much I scream inside my head.

The third person is my mom.

 _Splash. Flick. Fwoosh!_

The fourth person is my dad.

 _Splash. Flick. Fwoosh!_

There used to be only four. But - but ever since that day -

The last person is Hisao.

He stares at me, giving an even little smile.

 _Splash._

"Hanako."

 _Flick. Flick._

But the lighter doesn't catch. Inside my head, my heart jumps into my throat. This - this hasn't happened before, maybe, _just maybe -_

He stares at me with that fake little smile that doesn't fit on his smile at all.

"I hate you."

…!

 _Flick. Fwoosh!_

I wake up screaming into my pillow.

* * *

Days go by, and they're surprisingly normal. I can't help but feel that it's the calm before a hurricane. I manage to attend class every day, though I still abandon group projects.

In some ways, it seems that everything has returned to the status quo. I don't run into Rei again, I reconnect with Lilly and we continue our regular talks and tea with surprising fluidity…

But in others, things may never be the same. I still prepare a second lunch box every day. I still carefully brush up on my chess tactics.

But Hisao is not here. Presumably, he's still sick. I haven't built up the courage to find him myself, not after the disastrous events on Tuesday, but at the very least I want to apologize for being a failure of a friend. It's Friday now, with classes about to begin…and he's still not…

Hisao walks in.

…here…?

 _Oh, Hisao, what happened to you?_

Our eyes meet and I quickly look away, not staring _not staring,_ but his eyes, his eyes are…

One of the things I like about Hisao are his eyes. They emanate a certain kind of brightness; the spark of life, so to speak. I had always wondered how someone with such muted senses could feel like that. This light only grew while he was taking that medication.

But now it's gone. If anything remains there, I can't see it.

He walks over to me.

"Can I sit next to you?" He murmurs. There's a stab of pain in my chest at the fact that he has to ask. Like I'm just a fragile flower that'll break if he breathes on it too hard.

 _Though perhaps, given my actions regarding him, that is entirely deserved._

"O-Okay." I reply back shakily, hypersensitive of the fact that heads are beginning to turn and uncomfortable at my sudden revelation. He nods and sits down.

I exhale heavily. Now I just have to build up my courage.

* * *

The lunch bell rings. Hisao, already prepared for the bell, darts toward the door.

I intercept him.

 _Sorry, Hisao, but I'm better at this then you are._

"Hanako?" He asks quietly.

"C-Can we talk? P-Please?" I rush the words out.

"…Alright." He replies, after a pause, and he begins moving towards the tea room. He looks decidedly ambivalent about the idea, which in turn makes me uncomfortable. But I guess I expected this; he has every right to hate me after I abandoned him in his time of need…

If I can just…begin rebuilding the bridges I burned…

"Hanako?" I hear him call out from down the hallway, and I realize that I must have blanked out a little.

 _Maybe I shouldn't…_

"S-Sorry." I catch back up to him, and we walk the rest of the path in silence.

On arrival, though, we run into Lilly.

 _Ah, I forgot about her!_

"Ah, Hanako." A pause as she concentrates. "Who is with you? Would that be…?"

"Hello, Lilly." Hisao replies neutrally. "It's been some time."

She winces. "Hisao. I have neglected my duties to you as a friend, haven't I? I…"

"Don't apologize." He replies. "You did the right thing, I assume. Improved your chess game?"

 _What?_

A small smile comes to her face. "I have. I won't make the same mistake twice."

 _I notice I am confused._

 _Why am I confused?_

 _I am confused because I do not understand what is happening._

 _What is happening?_

 _Lilly and Hisao are talking about something I don't understand - some kind of metaphor, maybe?_

 _Obviously, but what does it mean? Chess game? Are they talking about that game they played back then?_

 _Lilly lost that one. What does that have to do with now?_

"Hanako. Hanako. Are you okay?" I return back to the real world and realize that there's only one person by me now.

"Ah. Welcome back. Lilly left." I wonder what he told her. Lilly will tell me later, though. I just hope I didn't miss anything else.

He opens the door for me and I step inside, whispering my thanks. He nods and shuts it behind me.

A drawn out sigh.

"So, Hanako. What did you want to talk to me about?" He asks.

 _I don't want him to leave._

My brain scrambles for a stalling tactic.

"Could, c-could we…t-talk about this over tea? I-I'll make some, if t-that's okay with you." I stammer. He looks a little surprised by my request, but not adverse to it.

"Alright." Perhaps he is also resigned to a difficult conversation. He sits down at the table and stares idly out through the window. I watch him as the tea boils.

Alone, bathed in the light with a wistful look on his face, he just looks…sad. I want to go over and comfort him, but…what would I say? Now, more than ever, I feel the distance between us, the distance that I created and maintained.

No wonder he seems so closed now.

For the first time, I wonder if I'm already too late to fix my mistake.

 _But I have to try. I must. I can't give up on my…friend…_

A series of uncomfortable memories float through my mind. I don't know if I'm ready for this conversation. Have I rushed things? I really hope not.

Now that I've experienced the kind of compassion and friendship that someone who treats me as a true equal can bring…I find myself quite reluctant to return to that wanting state. Lilly is a dear friend of mine, but she's rather more overprotective of me than I can bear, sometimes.

She can not be my equal if she has taken the role of my mother. Or my older sister. We're friends and always will be, but I can't look at her in the eyes like I could Hisao.

To think that I could have turned away from Hisao, back when Rei had been telling me to quit. That was never a possibility, was it? No matter how much I want to deny it…

Somewhere, sometime…I've seriously fallen for Hisao. It's only been, what, three weeks, almost? But…there's just, something about it…something about the time I've spent with him, that makes it impossible to leave…

The warmth that I felt when I held his hand, as he began to feel again…the butterflies in my stomach as we sat down on that park bench. I…didn't think there would ever be a person who would make me feel that way, I thought that my defenses were raised…I didn't even think _I_ could feel like this again…

But somewhere a boy with problems I could relate to entered my life and became my friend, and I fell hard. Someone that could support me. Someone I could support.

The thought of having thrown that all away hurts more than I can put into words.

The kettle shrieks; I stumble back, surprised. Thankfully I wasn't holding onto the tea set.

Hisao doesn't appear to notice.

I pour the tea into the cups and bring the set to the table, carefully putting it down with a soft crash. It's delicate china, donated by Lilly, and I don't want to break it.

"Hm? Ah. Thank you, Hanako." I just nod in response, trying to figure out what and how…

Without this break, I wouldn't have notice the slight wince and recoil as Hisao took a sip of his tea.

Did I prepare it wrong? Hastily, I raise my own cup to my lips.

It tastes fine…

 _I notice I am con-_

A hypothesis slams into my consciousness with the force of a bullet train.

 _No. No. He wouldn't._

 _I notice I am confused._

 _Why am I confused?_

 _Because I don't understand what is happening._

 _What is happening?_

 _Hisao is - is…_

 _Is he taking his medication again!? After what - happened…?_

 _Why is this happening?_

 _Because…_

Another thought smashes into my brain.

 _What if - Hisao -_

… _doesn't value his life anymore?_

 _But that doesn't make sense! When he was with Rei, he was…happy…_

My mind flashes back to Rei, furiously wiping away tears on her arm, alone on the rooftop. I'm extrapolating, I know, there's no confirmation of any of this, only speculation, but _what if they had a fight?_ Then…

No, I need to stop. This line of thought is too dangerous. I don't want to jump to a conclusion that I can't take back, act on incorrect information more than I already probably am…

"You seem distracted, Hanako." Hisao observes, taking another sip of his tea. He's using a very neutral and polite tone, much like Rei or Lilly.

I take a deep breath.

"Hisao, I'm sorry…" He glances at me.

"For being distracted?" Hisao shrugs. "I don't really mind."

 _Do you do that on purpose?_

"N-No…I mean…" I swallow. "W-What I did at the hospital."

"Ah." He says, closing his eyes. It reminds me a lot of Rei. "Well. Then you're forgiven."

My shoulders slump. That probably could not have gone much worse. I don't know if there's anywhere I can take this conversation. I can't even tell if he really forgives me or not. There's clearly virtually no desire to be my friend again.

 _Give up._

…

 _No._

If I've already lost his friendship…then there's no reason I shouldn't say this.

"H-Hisao?" I ask, building up the courage to offer a last resort.

"Hm?" He asks, setting down his tea.

"Do you…value y-your own life?"

Hisao freezes.

"That's a very interesting question. Why do you ask?" He deflects.

I push forward. "W-Why didn't you answer?"

For what may be the first time today, he focuses all of his attention on me. There's a sudden pressure surrounding me - my heart begins to race.

I can't - panic - now - but everything's locking up -

 _Are you strong enough to stay?!_

Rei's insistent words ring in my head. My heartbeat peaks, slows. I unclench my hands, having not even noticed that they were digging into my skin.

 _Are you?_

 _I will be._

 _I am._

He stares into my eyes. "Do you really want to hear the answer to that question?"

 _Oh, Hisao, I already_ know _what you're going to say._

 _It's quite the familiar thought, you see._

"Yes." I whisper.

He shrugs. "No."

 _I knew it and it still hurts._

"Why?" I ask.

His gaze turns thoughtful. "I admit that I haven't asked myself that question. Why indeed?" He stands up and turns towards the window, resting his face on it.

"The vast majority of the world can enjoy simple things like this, you know? Feel the gentle warmth of the sun on their skin. If I want to be able to do that, I have to first be willing to multiply my risk of sudden cardiac arrest by a factor of, like, a thousand. Ridiculous, isn't it?" He looks back, towards me.

 _Hisao, why…?_

"I can't enjoy life like everyone else. Kind of stops being so interesting after that. And I guess somewhere in my head I feel a little bad for being like this because there are other people out there whose cures aren't even being worked on, but, well, to put it bluntly, that's not my problem. I feel for them, but I'm not exactly in a good spot to do anything about it."

Hisao sighs. "Complaining isn't going to solve any of my problems, but it makes me feel something, at least, so what the hell. May as well be honest, right?"

 _I…_

"So, yeah. Basically, I don't value my life because it's not worth living. And that's the end of that story. So how about you, Hanako? What's your life story?"

I ignore his question. _Don't let him change the subject. I'm not important right now. He is._

 _There's something…familiar…about how he's acting…_

 _but this isn't it, because this, this isn't right._

"Hisao, are you on anti-depressants?" I ask. He smiles in a grim sort of way, sitting back down in his seat.

"Indeed. Now I really can't feel, see? It's a very symmetrical sort of thing. Or is it? I mean, I guess I can feel, so maybe not." He stops to think about this.

"Well, whatever. But it lets me think, you see? I don't have to spend all my time being sad anymore. Pretend like the hurt doesn't exist, spend all that time trying to fake being happy."

 _We're more alike than I ever thought, Hisao…you were just better at it than I ever was._

"D-Did you have to…pretend…around me?" I ask hesitantly.

He stares at me. "No. There were a few exceptions. The people I've been meeting, making friends with…they actually got me to lower my guard, make me care about them. You in particular, though."

"But then you left."

I flinch. Harsh words, but true, and expected.

 _But I've finally got him talking. If there's anything I can say that will change his mind…help him…then it'll have to be here._

 _Otherwise…_

"And Rei…hm. I guess I need to resolve things with her eventually. Don't want to deal with that backlash, though, that's definitely another argument in the making."

"N-Need to?"

"Yup. I'm being sponsored, aren't I? Oh…that's right. I haven't told you this story, have I? Well, let's go back in time a little bit. You remember what happened after I beat that guy's head into the locker, right? The almost lawsuit? Settled out of court. The Miyuki family basically pulled me through that one, though at that point I had kind of stopped caring. Just did whatever their lawyer told me."

"But, uh, well, I don't know if you know this, but the Miyuki family works in pharmaceuticals. One of their largest fields is actually research and development for new medicines. What you might not know is that this only happened after their daughter was diagnosed with HSAN-6…the same disorder I happen to have."

 _Ah! That's - I thought she had something different, she never gave any indication that…but it makes so much sense!_

"Rei would've been happy to undergo testing, but her body was too weak…and her father refused. Especially regarding the early testing…Trial 5 basically crippled me. I could feel, but that was agony; to this day we still don't know what caused it. Reapplication worsened the effects. Trial 11 caused a sudden severe suicidal episode and hospitalized me for months because of the damage I managed to do to myself. Most of the rest were just as bad, if not worse; Trial 9 actually took away my sight. Trial 13 paralyzed me from the waist down. I lost much of the memory I had from under the age of ten because of Trial 3."

 _But…Hisao, you're not the only one…_

… _not the only one suffering._

The words feel so empty, though. I don't think I could look him in the eye and say that.

"Trial 11 is basically what cemented Rei and I together, though. Paranoia, mood swings, crippling depression, delusion, Rei sat through it all, helping me get through day by day. She probably helped more than all of the doctors there combined. That's why I couldn't really get mad at her when I heard what she did to you. But I don't want to talk to her, _because_ she knows me, and that's why what she did was so wrong - she knew how much it would hurt me and she _still_ did it! That's why…I can't forgive her right away. Not yet."

This whole time, that little not-really-there smile has been plastered onto his face. It hurts.

"Perhaps this is something you can relate to, Hanako. Post-disorder, I can count the number of close friends I've had on one hand, the number of people I can trust with everything - Rei, Emi, and you. And…I'm losing those people, too. How about you, Hanako?"

"T-Two." Lilly…Hisao.

He nods. "So, yeah, you know a little about how I feel, don't you? Or perhaps more than I give you credit for? I've always seen a type of strength when I look at you, you know."

 _Strength? Me?_

"You've had a lot dumped onto you in life. But you're not broken like me. Every day you just work on getting better and better. I've watched you become a little less closed, day after day. I'll give you an example; the Hanako I knew two weeks ago probably wouldn't have been so bold to trade her cooking for chess, especially because the former is still something you're developing."

"Hanako…can you tell me? What makes you so strong?"

 _That's…an answer I don't know if I can give…_

"I…"

 _I've never thought of myself as strong…if you want strong, Hisao, I'm not the person to look up to. Those people…_

Suddenly I understand what I need to say.

"I'm not the o-only one. If…I-If you think strength is just the ability to grow, then it's not…n-not just me."

"Hana-"

"E-Emi's a track star w-with no legs. Rin…can't even open a door by h-herself, but she's a p-painter with no arms. Shizune can't hear or t-talk, but she's the Student Council P-President. A-And…And I…I c-can barely even…look my own f-friends in the eye, and I-I want to…be a public s-speaker!"

Hisao's stare has definitely turned skeptical. That's okay. Even I barely convince myself that it's something I want to do.

"Because - i-if I can tell others about, m-my story, then m-maybe there will be _someone_ out there who understands, and, and t-they won't feel as a-alone as I d-did. If…if my story can g-give other people strength…then I…I want to share it!"

He seems to be seriously considering the idea.

"That's…a very noble dream. But also terribly self-sacrificial. If it's something you want to do, though, I don't doubt that you'll be able to." He smiles, for real this time, I think.

A tear falls from my eyes, then another.

 _Isn't this what you've wanted? Acceptance? It…doesn't feel quite as fulfilling as I thought it would…_

"I…T-Thank you. But that's…not w-what I'm trying to say. Hisao, y-you're not the only…" I clench my fists, building up that resolve again.

He can't even begin to move on if he doesn't come to terms with this - and I know he's not! He's running away from his problems, rather than facing them!

"You're not the only _cripple_ h-here!" I spit the ugly word out.

His eyes widen.

"I'm not-" Whatever he's going to say cuts itself off in his throat. Instantly, his face becomes unreadable again.

 _That was a misstep._

I open my mouth to apologize. He notices.

"No, don't apologize." He shakes his head. "I just recalled that I need to see someone. This conversation is over. It was nice to see you again, Hanako. Perhaps we'll do this again sometime."

Every single word is utterly fake.

"His-"

I don't know - I don't know what to say - anything, something - he's still running away and I can't catch him, I'm not a track star -

 _I need help. If there's some kind of divine power out there…please…just this once…!_

He turns away, stands up. Moves towards the door.

The door opens.

My mind races - _Lilly would've known not to interrupt us, Hisao should've told her -_

Rei walks in, grabbing Hisao by the arm.

"Hisao. Hanako. We need to talk, now." She says quietly.

 _And it's official. There is some sort of higher entity, and it hates me._

Hisao flinches. "No, we don't."

Rei affixes him with a piercing look. It's much like the one she gave me when she told me to give up. Cold blue.

"If the last three years or so have meant anything to you, you'll sit down and let me talk. Please, Hisao." Her eyes turn pleading.

Hisao stands there for a long while, staring at her intently. It's almost like they're having some sort of conversation through eye contact alone.

Whatever it is they 'talk' about, it seems that Rei wins. He walks over to the nearby seat and takes his spot again.

"Thank you." She murmurs.

"Hisao, there was another thing I didn't tell you…though that wasn't…" Her words are clumsy.

"Consider telling the truth. You're an awful liar." He says tiredly. She shakes her head vehemently.

"I'm not. It's…it's just hard to say something, knowing that it will probably permanently damage your relationship with someone you care about. But it has to be done."

She takes a step closer to Hisao; he frowns.

"What, then?"

"There was a message I received from Emi, who in turn received it from Hanako herself, all the way back in the hospital."

I gasp in recognition.

"It was my fault that it took you so long to get it. It may be utterly meaningless to you now, but I'd ask for you to receive it anyways."

"Fine." He says, deliberately standoffish.

"Six words. 'Tell Hisao to wait for me.'" Rei whispers.

He closes his eyes. My nails dig into my knees; I realize that my hands are shaking all of a sudden. He takes a deep breath; I can see his entire body tensed, like a spring ready to release.

"I see." Exhale. "Thank you, Rei. We will be having a conversation about this _later._ Acceptable?"

Rei nods before turning around - I realize with an uncomfortable sort of feeling that he's just _dismissed_ her.

Respect is a two-way street, after all.

The girl leaves, shutting the door behind her, and then it's just me and Hisao.

He stares at me, unreadable. I try not to cringe away from his gaze, attempting to ignore the boiling feeling in my stomach.

"I'm…not a cripple." He whispers suddenly, and the mask collapses again; in his eyes I can see real hurt now.

 _You've made him care._

 _Now…_

I smile sadly. "W-Why else would we be…h-here?"

There's a long silence.

"It's…quite difficult to accept that. But…I can't deny it at all, can I? There's no escaping reality. Well, I'll worry about that later. There's something more important to address."

 _Something more important…?_

"I'm sorry, Hanako." He sighs. "I've done you more wrong than you'll ever know. And perhaps this wasn't all my fault, but I certainly deserve some of the blame for it."

 _What?_

Surely my face reflects my thoughts. "I d-don't quite understand…"

"There…was a perspective I hadn't considered. I…I didn't really comprehend the situation. I've been trying this 'empathy' thing out to resolve these kinds of mistakes before they happen, but it seems that there was a very large weakness."

He stands up. "I'm…only human. And with that comes error. When I tried to figure out why you left…I admittedly couldn't come to any kind of conclusion that didn't revolve around a problem with me. But there wasn't really a problem at all, I realize now. Just a miscommunication. I didn't understand _you_ , it seems, but it's pretty obvious in hindsight."

"You…weren't abandoning me at all, were you?" He whispers. "'Wait for me.' How could I be so _stupid_?"

"W-We both made mistakes." I say. He inclines his head.

"Indeed. But here we have a chance to fix those."

…!

 _He doesn't mean -_

He walks over to me. "Hanako, I won't be taking this medication anymore. Not the dangerous ones. I can't stop taking them entirely; there's a debt I must pay off; but I will be very careful about it, and I should hopefully live a long and relatively safe life."

 _Did…did I…no, we…_

 _We did it…_

"That means, however, that it'll probably be some time before I get to feel again, if ever. So…Hanako, will you allow me to hug you right now?"

 _WE DID I- wait, what?_

"Y-Yes." I blurt out, before I even have the time to think about his question properly, and he smiles.

 _Waitwaitwait my scarring! And…!_

He leans forward a little and gently hugs me around the shoulders, resting his head on my shoulder.

 _This…_

… _feels really nice…_

I expected to panic a little at the thought of actually getting hugged, and I did a little, I guess, but all of that was wiped away when he embraced me.

I…

Somewhere, someone's lost their butterflies. I'd like to give them back, but…they seem pretty attached to me.

So maybe everything hasn't quite been fixed yet. The underlying problems are more or less still there…

…But today, today I've fixed a major mistake, and…

 _Maybe, there's some kind of deity out there smiling upon me after all._

We've stopped sliding back, and made some large strides forward. And, this time we're doing it together.

Wait - not yet -

I wrap my arms around him and pull him a little bit closer, exalting in the warmth inside and out.

There we go.

* * *

 ** _Proprioception - Act 2 Complete._**

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ Whew. According to FFNet, this chapter exceeds 5,000 words. This is also probably the longest conversation I've ever written.

Also, I'm really pleased with the way I set a certain metaphor up, and some of the foreshadowing in this story.

The next chapter will be posted next week Saturday, most likely. I'm finishing up the first quarter this week - there's, like, six or seven major tests to worry about right now. I hope you've enjoyed the story as is - reviews would be much appreciated. There's still a lot of plot threads floating around, including the reason that the seat next to Hanako was empty in the first place (In canon, there was ONLY one seat open - next to Shizune and Misha - in Tactility, Hanako's seat opens up. I invite guesses as to how and why) and Rei's interest in attending Yamaku Academy...though she wouldn't be able to attend (and I have no interest in a sequel exploring this. My explorations into Katawa Shoujo will end with this story, if I finish it).

Hope you've enjoyed everything so far. Thank you!


	50. Serenity (Act 2 End)

**A/N:** Sorry, false alarm. This is the REAL ending of Act 2. Fits in thematically and all that. It's pretty short though, so...

To keep in with the 25 chapters = 1 act thing I've got going here, I'm deleting the placeholder C39 and moving the bonus here.

Also, tentatively, the story will probably end at about C125. I have five acts planned. I think I told someone that I would be writing another hundred chapters at C50 - I MIGHT or I might not - it depends on whether or not I can think of something new to add. I have a pretty good idea of where the next two acts will go, and I'm certain regarding the events of the last act, so...it really does depend. I couldn't say how a chapter would go until I've finished writing it.

* * *

It is an odd feeling, this sense of hope. I've felt it many times before; after the festival, and each and every time I've had the pleasure of being able to feel again.

But maybe this will be different. Things feel different, now that I know I haven't really been abandoned by Hanako.

Three knocks on the door.

"Come on in."

I step into the Nurse's office. He glances at me, blinks, looks harder.

"You look different." He acknowledges.

"I am different." I reply. "Here. I don't need this anymore." I take out the bottle of antidepressants and place them down on his desk.

"You never did need them." He replies calmly.

Huh?

"If I never needed them, why was I prescribed them?" I ask.

Now that I think about it, the timing didn't make sense, either. Getting them was literally effortless; I asked for them and he happened to have the brand that worked for me way back when, with the correct doses?

Implausible. But I didn't question it then.

"Forces beyond my control. That's all I can say."

Oh, I see. The Miyuki family. Or perhaps just Rei, independently. I really do need to have that conversation with her; the sooner the better.

"Understood. By any chance, do you know where she is right now?"

"She's currently - presumably - in the bathroom. She'll be back here shortly. Would you like to, ah, have a private conversation with her?"

He seems oddly irked today. I guess he's not much of a fan of being manipulated behind the scenes.

"Indeed." I say. There's no need to hold this conversation back.

"Sounds good. In the meantime, let's talk about your…prescription. Since you've only had a single dose, the effects shouldn't have been too major."

 _Not major? Hanako was actively intimidated by the difference._

Or maybe that was something else. I was kind of worn out, myself. Just thinking myself in circles, locked away in my room, trying and failing to sleep. No running or walking, either, or much human interaction at all with anyone not the Nurse.

There were probably issues with how I looked beyond medication-induced apathy. Hopefully this is fixed now, or will be, anyways.

I guess we'll see what my outlook's like when the medication completely wears off.

"This means that we don't have to wean you off. Just don't take another dose and you'll be fine."

"Yup. Also, I won't be taking the old trial medication. I'm open to new trials, of course, but…yeah." I take out that bottle from my pocket, too, and place it next to the anti-depressants.

It's strange how this little bottle of pills means so much; discarded hopes and dreams. An old chapter in my life. Or, if you prefer to think of it differently, perhaps millions of yen.

"Alright. I'll tell you when they develop something new. As you may be well aware, your situation is a little unorthodox." He says, scribbling something on an empty form.

"Oh, that's the understatement of the year."

Seeing as how what we're doing is ridiculously dangerous. Immediately after development only a bare minimum of animal testing is done before I receive it. You'd think by now that we would've realized the inherent risk in it and standardized something like we've done now, with daily physicals…

The system is a little bit broken, though. Japan's way different than from a country like, say, the US. What our citizens gain in reduced cost we lose badly in quality…

Take our school. We have a fully-staffed team here, but that actually only consists of, like, five people. Being a doctor in America is a popular job; in Japan, not so much. They're paid less, work harder…inevitably leading to a bit of a decline in the kind of care you can receive and the job pool.

So things that would be common sense elsewhere slip past…or are pushed past.

Emi's role as Nurse's "spy" makes a lot more sense in this context. I guess if you're not allowed to bring a patient in, you find someone else.

Though why he would be prevue ended by some unseen player doesn't make any apparent sense to me, the answer probably has something to do with money.

Whoo.

"So it is." He says, sweeping all of the papers to one side and standing up. "It's my lunch break now, which means I'll be gone for half an hour."

 _Oh, he's giving me that private conversation._

"Thank you." I reply.

"Hm? I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm just grabbing something to eat." He winks at me before stepping outside, leaving the door open.

Cool guy. I should figure out who's controlling him so I can snap that thread. I have my own suspicions, though.

Footsteps echo down the hallway, coming closer. I turn my chair around to face the door.

"I'm ba - oh." Rei steps inside, damp paper napkin held to a gash on her arm. For a moment her eyes convey shock.

Then she recovers, and her mask is back. But now that I look closer, I can see the flaws. She must truly be exhausted to slip so much. I've watched this girl develop for three years - but I've never seen her facade fail quite so badly.

 _Hah…_

Maybe part of this has to do with the lingering antidepressants, but…I just can't be mad at her anymore. Or, perhaps, this is simply compassion in its purest form. Whatever the case…

"Come here." I say, holding my arms out. She freezes.

"H-Hisao…I…" Rei stammers. I roll my eyes and step forward, pulling her into a hug. She's warm and fragile under my grip.

"Shut up and cry." I command imperiously, suppressing a smile as I remember Emi telling me the same thing. Her arms snake around me.

"N-Not…going…n-no…" She resists the tears even as I pat her back.

 _Typical Rei._

"Honestly." I say, smiling. "You're being so silly right now. You don't have to be strong all the time."

 _I tried. It doesn't work._

"So cry." I whisper.

She breaks. I stumble slightly as she stops trying to support herself and falls into my arms, sobbing.

"We'll talk later." I whisper.

…But for now I'll hold her close, in her moment of weakness.

"It's okay."

* * *

 **ACT 2 END: PROPRIOCEPTION**

* * *

Last and final warning. I mean it; this story is going to go fairly dark and I will NOT be handing out warnings beyond this point. You don't get warnings in a novel - I'm not going to warn you here. It makes for a better reading experience, and I'm not good enough of an author to be able to turn down free help.

At some point - I haven't decided when, or if - sex may appear in this story, both hinted at and explicitly discussed. I think it's something pretty important for certain characters. These references will begin at C48, so you have been warned. Any explicit sex scenes will be uploaded to a different site in order to dodge deletion, but **be warned that chapters here on out may contain references to graphic violence, including abuse, rape, or other, mild sexual situations with NO chapter warning to avoid any spoilers.**

I'm almost done with that Tactility musical theme I mentioned earlier. When I finish, I'll release the piano for it and then the orchestrated version (if/when I finish that too).

Moved the bonus from C39 here -

* * *

 **Tactility Bonus A - The Nurse's Journal**

 **Subject - Hanako Ikezawa - 001**

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You know," The Nurse says conversationally, "Technology has gotten us pretty far, but it hasn't yet gotten to the point to where I can perform a physical exam halfway across the room."

Standing by the door and ready to flee with one hand covering the right side of her face rests one Hanako Ikezawa, who seems to be determined to flee but hasn't yet managed to make her body react.

On the other side, lounging in a brand new office chair, rests the Nurse.

"You know, I interned at a hospital before I decided to transfer out here. I'm very used to burn patient victims, and I promise that I won't make fun of you or judge you in any way."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You don't need to take your clothes off or anything, if that's the problem. This really is just a routine physical exam. The kind where I take your temperature, measure your breathing and heartbeat, check your throat and reflexes…sound familiar?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"As a general rule of thumb, those physical exams are done sitting down, but if you really want to do it standing up, I suppose I can accommodate for that. Is that what you'd prefer?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Alright then, I'll come to you."

The Nurse twitches as if to stand up; Hanako turns tail and bolts out of the room, her footsteps slowly fading as she runs farther and farther away.

The Nurse relaxes again, and reaches for his office phone, dialing a number.

"…Ichiko? Is that you? Do you have any open slots on Sundays? Yeah, I'm going to need a favor…"

* * *

 **A/N:** Consider everything here canon.


	51. Not a real chapter, but a notice

Imagine my shock to hear that people were still reading this story (and see it, too. There's been a few thousand hits since I've been gone, and also - somehow - 59 alerts).

So, I feel obligated to say something; and I'll keep it short, 'cause I hear ffnet isn't a fan of these not-really-a-chapter chapters.

As I told someone who had asked about this story (and indeed, is the reason this is being written);

"I wanted to send distinct messages and themes throughout Tactility, and my current rendition of it wasn't going to achieve that. So, amongst other things, I've been doing research and analysis with my beta both on canon, my own story, and explosions.

Yes, you heard that correctly."

Our conversations probably exceed the length of this story by now, but they've helped me get a great idea of where I want to take this story. So I've been working on making really detailed outlines and character files like an actual writer does.

I want to present an excellent and polished product to all of you, but that will take some time. I ask that you bear with me until then.

Thank you. Oh, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask them.

Now, since I should present SOME kind of writing to make your venture here worthwhile, here's the edits-pending prologue to Tactility (V3).

* * *

It's a bright Sunday afternoon.

In a sleepy teahouse, two girls discuss a report on an incoming transfer student. Not a single word is spoken between them.

Another studies a chessboard intently, crosslegged on her bed. Holding the white queen in her hand thoughtfully, she hesitates before sending it across the board.

Across the hall, a tall girl frowns as she reads an odd letter, her hand passing over the same few bumps over and over again. Behind her, the clock ticks onwards.

Another runs across a track before tripping and falling to the ground. Cursing profusely, she pushes herself up with her arms.

On the bleachers, a red-haired girl watches her intently, her feet tapping out a rapid beat on the metal steps. The running girl calls out her name, and she dutifully gets up and follows.

A sharp screech cuts the tranquil air as a car skids out of control and into a nearby shop.

Miles away, a petite girl in an elaborate kimono glances up, staring out at the horizon.

"Hey, Hisao. Look." The girl points in front of her.

The boy standing next to her follows her gaze, noticing the smoke rising from one of the buildings.

"Fire?" He asks her.

She tilts her head. "Apparently so. That's the Hayashi family business…unusual for a flower shop to be on fire."

The boy turns to the smoke. "Indeed…" His gaze wanders down. He's never been very comfortable with heights, so the sight of the ground so far below him makes him tense up.

The girl steps closer to him, deliberately placing a hand on his shoulder. He glances back at her.

"It's good to see that the new medication is working." She smiles, pulling him closer to hug him. Hisao sighs as her lips quirk up.

"Put up with it. You know it makes me feel better." Leaning her head on his shoulder, a soft smile sets upon her lips when she sees, rather than feels, his arm around her shoulder.

"Mm. I'll never understand why you enjoy this. After all, you can't feel it either." He replies.

Rei laughs quietly. "You'll understand one day, I think."

"Hm." He says, unconvinced. She pulls him tighter.

"Are you ready for school tomorrow? You'll be entering pretty late into the trimester." She says. Hisao snorts.

"It's just school. It's never posed a problem to me before, and I doubt it'll become one now." He says confidently.

"Good. I'll make sure to see you once in a while, okay? And you'll have to eat three meals a day, too. And get some sleep."

He scowls. She pulls his cheek. "Hey, hey. You know I take my role as your older sister seriously."

Hisao resists a smile. A full head shorter than him, no one looking at the two of them would ever believe that claim.

"And you didn't let me take you shopping, either." She says, sounding disappointed.

"I told you, we have a uniform. There's no need for that."

"Do you never plan to go out?" She asks.

"I have a uniform." He replies again, blandly.

"That's not really…" The girl pauses. "I guess you can…but when your birthday rolls around again, you'll be getting clothes."

He shrugs.

Their companionable silence resumes, broken only by the sound of the alarms far below them.


End file.
